Chapter 4
I had sat in the silence for a few minutes. Whelp, now or never. “Max isn’t dead.” He gave me a puzzled look. “Oh I’m sorry you said he wasn’t around anymore, I just assumed, I apologize. Are you still together?” He almost had urgency in his voice. Why did it matter to him?
“No were not.” I was not trying to be so short. I just could not tell him what had happened. The man was a cop for God sakes. He seemed to be able to tell that I did not want to talk about it anymore and I felt slightly relieved when he smiled and said, “Well I think that maybe I should be going. Thanks for letting me help you today and thanks for the tea.”
I was not sure why, but I was almost sad to see him go. “Sure, no problem, I think tea is the least I can do after everything you have done for me.” He smiled and said he would see me later. However, it sounded more like a promise than anything did.
I went to bed that night and it was the first night that I slept all night without any nightmares in I don’t know how long, I didn’t care why, but Oliver had come into my life uninvited and I was glad. I was happy to have made a new friend, even if he was a little too curious for my taste.
chapter 5
I woke up feeling so refreshed. I looked at the clock and it read 6:45. Good. I had about an hour before I had to wake up my little Belle. I was anxious to make myself a cup of coffee and sit on my porch. Gloria had these beautiful chairs on the porch and I loved to sit and watch the trees blow in the wind. I have no idea what kind of trees were in the yard but they were huge and had beautiful light pink flowers on the tops.
I did this as a child. I would just sit, watch, and take in the smell of the wind. I stopped doing things like this when my parents died and I was not allowed to sit and do nothing around Max. He found something for me to do, usually something around the house. He said it was lazy to sit and relax and he would not have it in his home.
So many things I wish I could have done differently. I did not think that I was the kind of woman who would allow a man to treat me that way. My father was so kind to my mother. He never raised his voice or put his hands on her in any way but to be affectionate. Why me? Did I look like a victim? Did he pick me out of some crowd because I looked stupid? I guess I will never know. It does not do me any good to dwell in what ifs or what I should have done, which is ran like hell when I first met him, but I would not have Annabelle and that little girl is my lifeline. I love her so much.
There was a time in my life when I thought I was not ever going to be capable of love. I was not even sure that it was love I felt with Max, but when Annabelle was born, I knew. This is the kind of love I felt with my parents. They left me too soon. I guess I will never find peace with it.
I slowly closed my eyes and drifted off, “Please Max, please. Do not do this. I know that you love me. I know you do. We can be happy. I will take care of you and Belle and I will do what you say,” I said pleading with him.
He loosened his grip on my neck. “Oh honey, I am so sorry. Do you see what you made me do? You made me so angry that I did this.” He was still hovering over me, I looked to the corner of my eye, and that is when I saw it. I was trying to reach it with my right hand that Max could not see because it was below his waist.
“Mommy, where are you,” Annabelle shouted. I woke up startled. Oh no, oh thank goodness. Its ok, your safe Grace, you are safe. I had to tell myself this several times a day just to make it through sometimes. I guess I dozed off. “I am out here baby,” I shouted. “Mommy I’m so hungry I could eat a hippo!” I laughed.
“Ok Belle let’s get some breakfast.”
I walked her inside and looked at the clock, 7:30. I had just enough time to shower and give Annabelle a bath. If I hurried, I could make her pancakes, her favorite breakfast food. We had to be at Maggie’s by nine.
After breakfast and showers, we were dressed and ready to go by 8:30. Not bad. “Ok Miss Belle, are you ready to meet Maggie? She is the nice lady who is going to take care of you while mommy works today, ok?”
“Ok mommy,” she said. However, I knew she was afraid. My little princess was a ball of energy, but she was so shy. On the walk over, I grabbed the piece of paper that Oliver had given me and opened it up to check the address. 151 Parker Ln., hmm didn’t Oliver say his last name was Parker, that is cute, I thought, their family name as their street name.
We found Maggie’s, walked up the driveway and rang the bell. I had ahold of Belle’s hand and she was shaking. She was so nervous. I bent down and whispered in her ear, “Hey there Belle, she is very nice and has two kids not too much older than you, chin up princess.” She smiled at me. It was not hard to make her smile.
I reached out to ring the bell again and before my hand got to it, Maggie opened the door and squealed, “OMG! You must be Grace, and who is this? Is your name Annabelle?” Belle nodded her head and gave Maggie a shy smile. “Hi my name is Maggie,” she said.
“Hi Maggie, I am so happy to meet you. You have no idea how much I appreciate this,” I said. “Oh nonsense, I love kids. In addition, I love my big baby brother. He spoke very highly of you so I figured that I would help in any way that I could.” She gave me a warm smile. I can already tell that I like her.
I do not know why hearing Maggie say that Oliver spoke highly about me made me blush, but it did and boy did she notice. “Yes Oli has been so nice to us, so kind. I do not think I can repay any of you for your help. However, please Maggie, let me pay you for your help. I just wouldn’t feel right about it.”
“Oh, no way! Not happening, I am home anyways dear. I do not need the money at all and I want to help. Besides my kids, do not have many friends their age in town. They will love to play with Annabelle so I will not take a dime. Don’t even try it,” she laughed.
I really liked how energetic she was. She was slightly taller than I was and had long dark chestnut hair. It was the same color as Oliver’s. In fact, they looked a lot alike, besides the fact that she had blue eyes, they were pretty, she was pretty and she had a beautiful smile.
It was near ten when I looked at the clock in Maggie’s kitchen. I had sat with her for almost an hour just chatting and I listened to her gossip about the town. It was nice to have made a friend. I made friends with Gloria immediately and with Oliver, but it was nice to have a new friend who is near my age, and a friend that I was not attracted to as I was with Oliver.
“Well thanks again Maggie. I have to get into the store and help Gloria. She told me that I could leave around four today so I won’t be gone that long.”
“Oh, no problem, just get here when you can. I promise I will take care of her. I won’t let anything happen to her.” She winked when she said it. “I think we will be good friends Grace.” I smiled, “I think so too. I am grateful to have made a friend, I don’t have many.”
Once I got to the store Gloria was already there and opening up the boxes that were just delivered. “Oh Gloria, let me help you do that. You shouldn’t be even lifting these.”
“I am not dead Grace, well not yet at least. But your right I can already feel my arthritis kicking in.” Gloria was a hard stubborn old broad. She reminded me of my grandmother. She died when I was eight, but I remember her hard, tough, stubborn attitude.
It was a little past three and Gloria had gone home for the day. She could not last as long as she wanted to. It made me so sad. I was cleaning the place up, dusting and sweeping when I heard the door open.
Finally! Not a customer all day and one show up now ten minutes before we close. I turned around and was surprised to see Oliver. Well I guess maybe excited, or surprised. Heck I do not know. “Hey Grace. I thought I would stop by and see if you’re doing ok today.”
That was nice, but why did he think I wasn’t ok? “Oh, ok well yes I am doing ok. It was a bit of a slow day, and I am anxious to get back go Annabelle.” He smiled, “I know, Maggie said you called about five times today.”
“It was not five, it was more like four,” I smiled.
“I’m sorry, she was great. I really like Maggie. Annabelle really liked her too; I guess I just have issues is all.” “Oh that’s all huh,” Oliver said sarcastically. “Yes,” I smiled. Well what does that mean?
“I can drive you over to Maggie’s to get Annabelle and then drive you home.” Why was he so nice? “I couldn’t ask you to do that again and besides you are on duty again,” I said nervously. “Well I don’t remember you asking, I did.”
Ok geez. “Ok well sure. Let me just finish up here, lock up and I will be ready to go,” I said. “Sure,” he grinned. Oh lord I love that grin.
I finished up and we headed over to get Annabelle. “Thanks again for the ride,” I said giving a light nervous smile.
“It’s not a problem at all Grace. I enjoy it.” He does, does he? Well that is strange. In a good way, I guess.
Once we got to Maggie’s I felt better. I saw Annabelle playing in the front yard with Maggie’s two boys. They were so cute. She was having so much fun that she did not even notice that I was there.
“Hi Maggie sorry for the stalker calls today, it seems I was being silly because it looks like she is having a blast,” I said. “Oh she is and she did all day. She is a very delightful little girl, we had so much fun,” Maggie said smiling.
“I am so glad.” Come on Annabelle, we need to get home and get dinner started.” She saw me and her face lit up.
“Mommy! I want to show you something, this is Luke and Cole, and they are my friends, Annabelle said squealing with delight. “Oh, hello boys, it is nice to meet you. I am Annabelle’s mother, Grace.” The boys were so sweet and I could tell that they were sad to see Belle leave. “Can Belle come back tomorrow?” Luke the older boy said. “Of course she can,” I said laughing. “Oh great! Yippee!” Cole said.
“She was really fun today and ate very well. She also took a short nap. I forgot to ask you if she took naps, but I could not keep her up. The poor thing was beat, probably because of my boys and their never ending energy,” Maggie said laughing. I laughed quietly; it was just what Belle needed.
chapter 6
The next few weeks went by so fast. I had been working Monday through Thursday to help Gloria and I had Friday through Sunday off. It was nice to spend the time with Belle. Almost every day that I worked, Oliver made some excuse to drop by the store. He always ended it with “Can I drive you over to Maggie’s to pick up Belle?”
It did not take long for my little nickname for Annabelle to catch on in town. Barely anyone called her Annabelle anymore. I think she preferred it that way.
Oliver was so kind to me, it was in the way he spoke to me and the way he was very careful around me. Almost as if he thought that if he were not, I would break, he was probably right.
I had good nights and bad ones. Some nights I woke up screaming and others were not so bad. The dreams would never go away. I guess I was being punished for what happened to Max that led to my escape. It was painful to remember that night.
Every so often, Oliver would bring it up in some way or another. He would mention how we both in a way lost someone so maybe that is why we were so easy to be around each other. I always changed the subject quick too. He may be a cop, who was trained in the big streets of New York, but I was from Chicago and I knew how to divert him.
We always took the same way home every day and it never grew old to me. It was a nice short drive, but had great scenery.
One afternoon while on our way back to my house, Oliver reached for my hand. I immediately shook and pulled away. “I’m sorry Grace I should have asked.” He had tried things like that before. He never really said he liked me, but I guess with what little experience in men I had, I could tell.
“No it’s ok; I am the one who should be sorry. I am sorry I am so broken and cannot be saved, it is not you Oli it really is me, I am so screwed up, I don’t think I will be normal again. Nevertheless, can I ask you why you did that? Why you have been doing things like that for weeks now?” I eyed him closely.
“I… I do not really know. I wanted to I guess. Your skin it is soft and you are so beautiful. I don’t even know how to do this anymore,” his voice trailed off.
Oh boy, I was nervous. We pulled up to the house and Annabelle who was being as quiet as she could, got out of the car and ran to play on her tricycle that Maggie had given her. I walked over to the porch so I could sit down and watch her play, one of my favorite things to do. “Oli, do you want to sit with me for a while?” He smiled, “Of course I do.”
We sat in silence for a while. No doubt each of us trying to do the same thing, think of something to say to break the awkward silence. “Grace, can I ask you something,” Oliver finally said. “Sure,” I said.
“Your husband, do you still love him,” Oliver said quietly. What kind of question is that? How would I even answer it? I thought for a minute before saying, “No, I don’t Oli, does that make me a bad person?”
“Of course not, I am not an idiot Grace; I can see you have been hurt. I am just trying to figure out how deep those wounds go,” he said grabbing my hand carefully. I pulled away fast.
“Believe me when I say this Oli, they are deep, non-repairable.” He looked at me with piercing eyes. “Let me try,” he said again grabbing for my hand. Why would he want to? I have to hand it to him for his persistence.
“Oli, why would you want to? I have not had the best track record with men and I come with some serious baggage. I have emotional and physical scars that I cannot make go away. The only thing that keeps me going is Belle,” I said almost ashamed.
“I get that Grace, I do, but I want you to know something, you are honestly the most beautiful thing I have ever seen,” he said. Smooth Oliver, wait didn’t he say that about his late wife Lindsay?
“Well I don’t mean to be negative, but didn’t you say that Lindsay was the most beautiful thing you had ever seen,” I said with a smile. His face dropped and his mouth twisted into a hard line. I could tell I had struck a nerve. “Oh Oliver, I’m so sorry. That was out of line. I didn’t mean it.”
“No, no it’s ok. Yes I did say that Grace, but at the time I said she was the prettiest girl I had ever seen, meaning past tense. One look at you and I was done for,” he blushed. Oh my goodness, no one had ever said anything like that to me. “Your smart, funny, bossy, you are so beautiful and so strong. I am not sure I can carry on without being able to see you every single day and seeing the warmth of your smile,” he said.
I stood up embarrassed. “Hey please don’t hide, it is ok, I will protect you, I swear to it. I will never let anything happen to you or Belle. Please believe this, believe me. Let me take you out tomorrow night. It’s Friday and there is always something to do in town on Fridays,” he said. He sounded so excited.
He had taken me by surprise. I did not expect him at all. However, I could not help but admit that I felt safe with him. I had never felt safe anywhere since my parents died. “Where would Annabelle go,” I said with a grin. He jumped towards me excited.
“YOU’LL GO,” He shouted, quite loudly. “Well yeah, but what about Belle,” I said again.
“Well she can come with us, or Maggie might be free.” I felt bad asking Maggie to watch Belle again. However, something in my head told me to stop feeling bad. I spent every day feeling bad or scared. Just stop Grace…live a little. I smiled and said, “Ok it’s a date.”
I had spent the entire day obsessing over our night out tonight. I literally could not stop. I was cleaning the house and obsessively trying on clothes. I did not have much so it was not as if I could wow Oliver in a new dress or outfit that he had not already seen. That made me frown, but I tried to let it go.
“Letting it go”, it was my new motto. At least I was trying to tell myself it was. I was really trying. When you have been dealt a shit hand of cards in your life it is hard to let go and move on. I think for me the biggest issue was that I did not know what mine and Belle’s future would bring. Would Max come after us? What was I saying? Of
course, he would try, but would he find us? I could not stomach the thought.
The clock said one pm. Oliver was coming to get me around six and we would drop Annabelle off at Maggie’s. I was so tired. I yelled down the hall to Belle, “Hey Belle, sweetie, are you feeling sleepy? Mommy is feeling very sleepy. I did not sleep well last night. Do you want to take a nap?”
She came into the living room and frowned a little. “Ok, Mommy I guess we can take a nap, but only a short one ok?” I laughed at the sight of her yawning and her eyes getting heavy. “Ok baby, it will be short.”
I was pleading with him, begging. It was not my finest moment in life, but nothing else worked with that man. “Max, its ok I forgive you, we can get through this,” I said begging. He would always easily believe that I would forgive him, I wanted him to. I wanted him to think it was all right again. His brain worked in sick ways, but as long as he had calmed down and was not choking me, I knew I had him.
I was gently stroking the back of his head with my left hand, and my hip, still reaching for it, rested my right hand down. He was still hovering over me like the dominant man he was. I finally grabbed a hold of it. A piece of glass that had fallen down from one of the picture frames that smashed in pieces when Max attacked me was over to the side, I gripped it tightly in my hand. I could feel the hard sharp glass cutting into my palm. This is it, no turning back now.
I jumped up startled; I heard a knock at the door. I was confused. Still half a sleep, I looked around the room. Oh thank God, it was just another dream. Well I was not happy about the dreams, but I was happy that at least for now they were not real.
I looked down and Annabelle was still fast asleep, good, she needs a good nap. A light knock at the door again. Who could that be? I slowly got up careful not to disrupt my sleeping beauty, walked into the living room and peaked through the window. Oh, thank my stars it is just Maggie. However, why was she here? I opened the door quietly. This old house had a lot of squeaks and loud sounds. “Hey Maggie,” I said.
Save Me Page 3