by J. A. Little
“You little bastard!” I scream, fighting against strong hands that have no intention of letting me go. I see Logan’s face crumble seconds before he turns and bolts from the room. I’m still struggling, twisting, hoping to get enough leverage to escape, but Dean just holds me tighter.
“Kayla, stop!” he demands in a low, authoritative voice.
“I’m going to fucking kill him,” I snarl.
“No, you’re not,” he says, more soothing this time. “I know it’s hard, but I need you to calm down so I can get to him before he leaves. Baby, if he gets to his car, you know exactly where he’ll go. Stop, please?”
I do know. He’ll head straight for Claire. In Logan’s eyes, he has nothing to lose. If he really wanted to, he could disappear into thin air, taking my baby sister with him.
With one last thrash, I give up and stop fighting. Dean finally releases me, and I practically collapse into the chair next to his desk. With only a moment’s pause—likely to make sure I’m actually going to stay put—he takes off. I hear his feet on the steps followed by shouting and banging. I fight back tears, gripping the chair as if it were my lifeline. My whole body is trembling as I listen to more yelling and more heavy footsteps. I can tell who’s who from the cadence of their voices. A third male voice joins in, and then Emily appears in the doorway of Dean’s office.
“What happened?”
I stare at her, unable to speak for fear of losing my shit completely.
“Kayla?” Emily bends down in front of me. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”
I don’t know what to tell her. I close my eyes, burying my face in my hands. Emily doesn’t ask any more questions. She crouches down next to me, wrapping her arm around my back while I rock myself and fight my warring emotions. More sounds and voices echo through the house, but I block them out.
How could this happen? How did it happen? Right under my fucking nose. Granted, I don’t live with Claire. I didn’t even know she had a boyfriend, but I knew something was wrong. Why didn’t she tell me?
Doesn’t she trust me? I can feel the tears beginning to well.
Dean’s voice startles me, and I lift my head up. I have no idea how long I’ve been sitting here. “Aiden has Logan.” He tosses a set of keys, a cellphone, and what looks like a driver’s license onto his desk. “Emily, he might need help. Logan won’t let me near him, and he’s pretty volatile right now.”
“Why? What’s going on?” Emily asks, exasperated, looking between Dean and me. Dean tilts his head.
“Logan just walked in on Kayla and me.”
“Walked in on you doing what?” Emily asks cautiously.
“Kissing,” Dean scoffs. “I was just kissing her, but Logan… We were supposed to meet so he could tell Kayla that he’s been dating Claire.”
“Claire?” Emily narrows her eyes, and then they widen. “Oh, shit! How did that happen? Oh my God, Kayla must be so pissed.”
“Yeah. And apparently she’s pregnant,” Dean adds. “Or, at least Logan says she is.”
“What?” Emily screeches. “How did you not know this?”
That’s it. Whatever semblance of control I’ve been able to hold on to snaps, and I let out a shuddering sob. Dean is on his knees in front of me before I can even inhale.
“Hey! Hey!” he says, cradling my face and pushing tears from my cheeks with his thumbs. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not okay!” I cry. “What the fuck just happened, Dean?”
“I’m going to go check on Logan and Aiden,” Emily says quietly, standing up.
“Good idea,” Dean answers without looking away from me. She shuts the door behind her, leaving us alone. He doesn’t say anything else, which is probably a good thing because I’m beginning to process everything Logan said. He’s been screwing around with my little sister for months. He’s surprised that Dean didn’t tell me.
“You knew?” I ask, my voice high pitched. “You knew and didn’t tell me?”
Dean shakes his head. “No, I didn’t. I found out about the relationship yesterday. I wanted to tell you last night, but I thought it was more important for him to tell you. I didn’t know she was…”
“How did you find out?” I interrupt. Dean reaches into his pocket and extends his closed hand toward me. When I open my palm, he drops a chain into it.
“I found that in the House car.” I stare down at it, shifting my fingers so that the charm on the end flips over. Claire’s necklace. The one I bought her that she was freaking out over not even a week ago. “I remembered it from when you picked it out. I didn’t want to believe it, but he admitted it.”
“It’s hers,” I agree. “How did it get in there?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask. I’m so sorry, Kayla. I should have known.”
I blink at him. Yeah, he should have. He lives with Logan. He’s supposed to be his guardian—to know what’s going on in his life. He’s known for awhile that Logan had a girlfriend. How could he not know who that girl was?
“When did it start?”
“He says it started the day they met at your office.”
I swallow back the vomit making its way into my throat. “How long have they been, uh, sleeping together?” I ask weakly.
“I don’t know. I honestly don’t know that much. He hasn’t been very forthcoming with information. I swear, Kayla, I had no idea. Maybe she’s not pregnant. Maybe he just said it to get a rise out of you. That’s exactly the kind of thing he would do.”
As much as I want to believe the words Dean’s saying, my instincts tell me something entirely different. My seventeen-year-old sister is going to have a baby. I wring my hands together roughly. Dean covers them with his.
“We’ll sort this out, okay?”
“Sort what out, Dean?” I snap. “The fact that two kids who can’t even take care of themselves are having a baby? Or the fact that you and I were so absorbed in ourselves and each other that we let it happen?”
“We didn’t let it happen,” he says, loudly. “I admit, I didn’t push him to talk to me the way I would have if it had known him like I know Brayden and Curtis. But there’s no guarantee anything would have been different.”
“We could have put a stop to it.”
“Really?” Dean scoffs. “You seriously think if we’d known and told them they couldn’t see each other, we could have kept them apart?”
“Maybe if I’d explained why.”
“And what would you have said that didn’t totally violate confidentiality?”
I open my mouth, then close it again. He’s right. I couldn’t have told Claire about Logan’s past or the resulting behavioral issues that I’m still worried may land him in jail someday. And explaining to Logan that I was afraid he’d completely corrupt and hurt my little sister would have been counterproductive to establishing his self-confidence.
Then something else floods my thoughts so fast it makes me dizzy.
“Oh, shit!” I gasp.
“What?”
“Oh my God. When Richard finds out, he’s going to kill her.” My eyes widen. “He’s going to murder Logan. I mean he’s really going to murder him.” As much as I want to hate that boy right now, my sister will need him if she really is having his baby. And I’m going to make that little fucker take care of his responsibilities for the first time in his life. “Dean?” I can feel the panic rising. He stands and pulls me up with him. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest. “This can’t be happening,” I whimper. “Tell me this isn’t happening.”
“I wish I could, baby. I’m sorry. But it’ll be okay. We’ll get them through it.”
Again, I want to believe him, but something tells me that this is going to get worse before it gets better…if it ever gets better. With everything they have working against them, I just don’t see how any of this is going to work out.
“I have to talk to my sister.” I try to push away, but Dean pulls me back, his hand cupping my chin. He presses his lips a
gainst mine. I’m not really mad at him—I know it’s not his fault. Logan is good at keeping secrets. But I’m not in the mood to kiss him back.
“Do you want me to go with you?” he asks,
I swallow painfully, my mouth and throat still lacking moisture. “No. It’s okay. I want to talk to her alone first. Then, uh, maybe we should have a sit down? All of us?” I’m asking because I’m not sure. My brain is muddled, and I have no idea how to move forward from this moment. I’m still stuck in the moment when Logan screamed out that my sister is having his baby.
Dean nods. “I think that’ll be good. Do you want to do it tonight?”
“I don’t know. I have to talk to Claire. I, uh, I need to think.”
“Do what you need to do, baby. You know I’m here. Call me when you need me.”
“Thank you,” I say quietly.
As we’re walking toward the front door, it bursts open. The boys rush through, loud and laughing. Matty is right in the middle. He meets my gaze and freezes, the smile instantly disappearing. He holds back as the rest of the boys greet me cheerfully and drop their bags in Emily’s office before bounding away.
“Do I need to go pack?” he asks flatly.
“No, honey. You’re staying right here.” I answer, trying hard to sound like everything is normal.
“What’d he do this time?” he sighs.
“We’ll talk about it later,” Dean interjects. “Go ahead and go do your homework.”
Matty looks at Dean and then back at me. He knows something’s up.
“I’ll be back another day and we can talk, okay?”
“Okay,” he mumbles, shifting his backpack higher onto his shoulder and shuffling toward the den. Dean motions for me to go outside and follows close behind.
“I’ll try to keep him out of the loop until you can talk to him. The last thing he needs is to hear about this mess from Logan, especially with the state he’s in right now.”
“I should be up there right now,” I say, looking up toward the second floor.
“You need to go to your sister first. Let Aiden, Emily, and me deal with Logan.”
“I need to deal with him,” I insist.
“You will, Kayla. But right now, it’s more important to get to Claire.” His fingers caress my elbow reassuringly.
“Thank you,” I murmur.
He opens the car door, but stops me before I can get in. “If I don’t hear from you by six o’clock, I’m coming for you.” His thumb grazes my bottom lip. I smile slightly. It’s an automatic response whenever he touches me.
I love you.
It’s on the tip of my tongue, but now’s not the time. Someday soon, though. If we survive this, I’ll tell him. I’m going to have to take a chance and hope he’s ready…hope I’m not pushing him into something he doesn’t want.
I climb into my car and pull out my Bluetooth to call Kate’s cellphone.
“This is Kate,” my supervisor answers in her thick accent.
“Hi, Kate. It’s Kayla.”
“Hello, Kayla. Where are you?”
“I’m in my car. I was just at Wyatt House. I was supposed to have a visit with the Douglas kids at four thirty, but I’m not going to be able to make it. I don’t have their number in my phone, can you call and cancel for me?”
“Of course I can. Is everything all right?”
“Not really,” I answer, my voice shaking. “I have some personal business I need to handle, but, um, we do need to have a discussion about Logan.”
“Do you just need the rest of the day, or do you need a couple of days?”
I try to focus, but my mind keeps wandering. “I’m not sure. Can we play it by ear?”
“Sure. Do we need to start looking for other placements?”
An unexpected laugh escapes me. “I have no idea, Kate. I honestly have no idea.”
“Okay, well, let me know. Thank you for calling in.”
I disconnect and start driving toward The Carlyle. I consider calling, but I don’t want to get into it with my mother or Richard, and I’m not giving my sister a chance to run away.
I don’t even remember the drive, and, sooner than I’d like, I’m pulling into a visitor spot in front of the swanky complex I hate so much. When I get inside, the guard nods at me. I force a smile before heading up in the elevator.
When the doors open onto the foyer, I step out having no idea what I’m going to say to Claire. The door to the penthouse is unlocked. Walking silently into the living room, I see Claire sitting on the couch with her phone in her hands, staring at it like it’s about to do something amazing.
“Waiting for a call?” I ask, startling her. Her head whips up.
“Kayla!”
“Yeah. Kayla. Your sister.”
“Hi,” she squeaks.
I walk toward her and sit down on the designer couch my mother had special-ordered from France. It’s hard and uncomfortable. Claire’s hands grip her phone so tight that her knuckles are turning white.
“Do you know how terrible it feels to be completely blindsided by something you should have known about?” I ask, bitterness seeping into my voice.
“I’m sorry,” she whispers.
“You’re sorry? That’s all you have to say? I told you I’d be there for you. I told you to come to me. I know how they are. I know better than anyone what they’re like. Why didn’t you trust me?” I stare at my sister. Her face is pale, her lip trembling. “What have you done?” I cry softly. She lowers her head, unable to look me in the eye. I push my fingertips against my temples. Her tears are silent, dripping down the tip of her nose and falling to the floor. There’s no dramatic sobbing, no pleading. Just Claire looking painfully broken.
“I love him,” she responds desperately. “And it’s not just some stupid, teenage crush. I want to spend the rest of my life with him.”
“You’re barely seventeen.”
“So what?”
“You’ve known him for what? Three months? You have no idea who he even is.”
“I know that he loves me.”
“Oh, really? Because an hour ago he told me he was simply fucking you,” I snap. “He’s a sexual deviant, Claire! Do you know how many girls he’s used for sex and dumped? He doesn’t care who he hurts. He’s self-destructive, and he will take anyone and everyone around him down with him if he has to.” I’m not trying to be mean, but I need her to see reality. Logan is not the boy next door. He’s not some kid from a good family who just screwed up. He’s lived a fucked-up life and has no clue what it means to take responsibility for anything. I’ve probably just crossed the confidentiality line, but if I’m going to get fired anyway, I guess it doesn’t really matter.
“He didn’t say that,” she argues softly, several tears slipping down her cheeks.
“That’s exactly what he said. And maybe he said it just to hurt me, but he made it sound like you were just another notch.”
A few more tears well up. “I’m not.”
“And a baby, Claire? Are you fucking crazy?”
Her mouth drops, and she inhales sharply. “He told you?”
“It should have been you who told me!” I shout, making her flinch. “Did you two think you were playing a fucking game? ‘Let’s see how far we can get without Kayla knowing. Let’s see just how far we can push everyone in our lives who cares about us.’”
“That’s not what we were doing.”
“Then explain to me how you could explicitly go against the one thing I asked of you.”
“I can’t! I don’t know what happened. He made me feel like I was special. He made me feel like I didn’t have to be perfect all the fucking time.”
“Well, you took that to the extreme, didn’t you?” I run my hand over my face. My thoughts are all jumbled. Memories of things—behaviors from both of them over the last few months—bounce around uncontrollably. “You were going to run away with him?”
Claire’s shoulders sag. “I wanted to,” she admits, “but
he—”
“You were just going to take off? Without saying anything to anyone? Disappear with a baby on the way? No money, no job, no education?”
“I have money.”
“You’re missing the point, Claire. This is exactly why children shouldn’t have children!”
“I’m not a child!” she cries.
“My God!” I laugh humorlessly. “You sound just like him. How far along are you?”
“I…I don’t know.”
“When was your last period?”
She just stares at me.
“You don’t know that, either?” My irritation is getting the better of me.
“I’ve never paid attention to it. We were using protection,” she stutters.
“Obviously not every time.”
“We did, Kayla. He never…not inside. Not without a condom.” Her cheeks turn bright pink. I let it go. Whether they did or not doesn’t really matter. It’s done.
“Have you thought about your options?”
Claire scrunches up her face in horror. “I’m not having an abortion!”
“What about adoption? There are some amazing families out there.”
“You want me to give away my baby?” she hiccoughs.
“I want you to stop being so naïve. This is your life.”
“That’s right,” she snaps. “My life. If you came here to lecture me about how stupid I was to let this happen, then go away. I don’t need it. I don’t need you.” The anger in her voice shocks me. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard my sister stand up for herself. As upset as I am, I don’t believe her words. She needs me. Turning my back on her just because my feelings are hurt is not an option. I pick up her hand. It’s trembling.
“Are you sure you’re pregnant? You’re not just late?”
“My boobs hurt really bad, and I’m nauseous all day long. And I took four tests.”
“Do Mom and Richard know?” I ask, sighing.
“No! You can’t tell them, Kayla. You can’t tell my dad.”
“Uh, well, this isn’t exactly something he’s gonna be able to overlook.”