Changing shifts—the other four getting lunch at the pub instead of the fish and chips—my mind spun like a twig in a tornado.
Zar sat on a low brick wall when we took up our vigil. Keeping a good distance between us, five feet, saying nothing, I sat as well, only glancing at him.
“I said I don’t want to talk,” he snapped, springing to his feet and striding away. I’d never heard him sound like that, not to anyone.
Horrified, I watched him pace, turning at the end of the block, then quickly looked away in case such crowding upset him. He kept his face bowed, slightly shielded by his long, wavy hair, hugging himself, with his hands pressing his own sides.
I couldn’t catch my breath, fingers lashed painfully tight together. I stared at the sidewalk instead.
Kage and Jason were arguing about something else now. About … how Jason was feeling? I couldn’t hear the conversation through the voices in my head and Zar’s echoing silence.
It made sense for Zar to be angry with me. Any of them would have been foolish to continue showing the same blind faith in my leadership and guidance that Zar had for many weeks.
Zar had been through a long time to reflect on this over those days he was locked in catacombs with Isaac and Andrew. Then the attack, loss of his home, death of his mother, destruction of most of his possessions from musical instruments to his collection of books and personal history of notebooks, handwritten music, leather goods, so many objects that kept family alive around him. Now Zar was an orphan, with those physical memories destroyed, his brothers depressed and disconnected, and an uncertain outlook for the remaining fragments of his family and his own life.
I had wanted him to know he still had me. I’d already been giving him space. But Zar now needed my support and love more than any time since I’d known him. Which was the same time he’d figured out he didn’t want any such thing.
If I’d done the job Diana had asked of me when we first met, none of this would have happened. Noah and Helah would still be playing in the willow trees. Rebecca would still be driving the family’s old four-wheel, giving Darius the cold shoulder. Diana would still be silver of the Sable Pack, their homes still safe, their families still together. And Zar’s mother would still be alive, his own life restored around his work and passion for music and reading and creating art with song and miniature leather craft.
Instead, before our eyes, Zar had lost more than anyone in our pack in these past weeks. Yet it seemed no one had noticed.
What had Martha said in Germany? I could hardly remember, so long ago, and there had been so many others to consider.
All at once, it felt terribly important, adding to my own grief as I discovered a list of reasons for Zar to hate me alongside even more ways that I’d let him down—a list so long I couldn’t see the end.
I remembered a few things clearly from the old Bavarian she-wolf. I needed to bring balance, let go of control, run with them, know them. I’d tried. Had I even come close? Also, about Zar … acting with his sun sign, Scorpio, while creating with his moon sign, Pisces. A double water sign—more than a little scary to deal with from my Libra/Aries standpoint. All seeming so important again as I faced this element of Zar which so often resided only in the background.
She had told me to embrace both sides of him, value his strengths and weaknesses, to be his Moon—not just silver. Which, after all, was the devotion Zar had shown me.
I had never so spectacularly failed anyone in my life. Yet I couldn’t talk to him, couldn’t even sit five feet away right now and just breathe together. Maybe that was why I couldn’t breathe on my own as I sat against that wall in front of the village post office, staring at my hiking shoes pressed hard against the sidewalk, feet inside numb.
“Cassia?” Jason eased over beside me, having first paused at my side, then sitting. “All right?” His voice was almost a whisper in my ear. “Feeling sick?”
He also thought I had morning sickness. Which reminded me of other injustices toward Zar. Why hadn’t I just told them all when I’d found out?
To what end? So they would worry even more? Make themselves sick trying to protect me? For what? It wouldn’t do them any service to know.
But it shouldn’t be about that. They had a right, that was why. The child was almost certainly Isaac’s or Zar’s—though Kage or Jason were in the realm of possibility. Half of those people knew. Half didn’t. It shouldn’t matter about fear anymore. Any of us, all of us, could be dead at any moment out here. A right to know…
But that had nothing to do with my sitting here, or Jason’s concern, or how I felt like I was being throttled, a hand around my throat, chest burning…
“Cassia…?” Jason touched my far shoulder in a slight embrace, his face by mine. “What is it? Did you see something bad? Should we get out of here?”
Kage stopped in front of us.
I shook my head, ending by turning my face into Jason’s shoulder. He held my shoulder with his right arm across my back. I felt pressure of the stubs of his last two fingers on that hand, already healed over, but never to reform.
“What’s wrong?” Kage’s voice sounded nothing like Jason’s. Kage was harsh, ready to battle something. “Getting an off-color feeling about this place?”
“No,” I said against Jason’s jacket. “I’ll be fine.” One thing at a time. Zar next. Zar more than anything. Somehow.
Jason rubbed my shoulder. The smell of deep fried fish was not exactly comforting, but everything else was—the pressure and warmth and his allowing me to hide against him like a child hiding from the reality of a thunderstorm.
When Kage said, “Door,” sharply, I couldn’t think what he was talking about. Then Jason looked around, Kage jogged off, and I remembered why we were here and what that must mean.
Chapter 8
An older woman was just returning home with a stroller containing a couple of grocery bags and a jet black, longhaired cat with startling green eyes.
Kage hurried up to her while she was still unlocking the door, Jason and I trailing, Zar waiting by the wall. This struck me as a poor idea—Kage dashing up to an old woman at the side of the road—but I was in no mental state even to think of calling him back.
I couldn’t hear the first words exchanged, only glad to see she was not at all intimidated by him bounding to her.
She paused, hand on the doorknob, and gazed up at him while he spoke. She had to look way up because she couldn’t have been more than five feet tall. The cat, who lay atop a shopping bag, also watched him.
Kage looked around to indicate us as we walked up.
“Hello…” I smiled with some effort. I felt a vague need to apologize for anything Kage might have said. “I’m Cassia—” Why was I introducing myself? I’d been avoiding doing that. Quick questions and move on. Don’t draw attention, don’t give out names. “We’re trying to find someone in the community, and a lady in Linlithgow recommended we ask you. Are you Shona? Sorry to ambush you on the street like this.”
“Nay, I don’t mind. Only you’ll want t’tell me what you are.” She still didn’t look troubled, yet her pale blue eyes flickered to the cat and back around at the rest of us.
What was up with all the cats recently? Reminded of the calico who’d given us away in Paris, I also looked at the black cat. Her familiar, surely. A big, fluffy tomcat with a vast tail dangling down the grocery bag. He stared at Kage, nostrils quivering, pupils dilated. His ears twitched and he flicked his gaze to the rest of us.
Again, without meaning it, I was seized by an honesty impulse that I couldn’t combat.
“They’re shifters,” I said. “Your cat is not mistaken. I’m trying to help them with a problem in the community and that’s why we’re looking for someone.”
Her gray eyebrows lifted. “The killings?”
I hesitated, eased back. Jason tensed beside me.
“I … what do you mean?” I faltered.
“Word spreads. Shifters being murdered down so
uth, aye? If you’ve come to Brethgillian after some fiend like that you’re t’find disappointment, lass.”
“No, we don’t expect to find anyone involved in Brethgillian,” I rushed on. “We’re looking for a couple of casters who we suspect are in the Highlands. We think these two men might have information for us.”
“Ah, I see. Fair enough. Step inside then. I’ll not ask you t’tea. Sure you mean t’get on. Only we’ll find warding past the threshold.”
“Thank you. That would be appreciated.” I’d meant to avoid any such thing. Especially with four of the pack getting lunch. Then why did this feel so welcome?
She pushed open the door with a nod, her blue-gray shawl fluttering around her, and first invited the cat inside. He leapt through the doorway, then trotted down the hall with nervous glances back.
“Make yourself useful.” She addressed Kage as she followed the cat.
He picked up the stroller and set it inside for her.
The little foyer was gloomy, but cozy with blues and greens in the rug, wallpaper, and soft light from windows coming from the sitting room and dining room to our right and left. Ahead were stairs and a hallway. The cat watched us with some suspicion but not outright hostility.
The old lady pushed the stroller a bit down the hall toward him and faced us. “A witch then? Helping wolves solve their problems? Well, a fine t’do for a future of magical peoples, aye? Proud t’see the day. So you think you’re trouble south comes from our Highlands?”
“Well…” I let out a breath. “Not really. Only a couple people who may know about it, or somehow be involved. Two young mages, one with an affinity for animals, who we think are from Scotland. Their names are Calum and Frim. Sound familiar?”
“Oh, aye.” She nodded, frowning a bit at us. “Went off t’some sort of academy in Paris. Pure rogues the pair of them.”
I gulped, pulse pounding.
“You know them?” Kage asked.
“Once. Years since I’ve seen the lads. Haven’t a notion where you might find them, only you’ve come at a fine time. We’ll be celebrating the solstice in … five days? Nay … four nights from this one, here in Brethgillian. If you can’t turn up the lads before then come t’our bonfire and someone about will know where they are these days or my name’s not Shona Urquhart.”
Kage and I exchanged a look.
“Nothing t’worry about here, lass. Come back and honor solstice with us or not. Your affair. Happen you won’t need t’trouble—find the lads before then. Or come on back and ask. Someone will know, right enough. Quite the young rips they were. Likely still are.”
“Thank you.” I hesitated. “Hopefully we’ll find them. If we do come back for your solstice celebration, where should we come to? Here?”
“From seventeen hundred hours on we’ll start to gather out at the old Gregger Farm.” She gestured vaguely. “Left at the post office and right at the sign down the unpaved road. Bonney place and a wild feeling about it these days, fine sky view in all directions. You must bring a dish or drink to share. That’s all. No need to go around explaining who you are. Only tell them Shona invited you and you’re looking for the whereabouts of Calum and Frim.”
“All right. Thank you for that. We appreciate it.”
“Hoping you find what you seek, lass. Blessings be with you if we’re not t’meet again.”
“You too.”
The others nodded, Jason thanked her, and we let ourselves out. The door opened easily. No locks. No spells. Right into the other five, some with paper bags in their hands, all tense and anxious for our return.
“Everything’s okay.” I smiled weakly.
Kage’s eyebrows jumped as Jason shut the door after us, startled by the worried crowd. “Moon and Sun, what’d you think? Just a little old woman and her cat in there.”
“Right,” Andrew said slowly. “Only you didn’t have the privilege of meeting a little old man and his cat in Paris, mate.”
“It’s fine,” I repeated. “She’s … good. I’m pretty sure…”
Chapter 9
We went for a walk outside of Brethgillian, along faint trails to a small river flowing to the estuary, up slopes for a lovely view back toward Linlithgow.
I’d wanted to visit Scotland for much of my life, longed to see medieval towns and green hills just like these. So why did I now want to be somewhere else?
Isaac walked with me, smiling gently—glad to be in what felt like home for him, though he’d lived much of his life in England and was really half English and half Icelandic. Andrew amused himself by sticking tiny sprigs of bright red rowan berries in my hair—sort of reverse-pickpocketing—until the gray turned into actual rain and I pulled my hood up.
Having heard the whole story, both agreed we should return for the autumnal solstice celebration—a far cry from Andrew’s suspicions about the mages in Paris. Yet those fears had been brought about by my own, plus Stefan’s warnings. Now I had a tentative scry, recommendations that seemed to be coming from good places if one went on instinct, and every reason to suppose Shona could be trusted. Even so, could all the other casters who might come to such a gathering? Then again, we were looking for trouble. Finding the right sort was just what we needed. Even if we hoped to find it without sticking our necks out along the way.
Kage had gone from arguing to silent, but remained so testy that even Jason avoided him for the first time since Kage had returned to us.
The three brothers lived up to Andrew’s nickname for them. So grim, in fact, they were breaking my heart. Gabriel remained a distinctly separate entity, far away, hands in pockets, shoulders hunched, looking as if he were being punished.
Three days? Four nights?
We had to use them, had to keep looking, even if we did end up attending the bonfire night in the end.
I squatted down at the mouth of the river while Isaac told me how many miles in from the eastern coast we were at this point, and Andrew asked how an animal got to be a familiar.
Jason stopped with toes of his motorcycle boots in the fast-moving water. They were already soaked in rain and from the wet grass and muddy trail. He looked around to find Kage, then quickly away down the river.
How could we win at this game if we remained broken ourselves?
I pressed my palm to the icy surface of the water. The sound of it filled my ears as Isaac and Andrew fell silent and the others stopped up and down the bank or back on the trail where they had been following.
Water burbled and chuckled over my fingers and slid against my palm. I shut my eyes, called on my guides, and asked … what now?
We needed faie, we needed answers, killers, balance and unity from within.
I’d promised we were making decisions together, yet there wasn’t even a decision to make. We’d found a few casters to talk to who seemed safe, yet already stalled. Because we had to wait on our hands for four days? Or because we had other matters needing our attention?
I saw water spirits, breathing and watching us in return, in my mind’s eye. Not a true vision but an idea of what might be before our noses that we could not see with a glance. The faie had not come to us because I had scried, or because Zar had summoned them with guides from his old texts and flute. They’d come because we had been a part of their world and they had wanted a word.
Turn around. I shivered.
I stood, hand dripping. “Isaac? If you were a wild mage, used to open spaces and enchanting animals and casting for your magical experiments anywhere you pleased, and you knew the Highlands like the back of your hand, where would you call home?”
“The unseen places.” Isaac looked across the river north. “Into the mountains, far from railways and tourists, probably north of Loch Shin. But the Highlands are sprawling, arä. That’s not narrowing it down. It’s searching the Rocky Mountains all over again.”
I watched the drips from my numb hand splash back into the river. I turned around to face him. “Are there stone circles in the Highlands?”<
br />
“There are. Not a concentration, like Orkney, but I’ve seen a couple and we could look up more.”
“Orkney? Would our mages be there?”
“I can’t imagine. It’s a series of small islands. They would draw mundane attention.”
“That doesn’t feel right then…”
“I thought the standing stone image was resolved weeks ago?” Andrew cocked his head.
“So did I for a while.” I looked to the water again. “It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve been wrong on this journey. Proposal? One more night at Traigh’s. We’ll go shopping, stock up on groceries. Steaks, bread, snacks, apples. In the morning, we’ll go up to the Highlands and just… Faie, stone circles, mages … follow our instincts and scries and dreams. If anyone is having any dreams about this I’d like to know it. I’m going to call Si, the shaman, for ideas about reaching out to the faie and anything else they can offer. But, please, don’t anyone make any calls, or preferably use your phones at all, until we’re back on the road tomorrow. No attracting more attention toward Traigh’s place. What else? Other thoughts? Yes? No?”
“Aren’t you skipping big scries?” Andrew asked.
“As much as possible, but some of this… I’m not sure what else to do. Lucid dreaming tonight should be safer and potentially helpful.”
“What about other shifters?” Kage asked—again angry for some reason.
“What about them?”
“Instead of only trying to find casters to ask—who we don’t trust anyway—what about asking shifters? Must be some wolves in the Highlands. Part of the Mountain Pack? Or are the Daingeans still in the far north?”
“The Daingean Pack may still survive with a family or two,” Isaac said. “I’ve never met them. Only some elders in the Mountain Pack had.”
“That would leave us with a situation of having to find them in the first place,” I said. “Look at what we did to the wolves in Wales. After Peter visited? If there are still shifters up here it’s because they’re successfully hidden. The last thing we want is to uncover them. If anyone does pick up a shifter scent, though, I’d like to know. It’s a good point. Anything else?”
Moonlight Magic: A Reverse Harem Shifter Romance (The Witch and the Wolf Pack Book 9) Page 5