“Mozart. No bark.” Cody said, but returned to petting the woman.
“Oh, Mary,” I said. “That was the most fun I’ve had since I moved here. What should we do next?” I shook all over, and sand flew everywhere.
“Look over there.” Mary stared into the distance. “Someone knocked over a trash can. You never know what you might find...”
“You’re right.” I raced toward it.
“Mozart.” Cody yelled. “Get back here!”
But I was on a tear and desperately needed to burn off a little steam. He could continue to groom the delectable smelling blonde, and I’d be back in no time.
He’d never miss me. What’s the worst that could happen?
Chapter 24
A Vampire Movie
Annie
I shoved my phone in front of the guy’s face. “That is the Facebook page for Fit-Pro Camp. And that is a picture of Hildy Crawford with a Himalayan mix cat in the background, who happens to be my cat, and I want him back!”
“That’s actually a picture of Hildy Crawford showing off Fit-Pro’s new line of workout gear,” the male receptionist said.
I slammed my fist on the granite countertop in the lobby at Fit-Pro Camp. “My name is Annie Graceland, I am a citizen of the United States of America, and I have inalienable rights. I demand—do you understand what that word means?—I demand to speak with Hildy Crawford immediately!” I winced and cradled my hand with my other hand.
“Absolutely,” the hairless male receptionist wearing the muscle T-shirt said. “Unfortunately, as I already explained to you, Ms. Crawford is out of the office. Why don’t you leave your name, number, and questions, and I’ll pass along your information as soon as she checks in.” He thrust a pad of paper at me across the counter.
I pushed it back at him. “No,” I said. “No matter where I go, all I ever do is fill out little pads of paper, forms, take surveys, and online questionnaires. I’ve completed thousands of these things, but no one really cares, and nothing ever changes. The oceans are still polluted, politicians will always be narcissistic, and as soon as I fall in love with a boy band, they get in a tiff and break up.”
“The on and off again One Direction split is killing me,” the receptionist said.
“My mother was never the same after The Beatles broke up,” I said. “Life isn’t fair, and while I’ll never fully come to terms with that, I need a few things to remain constant in spite of the world’s chaos. One of those is my cat. All I want is my cat back.”
“Right.” He scribbled on the pad. “‘No one cares, nothing changes, boy band tiffs, wants cat back.’ Your name and email please?” He smiled and pushed the pad back in my direction.
I sighed and inked down my contact details.
“Waste of time. I wouldn’t even bother telling him,” Anthony leaned back on a chair in the waiting area and rested his shiny black shoes on top of the fitness magazines on the coffee table. “Hildy Crawford doesn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone other than Hildy Crawford, or John Fartier. She’s been after my job for at least six months. I’m surprised she hasn’t gotten it yet, seeing that I’ve taken a leave of absence to shack up with you.”
I stabbed the pen into the paper and shoved it back at the hairless man. “Thank you,” I said and walked out the door.
I strode through the parking lot, past the Ferraris, the Porsches, the Priuses, and walked straight into a ten-foot tall green hedge. Shrubbery poked into my face and my arms, but I didn’t care any more. I just clamped my hands over my mouth, and screamed into them.
“There, there, Graceland.” Anthony rubbed my shoulder. “I know it must come as a shock after all this time that you kept your true feelings deep inside, hidden from me as well as the rest of the world. But there comes a time in one’s life when you have to ’fess up and be honest, even if honesty hurts. And then, you can move on with life.”
“But I can’t move on with life.” I backed out of the bushes, sat down on a neon yellow parking bump, dropped my forehead into my hands, and started crying. “I can’t move on without Theodore. He is the sun to my moon. The light to my dark. He makes me giggle. He fills all these little holes in my life that I didn’t even know were there until he was gone. I never thought I’d lose him until we were both really, really old, and now I am stuck in a Purgatory of sorts. It’s not quite life, but not quite death. I can’t eat. I can’t sleep. I go to work, and I’m functioning on minimum capacity. My boyfriend probably thinks I’m a loon. I… I…” I hiccupped.
“Perhaps now you know how I feel,” Derrick took a seat next to me and patted my other arm. “I just want to go to the Afterlife. I’ve been deceased for months now. Is that really too much to ask?”
“No, Derrick.” I wiped a few tears away. “No, it isn’t.”
Anthony scuffed the toe of his shiny black shoe on the ground. “I’ve been thinking about what you said, Graceland. About me being deceased and all.”
I pushed myself to standing. “I’ve got to go to work. Mort Feinberg’s Deli doesn’t make its own bagels, you know. But you can tag along, only for a little bit, Anthony, if you tell me about your ‘big’ realization.”
Oh please, God, cut a girl a break. Please let Anthony Spiggottini’s ghost realize he’s dead, and just give it up already. I’d be more than happy to help him go to the first light he saw. In fact, I spotted a traffic light just two blocks away, on my way over here,
“My big realization,” Anthony rubbed his hands together, “is that you’re over-stressed. Let’s plan a relaxing getaway. We can get a room overlooking Parking Lot E at the track. Take in a few races, place some bets on the ponies, and enjoy the Early Bird Surf and Turf at Big Don’s Steakhouse.”
I closed my eyes and fantasized about steaks, and knives, and then I thought about a stake, and knives, as well as the sad realization that I’d probably never be able to watch a vampire movie again.
Chapter 25
A Scary Halloween Movie
Theodore (The Cat)
The scent of eucalyptus wafted through the air, and a gentle breeze ruffled my voluptuous mane, as I lay on Hildy’s pristine redwood deck adjoining her chef’s kitchen. The sun bathed my body, and I tried to relax, but my fluffy tail twitched across a three-foot tall scratching post. Its price tag was still attached, complete with a catnip mouse dangling from the top by a cord. I got up and stretched, but the shackles encircled me, pinched my armpits, and stopped me cold.
I twisted my head, peered over my shoulder, and blinked. What were all these straps twisting around my body? Hildy called it a harness, said it was for my own good, and that I could enjoy all the loveliness of the great outdoors if I was buckled in and tethered to a cat lead.
I flopped onto my side and pawed at the restraint in a desperate attempt to break free, but only managed to get my nail caught in the harness’s tough fiber. I tugged and tugged, my arm twisted, and I collapsed. My breath was ragged and I squeaked a weak “Please rescue me!” meow.
My captor strode across the deck wearing a lovely, feminine skirt suit, her hair styled in a neat chignon, and carried a shiny briefcase. “Oh, Theodore,” she said. “Poor little guy, you’ve gotten yourself in a bit of a pickle.”
“Little?” I gazed up at Hildy, waiting for her to rush to my rescue. She put down the satchel and placed her manicured hands on her hips. “What should I do with you?”
The answer was perfectly evident. She should extract my claw from the restraint, take the darn thing off me, and set me free. I gazed up at her and attempted to telepathically communicate this, the same way I did with Annie. But she just frowned, her nose turning down as her cat toy disappeared inside her left nostril. I shivered in fear.
It was like a scary Halloween movie. First the cat toy disappeared. What next—the cat?
“Fine,” she said, hoisted me up, and yanked my claw out, then tossed me back onto the deck.
I placed my foot down and took a few tentative steps.
S
he picked up the briefcase and walked toward her kitchen door. “When I get back, I’ll trim your claws,” she said and then stopped in her tracks. “Wait a minute, what am I thinking?” She returned, scooped me up, and dangled me dangerously over the crook of her arm. “I can’t leave you outside, little man. Who knows what could happen?” She strode inside her condo, her heels click-clacking, dropped me on the unforgiving marble floor, and slammed the sliding glass door.
“You be good today while I’m gone.” She exited the kitchen, and trapped me in the claustrophobic room that was practically a prison cell.
I was alone in a strange place, with one dish filled with organic kibble, and another with alkalized water. It was terrifying. A dog barked in the near distance. I turned and spotted a friendly face peering over the backyard fence. “Mozart!” I meowed.
He barked and jumped up against the fence.
Hildy popped the kitchen door open and frowned. “God, I hate dogs,” she said. “Especially stray ones. I’ll call Animal Control. When I get back home, munchkin, I’m going to dress you up in something super adorable. You and your new mommy will take a super cute Halloween selfie together. I was thinking that instead of clipping your nails every week, we should just get you declawed. I’ll call the vet and make the appointment.” She turned and left.
I pressed my face against the sliding glass door and screamed, “Mozart! Get me out of here!”
Chapter 26
Surrender Dorothy
Annie
I snuggled up to Raphael Campillio’s brick wall of a chest, and cried. “I’m sorry I’m such a wuss. I’m sorry that I’m a sad sap of a girlfriend. I’m sorry my eyebrows grow so quickly toward each other, but in my defense, I’m part Italian and I pluck regularly.”
He tugged on one of my Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz braids, and kissed my forehead. “I don’t care about your eyebrows,” he said. “I care about the beautiful eyes that they frame, the gorgeous woman that owns them, and her big, kind heart that is stretched to its limit. What can I do to help?”
“You’ve already helped by just being here. I know we’re supposed to go to the big Santa Monica Halloween party later tonight, but I have a feeling that if I stop by at The Juiced Bar’s meet and greet first, I might run into someone who knows where Theodore is.” I grabbed an old-fashioned basket from my coffee table. “I think he’s with Hildy Crawford. And if I’m right, I’m going to punch her out, and steal him back.”
“No violence,” Rafe said. “Your cat’s chubby. Do you think he’ll fit in that basket?”
“He is not chubby. He’s big-boned. I hid a cat carrier in the basket. I’ll stuff his hairy ass in it after I’ve dealt with Hildy.”
“Don’t provoke Hildy,” Rafe said.
“I know that random people call me Cupcake, and everyone thinks I’m just a nice, run-of-the-mill kind of chick.” I cracked my knuckles. “But I’m prepared to distract, snatch, grab, and run. And if that means provoking Hildy, you can count on that happening.”
“This sounds like a recipe for trouble,” he said. “Come to think of it, trouble seems to haunt you. Why is my girlfriend a trouble magnet?”
“I’m not.” I stomped one red sparkly low-heeled pump, and brushed the wrinkles from my blue pinafore styled dress. “I can’t help it if trouble finds me. Besides, Raphael, we’ve talked about this before. Being a baker isn’t all scones and donuts, you know. There’s a seedy underbelly to the baking business that tends to follow us creative types around—”
“I think it just follows you around, Annie,” he said.
“You don’t know that. How many bakers do you actually know?”
“My mother’s best friend, Mrs. Martinez, runs her own shop in Florence. She said that besides the occasional cuts and burns, the baking business isn’t all that dangerous,” Raphael said.
Anthony and Derrick materialized on my couch and leaned back, peering at the palms of their hands fanned in front of their faces.
“Give me all your kings,” Anthony said.
“Go fish,” Derrick said.
“You drive a tough bargain, Philip.” Anthony grumbled and plucked a playing card from their imaginary deck. “Tell the overprotective cop that you’ve moved on, Graceland. You have another boyfriend.” He squinted at his fingers. “Me.”
“No.” I twisted one of my braids and frowned. “I don’t agree—”
Raphael stepped away from me. “That’s what you always say. You don’t know why weirdos keep dying around you.”
“I am not a weirdo,” Derrick said and turned to Anthony. “Got any tens?”
“Why are you always in the general vicinity of these crimes, Annie?” Raphael asked. “They’re horrible, vicious crimes, and for some reason, you’re always too close to the action. It worries me.”
“No tens,” Anthony said. “Go fish. She’s too close to the action because she lives in a changing neighborhood. I love this neighborhood. I’m a card-carrying member of the Venice Historical Society and I have sworn to preserve this community’s cultural heritage as we gently prepare for our future. Your ex-boyfriend, aka grandpa, needs to get with the times. I worked my derriere off to gather the information about this neighborhood that Mr. Fartier wanted, including that pesky historical stuff. Do you know how hard it was to track down documents that old? They’re in my briefcase that was stolen along with my car. God knows what the thieves have done with it. The catalytic converter is probably in Santa Monica, and the rest of the parts scattered in Torrance. I hope they held onto my briefcase. It’s designer.”
“Historical… Raphael, you don’t need to worry about me,” I said.
“How can I not worry about you?” he asked. “I’m crazy about you, Annie.”
“Tell the cop he’s just crazy period if he thinks you’ll pick him over me,” Anthony said. “He needs to find another girlfriend. You’re taken. Yo, Prince Philip. Got any queens?”
Raphael paced my tiny living room. “I’m not supposed to tell you this. I’m not supposed to tell anyone. The Department interviewed Hildy Crawford about Anthony Spiggottini. Detective Pardue went to her condo yesterday and conducted the interview there. I asked him if she had a cat, and he said, no.”
“Pardue’s not an animal lover. Don’t you remember the first time he met Theodore? He pointed a gun at him because he thought my cat scratched him. There wasn’t a mark on his body. The guy’s a total wienie.”
“Fine.” Raphael sighed. “I know about The Juiced Bar. It’s a freak show watering hole for bodybuilder types. I don’t want you around a bunch of steroid-enhanced muscle boys all on your own. I’ll go with you.”
“I thought you had to go back to work?” I asked.
“I do, I mean I did.” He pulled out his phone and dialed as Grady walked into my place dressed like hunky Jamie from Outlander the TV show.
“Aye, sassenach,” Grady said. “I see you’re Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz, another time traveler of sorts. We’re matchy. I like that.”
I swiped Raphael’s phone from him and hit disconnect. “Grady’s coming with me to The Juiced Bar,” I said. “He’ll protect me.”
Raphael raised an eyebrow. “In that outfit?”
“I’m a fierce Scottish Laird sworn to guard my lands as well as my woman.” Grady flexed one arm.
“Is that a Shamwow on your head?” Raphael asked.
“Yes, but it totally works for my outfit,” Grady said. “Besides, I’m not meeting my boyfriend for a couple of hours. The West Hollywood Halloween party doesn’t get going until later. I’ve got time to kill.”
I frowned. “And… thank you.”
“Oops, sorry. No pun intended.” He wandered into my kitchen and rifled through my fridge.
I grabbed Raphael’s hand and squeezed it. “Meet me after at the big Halloween bash in a couple of hours. I’ll hit The Juiced Bar, and then, I’m all yours.” I wrapped my arms around his neck. “I won’t even bug you to wear a costume. Just show up as a hot cop. Say yo
u’ll meet me.”
“He is a hot cop.” Grady cracked open a beer and sat down on the couch, narrowly missing Anthony.
Anthony eyed him and scooted in the other direction. “Should we deal Raggedy Ann in on the next game?”
Derrick shook his head. “Except for the headdress, he’s not the gambling type.”
“Annie, I wish I could meet you. But there are too many homicides in the City of Angels and I’m working late tonight.” Raphael shook his head. “I don’t think I can make it. But, if you get in any kind of trouble, promise you’ll call me. Don’t let things escalate the way you usually do.”
I tried not to look disappointed. “There won’t be any trouble. I’ll just check out the meet and greet, and show a few pictures of Theodore. Easy-peasy. In and out. What could possibly go wrong?”
“I don’t think you’re in Kansas anymore, Dorothy,” Derrick said.
Chapter 27
Deadly Mistakes
Mary (The Spirit Cat)
Theodore’s person meant well, she really did. Annie just didn’t know what she was up against, and whom she was dealing with. And I didn’t mean the two buffoon, card-playing ghosts.
I kept wondering if she’d put two and two together. I’d watched her solve the mysteries of a few other ghosts who wandered through here. But she was so worried, out of her mind wondering where Theodore was, and she wasn’t paying attention to who might have wanted to kill Slick the Intruder. That was a mistake, and I knew from experience that those types of mistakes could prove deadly.
The Annie Graceland Cupcakes Cozy Mystery Box Set #2: Books 5 - 7 Page 26