They hadn’t been intimate since the night at her place, when Jake had left in a hurry because Briana had “borrowed” one of the ranch trucks. Thankfully, there’d been no interruptions last night. When Jake suggested Lilly come home with him after the rodeo, she’d agreed without reservation. Briana had been occupied with her equestrian drill team and wasn’t likely to pull a repeat stunt. The younger girls went home with their grandparents. No one was quite sure where Carolina and Denny had disappeared to—nor was anyone concerned.
Jake hadn’t told Lilly until later that he needed to wake up early for work. As much as she would’ve liked to sleep in for another hour or two, tucked securely in the crook of his arm, she understood. The annual breakfast ride raised a considerable amount of money for the Hailey Reyes Foundation, a nonprofit organization founded by Aaron and named in honor of Jake’s late sister. The foundation and the projects it funded were near and dear to his heart.
“I’ll call you a little before lunch.” He kneaded the small of her back. His strong fingers managed to find the very muscles that ached from sitting for hours in the bleachers. “I should be done by then and I’ll swing by to pick you up and take you home. Unless—” his voice roughened and his hand moved lower “—you’re willing to stay here another night.”
“I don’t have a toothbrush,” she said around a yawn.
“Borrow mine.”
“Or clothes.”
“I have a pair of old gym shorts you can wear and plenty of sweatshirts.”
“What about underwear?”
“Go without,” he murmured seductively.
His palm slid up to her hip, and he pulled her against him, his breath coming faster. She anticipated finding him hard and ready and wasn’t disappointed….
After his exquisite and thorough attention to her needs the previous night, she couldn’t imagine being aroused again for at least a week. The desire winding through her and heightening her awareness was unexpected and thrilling. She embraced the sensations and returned the attention he’d paid her. When Jake finally entered her, after she’d driven him nearly crazy with her hands and mouth, she was already on the verge of climax.
She held out as long as possible. The instant they changed positions so that she straddled his waist, she lost every last shred of control. Seeing Jake caress her swollen breasts, run his thumbs across her nipples, sent her soaring.
Afterward, they lay in each other’s arms, totally exhausted, completely satisfied and utterly content. Jake’s idea of going back to sleep appealed to Lilly, and she closed her eyes. The lull lasted only a minute.
“Oh!”
“What’s wrong?” Jake asked, immediately alert.
“Nothing.” The glow within her blossomed and reached her lips. “The baby moved.”
In the last month, the flutterings had given way to small jabs and jolts. Both her stillborn babies had hardly moved. She’d been too inexperienced during her first pregnancy to know that wasn’t normal. During her second pregnancy, she prayed every day for even the tiniest twinge. There was none.
Evan had been different. He’d kicked and squirmed and wiggled and rolled. But then, his deformities weren’t as severe as his brothers.
Lilly’s smile faded as happiness turned into anxiety. If only she could be sure this child would be born normal, then she’d be able to enjoy her pregnancy just like any other expectant mother. No sooner did the idea of asking Dr. Paul about having another ultrasound enter her mind than she dismissed it. She’d been so happy these last few weeks and couldn’t bring herself to spoil it by finding out the baby had problems.
“Let me feel.” Jake put his hand on her abdomen. “Where was it?”
“Over here.” She moved his hand higher and to the side. They waited for several seconds but nothing happened.
“I guess he’s taking a nap,” Jake said, his face glum.
Lilly didn’t know whether to feel sad or relieved. He wanted so much to share her pregnancy and took pleasure in the simplest things. But becoming attached meant that Jake would be devastated if the child didn’t survive or was born like Evan.
They hadn’t known each other when Hailey died. Lilly had started working at Horizon six months after the accident. She’d heard how long and profoundly he’d grieved the loss of his sister from some of the staff members at the center and more recently, from Carolina.
Lilly didn’t want Jake to endure that kind of loss again but knew of no way to protect him other than by distancing herself. He wouldn’t stand for that, and she didn’t want to stay away. Not after last night.
Her musings were disrupted by a sharp poke in her side.
“Hey! I felt something.” Jake’s face lit up. “Was that the baby?”
“Yes.”
It was impossible not to take delight in his excitement. How wrong she’d been to think a devoted father and family man like him would ever be able to remain emotionally uninvolved with his unborn child.
And wasn’t she the luckiest woman on earth to have him as the father?
He groaned. “There are days I wish the ranch would run itself.” Planting a quick kiss on her lips, he hopped out of bed. “Stay right here.”
“I really should get up.” She threw back the blankets.
“Why?”
“To make coffee.” Lilly didn’t offer breakfast as Jake usually ate with his family in the dining hall at the ranch.
“That’d be nice.”
While he showered, Lilly found those old gym shorts he’d mentioned and put them on, along with a tattered long-sleeved T-shirt he’d left hanging on a hook in the closet. In the kitchen, she found a canister of coffee and brewed a pot. When he came out to join her, dressed, shaved and ready for work, two steaming mugs were waiting on the table.
“Thanks,” he said, sitting down.
“I figure I owed you after all the meals you’ve been feeding me lately. Lunch and dinner just yesterday.”
“A hot dog and chips at the rodeo concession stand isn’t what I call dinner.”
“I had three hot dogs, if you remember.” She attributed her enormous and embarrassing appetite to all the walking they’d done and the fresh air.
“You ate two. The baby ate one.”
She started to make a snappy comeback about her weight but his sudden seriousness gave her pause. “What’s wrong, Jake?”
“I like seeing you at my table, wearing my clothes.”
“Oh.” She sipped at her coffee, buying herself a few precious seconds to think. “Don’t look too closely, I’m not at my best in the mornings.”
“You’re always beautiful.”
She raised her mug. “Who needs sugar for coffee when Jake Tucker’s around?”
He sat back in his chair, studying her critically. “You know how I feel. I want to get married before the baby’s born.”
“I do know, and I understand your reasons. But you have to understand my reasons for waiting to make any definite plans until later.”
How long would it take her to get over Brad’s ruthless abandonment and her fear of history repeating itself? Jake was a great guy. She was probably crazy not to at least consider marrying him. It was obvious he was trying and that her continued resistance hurt him.
“Okay. Forget the wedding. Move in with me.”
“That sounds pretty definite.”
“Not as definite.”
“Your daughters may not agree, and if our relationship is going to succeed, we have to consider them.”
“I also have a right to be happy.”
“And what if the baby’s stillborn or like Evan?” Lilly’s throat burned. Their conversation was bringing back too many sad memories. “Do I move out after the funeral?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“There’d be no reason to stay.”
“How do you know?” He pushed his plate aside and waited until she met his gaze. “Maybe there would be.”
“We’d only be living together for
the sake of the baby. If there is no baby…” She didn’t finish.
“We have a lot of time yet.”
God, she hoped so.
“Things change,” he continued. One corner of his mouth turned up. “You could even fall in love with me.”
Lilly didn’t answer him for fear the unsteadiness in her voice would betray her. Not only could she fall in love with Jake, she was probably halfway there already.
AN HOUR AFTER Jake left for the ranch, Lilly began wishing they’d risen earlier so he could have taken her home. She’d cleaned the kitchen, checked the refrigerator and decided there were plenty of fixings for lunch—he said he’d be back by one at the latest—then tidied the bedroom, showered and dressed. Even after all that, three and a half long hours stretched before her.
Perusing the bookcase in the living room, she found a semi-interesting novel among the many testosterone-infused ones and curled up on the family-room couch, using a pile of throw pillows to support her back.
Her breakfast, for some reason, wasn’t sitting well. Odd that oatmeal should bother her when the three concession-stand hot dogs the day before hadn’t. Partway into the second chapter, what Lilly assumed was an upset stomach became mild twinges. Fearing cramps, she laid her head back on the cushion and tried to relax.
She must have dozed off because she was abruptly awakened by the sound of the front door opening. Was Jake home? She glanced at the digital clock on the entertainment center. How long had she been asleep? She climbed off the couch, a groan escaping her lips. Her legs and lower back were stiff from her awkward position on the couch, and her right hand tingled from lack of circulation.
“Jake?” She turned, her balance a little off, and massaged her stomach. The twinges hadn’t lessened during her nap.
A figure appeared in the doorway.
It was hard to tell which of them was more startled, Lilly or Briana.
“What are you doing here?” Briana’s eyebrows came together.
Lilly’s first instinct was to defend herself. After all, she had every right to be there. But then, so did Briana. This was her father’s house and, unlike Lilly, she didn’t need an invitation.
“I’m waiting for your dad. He’ll be here about one o’clock.”
Lilly didn’t elaborate but suspected from the further narrowing of Briana’s gaze that she’d guessed Lilly had spent the night. Her father’s gym shorts and T-shirt were probably a dead giveaway.
“Terrific,” Briana grumbled and shot past Lilly, through the family room and toward the kitchen.
Lilly echoed the teenager’s sentiments exactly. She bent to retrieve the book she’d been reading and rearrange the pillows on the couch when she was stabbed by a sharp pain in her lower back. Her first thought was the baby, but her concerns lessened when the pain began to recede. That would teach her to take naps curled in a tight ball. She wondered if Jake had any non-aspirin pain reliever in his bathroom cabinet—and how Briana would react if she saw Lilly going into her father’s bedroom.
Briana reappeared from the kitchen, carrying a tall glass of orange juice. Ignoring Lilly, she plopped down on the opposite end of the couch from where Lilly had been sitting, grabbed the remote control and turned on the TV, adjusting the volume to one decibel below ear-splitting.
Lilly got the message and began to leave. Jake’s back porch had a gorgeous view of the mountains. She’d read her book and wait there. A thought occurred to her and though it wasn’t her place to ask, she did so anyway, her tone casual rather than accusatory.
“By the way, how’d you get here?”
“I didn’t drive if that’s what you’re getting at,” Briana snapped. “A friend dropped me off.”
Well, that was good news. At least Briana and Jake wouldn’t have another argument when he got home.
“I wondered if you’d be at the rodeo again today.”
Briana’s answer was to hunker down, her attention glued to the TV.
If she didn’t want to talk, why didn’t she just go to her bedroom? Lilly thought testily. It was almost as if Briana was staking a claim, challenging Lilly for position. Since Lilly was the one leaving, it appeared that Briana was the winner.
Lilly got only two steps away when Briana’s head popped up over the back of the couch.
“Just because you’re my dad’s girlfriend, don’t assume we’re friends.” She stared at Lilly, her eyes huge.
“I’m not assuming anything,” Lilly answered calmly and would have continued to the porch if not for a sudden rush of moisture between her legs.
“There’s something on your shorts.” Briana’s voice had a strange quality to it. So did her expression.
Lilly looked down and her legs nearly collapsed out from under her. Head swimming, she reached for the nearest handhold, which happened to be a coatrack. It teetered precariously.
“Are you okay?” Briana had stood and was coming around the couch.
Good thing, because Lilly was going to need help and fast.
Jake’s gym shorts were soaked in blood.
Chapter Twelve
Dear God! It was happening again.
Lilly felt as if her legs were refusing to obey her brain’s signals and function correctly.
“Should I call my dad?” Briana’s voice, thin and scared, came from far away and did nothing to reassure Lilly.
“No. Nine-one-one.”
“Do you need help?”
“Just call.”
Lilly stumbled to the couch, her hand clutching her belly. There was so much blood, she could feel it collecting between her legs, dripping down her thighs. If she sat down, she’d ruin the furniture’s upholstery. But she really should be lying flat with her feet elevated. She remembered that much from the previous stillbirths.
Where had Briana gone?
Lilly battled a wave of acute dizziness. She had to remain calm. Stress made things worse.
She heard Briana then, speaking on the kitchen phone, giving the operator Jake’s address. Lilly was grateful for the teenager’s presence. She’d been alone when she lost her first baby and had called the paramedics herself. Her ex-husband had met her at the hospital but by the time he arrived, it was too late. The baby was stillborn. Because of all the tests she’d had, her second stillbirth had been expected—which hadn’t made it any less painful. But neither tragedy compared to the sorrow she’d endured when Evan had died.
“They’re going to be a while,” Briana said. She stood in the doorway between the kitchen and living room, her cheeks a startling shade of white.
“How long’s a while?”
“Half an hour. Maybe more. The lady said traffic is backed up all through town because of the rodeo.”
Half an hour! It might be too late by then. The ranch was closer. Jake could be here in ten or fifteen minutes.
“I changed my mind. Call your father.”
“I’ll drive you to the hospital.” Briana took a tentative step forward.
“What?”
“I’ll drive you.”
“How will we get there?”
“Dad keeps a spare set of keys to the Buick in his office.” She swallowed nervously. “It’ll be faster.”
Briana was right. And what did the lack of a driver’s license matter at a time like this?
“Get some old towels. Lots of them. Hurry,” Lilly added when Briana was slow to react.
She waited on the porch while Briana backed the old Buick out of the garage and pulled it around. Lilly had shoved a towel in the loose gym shorts in an attempt to contain the bleeding. To her surprise, Briana left the car running and jumped out to help her down the steps and into the rear seat, where Lilly lay down atop more towels.
“Thank you,” Lilly said, well aware that she was trusting the life of her unborn child and possibly even her own to the hands of a fifteen-and-a-half-year-old girl who didn’t much like her.
About five minutes into the twenty-five-minute drive, Briana started ticking off the names
of familiar landmarks they passed. “The highway department storage yard’s coming up.”
It helped Lilly to know where they were and how much longer it would be until they reached Payson Regional Medical Center. From her prone position in the backseat, she couldn’t see much more than patches of blue sky and the tops of pine trees flickering past. The view was strangely pretty and very surreal, like a scene in a movie shot from an abstract camera angle.
“We’re at Thompson Draw,” Briana said.
Lilly focused on the baby, evaluating each sharp stab of pain, each clenching of her abdominal muscles. Was she having another episode of cramps or premature labor? When was the last time she’d felt the baby move? Had Dr. Paul been mistaken? Had resuming sexual relations harmed the baby?
“Little Green Valley.”
The bleeding seemed to be slowing, or at least it felt slower to Lilly. She didn’t dare move. Instead, she prayed. For the baby, for herself, for Jake and for Briana. Mostly for Briana, that she had the skill to get them safely to the hospital and not crash the car in the process.
“We’re in Star Valley,” she said, with less tension in her voice.
They were on the outskirts of Payson.
Thank God. The cramps—definitely not twinges—were strong and occurring more frequently. This was too much like her previous stillbirths, and Lilly began to fear the worst. Covering her face with her hands, she held back a sob.
One child, one precious baby. Was it too much to ask?
Briana slammed on the brakes hard, propelling Lilly forward. She threw out an arm, catching herself before she rolled off the seat.
“Sorry. A car cut in front of me.”
There was that scared-little-girl voice again. Traffic was bad because of the rodeo and the thousands of tourists in town. It was just as well Lilly couldn’t see more than telephone poles, billboard signs and second-story windows.
“How are you doing, Briana?”
“Okay. What about you?”
“Hanging in there.” Barely. Lilly was soaked in sweat, covered in blood and scared as hell. “I’ll make it, don’t worry.”
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