by Amy Durham
“Almost exactly what he said to me, except from his point of view.”
“It wasn’t scary,” I said. “And it didn’t wake me up.”
“Me either.”
I could hear him breathing deeply, and I knew he was considering what to do next. Generally, after a dream, he didn’t like to run in the morning, since the possibility of another vision was so great. It was always comforting to arrive a bit early at school after a dream, just to have a moment together. It gave each of us some peace of mind to be in each other’s presence afterward. But today was Friday, and he had a meet this afternoon. He needed the running time.
And besides, neither of us had been disturbed by this dream.
“You should run this morning,” I finally said. I knew the need he felt to protect me, and he would do it even at cost to him. “I’m fine.”
“Are you sure,” he whispered. “I’m sure I’ll be fine this afternoon, even if I don’t run this morning.”
“Luke, you can’t put your real life on hold all the time.” I closed the notebook and returned it to my backpack. “And this dream wasn’t frightening. It was informative. So take your morning run. We should probably both take some time to think about it all before we start trying to pick it apart.”
“I hate not being with you after one of these episodes.”
I smiled at his attempt to talk himself out of running. It was sweet and very, very indicative of who he was. But it also reminded me of the questions I harbored concerning Luke’s true motivations, and I wondered once again if the strength of the feelings he seemed to have for me stemmed only from the memories he had from our past life. Did it even work that way? Did he have the man’s memories? I knew I’d experienced the woman’s feelings in my dreams, but I didn’t have any memories other than the one’s she showed me. And outside of the visions, I didn’t feel like her. But Luke had been having these visions for a long time. Could the love he felt for his wife long ago have somehow carried over, making him believe he felt something for me when it wasn’t actually there?
And if his feelings were some kind of carry-over, did that make them less real or more real? Thinking about it was fast giving me a headache, so I forced myself to stop.
“Go run, Luke,” I said.
“If you’re sure.” The sound of his gentle laughter made me smile.
“I’m sure. I’ll see you in literature.”
“Counting the minutes,” he replied. “Be safe.”
My heart twisted and lurched as I hung up the phone. It was absolutely impossible not to be in love with Lucas Ellis. No way could I stop the runaway train I was on, not even with the fears and concerns I had concerning the true source of his feelings.
It was both a miserable and ecstatic place to be. I decided the most prudent thing I could do was to enjoy each moment with Lucas, and not wonder which one would be the last.
Yeah, like I wasn’t going to worry.
***
I sloshed through the puddles of water in the parking lot, thankful that at least the rain had let up enough for me to walk into the building without getting soaked. In my back pocket, my phone vibrated just as I pushed open the front door.
It was a text message from Lucas. This was new. He usually just called. I flipped open my phone and pressed the button to read.
It was part of one of the Robert Burns poems from our literature assignment.
Long have we been parted, Lassie my dearie;
Now we are met again, Lassie lie near me.
All I have endured, Lassie my dearie,
In thy arms is cured, Lassie lie near me.
I knew people must’ve been staring. I hadn’t even moved from the doorway, and students coming in had to walk around me. But as I read those words, and thought of all Lucas and I had learned about our past and about each other, Burns’ poem took on new meaning. We had been separated for a very long time - though neither one of us had realized it - and there was a definite sense of comfort in finally being together again.
And Lucas had read that poem and thought of me. Had entered the words into a text message completely spelled and punctuated. My heart expanded painfully in my chest.
Just then my phone buzzed again. Another incoming text from him.
When I’m with u, u cure the bad stuff. Don’t 4get. Proper date 2morrow nite. Already ran it past ur parents. Love, Lucas
Wow. Just wow.
I closed my phone, making sure to keep the messages to re-read later, and pushed through the sea of people in the lobby. I hoped to find Jessie already in the chemistry room. A tap on my shoulder caught my attention before I got out of the crowd.
“Hi Layla.” It was Todd Miller’s voice.
I didn’t cringe, but I did mentally roll my eyes. I wondered why I was one of those people who always had to be polite, no matter what.
“Hi Todd.”
“Um, listen, I wanted to talk to you.” He walked toward my hallway, motioning for me to follow. The fact that I had to go that way anyway made it impossible for me to come up with an excuse.
“What about?” I asked when we stopped just outside the lobby. He wore too much cologne, and it reminded me of being at one of those department store cosmetic counters where people got carried away and sprayed multiple samples.
“Well, I know you’ve been hanging out with Lucas,” he began. “But I wasn’t sure just what the situation is with you two. I mean, Kara’s been telling people she and Luke are talking again, and they do have a couple of classes together, so I guess it’s possible.”
My chest constricted at the mention of Kara’s name. Kara, who’d made her jealousy and her intentions clear to me two days ago. Kara, who was tall and slender and blond and beautiful.
And, Kara, who I was quite certain had not just received a text message with a love poem from Lucas.
I considered it a victory.
“I’m not sure where you’re going with this,” I said, glancing around to make sure no one was eavesdropping. “What difference does it make what the situation is between Lucas and me? And why do you care?”
“I just still feel bad for how I acted the first day of school,” Miller said. “And Kara, well, she can be pretty mean sometimes. And, I guess I also thought, if you and Luke were just friends, maybe you might, I don’t know, think about going out with me sometime.”
Oh geez. During two years of high school in Tennessee, I’d been asked out exactly twice. Now, in less than a month, I’d been approached by four guys. Five if I counted Zack’s thwarted attempt at the locker the week of the first football game.
“Wow, Todd, I’m flattered, really.” I stopped, took a second to think about what to say next so that I didn’t stumble over my words. “But I think maybe we should just stick to being friendly with each other and living down the incident from the parking lot.”
“Yeah.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his jeans and looked down at the floor. I could see a small smile on his face and he laughed. “I guess there would be talk if we dated too soon after that.”
“I appreciate the apology,” I said. “And the warning about Kara. Although it’s really unnecessary.”
“No problem.” He nodded. “See you around.”
Then he walked back to the lobby and strode down the other hall just as the warning bell rang. While I headed down the hall toward chemistry, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and read Luke’s texts again.
CHAPTER 25
Jessie came in late to first period. Fifteen minutes into chemistry she trudged in, wet and frustrated after a flat tire on the way to school. Mr. Hartley hadn’t finished our tests, which was disappointing, but on the flip side, it looked as if the chapter on balancing equations might click a bit more for me than the last chapter.
During second period, Lucas refused to tell me anything about the plans he’d made for tomorrow night. And even though my curiosity was huge, I liked the idea of a surprise. I resisted, but not without effort, the temptation to pull m
y cell phone out during literature and re-read Luke’s text messages. I did, however, whisper a thank you to him, just as Mrs. Chadwick began the class. Though it would’ve been far too embarrassing to have a conversation about the texts and how they’d touched me, it seemed far too rude to say nothing. So, I found a way to acknowledge his thoughtfulness that didn’t require a lot of talking.
His answer to my thanks was a grin and a wink.
Mrs. Chadwick returned our Robert Burns tests first, and I smiled when I saw the A’s on both my paper and Luke’s. The bookworms compared test scores, all of them seeming pleased. The cell-phone addicts each took a look at their grades then quickly put them in their bags. I surmised they either were not happy with their grades or just didn’t care.
We learned that our next reading assignment, which was due to be completed by this time next week, was Leo Tolstoy’s novella The Death of Ivan Ilyich. I struggled not to have a bad attitude. I’d read lots of books, many of them classics, but until now I’d managed to avoid Tolstoy. I’d stuck to J.D. Salinger, Louisa May Alcott, Mark Twain, and the like. It was probably fear that kept me from attempting War and Peace or Anna Karenina. Thankfully, our assigned story about a forty-five year old man dealing with his impending death was only one hundred thirty-four pages. Perhaps it was a good introduction to the works of the great Russian novelist.
At any rate, I decided the reading would be a nice distraction from whatever our past selves had in store for us next. I was sure to need a few moments of something else during the coming week.
“I’ll call you when I get home from the meet tonight,” Lucas said as we walked toward my U.S. History class.
“And tell me how you came in first again?” I teased.
“And tell you how the team did,” he corrected with a chuckle.
We stopped beside the door. I leaned against the wall, and Lucas did the same, as we got out of the way of the hall traffic. For a moment he just looked at me, in the way he had that made me curious and weak in the knees at the same time.
I was pretty sure anyone looking too closely at us would see there was more to Luke and me than friendship. But for whatever reason, at this moment, Luke didn’t seem to mind.
“Mr. Radnor sent me on an errand during first period,” he began. “I took some papers to the front office for him. I ran into Jessie as she was checking in.”
“Yeah, she had a flat on the way to school.”
“She mentioned you and Kara had words the other day. I think she thought I already knew.”
Holy crap. I’d meant to tell him. I really had. But with everything else that had gone on – our search for information at the courthouse, the discussion with Gwen that followed, our communication with the people from our past – I’d just forgotten about it until this morning.
“It’s not important, Luke,” I said, my voice soft as I stepped closer to him. “I’d forgotten all about it until today anyway.”
“I should’ve seen this coming.” He tilted his head, bringing his face closer to mine. “Kara’s got a nasty streak.”
“I kind of got that.”
“Do you want me to talk to her?” he asked. “Tell her there’s no chance she and I are getting back together?”
Just hearing the words come out of his mouth sent chills over my entire body. Not that I’d thought he wanted to be with her, but to hear him say no chance was a thrill beyond description.
“Luke, that’s sweet.” I gave him my warmest smile. “But I think it might make things worse.”
“I hate thinking about her bothering you.”
“What happened to not wanting to set off anyone who might possibly be channeling the bad guys?” It was only a half-joke, but Lucas laughed anyway.
“If it happens again, will you tell me?”
“Of course,” I answered. “I meant to tell you this time. I just forgot.”
“She’s not right, you know.” He leaned even closer, keeping our words from anyone else’s ears. “Kara and I rarely speak, unless you count polite hellos. And there is no happily ever after in our future.”
I smiled, too moved by his words to talk out loud. A part of me fought and clawed to keep my heart from tripping even further down the slope of love. I knew it was futile, but I fought nonetheless.
And continued to lose the battle.
“Talk to you tonight,” he said.
***
When I walked into the cafeteria for lunch, not only was I met by the lovely smell of unseasoned steaming broccoli, I found Jessie and Marsha, along with Robbie and Chris, huddled over something at our table. The four of them saw me at the same time, and Jessie scrambled to shove something underneath her lunch tray. They looked as guilty as kids caught sneaking into the cookie jar.
“Give it up,” I said, pulling out a chair and dropping into my seat. “I know you’re all up to something.”
“It’s nothing,” Marsha responded, shaking her head.
“Yeah, it’s just stupid,” Jessie offered. Her eyelids lowered and she pulled her lunch tray closer to her.
Clearly, it was not just something stupid. I’d gotten to know Jessie well enough that I could read her face.
“I can tell that it’s not nothing.” I leaned my elbows on the table and looked at each of them. Jessie still looked down at her tray. Marsha bit her lip. Robbie drummed his fingers on the table, and Chris feigned an interest in something on the other side of the room. “You might as well spill it.”
“Somebody’s idea of a joke,” Jessie said, her breath coming out in a disgusted huff.
“What’s under the tray, Jess?” I asked.
“Oh, just show her,” Marsha blurted. “It’s not like it means anything.”
Jessie’s eyes cut toward Marsha. She nodded, then pulled a piece of paper out from beneath her tray.
She slid it across the table toward me, while the guys started a conversation about cars. Apparently, whatever was going on, they wanted no part of it.
“This was on our table when we got here.” Jessie’s voice dripped with apology. “Robbie said there’s more in the lobby and on the bulletin board outside the front office.”
It took a moment for my brain to process the picture in front of me. It was black and white, as if it had been run off on a copy machine or printed from a laser printer. But even without color, I could see Lucas was in a tuxedo, smiling brilliantly. Other tuxedo-clad boys dotted the background of the photo, along with girls in fancy dresses. Prom. It must be a picture from the prom.
And then it registered. The girl who was wrapped in Luke’s embrace was Kara. They were dancing, her head tilted back as if in laughter. And they looked so happy together.
Ugh.
I took a deep breath, reminding myself I had to be careful how I reacted. First of all, I would not act the role of jealous girlfriend. That would be playing right into Kara’s hands. Second, people could speculate all they wanted, but the official status of my relationship with Luke was not to be common knowledge. For several reasons - not the least of which was that the two boys at the table, pretending not to pay attention, had asked me out and I’d said no on the basis of not being ready to start dating.
Then there was the whole possible-reincarnation-of-the-bad-guys issue to consider.
Keeping my cool was imperative.
“You’re right. Stupid.” I tossed the picture back on the table, with as much nonchalance as I could muster. “I don’t know what they were trying to accomplish, but whoever put that there was obviously reading way to much into my friendship with Lucas.”
Jessie picked up the paper, ripped it in half. “They, and by they I mean Kara Jennings, were trying to make you jealous. It had to be her who put it here. I mean, remember how she acted in the hall the other day?”
“She’s obviously not over Lucas,” I said. “And I can’t blame her. He’s a great guy. But if it’s meant to work out between them, it will.”
Gag! Choking those words out without gagging felt li
ke the greatest accomplishment of my life.
“I thought you and Luke were pretty much an item,” Chris said.
So much for pretending not to listen.
“We’re friends. We study together for literature class sometimes.”
“Come on,” Jessie replied. “There’s more to it than that. I can tell by looking at the two of you.”
“And I heard you went to see him run up at Belfast last week.” This from Robbie.
Okay, so downplaying things didn’t seem to be very effective. I needed another strategy, fast.
“Look guys,” I said, lowering my voice. “I don’t want to get my hopes up, okay? I mean, Lucas is a great guy and I like him. But I realize I’m new here and that he and Kara have a history. I’m just enjoying getting to know him and trying not to have expectations.”
It wasn’t as hard to lie as I thought it would be. Probably because not all of it was a lie. I was trying not to get my hopes up too high, although I knew deep down it wasn’t working. And I was trying not to have too many expectations. Trying, but not succeeding.
And pretending to be semi-worried about Kara wasn’t too difficult. She was popular and beautiful - two things I’d never been. But it was also hard to picture Luke with her. She was so different from him and his kind, selfless ways. She was like the anti-Lucas.
“And so you’re trying to be happy just being friends with Lucas?” Marsha asked this as if I’d just said I was trying to defy gravity.
“I am happy with the way things are.” There, that was not a lie. “Like I told Kara the other day, I haven’t mistaken Luke’s kindness as anything other than it was meant.”
Through the cafeteria doors, a group of seniors passed by. During the lunch period, each grade changed classes on a different schedule to avoid overcrowding in the lunchroom. Lance walked in front, followed by a trio of girls. I knew Corey and Will wouldn’t be far behind. I turned my head from the door, not up for one of the friendly waves I knew Corey would give.
My phone vibrated in my back pocket. For a person who didn’t particularly love text messaging and didn’t use it all that much, three texts before lunch was a record.