“Annabelle?” Josephine’s voice rang through her bedroom, causing her to bolt into a sitting position. “Do you have a moment?”
She had not seen her mother much since she had been home, and certainly not alone. Annabelle suspected that her father was making an effort to keep them apart so they could not plot anything ever again.
“Mother,” she gasped desperately. “Oh my goodness.”
She swung her legs to the ground and padded across the floor. At least her mother was looking right at her, that minute of genuine human connection felt like everything to her. Annabelle held her arms wide to hug her mother, which was a gesture that Josephine accepted gratefully.
She felt like she had let her daughter down by allowing Otto to come after her in her new life. Maybe she tried, unsuccessfully, to stop him, but to Annabelle, that probably would not mean anything.
“Annabelle, I am so sorry that I have not been able to see you before. It has been challenging for me...”
“Oh, I know,” Annabelle muttered into her mother’s chest. “I understand. Father is not happy with any of us. I am sorry that things have become challenging for you too.”
Josephine was taken aback by this idle comment from her child. In all the years that Annabelle had been alive, she had never really known her to think about someone else before herself. It was not that she was a selfish person, just that her worldly view had been constructed in a way that caused her to put herself first.
“Oh, I am sure that it will be alright,” she replied shakily. “Your father and I will find our way back to one another.”
Annabelle nodded. She wished that she could think of something reassuring to say, but nothing came to mind. She did not share her mother’s confidence that everything would work out.
“I do not know what to do now,” Annabelle admitted to the only person she felt comfortable talking to. “You gave me an opportunity to leave all of this behind and I failed. Now, I am right back to where I started.”
Josephine stroked Annabelle’s hair in the way that she used to do when her girls were young. That always cured their tears back then, but this was a much bigger issue than a scraped knee.
“I am sorry I cannot help you again, I wish I could.”
Despite knowing that was never going to be a possibility, Annabelle’s heart sunk. “I know, Mother, you have already done so much for me. I do not expect you to put yourself on the line again.” The wedding was on, there was no way to deny that now. Somehow Annabelle would have to accept it. “Thank you, Mother, I appreciate everything.”
“I...” Josephine had some terrible news that she did not know how to share. “I wish I did not have to tell you this, but I believe it is better that you are prepared.”
Annabelle twisted her neck to look at her mother. She could see a terribly sad expression on her face which turned Annabelle’s gut. Everything had been awful for a while now, but judging by Josephine’s face, it was about to get a whole lot worse.
“Your father has invited Lord Ashdown to the house to speak with you. He wants to ensure that everything is going to his plan.”
“Oh no.” Annabelle shook her head vigorously. “I do not want to see him today, I cannot.”
Josephine pursed her lips wishing that she could do more. “I understand,” she said carefully. “But you do have to get married to this man. I understand that he is awful but there is no longer anything that we can do. You need to find a way to get used to him.” She did not like delivering those words to her daughter, but there were not any other options.
Annabelle sighed loudly. “I know that you are right, it just feels so difficult. I do not know how to act like I am not repulsed by him. I do not want to anger father further.”
Josephine stood up and walked over to Annabelle’s clothes. The long, flowing, shapely dresses that she had left behind when she ran. They were the one thing that she thought she would be glad to see again when she got home, but looking at them now they felt constrictive and terrifying. The colours were lovely, the jewels sewn into the material were great to look at, but if they led her closer to Lord Ashdown and further away from Floyd, then she did not want to be blinded by them.
"You can start by dressing nicely. Hopefully, the rest of it will be alright after that."
Annabelle could not argue, she did not have the strength. Instead, she moved over to her mother and allowed her to talk fashion with her. At least thinking about what tight, heavy garment she would wear was better than thinking about him.
Annabelle glanced down at her dress, wondering if it gave her the right silhouette. Despite the fact that she did not want Lord Ashdown to be attracted to her at all, she did not want her father to notice that she was trying to repulse him.
Her mother chose her the tightest corset she owned which slimmed her waist and widened her hips. Then she had selected a golden coloured dress with a low shoulder, bertha neckline to reveal a lot of her milky white skin. Her modesty was covered with a pretty, pale lace so she was not too exposed, but that did not shake off the vulnerable experience she was left with. The skirts fell out past Annabelle’s waist and dragged along her feet, even as she sat down on the chair, opposite her father and Lord Ashdown.
“It is wonderful to have you back,” Watson said very insincerely. “We were all so worried about you.”
Annabelle knew that he was lying, she knew that she had a lot coming to her, but she nodded for now. By keeping her eyes fixed downwards for most of this conversation she could pretend to herself that most of it was not happening... but of course, it was.
"And, of course, I am over the moon that we can carry on with the wedding planning." Lord Ashdown shot Otto a well-timed look. “That is... if the wedding is still happening?”
“Oh yes, it is,” Otto said firmly, almost threatening Annabelle with his words. “Everything is still happening as before.”
“Good...” Watson left his words trailing. What he wanted was to be left alone with Annabelle, he just needed to manipulate Otto to leave the room.
“Oh, would you two like to spend some time alone?” Otto fell straight into his trap. “Come on, Josephine, let us go.”
Josephine did not want to leave, but she could not disagree with Otto again. She had gone behind his back once and it failed, she could not do it again. She tried to give Annabelle an apologetic look but her daughter would not even meet her eye.
In that moment, Josephine felt like she had lost Annabelle forever.
Annabelle’s heart thumped painfully in her chest, her stomach twisted and churned with sickness. Lord Ashdown had gotten exactly what he wanted, and that terrified her. Now she would just have to sit here and listen to him hurt her with his terrible words. Watson knew how to use his words well.
“We really were so concerned about you,” he said softly once the door had closed behind Annabelle’s parents. “It was a terrible, frightening time. It was just so good that your father was willing to throw everything into looking for you.” Annabelle bit down on her bottom lip to keep all her expletives inside. “He has also leaked the story that you were kidnapped, so everyone has kept their reputation as it once was.”
He did not! Annabelle wanted to argue. That did not sound like the sort of thing her father would do at all. Yes, he was protective of the family reputation, but he would be much more likely to rise above it. This was clearly something that Watson had done himself.
“And luckily for me, I can still marry you.” Watson grew angry, he was not getting any sort of reaction from Annabelle. He wanted to make her uncomfortable, and he was willing to throw everything at it. “Even if you have become a dollymop.”
Annabelle’s eyes snapped up at Watson. Now that she knew more of the world, she knew more of what these sorts of comments meant. It sounded to Annabelle that she was being called a prostitute.
"Or maybe you are more of a three-penny upright." His lips curled upwards into a smirk as he realized that he was getting to her finally. “That mig
ht be more you... willing to get what you need in any way possible.”
“Leave me alone,” Annabelle pleaded in a whisper. “Please, you know it was not like that. My father has told you I was working in an estate.”
“Right.” Lord Ashdown nodded gleefully. “With the stable boy. That is almost as bad.”
“Maybe you should not marry me then...”
“Oh no, I will marry you. Of course, I will. Then we can have a lifetime of... happiness together."
Annabelle knew that was a threat. Watson did not need her for happiness, she would simply be there on his arm at social events. Her only duty would be to have his children and to smile when required of her.
“You could have any Lady as your wife.” Annabelle’s voice raised, but she no longer cared who could hear them. “It does not have to be me.”
“No, it does not. But I want it to be you.” Watson ran his eyes suggestively up and down Annabelle, reminding her of all the times he had touched her body without her permission. “I believe that you will be the most fun.”
Annabelle could hardly breathe, it took all of her effort to push herself up and to storm from the room. If she had to marry him then she did not want to spend time with him now. Not when she did not have to.
There would be plenty of time for that...
Chapter 22
“Well, you look beautiful,” Catherine said to her friend reassuringly. “I know that may not be much reassurance, but you do.”
"Thank you," Annabelle replied, unable to keep the disdain from her voice.
When she first tried on this dress, Annabelle knew with utter certainty that she would not be wearing it any other day, particularly not this one. Ever since returning to London, Annabelle had been reminded of her terrible mistakes every single day, but her wedding day was when she felt her failure worse.
Her hair was pinned back so tightly against her head that it pulled her skin hard. The makeup plastered on her skin felt like a mask. Unfortunately, it was not enough to hide her away from the world completely though. She still felt very vulnerable and exposed.
It was her own fault, of course. If she had fought a little harder at Mr. Brentwood’s home, then she could have avoided this whole mess. Still, it was far too late to worry about that now.
“It might not be too bad.” Edith rubbed her hand up and down Annabelle’s arm. “You might be alright in the end. I know Lord Ashdown...” It did not escape her notice that Annabelle visibly winced at the mere mention of her future husband’s name, which did not bode well for the future. “...seems awful, but that might go once you two have been together for a while.”
Annabelle snorted, proving what she thought of that concept. There was no chance of Watson ever being anything other than a monster in her mind.
Edith, Harriett, and Catherine all shared a look. None of them knew what to say to their friend anymore, it felt like she was completely distant from them now, considering the past events of her life. Annabelle had been through things they could not even imagine, never mind understand. Even Catherine, who had been more aware than the other girls what was going on with Annabelle, did not know what to think about her escape to the countryside with the stable boy.
“If there is anything you wish to talk about, we are here for you,” Harriett tried. “There is no one in your bedroom apart from us, you can say whatever you want. Even if you wish to talk about... what happened.”
All three girls pricked up their ears, they felt utterly fascinated to hear what Annabelle had been up to. They had tried their best not to ask because they did not want to upset her, but they all knew if they did not ask now, they would never get the chance to find out. They had all overheard whispered rumours being shared among the adults, but they wanted to hear the story from Annabelle’s point of view.
Annabelle considered Harriett’s offer for a moment. Since forgetting was not doing her much good, and this would be the last chance she ever got, she actually decided to say just a little bit. Just to get it off her chest before she drove herself insane.
This will be my last ever mention of Floyd Brewer, she promised herself. Once I am Lady Ashdown I will have to forget that he even exists.
“I just miss him,” she whimpered quietly. “What I felt with Floyd was true love. I did not even mind living a totally different life to be with him...”
“Did you work?” Edith could not stop herself, she asked without even meaning to. “What was that like?”
“It was fine.” Annabelle shrugged, trying to act blasé. “It was tiring, but alright. Actually, I quite liked having something to do all day long, it was nice to use my brain.” She chuckled mirthlessly. “I think I prefer it to the idea of motherhood.”
After seeing Beatrice and her constantly swelling bump earlier on in the day, Annabelle feared even more for what her future would hold. The mere thought of creating and carrying a baby that belonged to Lord Ashdown was horrifying. Never mind the idea of raising the child!
“Wow, I cannot imagine enjoying hard work.” Harriett shook her head. “It seems like something you can just pay other people to do so you do not have to waste your own time.”
Annabelle smirked, her friend’s naïve attitude amused her, if only for a second. “Well, I thought it was worth it to be with Floyd. I love him. I will never be able to love anyone like I do him, especially not him.”
Catherine took her friend’s hand and she gave Annabelle a sympathetic smile. She wanted to be supportive and caring as her best friend suffered this challenging time... but the question fell out of her lips before she could stop herself. “What is it like, being in love?”
Annabelle clutched her hand to her chest and her eyes filled with a dreamy look. "Oh, it is wonderful. It makes me feel warm and safe, but also like I am balancing on a thin tightrope that I could fall off of at any moment. I had butterflies all over me all the time. And when we kissed..."
“You kissed?” All of a sudden, Catherine looked horrified. “Does your father know? Does Lord Ashdown?”
Annabelle’s expression darkened. “Lord Ashdown thinks that more happened. He called me a street girl in so many words.”
“Oh, my goodness.” The romance of the situation vanished completely for Catherine. It all sounded very lovely to be in love with someone unexpected, but the consequences to come from that were just not worth it. “That is terrible.”
All of a sudden, Annabelle stood up from the bed where she was resting herself, and she paced up and down the room. “And now I have to marry a man who hates me, who has promised me a lifetime of misery. I have to do it because it is the right thing to do, but whom is it the right thing for? Everyone else, not me."
The girls were silenced by that remark, there was not anything that they could say to make Annabelle feel better. She had to marry Lord Ashdown because that was just the way life went. As Ladies, they had to do what was requested of them. None of them had ever questioned it before Annabelle and her little stunt, so they did not know what to say now.
“I am sorry,” Catherine finally caved and said something. “I wish that there was something I could do.” She hugged Annabelle, but her friend’s body stiffened. The only time she seemed happy was when she spoke about the stable boy. She would have to get her talking some more, to distract her until they could hide in her room no more. “So, what is kissing like? I have always wanted to know.”
Annabelle could not stop herself from smiling as she described the best moments of her life. It felt really good to reminisce over the good times before she delved head first into the worst time of her whole existence.
As she spoke, she wondered once more where Floyd was. All night long she had dreamt about him racing in at the very last moment to stop the wedding. She pictured him sweeping her off her feet and rushing her away from the nightmare that surrounded her... but that was only a dream. He would not come now, it had been far too long.
Maybe he thought she did not care when she left, maybe Violet did not u
nderstand what had happened so she had not explained correctly, maybe he listened to the rumours and did not care for the truth... it did not matter how much time Annabelle wasted worrying about with might have happened, the outcome was still the same.
“Do you think I have time for a walk in the gardens?” she asked rapidly. “I believe some fresh air will clear my mind and make it all seem a little easier.”
“I can come with you...” Edith started, but Catherine curled her fingers around her arm to stop her. As her closest friend, she could see that Annabelle needed to be alone. "Or maybe we could distract everyone so you can get out... as long as you do not run away."
No one laughed at Edith’s poor attempt at a joke, they all snapped into action instead. Anything to help Annabelle get through the day. They wanted to do something productive, and this just felt right.
“Right, come on. Let us go.” Catherine took control. “Edith, Harriett, and I will distract anyone that we need to along the way. You go and get some fresh air, Annabelle. Hopefully, you will come back inside feeling much better."
No one held much hope for that, but at least they were doing something...
The cool breeze brushed past Annabelle’s cheeks, stinging her skin, she slid her eyes closed and inhaled deeply, trying to use the fresh air and the scent of grass to calm her down, but still, she found herself in a panic. She felt a little better without the restricting walls of her house surrounding her. She picked up the long skirt of her dress so it did not drag along the ground, and she walked.
At first, she thought of nothing, she simply embraced the freedom of being outside, but soon all the events of what now felt like a whole other life, came back to haunt her.
There were a lot of memories of her early days with Floyd surrounding her as she made her way through the gardens: the place they first met, where they shared their first kiss, where Annabelle told Floyd she wanted to leave... it was all there, crushing her spirit. She wished that she could be uplifted by these memories, that she could use them to help her get through this day, but she ended up terribly sad instead.
Annabelle Enchants the Rejected Earl: A Historical Regency Romance Novel Page 15