“I do not know that I am well known...” Annabelle started before realizing that she was focusing on the wrong thing. She shook her head and tried to regain control of her brain. “What are you doing here, Floyd? Is this a coincidence.”
“Maybe in a way.” He shrugged. “I suppose I did come looking for you.” He laughed but stopped when Annabelle did not join in. She was too busy trying to work out how she felt about the man she had always loved being so close, yet somehow so far. “I did not have to look far, many people in this town know that you enjoy spending time at the beach.”
“Well, it is just such a lovely place,” Annabelle declared while making a sweeping gesture with her hands. “And so, different to the city, to anywhere we have been actually.”
“Yes, it is.” Floyd could not keep the grin off his face. He could not believe how lucky he was to have found Annabelle again after all the years that had passed them by. “A lovely difference.”
Why are you here? What do you want? Annabelle wanted to vocalize those questions, but she was not sure that it was the right thing to do. No, actually I will ask. I am strong, I have proven that. I will ask what I want.
“Floyd, I need to ask what you are doing here. It is wonderful to see you, but why have you come to find me?” Her heart was still in tatters from the last time they were together. She could not get her hopes up just to have them dashed once more. “Is something going on?” When Floyd looked at her curiously, as if he expected a better reaction, Annabelle felt compelled to continue. “As soon as I managed to escape my father’s clutches, I came to find you at Mr. Brentwood’s home and they told me that you had left. But you did not come to find me...”
“Yes,” Floyd chuckled. “Catherine told me all about your wedding day.”
“Catherine?” That felt like a gut punch to Annabelle. Had Floyd and Catherine been in touch the whole time? Her best friend knew what this man meant to her, why would she be so cruel? “You spoke with Catherine?”
“Actually, she spoke to me.”
“Floyd, I do not understand. You will have to explain everything to me.”
“I shall.” He nodded. “I fully intend to tell you everything. First, I just wish to say how much I have missed you.”
Annabelle's heart fluttered, she did not know just how much those words would mean to her until he spoke them. She had spent the past five years pining for and trying to move past this amazing man to absolutely no avail. Now that he was here again, she could not help hoping that he was here for good and that he still loved her too. If not, she did not think she would ever get over him.
“I have missed you too,” she replied in a gravelly tone of voice. “Very much.”
“When your father took you away, I knew that it was because of me. If I was more worthy of your hand in marriage, he would not have reacted so strongly...”
“That was never your fault,” Annabelle jumped in quickly. “I do not ever want you to blame yourself for what happened. That was always my fault. I was childish and I thought that love would pull us through.”
She gulped noisily. Annabelle did not intend to bring out the big ‘L’ word so quickly until she understood what Floyd wanted, but it came out accidentally. Luckily, Floyd continued as if he had not heard her.
“I know he had already arranged a wedding for you, but he knew that it was one you did not want. I blamed myself for not having the right title for you. That is why I did not come after you.”
“I almost got married,” she replied in a warning tone of voice. “My father very nearly pushed the wedding through. If you had come back for me, that would never have happened.”
"We could not have been on the run forever. I knew that, and I think you did too. I had faith that you would make your father see... and you did."
Annabelle pouted, she was not sure how to take that. It was a nice compliment, but she felt irritated by the fact that he had simply trusted that things would work out without him doing anything.
“So, I left Mr. Brentwood’s home with a solid determination that I would finally be worthy once I saw you again. I worked hard, I focused on nothing else, I knew I would not stop until I had my riding school.”
Oh... maybe he did do lots after all.
“Did it work?” Annabelle gasped. “Judging by your fancy clothing it has worked very well.”
“It has.” Floyd’s chest puffed out as he felt sheer pride in himself. “I now own a very successful riding school.”
Annabelle could not hold back anymore, the emotion overwhelmed her. She was so proud of Floyd for achieving everything that he desired, even with all the odds stacked against him. Even with her interference with him getting to his goal.
She leapt forward and wrapped her arms around him. “Floyd, that is incredible news. I am so proud of you.” Her heart beat faster, the physical contact was almost too much. “You must have worked very hard.”
“I did.” Floyd eventually pulled back. Hugging Annabelle brought all of his feelings rushing back. He needed to keep a clear head if he was going to get it all out. “But there was more to it than just that. Even if you were not there, you helped me out in ways that you do not understand.”
“I… I did?” Annabelle clutched her hand to her chest in shock. She had spent such a long time assuming that Floyd had merely forgotten about her, but it seemed that she had affected his life just as much as he did her. “What did I do?”
“You probably do not remember,” Floyd replied with a smile. “But there was a time very long time ago, just as we were leaving your home. You suggested that I see if I have an inheritance from my father, but I shot you down immediately. I was too proud to even consider the idea.”
“I remember,” Annabelle whispered. She had not forgotten even a single thing that had happened between herself and Floyd.
“Well, after a while, once we parted ways I realized that I needed to swallow my pride to go and find out.”
“Did you have anything?” Annabelle asked while clutching her hands tightly together.
“Not much, but it helped me a lot. Without it I would not be where I am today.”
“So, I can now call you Earl Brewer?” Annabelle asked with a smile. “Although that feels very strange to say. I should not think I will ever get used to it.”
“No, me neither.” Floyd shook his head rapidly. The Earl was his father, he could never follow in those footsteps. “I do not think I would like that at all.”
“Well… I am very proud of you. You have achieved a lot.”
“All for you” Floyd interrupted in a gushing manner. “I have always had you in mind the whole time. I have wanted to be good enough for you forever.”
Annabelle’s eyes welled up, she felt a thick ball of emotion lodging firmly in her throat. “So, you did not forget me?”
“Of course not,” Floyd gushed, shocked that she would even think that. “I could never forget about you. Do you know what an impact you had on my life? Do you know how much I have always loved you?”
“You love me?” Annabelle gasped desperately. Why was this happening to her now? Everything that she had ever wanted was occurring... but it was much too late. It was not fair.
She clutched onto her chest and stared at him desperately, wishing everything could be different. She wished that he had not come at all, so she could marry James without thinking about it. She wished that she had never met James – or at the very least not accepted his wedding proposal – so that she would be free to love the man who had always had her heart. She wished that the last five years had not been lost to them.
Why does this have to happen now, just as I was piecing a different version of my life together? It does not feel fair.
“You have not said anything for a while,” Floyd said with concern in his face. “Is everything alright, Annabelle?”
“I... I...” she gasped desperately. “I cannot believe this. I...” She wanted to tell him that she loved him too but she could not. It would not be
fair to anyone. "I cannot..." She stepped back with her head shaking from side to side. "I cannot." Tears filled her eyes, she wanted to weep and never stop. “I cannot have this conversation with you, Floyd, it is not right. I am...” The words now felt strange to say, but she absolutely had to get them out somehow. “I am engaged to be married. To someone else.”
Chapter 31
“You are?” Floyd should have expected this, he saw Annabelle with another man only the evening before, but he had not wanted to accept it. When he stayed at the bed and breakfast the previous night, he spent the whole time awake trying to convince himself that he was no one to worry about. Someone she worked with, just a friend, someone who was courting her at most. The last thing he wanted to hear was that he was about to become her husband. “I guess our timing has always been wrong.”
He stuffed his hands into his pockets to try and keep them from reaching out to grab her. She was not his anymore, she had not been his for a very long time and now he could really feel that. The acute loss crushed him. When he thought that she was married to Lord Ashdown, at least he did not believe that she loved him. Now... she was engaged to another man by choice.
“I...” There were so many things that Annabelle wanted to say but she did not know where to begin. “I only got engaged last night...”
The unfairness of everything destroyed her and she burst into tears. Her hands automatically went up to cover her face since it was not the correct behaviour to show such emotion in such a public place, but she could not help it. It was awful. The moment the man she had always loved from afar was back, and he arrived just as she had agreed to marry someone else.
"I cannot believe it," Floyd replied morosely. "It is a terrible joke." He caught himself at the last moment. Just because this was bad news for him it did not mean that Annabelle shared his discomfort. “I mean, I am very happy for you, of course. Do not think that I am not. It means a lot to me that you have found happiness.”
I am talking nonsense, he told himself crossly. All while Annabelle stands in front of me weeping.
All he wanted to do was step towards her to hold her in his arms. He wanted to be the one to comfort her, just as he had been in the past but they had five long years between them and it seemed that too much had changed for them to come back from.
“I do not know what to say,” Annabelle sobbed pathetically. “I cannot believe it. I cannot believe we are in the same situation again.”
Except it was not the same situation, not at all. There were so many things that were very different this time around. The last time she was engaged, it was a forced experience and she hated the man. He treated her terribly and she knew that she would face nothing but a life of misery with him. She could not even bear to be in the same room as him.
But not only that, she was young and desperately in love with Floyd Brewer.
Now, she was older, she had her own life, one that was not dictated by anyone else. Her father had absolutely no say in what she did, and nor did anyone else. Then there was James. He was a good man, one who she knew would give her happiness forever. There was absolutely no reason to doubt him at all.
And as for her feelings for Floyd Brewer... well, there was no telling where they were these days.
“Maybe we keep missing our time for a reason,” Floyd tried to tell her in a comforting way. “Maybe fate is trying to tell us something.”
Annabelle choked at that. She did not want to think that was the truth at all. She found it painful to consider. Maybe Floyd was simply trying to be sensible about everything, but that did not make it any easier to hear.
Maybe I do know where my feelings for Floyd are, she thought sadly with her bottom lip pouted out and trembling. Maybe they have not gone anywhere.
The fact that it was almost difficult to look at him because of the way that he made her feel told her a lot.
Floyd could see that he had upset Annabelle and he did not like it at all. He wished that he had not said anything to bring that sadness to her face.
Maybe I should not have come. Maybe I have only made things worse.
Sure, he would have been left with hundreds of unanswered questions and feelings that he could not shut off, but he would much rather him have heartache than Annabelle.
“Maybe instead of talking about things that are upsetting, you should tell me about everything you have been doing instead,” he said desperately. “I have told you a lot about me, but I do not know much about where you have been.”
Annabelle sniffed in a way that she hoped would be discrete, but when Floyd reached into his breast pocket and he pulled out a cotton handkerchief to give to her, she realized that she had not. Her cheeks stained pink with embarrassment, but she took it from him and did her best to clean up her face.
She did not want to stop crying, the way that she was feeling inside made her want to weep forevermore, but she knew that she had to. She did not want to make a fool out of herself and she also did not want to waste the limited time that she had with Floyd crying over what could have been.
If this was the last time that she would ever see him then she at least wanted to leave with some happy memories.
“Yes.” She nodded decisively. “Let us take a walk on the sand and I shall tell you all about where I have been.”
As they walked down the beach and Annabelle told Floyd all about her life over the last five years, she did not think of James once. Not even to wonder what he might think if he saw her there, in their town with a strange man, one mere day after they got engaged.
It was not until they stopped outside Annabelle’s front door almost an hour later that the guilt finally set in. Being so close to a place that was integral to her new life reminded her that Floyd was not a part of it anymore... and nor should he be.
Would I have to tell James the full story about Floyd if he saw me? Would he be able to handle it? What if he made me choose... who would I pick?
The fact that she did not know was the scariest part of it all.
“It has been lovely to see you again,” Floyd said with a tone of finality. “I am glad that I made the journey down to visit you.”
“Me too,” Annabelle whispered, unable to quite get the words out. “It was unexpected, but a very nice surprise.”
As Floyd nodded with a grave expression on his face, the heartstrings in Annabelle's chest tugged painfully. Much as she had tried to accept that this might be the last time that she ever saw him, she did not want that to be the case. It had taken her five years to form any sort of life without him and she still did not move on. How on earth would she even begin to cope losing him again? At least last time she could assume he did not love her. Now she knew.
"You are not leaving today, are you?" she asked desperately, seemingly completely forgetting herself. As soon as those words fell out of her mouth she tried to reel in her panting breaths to try again. "I mean, of course, I know that you have your own life and your business to attend to... I just...” She stopped as Floyd’s face lit up into a grin. It was easy to forget herself around him, she simply felt like she knew him better than she knew anyone else. Even herself. “I just feel like it has been too short.”
"I have a place to stay for another night," he confessed. "After that, I am not sure what I shall do."
Floyd could feel himself being sucked in by Annabelle when he was around her. The temptation was to throw off his life to stay by her side, to beg her to be with him, but he knew that he could not. He needed to create some distance between them, they both needed time to think. With some space, he would be able to make a wiser decision about what he did next with regards to the Lady he loves dearly.
“I see.” Annabelle visibly relaxed. She was well aware that she would have to let Floyd go again, but not quite yet. At least she had been given the gift of a little more time before her whole world turned upside down again. “So, I might see you again before you go?”
“Yes.”
As they stood and faced o
ne another, they remembered the moment that they had first met. Annabelle was standing in her family garden and Floyd was on top of her horse, Primrose. She had thought him the most incredible man that she had ever seen in her life then. She felt an immediate impact from him.
Of course, she did not know how much he would go on to change her life, but still... even then she sensed that he was special.
Floyd had felt himself fall for the red-haired Lady immediately. He could sense her spark, her fiery nature touched him, he knew instantly that this was the only woman that he would ever truly love.
And he had lost her.
There were many things that he could curse himself for, that he could blame himself for, but for this, he could not. Maybe it was because he had spent too much of his life living under a shadow of blame because his birth killed his mother, or maybe it was because he knew that he had only done what he thought best.
Maybe it is fate telling me to stay away, he tried to accept. I met Annabelle when she was engaged, then when I tried to find her again I thought her to be married. Now I find her again just when she has accepted another man’s proposal. There has to be a reason it never works.
“I am working tomorrow,” Annabelle muttered, trying to keep the conversation on an even level. “But maybe afterwards I can see you again.”
“Of course, I will see you whenever I can.”
Floyd did not know what to say anymore, he felt pretty certain that he could not do anything to dispel the thick atmosphere that surrounded them. The unsaid things between them were obvious, both of them had a very good idea of what the other wanted to say, but neither of them could. Maybe it was Annabelle's responsibility to speak first since she was the one who had a fiancé, or maybe it was his because he was the man.
Either way, neither of them did.
“I suppose I should get going then,” Floyd said reproachfully. “It is getting dark and I do not yet know my way around this town well.”
Annabelle Enchants the Rejected Earl: A Historical Regency Romance Novel Page 21