by Cas Peace
It was deep into the evening when she finally parted from Drum at the stable yard. Her back was stiff as she strode through the rain up to the Manor.
As she expected, Robin’s company had returned. The men were lounging in the commons, talking of the day’s events. From what she could hear, most of the conversation revolved around the Major’s uncharacteristically bad mood and his unprecedented error of judgment. Unseen, Sullyan stood at the door and listened to the men condemning Robin’s harsh treatment of Cal. Her heart grew stony and her eyes glittered with rage as she withdrew. She had gone to the commons hoping to find Cal, only he was not there. Hearing the men’s comments, she guessed he would be taking comfort in Rienne’s arms. She would not disturb him there.
Instead, she made her way to the senior officers’ hall. All eyes turned to her as she threw the door open. Robin was seated in a corner, sipping from a glass of amber-colored liquor. Baily was there, along with Vassa, Dexter, and a few of the other captains. Parren was there too, and her fury grew as she caught the self-satisfied gleam in his eye and the smirk on his lips.
Ignoring the others, she snapped, “Major Tamsen, a word in private, if you please.”
He must have been expecting some kind of backlash, at least on the subject of his error. Rising slowly, a carefully neutral expression on his face, he followed her from the room. Sullyan stalked silently ahead, leaving him to read her anger from the rigidity of her back. He followed her down the marble stairs and into their shared office. He turned to face her as she shut the door and leaned back against it.
“Would you care to explain to me what the Void you thought you were doing?”
She could sense his guilt, and her curt tone and frosty eyes fanned it into smoldering anger.
“All right,” he snapped, “so I made a mistake! I’m not perfect. Did you think I was? Then I’m very sorry to have disappointed you. Of course, you’ve never made an error in your life, have you?”
His immediate defensiveness and spite only fuelled her fury. She was in no mood for pertness or insubordination, but his lapse of judgment was not uppermost in her mind. She was hurting on a more personal level.
Her voice was hoarse with ire as she retorted, “I was not referring to your reprehensible lack of foresight and loss of self-command in the field, Major, although that was bad enough!” He bridled at her show of temper, but she plowed on regardless. “I meant your unforgivable treatment and condemnation of an innocent man, a trusted friend, one who has wished you nothing but good since he has known you! What gave you the right to abuse Taran so thoroughly? Why should you bother with the idle gossip of malicious tongues that concoct stories out of thin air? I thought better of you than that, Robin.”
Shockingly, his eyes blazed with uncontrolled anger. “And I thought better of you! You’re my wife, Sullyan, or have you forgotten that? Did your vows mean nothing to you? Was our wedding just a sham?”
Her eyes widened and she felt her blood freeze. She had scarcely been able to credit Taran’s story, but Robin’s reactions confirmed it beyond any doubt. She grew cold with fear, her wounded heart limping.
“Is that really what you think? How can you doubt me, Robin? What has happened to the trust we shared? You know very well how I feel about you. How could you possibly believe I would betray you?”
The tension in the room ratcheted up a notch, like some unseen hand priming a crossbow. It felt strange... almost tangible. Robin moved menacingly forward, his hands raised, his fury mounting. She frowned. He was so out of control that she saw a brief flash of his memories as he remembered the sly glances, knowing smiles, and vulgar gestures some of the Loxton men still gave when they thought he wasn’t looking. His voice trembled with anger.
“Don’t take me for a fool. I’ve spoken to those who saw you! ‘They weren’t very discreet’ were the words I heard. You thought you were far enough away, thought no one at the capital would notice, didn’t you? Well, they did notice. It’s no use trying to deny it. I don’t know why I didn’t see it sooner. I must have been blind all these months. And to think he even had the gall to tell me he was in love with you! I must be such an idiot. I thought you cared so deeply for me that it wouldn’t matter.
“You’ve been so cold to me recently. Did you think I wouldn’t care, wouldn’t notice you didn’t want me? Why couldn’t you have told me it was him you wanted? Why did you let me find out like this? I’m a laughing stock now, do you realize that? All because you couldn’t keep your hands off each other once you got away from me!”
Sullyan couldn’t understand where this depth of fury had come from. Her body started to tremble. She couldn’t take her stricken gaze from Robin’s face. She hadn’t realized he had been so affected by her recent loss of enthusiasm for love-making. She had tried so hard not to let the sickness affect her, and it simply hadn’t occurred to her that he might think she had lost her feelings for him. The attacks on the King and the recent raids had filled her waking thoughts, and she had assumed he understood. Now, she saw how wrong she was. Yet he had not come to her with his worries, and she was deeply hurt that he should bottle them up and allow them to damage the trust they shared. Although their depth and strength were beyond comprehension, this angry jealousy and unreasoning suspicion were the result. Despite an earlier resolve to deal with him calmly, the tension in the air and the injustice of his allegations suddenly filled her with fury. She felt wounded to the core of her heart. Her voice was cold and harsh as she responded.
“What gives you the right to make these vicious accusations? Are you so jealous that you cannot allow me a little free space now and then? You were not always so suspicious. Hot-headed and juvenile sometimes, yes, but never stupid! How can you believe I would want Taran over you? How many times have I told you I do not love him that way? I would not have taken him to Port Loxton had I been able to go with you, but you had duties to attend to! Should I have gone alone? You trusted Taran! You even helped persuade him to go when he was so concerned over your feelings! Do you not remember that?”
“Of course I remember!” yelled Robin, the violence in his tone shocking her anew. “How you must have laughed about that! It was a very underhanded trick, getting me to beg him to go, to look after you. What a joke! He’d been ‘looking after’ you for months already, hadn’t he? That’s why you were so cool toward me!”
He swung his back to her and she could see the tremor in his shoulders. He stood there in fury, his hands clenched into fists as if that was the only way he could stop himself from striking her. If he had been like this when confronting Taran, then she could understand the Adept’s rush to leave. She had to weather the storm, but for reasons she couldn’t fathom, Robin was beyond control. She was growing fearful of the outcome.
Then he went too far.
“When did it start? Tell me that.” His voice was unrecognizable in his anguish. “Was it before Marik’s banquet? Were you sleeping with him even then? Was that how you got over Rykan’s rape so easily? I often wondered how you did that. But that’s the answer, isn’t it? Rykan wasn’t the first, was he?”
Sullyan gasped and froze, her pounding blood congealing to ice in her veins. A pain began, deep in her chest. Her stomach lurched as if she had been kicked from the inside, and she felt sick and dizzy. But even then Robin wasn’t done. He was unaware, or uncaring of the terrible damage his words were inflicting.
“You were just using me afterward, weren’t you? You made me believe I was so special, the only one who could help you forget what Rykan did to you and replace the pain and fear with love and tenderness. Yet all the time you were comparing us! Well, which one did you prefer? Which of us satisfied you most?”
She simply couldn’t believe she was hearing this. She couldn’t move to leave or react. She was stunned and shocked to her very soul and could hardly breathe. Did he really believe what he was saying? Where had all this venom come from? If he really thought her capable of such base deception, then they didn’t have what
she thought they did. His words injured her deeply, cutting her heart like a knife. He could not have hurt her more if he had raped her himself.
Her volition returned abruptly, her self-control destroyed by his stream of vicious anger, and she knew she could take no more.
“How dare you?” she screamed. “Stop it, STOP IT!”
Tormented beyond endurance, she used her powers on him, gripping him body and mind in the unbreakable sphere of her power. In the sudden, tension-ridden silence, anguished disbelief, sheer incomprehension that she could actually use her forces against him blazed in an agony of betrayal from Robin’s pain-darkened eyes.
She could scarcely believe it herself. How had she lost control so completely? Appalled at what he had driven her to do, she instantly released him. But the damage was done. He panted in distress and she had to turn away. Her eyes were burning, her chest was tight. She was unable to face him.
*****
Tears of remorse stung Robin’s eyes as the realization of what he had said punched through his fury. He staggered, hardly able to believe he had uttered such dreadful accusations. He had no idea why he had said them. They had never entered his head before, but it was no use telling her that. Even if the rest of it was true, he knew perfectly well that Rykan’s abuse had scarred her physically as well as spiritually, and she would never be completely free of it. And in his anger at her betrayal he had thrown that terrible experience back in her face.
Still angry, still distressed at her use of power, the shame of what he had said nevertheless acted as a cold drench to his passion. He was about to try to undo some of the damage, but she spoke first.
“Get out.”
The words were soft but held icy contempt. They were like a slap in the face, and his intended apology died unborn. His outrage at her double betrayal stiffened his back, and he turned on his heel. Grasping the doorknob, he prepared to wrench it open when her voice came again, still in that icy, unfeeling tone.
“I could make you hear me, Robin. I could use my power to convince you once and for all that I am innocent of every accusation you have flung at me. Yet I will not. If you cannot believe me, if you cannot hear the honesty in my voice, then no use of power will sway you. And I have already abused my power tonight. I have committed the most basic sin one Artesan can perpetrate on another, and it fills me with horror. You drove me to lose my control, something that has never happened before. I can never forgive myself, and I will not leave myself open that way again.
“So go. Go somewhere quiet and think long and hard about what has occurred between us. Cruel words have been uttered, and trust has been betrayed on both sides. Think very carefully about your feelings, Robin. You risk throwing away something young and precious if you do not.
“Now go.”
*****
She returned the stare he gave her over his shoulder. There was an unfathomable look in his pain-filled eyes and his face was pinched and white. For herself, she felt nauseous, dizzy. Some of it was due, no doubt, to lack of food, yet her appetite had faded and the very thought of eating brought bile up into her throat. She watched coldly as Robin stood by the door. He hesitated a fraction as his hand moved to turn the knob, and she thought, with heart-wrenching hope, that he might turn, apologize, and run to her arms.
He did not. Silently, he left her.
Sullyan stayed where she was once the door had closed, her mind endlessly replaying the dreadful events of the last half hour. She still could not believe it. Didn’t they share the deepest and most precious love anyone could ever wish for? Didn’t they both trust one another implicitly with no room for doubt? So she had always thought. How then had it come to this? How had it been so thoroughly poisoned, so easily overset? How could he even think it of her, let alone come to believe it so completely that he would physically assault one of his closest friends?
Thoughts of Taran’s pain, Robin’s fury, and her own anguish caused a great welling of grief and despair to wash over her. Burying her face in her hands, she wept.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Sullyan lay wakeful all the dark night long, waiting for Robin’s step in the corridor, longing for his presence in their bed. He didn’t come. She didn’t know where he passed the night, but he chose to pass it alone.
Hope died in her breast when dawn came and there was still no sign of him. She rose, weary and heartsick. With no other choice, she met with her command and made ready to go out on patrol. She accepted a pack of supplies from Tad and knew that even he noted the dark circles under her eyes and the pallor of her face. She led her company out under leaden, weeping skies. Dawn brought no cheerful sunshine to lighten her mood.
*****
Cal rode back to the Manor a couple of hours later, his own heart heavy. He was thoroughly reluctant to face Robin in the light of what he had learned from Taran, but he would just have to grit his teeth and try to forget it, at least while they were on duty. Robin was his commanding officer, although Cal might consider transferring to one of Vassa’s companies if things didn’t improve.
There was no time to see Rienne before riding out, so Cal waited at the horse lines until the Major arrived with the rest of the men. Robin glanced at him but otherwise ignored him, for which Cal was grateful. They could all see the strain on Robin’s face, but due to his recent moodiness, no one commented. Cal was spared the trouble of hiding what he knew. Mounting his horse, he fell in behind Robin, determined to push the whole affair to the back of his mind.
*****
Vassa’s companies weren’t due out until later that afternoon, so Parren took the opportunity to pen another message to the Baron. He knew Reen would relish the news that a wedge had finally been driven between Robin and Sullyan. Although he had promised as much, Parren had been dubious of the Baron’s ability to influence the Artesans at the Manor. These latest events had erased those doubts. Parren’s enemies were suffering, and Parren was pleased.
Once his message was on its way, unremarked among the many going from the King to the capital, the sallow Captain began to plan how best to compound his enemies’ misery and heighten his own long-anticipated victory over them. Grinning as he replayed what he had overheard while eavesdropping outside the door to their office last night, he sauntered back from the runner station toward his own chambers. He directed a mocking bow in Ozella’s direction when he chanced to see the young foreigner on his way to a lesson with Bull. Ozella’s suddenly white face and expression of terror made him smile.
Parren hadn’t yet given Ozella any new instructions. Neither had he given the Beraxian any assurances of his sisters’ safety. All he gave in response to Ozella’s frantic pleas for their release was an enigmatic smile and admonitions to “be good.” Parren knew Ozella was finding it increasingly difficult to hide his distress, and his current training regime was more of a hindrance than a help.
Parren could not have cared less.
*****
There had been a puzzling change in Ozella’s behavior lately, and Bull was worried. The young Lord was less enthusiastic than ever about his cadet training, but he was suddenly desperate to improve his talents as an Artesan.
He started by seeking Bull out and requesting instruction, asking all sorts of detailed questions and cajoling Bull into giving him strengthening exercises as well as extra instruction. When Bull asked the reason for this abrupt about face, Ozella was evasive. To cap it all, thought Bull, today he was even stranger. For although he seemed to take in what he was told and appeared to be trying to do what was asked, his powers of attention were suffering and he often lost the thread of what he was doing. This reminded Bull uncomfortably of Ozella’s peculiar lethargy during the recent trip to Andaryon.
Today they were working with gems, and Bull had tasked Ozella and Tad with calling power through several stones in turn so they could experience the difference in the power levels each one produced. Tad had successfully called Earth through a progression of gems, but Ozella couldn’t seem to gr
asp the process at all.
Bull gathered the gems into a leather pouch and took one into his hand so Ozella couldn’t see which it was. He instructed the youth to call Earth from the stone, identifying it by the level of force it produced. Ozella narrowed his almond eyes, trying to concentrate. Unfortunately for him, he hadn’t paid attention to Tad’s efforts. It was apparent the youth was distracted by something, though Bull had no idea what it could be.
Frowning hard, Ozella tried to focus his will. Because he had no idea which gemstone Bull held and no recollection of which gem had produced what level of force, he failed to identify the stone. Yet his touch was tentative at best, and the power he raised feeble, and Bull would have challenged even Robin to identify the source with such lack of effort. Exasperated, he told Ozella to try again.
“Use your senses, lad,” he commanded gruffly. “You’re not concentrating. Come on, a baby could do this.”
Stung by Bull’s scornful tone, and spurred on by Tad’s inquisitive gaze, Ozella tried harder. Unfortunately, he tried too hard. Bull roared with pain as Ozella’s frustration caused him to call too harshly, overloading the gem until it shattered. Sharp slivers of crystal pierced Bull’s hand, driving deep into the flesh.
Cursing, Bull used his own powers to numb the pain and a cloth to mop the blood while Ozella, flushed and deeply embarrassed, muttered abject apologies.
Bull regarded him coldly. “I don’t know what’s got into you lately! First you show no signs of wanting to learn, then you plead with Sullyan to take you to Andaryon, where you promptly fall asleep. Then you as good as beg me to teach you, and now you’ve lost all pretense of concentration! What’s going on, Ozella? If you carry on like this, you’ll give me no option but to recommend you for dismissal.”
To Bull’s shock, Ozella’s face drained to white and he looked as though he might faint. “No, don’t do that!” he cried. “Please! I’m sorry, I can’t help it sometimes. I’ll try harder, Bull, I promise. Just don’t let them throw me out! You don’t know… you don’t know how important it is for me to be here.”