by Dawn Brower
“I’ll leave you alone,” James told her. “The Major-General will still want me with him, so I’ll return after I turn in the report.”
She nodded but didn’t really hear him. The letter Ash had written had her full attention now. She gave in and absorbed his words…
My Dearest Catherine,
There are no words I can write that will fully express what is raging through me. When we parted, it was perhaps the hardest thing I’ve ever done or will do. Never could I have known that meeting you would change my life irrevocably. You have not been far from my thoughts, and it’s difficult to be separated from you. It isn’t your beauty, though that certainly helps. There is something incredibly pure and kind that radiates from your soul.
You are an extraordinary woman, and even if I never have the chance to be in your breathtaking presence ever again, it was enough to have known you. My life is better because you were a part of it, and if I have the pleasure of being by your side ever again, I promise, I’ll never take it for granted again. War is harsh, and many good men die. Sadly, there is a very real chance I might not survive. It occurred to me today that if I do, I’ll have left so much unsaid. It may be wrong of me to write this to you now, but I fear I can’t remain silent any longer.
In case you haven’t realized it yet—I love you. My heart will forever belong to you. I ask that you take care of it. It has already been bruised beyond all recognition, and one more slice and it’ll be shredded to nothing. I trust you’ll care for it as only you can. Your compassion and generosity of spirit wouldn’t accept anything less. Thank you for making me believe in love when I’d lost all hope.
Devotedly Yours,
Asher
Catherine’s cheeks were drenched with her tears. The dear misguided man. What woman wouldn’t want to know she was loved? He’d better wake up soon so she could slap some sense into him, and tell him how much she adored him too. Merlin sashayed into the corridor and made a beeline toward her. He rubbed against her leg and hopped onto the bed. His purrs reverberated loudly. He circled around the empty spot at Ash’s feet and then curled into a ball, lying there. Catherine smiled and patted his head. “You watch over him for me. There’s something I need to do.”
That cat didn’t react, but just closed his eyes and made himself even more comfortable. Secure in the knowledge Ash would be all right, at least for the moment, she set to the task of making sure he had something to wear when he woke. Merlin wouldn’t leave his side. The cat had some strange sense when someone he liked needed him, and for whatever reason, Merlin adored Ash. She couldn’t blame the cat. The marquess had sneaked into her heart too.
Pain shot through his skull, and other parts of him burned as if he’d been set on fire. His chest had something heavy resting on it. If he had the energy, he’d push it off, but it was so much easier to leave it slowly crushing the breath out of him. Ash groaned and tried to roll to his side. That turned out to be one of the biggest mistakes he’d ever made. It hurt everywhere—soul-wrenching, unbearable pain… That must have meant Ash had lived when he had been sure he would die at any moment. What kind of hell had he awoken to?
He lifted his arm and set his hand on the weight bearing down on top of him. Warm fur welcomed his touch, surprising him. That had been the last thing he’d expected to find there. If he opened his eyes, he could determine what had decided to sleep on him. He slowly lifted his eyelids. Blurriness greeted him, and he couldn’t decipher anything around him. Something black and silver sat on top of him. He blinked several times, trying to clear his vision. “Merlin?” he managed to croak out. Perhaps he was dead after all. Why would Catherine’s cat be lying on top of him? He’d been shot in the woods outside of Paris. He’d been heading toward Paris, but hadn’t made it there before he’d been injured. Where was Private James?
“You’re awake,” a female said as she placed her hand on his forehead. “It’s about time. How are you feeling?”
“Catherine?” It sounded like her, but he had to be imagining it. There was no way he was anywhere near her or Merlin. As much as he hurt, he’d been certain he was all right. Now though, he wasn’t so sure. “Where am I?”
“You had me worried.” She picked Merlin up. His breathing improved once she lifted the cat. “Come here, mister. Sleeping on Ash’s chest isn’t good for his breathing.”
Confusion rolled over him as he stared at her in disbelief. That still didn’t explain what had happened and how he was with her. “Cat…”
She sat down next to him and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “Now that Merlin is dealt with, why don’t we have a talk?”
“Talk?” He sounded like an idiot. Ash couldn’t think of anything coherent to say. “I don’t understand.”
“I want you to make me a promise,” she continued. “Never scare me like that again. My heart can’t take it. I thought that I’d lose you, and I’ve already lost too much in my life.”
Ash attempted to sit up, but jerked back when pain shot through his side. He started to realize where he was. The room resembled a hospital, and somehow he’d been brought there. That didn’t explain Catherine. She should be at the embassy. “Why are you here?” He laid back and took in her appearance. She wasn’t dressed as a woman of noble birth. Her coarse gown was blue with a long white apron covering it. Her dark hair remained unadorned.
“You don’t want me?” Hurt echoed in her voice.
Damn it. He hadn’t meant to make her feel bad. He was acting like a complete arse. Bloody hell. How could he extract himself from this blunder? “I didn’t say that…”
“It was implied.” Her voice shook a little as she spoke. “If you would rather I leave, I can go check on the other injured soldiers.”
“I’m sorry,” he said and reached out to her. “Please stay. I didn’t mean it the way it sounded. I don’t understand how I got here or why you’re here too.”
“Private James brought you,” she explained. “You owe him your life.”
He vaguely remembered waking up and begging James to bring him to Catherine. He’d wanted to see her one last time before he died. Oh God—had he gone to the embassy to get her? That would clarify why she was at his side, but not Merlin lying on top of him. Wait… “What do you mean check on the other injured soldiers? Why would you do that?”
“I’m a nurse.” She said that as if it was all the justification that was needed. “A well-trained one.”
Had he awoken in a whole new reality? The world had been turned upside down while he’d been unconscious. “How long have I been out of it?”
“A couple of weeks. You have been in and out, but today is the first one you’ve been fully conscious.” She didn’t meet his gaze. “There’s something you should know.”
He was afraid to ask. What other bombshell could she possibly drop on him? Now that he realized everything was real, he had been glad to see her. He loved her, and being around her made him happy. He wished things were different though. That the war had never started and he believed they had a chance at a real future. In a perfect world, they would be together for the rest of their lives. He had a higher duty while the war raged on. Ash had agreed to be a secret agent for the crown, and couldn’t make her any promises until his task was completed.
“Private James needed to take your notes to the Major-General.” She stared at her hands and twisted her fingers together. “I found your leather book and let him tear the pages from it.”
“That’s all right. The Major-General needed that information to fight the Germans. You did a good thing.”
“That’s not all…” She glanced up and met his gaze. “I read the letter.”
“What...?” Oh, that letter. He’d forgotten he’d written it. Ash had intended for her to have it at some point; however, he wasn’t sure how he felt about her having read it already. He wasn’t prepared for the repercussions of it. What if she didn’t love him too? “Um…”
“Are you mad?”
He couldn’t be mad
at her. Not really. She was his everything. Maybe, somewhere down the line in the distant future, he might muster up some sort of anger. This though? “As long as it doesn’t scare you away, I’m all right with it.”
“Good,” she said. “Because it was the best letter I’ve ever read.” Catherine leaned down and pressed her lips to his. Perhaps not the first kiss he’d imagined they’d share, but it was inherently better. This kiss meant she had feelings for him too. Maybe not love, but he could work with what existed. She might come to love him too, and when that day arrived, they could see if they had a future. As long as the war didn’t prevent it… “Now rest. We can talk more later.”
He wanted to argue with that; however, Ash knew when to keep his mouth shut. When he had mended enough to fight without the cloudiness in his head, he’d consider it then. Though the idea of kissing her properly appealed to him more. His first order of business was healing, and then he’d be forced to return the world of spying. Somewhere along the way he’d try to win the heart of the woman he loved.
Chapter 8
December 1914
It had been two months since Catherine had seen Asher. He’d written to her a few times. The letters hadn’t been as heartfelt as the first. They’d been direct and to the point. Some of them had been postcards that had been preprinted. He’d crossed out all the pertinent information, leaving hardly anything unmarked. Most of the time it was something along the lines of I’m doing well and letter following soon—though a letter hardly ever came. At least they were signed and dated by him, so she’d known they did, in fact, come from him. It drove her crazy though.
Ever since he’d awoken in the hospital, things were weird between them. He remained polite and respectful, but distant. He’d said he was all right with her reading the letter, but had he lied? She had to see him soon or she’d set off looking for him. Christmas had come and gone a few days ago, and they were on the cusp of the New Year.
She stared out her window. Light snow floated down from the sky and covered the frozen ground. The sun lowered in the sky, preparing to set for the night. Merlin rubbed himself on her skirts, purring loudly. Catherine picked him up and allowed him to look outside. He placed one of his paws on the windowpane and kept his face glued to the trees. The poor dear probably hoped to see a bird fly by. He’d be sorely disappointed though.
Movement in the distance caught Catherine’s attention. A lone man was walking toward the hospital. Something about his gait was familiar. She narrowed her gaze to bring his image into focus. He had on a long black coat and a hat covered his head, but she’d recognize him anywhere. Ash had come to see her finally!
She set Merlin down and flew out of her chambers and down the hall, then outside—launching herself into his arms when she reached him. He wrapped his arms around her and kissed her as snowflakes fluttered around them. Catherine didn’t feel the cold. She reveled in his touch, and the fact that he was alive. She raised her head and stared into his eyes. “I can’t believe you’re really here.”
“I can’t stay away for too long.” He almost sounded happy, but it was mixed with something else—sorrow maybe. “If it were possible, I’d have come sooner.”
“You’re not injured are you?” That was her greatest fear. Ever since Private James had brought him to the hospital on the brink of death, she was afraid he’d come to her again that way, and they’d not be able to save him again. If that ever happened, she’d die beside him of a broken heart.
“I’m fine.” He pressed his lips to hers one more time. She could kiss him forever, and it would never be enough. “I promise.”
Catherine hugged him tight. “I never want to let you go.” She’d been so melancholy before she’d noticed him walking toward the hospital. At least it had been slow there lately. No new injured had come in for several days. Whatever the reason for the reprieve, was she’d been glad for it. Especially, now that Ash had come to visit. “How long can you stay?”
“A couple of hours,” he said. A hint of frustration filled his voice. “I wish it was longer, but the reason I could come here at all was because I had news to deliver to headquarters.”
She wished he could stay safe by her side forever. Catherine realized that wasn’t possible anymore. Ash had a job to do, and so did she. The damn war kept taking him away from her. She wished it would end already. “I’ll take whatever you can give me even as I wish it could be more.”
He rubbed her back with his hand as if trying to soothe away the disappointing news. Ash meant well and always had. “I wouldn’t leave if I didn’t have to. You do know that, right?”
She did. “Doesn’t mean I have to like any of it.” Catherine hated not having him close by and having to wait days on end until she saw him again. If she could magically end the war, she would have done so already. Her heart belonged to Ash and always would. She wanted to keep him safe, but sadly, that wasn’t possible. Some things couldn’t be prevented, and it killed her to admit that.
“Let’s go inside,” he said as he set her down. “It’s bloody cold out here.” Catherine hadn’t felt it. She’d been too excited to care if it was freezing outside. He grabbed her hand and entwined his fingers with hers, then touched his forehead to hers. “I love you,” he said.
Her lips tilted upward as happiness overflowed within her. They walked hand in hand into the hospital. Life couldn’t be any better than this. She was with the man she adored, and there was a lull in injured men pouring into the hospital. “I don’t suppose you can tell me anything about what’s going on out there.”
“Not much,” he replied. His lips titled upward. “There is one thing you might find interesting.”
They headed into a sitting area. A fire had been built in the hearth, and warmth spread through the room. She hadn’t been in the room in days. Someone had decorated, and holly encircled the fireplace. It seemed almost—homey. “The strangest thing happened on Christmas Eve. The Germans started singing Christmas carols in the trenches. Then the soldiers on our side joined in, and at certain points, brass bands could be heard joining in with the Germans as they sang.”
“Really?” She tilted her head. That might be why they hadn’t had any new injured come in. “How long did it go on?”
“At first light on Christmas Day, some of the German soldiers emerged from their trenches and walked across no man’s land.” Ash paused and brushed a stray lock of her hair to the side. “They called out Merry Christmas in their language. At first, the soldiers thought it was a trick of some sort, but they came across unarmed.”
“What did they want?” this had to be a tall tale. Why would they stop fighting and greet their enemies like that? Wars didn’t end because it was Christmas. “There had to be some sort of motive.”
“That’s what I’d have thought too,” he replied. “But no, they actually exchanged gifts of a sort—cigarettes, food, and the like. Some of them joined in a game. They kicked the ball back and forth in-between the trenches as if they were the best of friends. Some of the other soldiers took the time to collect the deceased. It was the most amazing thing—that short-lived ceasefire. I can’t believe it, and I witnessed it all.”
Catherine wished she could have seen it too. Maybe it was a sign the war would end sooner rather than later. Soldiers that stopped fighting long enough to celebrate Christmas didn’t really want to fight. They wouldn’t have exchanged gifts and sang songs. That wasn’t the actions of men at war with each other. “I’m glad. It shows we all have compassion, and maybe there is hope for the world after all.”
“I agree,” he said. His voice held, and edge of regret mixed with melancholy. Catherine wanted to hug him and wash away the gloom. “Sadly, after Christmas, the ceasefire ended and the war began again in truth. Ending it won’t be as simple as momentary peace. It’ll take much smarter and craftier men to make that happen.”
That had been what Catherine was afraid of. At least they had a few moments of peace that might help carry them through until
the end of the war. A lot of the men would still end up dying—which was the nature of war. Good men died every day, and the only thing that would stop the tragedy was the end of the war itself. “Either way, I’m glad it happened. One day it will end, and that’s when we will celebrate in truth.”
She rested her head on his shoulder and sighed with happiness. At least, for a little while, she could be content and relax. She could beg him to stay with her, but he wouldn’t. It would hurt him even more when he was forced to leave. Both of them had their roles to play. Neither one of them was particularly enjoyable, but they were equally important. She had to give him her all and let him know that she’d wait for him. At the end of the war, they’d find each other again and work on having a future together. Until then… She closed her eyes and prayed for patience.
It would take every ounce of strength she had to not go insane with worry. Every soldier who came into the hospital had his face, and she’d been close to panic more often than not. She’d shake away the image and realize it wasn’t actually Ash lying on the stretchers, but some other poor soldier who needed her. The sight of Ash bleeding wouldn’t leave her no matter how much she tried. That was her cross to bear.
“I have something for you.” Ash reached into his pocket and pulled out a box, then handed it to her.
She hadn’t expected him to bring her anything. It was enough to have him by her side. “You didn’t have to do this.” Catherine took the lid off and pulled out a jewelry box. “What is this?” Her heart jumped in her chest.
“Open it,” he encouraged her. He looked so eager to have her flip open the box. Catherine didn’t want to disappoint him for anything…
It was silly, but she was afraid to find out. He looked so hopeful though, and she wanted to make him happy. Carefully she lifted the lid. Inside, a gold ring embedded with small diamonds and emeralds lay on a bed of velvet. She lifted her head and met his gaze. “It’s so beautiful.”