“This is a hell of a time to ask but you’re on something, right? Pill, patch, shot?”
“Yes.” My parents wouldn’t dare let me stay in their house without being doped up on all kinds of fucking birth control. Every three months like clockwork I went to get my Depo shot. It was annoying but I stopped having a period a year ago and that meant I could fuck all month long.
“Why are you fucking Lomax? I’m not catching feelings I just wanna know. Between two people who are just fucking.” He flashed me his million-dollar smile and those pothole deep dimples.
Jesus.
“Because, I get to do whatever the fuck I want in school. Plus he’s fun to play with and he gives me whatever I want.” I shrugged my shoulders as a smirk curved my lips. Xavier nodded slowly and finished the last button on his shirt.
“You coming by tonight?” He asked.
“Maybe. Text me.”
Chapter Nine
Emmanuel
Over and over I replayed Cami’s sparkling green eyes as she asked me if Dana had panic attacks or mood swings. She seemed so hopeful that I’d be able to give her the answers she was looking for. I really wish I could. I saw so much in her the day she had an episode. I saw a girl who was struggling, and it pulled at my heartstrings.
All her life she’s seemed to struggle between aloof and caring, between nasty and nice. Camilla has always been a pendulum swinging from left to right.
If Dana had listened to me when the girl was 10 and got her professional help, maybe she would be more stable by now. I knew it had to still plague her.
No matter how much I tried to cater to Cami, she still swung back and forth with insane bursts of foul language and disrespect or she was flying high and happy. There was no in between.
My mind refocused to my computer screen, to something I could control. I was finalizing the finishing touches on my new mega-church in Miami, New Grace Ministries. Finally, something that I could headline without being tied down to another damn pastor. I was tired of sharing the spotlight with pastors that didn’t have nearly the same pull that I did.
New Grace was all mine and it would be open in a matter of days. It boasted a 450,000 square foot facility with a basketball court, daycare, and gym with a pool. I would be able to seat 10,000 congregation members and not have to constantly set up recording days because there was a small TV workroom in the basement where all the equipment was. I could record every service and stream it live to the New Grace website as well as any social media platform.
Money was about to roll in hand over fist. I knew my congregation would follow me and bring hundreds of new faces along too. That’s what sheep do. If they ever knew I thought religion was a crock of shit they’d probably publicly lynch me for siphoning millions from them. Lucky for me, blind faith in Jesus is real and I’ve been groomed from birth to play the fucking part.
Chapter Ten
Camilla
“When you stare off into space what the fuck are you thinking about?” Xavier asked me. We were passing a blunt back and forth between us after a rigorous fuck session. I lay on his bare chest and shrugged. My mind was cloudy, and I loved it.
“How twisted my fucking mind is,” I admitted.
“How twisted is it?”
“I mean…I am fucking the teacher my best friend is in love with. I’m also fucking the principal. I hate my mother. I don’t even know if I believe in God and I’m about to graduate from a fucking Baptist preparatory school in like three days!” I inhaled a long puff of smoke and let it fill my lungs until it burned and I coughed.
“Do you really feel bad about Laurel?” Xavier asked, raising an eyebrow. I just shrugged in response. I knew it probably didn’t seem like I cared, but I did.
Sex was just something I couldn’t control though. No matter how hard I tried, and I tried so hard. Once I even locked myself in the closet and wouldn’t come out until the urge passed. I woke up on my bed with my blankets pulled over me. My dad had come looking for me, saw the light on in my closet and picked the lock.
He put me in bed because he thought I just fell asleep. I let him think that. I actually passed the fuck out from not acting on the dark urges that swarmed me.
It was scary as shit.
Sometimes I just felt so full of darkness that I couldn’t see straight. I felt like if I didn’t have orgasms I’d going to burn to death. That’s how I knew religion was bullshit. I wasn’t sure if God was real or not, but surely he’d heard me crying for help at night when I couldn’t stop myself from shoving my fingers in my pussy or needing to feel a man inside of me when I got angry. That shit couldn’t be normal. It was exhausting to never be satiated for long before I had another mood swing and the darkness crept in and took over.
While I was off in my own world of self-pity, I felt Xavier stroking my hair. It felt so good and it reminded me of Daddy. It reminded me how warm and safe he always made me feel whenever he actually came around. A tingle snaked around my core and I couldn’t tell if it was from Xavier or the fact that I was thinking about Daddy.
I pushed the tingle away as my fingers roamed over Xavier’s chiseled stomach. I traced the defined V leading to his soft, but still impressive dick. Slowly I felt warmth spread over me and it wasn’t anger for once. I shivered at the sensation and noted the goosebumps on my forearm.
“Goosebumps on the girl with no feelings?” Xavier kissed the top of my head and that warm feeling exploded in my chest. I wasn’t sure what it was but was nice and nagging at the same time. I lifted my head until I met Xavier’s lips and he slipped his tongue in my mouth. Fireworks went off all over my body while his hands slid up and down my sides. I could feel his erection pressing into my thigh and I wanted it inside of me. “I want to make love to you,” his words were hushed and quiet against my ear.
Suddenly terror clutched my core. I’d never made love before, only fucked and I was always uncaring and unfazed.
My body stiffened against him, but he just kissed my neck until I was all smooth again. His kisses were slow and deliberate and my temperature went through the roof. I couldn’t help but feel panicked. It was all so strange and new. For the first time, I felt awkward. Xavier slid his long fingers through my hair, but he didn’t pull it. “What are you doing?” I stammer.
“I told you, Camilla, I’m gonna make love to you.” Our lips crashed together again and he flipped me over so that he hovered over me. I felt like a little girl looking up into his eyes. He was so gentle, not rushed, not violent, not anything like I’ve ever experienced.
He kissed the palms of my hands, he licked my calves, nibbled my thighs and he sucked on my clit like it gave him the essence of life. “You taste so sweet,” he muttered in between lapping at my juices. It was almost as if he were talking strictly to my pussy. “I want you to taste how sweet you are,” he kissed me and let the flavors bloom on my lips and tongue then he thrust inside of me with his massively erect cock. I braced myself for a force that never came. He didn’t ram into me, he just pushed deeper and deeper until I couldn’t focus on anything but his dick and his thrusts. My legs wrapped around him and I buried my face in his neck. I didn’t want him to see the tears rolling down my cheeks. I placed kisses on him and he exhaled in my ear like it was a relief that I accepted what he was giving me. I was so accepting that I was scared.
I felt open as fuck. Xavier was making love to me and it was so intimate. Intimate in ways I’d never felt with anyone else. I was swimming in uncharted territory. “I want you to cum on my dick. Will you cum for me, baby?” I nodded against his neck in response. Xavier slipped his fingers inside of me while his dick buried deeper into my flooded pussy. When he found my clit I moaned and bucked against him like a crazy woman. “Cum for me Camilla,” he whispered, and I did. I came in waves on his dick until he exploded inside of me, gripping my body.
Afterward, I was in shock. What the fuck just happened? I looked at Xavier and he had some fucking glow around him. Orangey yellow and warm like
summer. Did I have that same glow? “What did you do to me?” I frowned at him. He smirked and grabbed a handful of my ass. “I made love to you.” He said it like that shit was okay. No man had ever done that before.
“Why?”
“Because I can tell you’ve never made love. You deserve to know what it feels like. You know…feelings aren’t all bad.”
“Feelings…” I grumbled.
“Let me tell you a little something before we started fucking; I was celibate for years.”
“You were?” I was amazed by the prospect of celibacy. I always have been. I used to wonder if I could ever be celibate or if I’d die from my urges. “Why?”
“Because no woman could ever keep up with me and I always ended up cheating or doing some fucked up shit. I hurt every woman I was in a relationship with. One day I just said fuck it, and decided on celibacy.”
“You gave that up to fuck me?” I chuckled.
“Yeah, I mean I could only resist for so long when you climbed your sexy ass on top of me. Plus I saw that same hunger in your eyes. The same hunger I had.”
“Our hunger isn’t the same,” I mutter. My fingers picked at a piece of fuzz on the blanket we were curled under.
“Maybe not, but it’s still there and it still gets us into fucked up situations.” Boy was he ever right. “You’re turning 18 in a few days. Same day as graduation, right?” Our fingers were intertwined and I never wanted to let go. The warmth flowered inside of me like a light in the midst of my darkness.
“Yes. It’s the perfect birthday gift. Graduation and turning 18.” A genuine smile spread across my lips.
“So, what are you gonna do after that?” I had it all figured out at first. I wanted to run far away from Florida, from my family, from Trinity, from everyone. Now I wasn’t so sure anymore. I didn’t want to just leave Chris to get ignored and yelled at by mom and dad, I also didn’t want to leave and never see Xavier again.
Fuck!
This was why I hated feelings.
“I’m not sure Xavier. At first I was gonna just leave Florida and go start a whole new life. Somewhere where I wasn’t just Emmanuel Scott’s daughter but now…” my voice trailed off. I could feel Xavier staring at me. Whatever answer he wanted, I couldn’t give it to him. I didn’t even know the answer myself.
“Are those feelings I hear?” He tickled my sides and I fucking giggled.
Me. I giggled like a little girl. Xavier’s face lit up like seeing me laugh was amazing. I shoved him playfully.
“Stop looking at me like that,” I warned.
“Or what?” His eyebrow rose quizzically.
“Or I’ll put your dick in my mouth and wipe that smile off your face.”
“I’m not sure you know how a blowjob works. They usually put smiles on peoples faces, not take them away.” We both erupted with laughter. “Nah, I just like seeing you laugh. You don’t really do it a lot. Unless you’re laughing at someone,” he mused.
We played around back and forth, talking, watching TV and stealing kisses that threatened to get him fucked again. My phone wouldn’t stop blowing up though.
Chimes and beeps and rings.
Finally Xavier tossed it over to me. When my screen illuminated I saw Brian’s name over and fucking over and a random Facebook message from a Trevor White. A lump formed in my throat and I didn’t bother to look at Xavier’s expression.
“It’s cool, Camilla. I know we’re only fucking.” His voice was so chilly. I wanted the warmth back. The fact that he didn’t have a hint of jealousy in his tone stabbed at me for some reason. I chewed on my bottom lip and opened up the texts from Brian.
Brian: Where are you?
Brian: Are you with Xavier?
Brian: Camilla…answer your phone!!
10 missed calls and countless texts that questioned if I was with Xavier or not. What the fuck had gotten into him? Usually Brian was more laid back than this. In all the time I’ve been fucking around with him he’d never flown off the handle this bad.
I went outside to Xavier’s porch and sat in a wicker patio chair. I called Brian back and he was frantic. “Why haven’t you been answering your phone?!”
“Because I’m busy,” I snapped. “What the fuck is wrong with you, blowing up my phone like this?”
“You’re with him aren’t you? Tell me the truth.” I’m not sure what Brian was on but he sounded like a fucking lunatic.
“What I do with my time is my motherfucking business. Don’t ever blow me up like you own me.” I pressed end call and fought the urge to throw the phone into the street.
There was no slow bubble of anger this time. The anger exploded and I saw black warping the edges of my vision. I probably would’ve fucked Brian up and then fucked Xavier in front of him if he were here.
Just as I thought I was going to pass out from the pressure in my head and chest, Xavier stepped outside. It was like a lion on a zebra the way I jumped on him. “Camilla, what’s wrong?” He panted in between my teeth tugging at his bottom lip. I pushed him into the foyer. He tripped over the rug and we both went tumbling to the ground. I wasted no time pulling his dick out and jumping on it.
Even feeling him enter me relieved some of the pressure. Xavier’s dick was magic. I usually have to have an orgasm to even begin to feel relief.
He didn’t question me.
He didn’t want to talk.
He just fucked me back until I came.
Chapter Eleven
Xavier
I’m not sure what the hell had Camilla so riled up, but last night she was like a demon on my dick. I can’t even say it was a bad thing. I knew she was angry though, scary angry. I let her use me as a sounding board. Not just because I enjoy fucking her but because it was like she was so angry she was in pain.
I watched her sleep that night and she seemed to be fighting the world in her dreams. I wished for once that I could be someone’s knight in shining armor. Her knight.
Shit. Camilla had catching feelings.
The thought of her fucking Lomax still bothered me, and when I saw him in my classroom first thing in the morning I had to fight the urge to knock his teeth in. I nodded at him, “Mr. Lomax, good morning.”
“You need to come to my office,” he said curtly. I put my things away and then took my sweet ass time strolling into his office. He was seated behind his desk when I got there. “Close the door,” he grumbled.
“What is this really about?” I folded my arms across my chest to keep from hitting this dude.
“Mr. Sanders, I have reviewed surveillance video from April that shows a student entering your car and if I’m not mistaken at one point she climbs on top of you.” He showed me the footage on his computer monitor and I almost laughed. It was the first time Camilla and I fucked. “I also have footage of you and a student in your class…”
“You caught me fucking Camilla,” I spat. I was so damn tired of his smug bullshit at this point. “Do those same cameras record in your office? Where you’ve been fucking her for the past year or more.” I got so close to his face I could see the smudges on his glasses. Every fiber of my being was telling me to break those stupid ass glasses and his nose too. He backed up and swallowed shakily. Beads of perspiration formed on his forehead but he continued. Clearly, he thought he had the upper hand.
“You’re fired, Mr. Sanders. Get your things and leave immediately.” He stammered.
“That’s cool. I had my dick all up in her while your pussy ass was blowing her phone up.” A smug smirk tugged at the corners of my mouth. Lomax had a vein in his forehead that I thought would burst if he looked at me any harder.
He came around his desk to stand in front of me and I knew his heart was thumping with fear. I might actually have to drop his ass right here in his office. “If you put your hands on her again…” he grumbled.
“Put my hands on her? Or put my dick in her? Because I never hit her but I’ve fucked the shit out of her more times than I can count.” Lomax
’s hands turned into fists at his side. The look on my face begs him to swing on me. We were about to throw hands when a knock on the door turned both of our attentions.
Little Miss Green Eyed Trouble Maker herself walked in. Anger flared through me, and every muscle in my body tensed when I saw her. I was pissed at her little ass too. Getting caught up with her was the reason I was out of a job.
“What the fuck is going on here?” Her hands fixed to her full hips as her gaze swung wildly from me to Lomax, and then back to me. She walked over to me first and I felt as though I’d won some unspoken victory.
“Xavier…” she questioned with her tone.
“Ask your boyfriend. I’m leaving before I have to fuck him up.”
“Get your shit before I have the cops escort you out. Trinity Prep doesn’t tolerate pedophiles.”
All I saw was red.
I dove at him with my fists clenched but Camilla threw her body against my chest, causing me to stop dead in my tracks before I hit her. “Stop this shit!” She shouted. Her eyes had a cat like focus on me. She dug her fingers into my bicep, pulling me in the opposite direction of Lomax as his shaky hands worked to smooth imaginary wrinkles in his suit.
Once we were out in the hall, Camilla started pelting me with questions. It only served to piss me off more. Ignoring her was really the best thing for me to do right then.
Other teachers were already filing in and no doubt noticing the student tagging behind me hurling questions at the back of my head like she was an angry lover. Technically she was though. I probably didn’t look any less peculiar. I knew I was stalking down the halls like an angry panther but I couldn’t force myself to give a fuck.
Once I reached my classroom I slammed the door and threw everything into a bag then spun around to look at Camilla finally. “What the fuck do you want?” I snapped. For the first time ever, I saw a glimmer of hurt in her green eyes. Good.
Maybe catching feelings would do her ass good. The hurt was quickly buried by anger and that crackled through her eyes like lightning. “Xavier, how the hell did you get fired?”
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