by Dawn Brower
Julian nodded then spun on his heels to head toward Nurse Grant. Asher hadn’t realized the other woman was nearby. His sole focus had been on Catherine and Julian. He could barely make her out in the distance because he couldn’t turn his head enough to fully bring her into view. Julian came back shortly after talking to her. “She’ll be back with the doctor soon.”
Pain filled him, and he almost cried out from it. He yanked on the ties actually moving a little bit. Amazing what a motivator pure agony turned out to be. Perhaps he wasn’t as much of an invalid as he’d previously believed.
“He needs his pain medication,” Catherine said. “I’ll get it. Keep him company until I return.”
Julian sat near him. “You scared me. I barely got you and James into that ambulance before we were all skewered.”
Asher stared at his cousin. He had dark circles under his eyes as if he’d gotten very little sleep. “Thanks for saving us both.”
A wobbly smile filled his face. “I should be thanking you for not dying. If you’d gone into that final rest, your wife would have murdered me. I’m man enough to admit she terrifies me.”
“I don’t blame you,” Asher said then attempted a smile. “She can be frightening when she sets her mind to something.”
Catherine came back shortly after that and made him drink a bitter liquid. Not long after, he closed his eyes unable to fight sleep. The pain eased, and he was once again comfortable. When he woke again he’d discuss his impending fatherhood with Catherine. He still couldn’t believe they were going to be parents, but as surprises went—it was a happy one.
Chapter 17
December 1916
Large fluffy white snowflakes trickled down and blanketed the ground outside. Asher lounged in a wheelchair near a large window in the hospital. His backside had sat in more comfortable chairs. The wheeled contraption had been made from hard wood and lacked any cushioning. It had small handles on the back so it could be pushed by someone. He hated that the most.
His leg and lower back had been shredded by several bullets and the muscles were slowly healing. Until everything fused back together properly, he couldn’t start his physiotherapy. He’d been awake a month and been able to get out of bed for a fortnight. Even that took some assistance from a nurse or Julian if he happened to be around. Asher refused to allow Catherine to help him. She was round with their child and any heavy lifting might cause her to lose the baby.
Since he was more or less an invalid, he’d taken the time to write to the Earl of Derby. If he couldn’t act as a spy for the war effort, maybe he could take up his original assignment with Sir Benjamin Villiers. That turned out to be irrelevant too. Derby had given him the task as a token or sorts. He had never meant for Asher to be an actual spy. Ash’s father had asked the earl to give him a sham assignment to keep him busy and out of trouble. So he had that to add to his bitterness.
Sir Benjamin was a good man only doing his job. It was sad that Ash had hoped he’d be a villain he could take down. Especially as Ash wanted to do it so he felt useful again. He’d cursed his father and Derby several times after he received the earl’s letter. Ash’s father never believed he could be a secret agent. Would his father, if he had lived, be proud of him, or would he be disappointed in his failure?
“Something fascinating out there?” Catherine asked as she gestured toward the window.
He shook his head. “Not at all.” He attempted to smile, but he didn’t feel it inside. The war had taken a lot from a great deal of people, but somehow, he had never thought it would take its toll on him. Not in the way it had… “Just another snowstorm.”
“But those are the stunning variety,” she said with an upbeat tone. “When it’s done, everything is all sparkly and white. A true winter wonderland.”
Asher knew what she was trying to do. She’d been careful with him since he woke up. No one seemed to have any idea how to act around him, and most had chosen to keep things light. They probably thought he’d crack if they were more somber. “I suppose that is one way of viewing things.” He hated the freezing white substance. He’d always found it annoying and bothersome. Instead of going on about how much he hated winter, he decided to change the subject. “How are you feeling today?”
“I’m all right, and so is the baby,” she answered, then placed her hands over her rounded belly. “Though I could do without the constant kicking from all sides. It’s making breathing a bit difficult at times.”
He lowered his gaze to where her hands still remained on her stomach. A part of him wanted to place his next to hers and feel what she did. Asher didn’t know why he didn’t attempt it or even ask if he could. Maybe he wasn’t ready, or it could be that he was a bloody wanker who couldn’t rein in the jealousy fermenting inside of him. How messed up was he? The woman he loved was pregnant with his child, and all he could think about was his own miserable existence. She could walk unencumbered, and he could barely wiggle his little toe.
“We’re making decorations for the tree later.” She reached out and caressed his cheek. “Do you want to help? I used to think decorating for Christmas at the hospital was ridiculous, but the men actually enjoy partaking in the festivities.”
He should be happy. It was his first Christmas with Catherine as his wife, and they would have a baby not long after that. Maybe once he could get rid of the damn wheelchair he’d lose the melancholy inside of him. Something had to change though, or he’d be forever struggling to find happiness again.
“I’m not feeling up to it,” he said. Ash hated how much of a burden he’d become. He wished he could be more for her. She deserved a man capable of taking care of her. “Can you push me back to my bed? I’d like rest.”
“Sure,” she said exasperated. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is,” he replied, keeping his voice monotone. “Thank you.”
Catherine didn’t say much after that. The smile on her face had disappeared. He hated himself being the cause of it. If he could snap out of it, he would have. The direction his life had taken had decimated a part of him he hadn’t realized he needed. As long as he remained stuck in the damn chair, he didn’t feel like a man. How was he to protect his wife and child when he couldn’t take care of himself? What kind of life were they going to have?
When they reached his bed, she brought the chair to a stop. Then she circled around it until she faced him. “I can’t help you into the bed. Give me a moment to find a nurse to help you.”
“No,” he ordered. “I’m going to do it.”
“Ash…” She nibbled on her lip and shook her head. “That isn’t a good idea. You’re not strong enough.”
“Blast it to hell,” he shouted. Catherine flinched and that gave him pause, but not enough to stay his course. “I can do this. Don’t make me an invalid with your constant worrying.”
“Please,” she begged. “Be reasonable. You haven’t healed enough for this.”
Tears fell from her eyes. She didn’t bother to wipe them away and instead kneeled before him. “I understand this is hard for you, but don’t make it worse. If you try this too early you could reinjure yourself. Do you really want to set yourself back because you’re too impatient to wait?”
“I have to do this, Cat,” he pleaded with her. She had to understand. Asher had to prove he could be strong, that he could be the man she fell in love with. The way he was now—he didn’t feel worthy of her. He shook his head. “Go if you can’t support my decision. I don’t need your disapproving glares.”
“I have this,” Julian said as he joined them. “Go wash your face, Catherine. I’ll make sure his royal prat doesn’t kill himself with his foolishness.” Ash’s wife nodded at his interfering cousin and walked away. She wiped the tears from her face as she passed Asher.
He closed his eyes and fought for patience. Yes, he was a complete arse, but he truly believed he could manage to pull himself into his own bloody bed. “Go away, Julian.”
“Afraid I can�
�t do that. Someone has to tell you what an egotistical prig you’re being.” Julian angled the chair toward the bed. “Go ahead. Show me how you can manage by yourself.”
Asher didn’t know what game Julian was playing, but he was more than ready to prove his point. He could pull himself out of the chair and settle into the bed by himself, and once he did, Julian could go to hell. His cousin stepped back, away from the chair. Probably giving Asher room to hang himself in this attempt. He’d realize soon enough that his assumption was wrong.
Julian folded his arms across his chest and leaned against a nearby wall. Asher tried his best to ignore his cousin’s attitude and concentrated instead on the task at hand. He placed his hands on the arms of the wheelchair. Then moved his feet to the ground below him—which was much harder than he thought it would be. The chair rolled a little bit as he used it to brace some of his weight. As he brought himself up, it slipped backward and rolled away from him. Asher couldn’t correct his balance in time and fell to the ground. His head bounced on the floor and pain shot through his skull. Every curse word he knew spilled out of his mouth. That had not gone as he’d planned.
“Are you done?” Julian asked. “Or do you want to try again?”
All right, perhaps they were correct. He wasn’t ready to do any of it on his own, but he was too bull headed to say that. Asher ignored Julian and hauled himself into a sitting position, then used the bed to pull himself up to his knees. It wasn’t pretty, but he managed to crawl into the bed. His breathing was ragged by the time he managed to spread out on his back and lie down. “Told you I could do it.”
Julian shook his head. “You’re a contrary bastard. Next time, don’t do this to yourself. Tell me you realize you shouldn’t have done that.”
“Bugger off,” Asher said. “I won’t be an invalid when my wife needs me.”
“Fine,” he answered. “If you don’t want me here, I’ll go. But before I do, there’s one thing you need to understand: Catherine doesn’t want you to break yourself trying to heal faster than the doctor thinks you will. What she requires is the man she married to support her through her pregnancy and realize that she loves you regardless of your ability to walk.” He put his hand on Asher’s shoulder. “She didn’t fall in love with you because of your legs. Try and see this from her perspective before you lose her forever.”
Asher turned away from him. Julian was wrong. Catherine would be far better if he were whole. What woman wanted half a man? The solution was to work harder. He could heal much faster than anyone believed, and Asher meant to prove it.
February 1917
Catherine peeked into the room where Asher was working with the physiotherapist. Asher was making progress and had managed to walk quicker than the doctor’s anticipated. He had to use a cane, but it was a step in the right direction. With time, he’d no longer need it either. She was proud of him even if he’d been an arse for weeks. Maybe now he’d stop being so difficult. They were going to be parents soon, and she needed her husband’s support.
Asher glanced up and met her gaze. His lips tilted upward into a welcoming smile. “Catherine,” he called out to her. “Come in.”
Merlin wound his way around her legs, purring. She reached down and picked him up. Slowly she headed into the room. Yes, she planned on using Merlin as a shield of sorts. Her relationship with Asher had been strained, and she needed the comfort her cat gave her. “You’re looking good,” she said carefully. “How is your pain level?”
“Tolerable,” he answered. “How are you today?” Asher glanced down to her belly. The baby could come at any time, and with each passing day he’d grown more concerned about her welfare.
“The same as the last time you asked.” Yes, she was bitter. He’d shoved her aside because he had this need to prove himself. Catherine wanted the man she married back. The one who had promised to love and cherish her… When she’d said for better or worse she should have realized that would be tested sooner rather than later. “Ouch.” She bent forward as sharp pains shot through her stomach.
“Is it the baby,” Asher asked as he stepped forward. He placed a hand on her back. “Should I call for the doctor?”
“It’s fine,” she said through gritted teeth. “I doubt the baby is ready to come in the next five minutes.” Though she was starting to believe her labor pains had started.
“Let me help you.” She batted his hand away as he reached out to her. “Catherine…”
“No,” she said firmly. “I don’t require your assistance.” Catherine didn’t like being difficult, but she was tired of his attitude. Shutting him out was probably not the answer. She realized he’d felt useless and not worthy of her; his feelings had slammed into her daily. That didn’t make it easy for her though. All it did was exacerbate her own emotions. Now they were in a place that she didn’t have a clue how to extract them both from. “If you’ll excuse, me I’m going to rest.”
She turned to leave, and liquid drenched her thighs and trickled down her legs. Damn it. “On second thought, maybe you should come with me.”
“What is it?” he asked.
“The baby has decided to make an entrance.”
Asher didn’t hesitate. His cane fell to the floor and clanked against the hard surface as he scooped her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom they shared. She didn’t have time to berate him for his foolishness, and a part of her was grateful for it. Without his aid, she probably wouldn’t have made it to the room on her own. Pain shot through her again, and she groaned. “Will you be all right while I go for help?”
“Yes,” she said.
He rushed out the room with a slight limp, but he seemed to be doing all right without the cane for added support. Maybe he was far better than she realized. Not long after he left, Victoria came into the room with a bowl of water and several towels. “The doctor is in surgery. I’m going to help you deliver the little one.”
Catherine moaned as her stomach rolled in agony. Labor was as horrible as she’d heard. “I want it out,” she nearly screamed the words. “It hurts so much.”
“Now you know a baby doesn’t come quickly.” She set the bowl down and the cloths next to it, then picked one up and dipped it into the bowl. “Many women have done this before you. I promise I’ll help you through it all.” She wiped Catherine’s brow.
Asher entered the room and paled when Catherine screamed as contractions rolled over her again. “Is it supposed to be this bad?”
“You shouldn’t be in here,” Victoria told him. “Men don’t belong in a delivery room.”
“I’m not leaving.” Asher’s mulishness reared its ugly head once again. “Don’t ask me to go again.” He went to the other side of the bed and sat next to Catherine. “I’m here for you.”
“I’d rather you weren’t,” she told him. “Do as Victoria suggested. Find Julian and let him keep you company until it’s over.” It was her turn to be unreasonable. They made a fine pair, but she couldn’t find the strength to care. Her entire body was a ball of misery as it prepared to expel a tiny human from inside it. She met his gaze and said breathlessly, “Go to hell.”
“I need to see how far along you are,” Victoria said. “I have a feeling this birth is going to happen much faster than normal.”
Catherine could have told her that already. She had a need to push already. She’d probably been in labor for a while, but dealing with Ash had distracted her from it. There had been pains off and on for hours, but she’d dismissed them. Asher picked up her hand and held it in his as Victoria examined her. He probably did it as a form of comfort, but she really didn’t care at the moment. It gave him something to do so she didn’t say anything.
“It’s as I suspected. The babe wants to come out and greet the world. On your next contraction, you need to push.”
It didn’t take long for that to happen. She screamed as she pushed. It bloody hurt, and she never wanted to go through torture like it ever again. Asher was not touching her again if
this was the result. “That’s it,” Victoria urged. “One more time—you can do it.”
Catherine moaned as pain shot through her belly. Sweat dripped down her forehead, and her hair was drenched. She wanted this to be over with already. Why had she ever wanted children? This was the worst pain of her life. She could do it. God… Why did having a baby have to hurt so bloody much? Catherine wasn’t going to let Ash touch her ever again. She closed her eyes and breathed though the agony. One more time… A contraction flowed through her stomach in waves, and Catherine groaned through it. She pushed with everything she had left inside of her. This baby has to come out…
With the last contraction she was able to expel the baby from inside of her. Victoria cut the cord and wrapped it in a towel. “Congratulations, you have a son. He’s on the small side, but otherwise perfect.” She handed the bundle to Asher.
“Let me see him,” she demanded as pains wracked her body again. “Ohh… I thought it was over.”
Victoria checked her and gasped. “There’s a second baby.”
“That would explain all the kicking.” She should have considered the possibility, but she hadn’t. Catherine had been so concerned about her husband she hadn’t paid enough attention to her own pregnancy. Her belly had been extra large now that she had time to consider it. Perhaps she should be more surprised, but she couldn’t find the strength for it. Having a baby—two babies, was too exhausting for anything else.
As they went through it all again, she prayed there were no more surprise babies ready to slide from her body. What had she done to deserve this kind of torment? Victoria cut the cord on the second baby and bundled it up. “This one is a girl.”
“I can’t believe it,” Asher said. “We have two babies.” His voice was filled with awe.
Catherine couldn’t be more exhausted. It was finally over, and while she wanted to hold her children, all she really desired at the moment was to sleep. “Twins run in my family,” she said. “I should have realized it sooner.” If she hadn’t dealt with Asher’s injuries, perhaps she would have.