by Mike Ashley
Mr LeBroque glared icily at him and bowed stiffly.
“I see you have not lost your charm sir. It was this gentleman,” he added, nodding at Kokki, “I wished to see most particularly. Enter, please.”
He turned and went inside. Danvers noticed that although he tried to conceal it, LeBroque moved slowly, as if in some discomfort. LeBroque’s comments about Kokki had set his nerve ends quivering.
The Three Cavaliers disappeared to stable the horses and joined them later as they ate a leisurely breakfast. The frosty atmosphere had eased slightly as Sir Danvers had explained the circumstances of their meeting.
LeBroque said, “Today is the 22nd of December. I have reliable information that as soon as 1803 strikes on midnight of the 31st, all non-Frenchmen will be interned, with their goods and property. This will include all the Wind Wizards who are currently visiting on an extended stay. It was Bony’s intention to lure them in and hold them hostage until they could be employed by him on a special excursion. Bony never intended to keep the truce any longer than he had to.”
Agent Kokki cleared his throat and said, “Dis excrusion – vot is it, wack?” Sir Danvers noticed that a decidedly Liverpool tone crept into his voice as he grew more serious.
“The excrusion, uhm, excursion is this. Bony has acquired a number of things from his Egyptian campaign, including a lot of useless old oil lamps, and a large number of flying carpets. These come with a manual, of course, written in old Aramaic. Unfortunately there are no Old Aramaics around to translate, and as there are very few who know this language the flying carpets are somewhat erratic. An experiment was carried out with a Bohemian officer, one Dudcek, who tried to fly one of these devices and fell off as it suddenly turned over. He was impaled on a flagpole. The locals thought he was a wind-vane at first. They are now making experiments on how to control the carpets and have worked out a stratagem that involves a large number of Wind Wizards. Hence the projected internment.”
Kokki snorted and said, “Hey pal, dere’s no chance of that, like. Me mates is gonna tell dis scally to go and fook himself. Dese carpets, how many ’as he got, like?”
LeBroque said, “He had about four hundred but some of his flyers became expert very quickly and flew away. Some joined us and are now, of course, Allied Carpets. Approximately three hundred and eighty are left. He has joined some of them together to cover an area sufficient to hold a large number of troops. The plan is to mount sails on them and fly troops across to England with a Wind Wizard who can direct the elements so that they land in the right places. The French know how to raise and lower the carpets but cannot direct them. They will use Wind Wizards to do that. Needless to say, the Wizards will be under close surveillance. They will be shot if any treachery is attempted.”
There was a silence for a while, broken only by Kokki crunching on a beef-bone that he had produced from his bag. Bonaparte had tried to defeat the British Navy before, but his ships could not clear the Channel. This plan, although fraught with peril, could work. Danvers cleared his throat and said, “I refer to my earlier comments regarding your injuries. An explanation is, I am sure, readily available.”
Danvers had already heard rumours that LeBroque had had an accident whilst fleeing from some dalliance in which Alois was somehow involved. It appeared to involve a leap over a wall at which Alois was more adept than LeBroque. The strapping and bandages subsequently required had made it impossible for LeBroque to move all parts of himself in unison. But Danvers had dismissed this as malicious gossip.
For several moments Sir Danvers and LeBroque held each other in a steely gaze. LeBroque stiffened, then relaxed and said reluctantly, “I am indeed injured, although recovering. I had an argument with swords with a local gentleman who insulted not only my companion, but our Royal Family. He is of the Jacobite tendency and no friend of the current government, or of his Britannic Majesty.”
Sir Danvers was not convinced but let it pass. He sighed and said, “Do they still cling to their ridiculous claim? James of Monmouth was lucky to escape after Sedgemoor, his son got hopelessly lost at Gravelly Hill and his son, when he landed at East Bourne, totally failed to arouse its inhabitants.”
LeBroque shrugged and continued, “It is worse than this. Jacobites will lead the troops on the carpets. They have sworn to overthrow the King and set up the current Duke, Andrew, as the new monarch. Now to my own concerns. I have been feeding reports concerning fleet movements, which seem either not to be believed, or to be ignored. My demands for legitimate expenses have only been half-met. My pockets are to let, all my money is spent and I need to report to London directly, gentlemen.”
They were digesting this information when Kokki suddenly stiffened, arched his back and let off a truly thunderous eructation of wind. The sound seemed to go on for ever and on the final rasp his head jerked and he broke into a rapid stream of explosive phrases and grunts, his head shaking from side to side. Eventually his head slumped, he coughed, grinned and said, “Sorry about dat, folks, der vind joost slipped out, like. Me head was full of wirds from me mates, who are being held not too far away. Dey joost let me know dat tings is bad.”
Baskerville went and quietly opened windows and the acrid stench eventually dispersed.
Danvers coughed and said, “How do you communicate with your friends? By spirit messages or some such? I have heard of such things but I had never believed them. And is the, uhm, digestive attack part of the process?”
Kokki beamed and said, “Well, de voices coom because de others unite dere minds, like, and send me messages. It just works, nobody knows how like, we call it mindspeak. But my body’s allergic to it, like, but instead of sneezing I just let rip. I’ve been known to rise from de floor when a particularly volatile message comes through.”
“What’s this latest message about?”
“Dey say that de Frogs have threatened them like, dat dey will be shot unless dey guide de carpets across to England on New Year’s Day. Dey reckon everybody will be off-guard and dey can make a successful invasion, like.”
Danvers drew in a deep breath, immediately regretted it and said, “Why have they not communicated with us earlier?”
“Free drink, unlimited women and horsemeat for days, wack, and dey wasn’t sayin anythin’ to anyone except, more horsemeat with a side order of chips.”
Danvers cringed and tried not to think of Wind Wizards indulging carnal appetites, or, indeed, of what staunch females would engage in such practices with them. He said, “Can you speak to them now?”
“Yeah, dey is woke up and sober now, but you’d all have to leave de room. It could get noisy and a bit overwhelming in here. Vot shall I say?”
“Tell them that we shall endeavour to escape ourselves. They must not risk their lives, but carry out their orders. We will think of a way to receive them without risk to their personal safety. By the way, do the Admiralty know of the special power of mindspeak?”
“Ve haff mentioned it to dem, but some lughead named Captain Branson said it vos not possible, so ve don’t charge for it.”
“Do you have any other special gifts, apart from waking the dead with your arse?”
“Vell, dis is big secret like but . . .” and he leaned closer to Danvers who made a private resolution to have all he stood up in, including the boots, burned to ashes and to bathe four times a day for the rest of his life. Danvers felt his spirits lift and his nose contract as his nostrils tried to hide, to leave his face, to do anything to escape the horrible stench.
He left the room taking deep gasping breaths and signalled to LeBroque and the brothers that he wished to have a word. It took twenty minutes’ hard talking to sketch out a plan and to draft the basic tactics. All the while a noise like an elephant’s tea party came from the room in which Kokki strained to make contact.
After a fierce argument over details concerning the planned reception of the carpet squadrons, Danvers looked at LeBroque and said, “It all depends, of course, on our extricating ourselv
es. I assume you have some reliable means of escaping our situation as I also assume we cannot simply present ourselves at a port and leave.”
“It would be found that our papers were not in order, we would be forced to delay our departure and then of course it would be too late. I fear also that the house is being watched. Alois tells me that there are agents in the grounds.”
“I would be interested to know how Alois can communicate with you so eloquently. His, uhm, body is not adapted for long conversation, I think.”
“Alois is only a wolf sometimes and anyway, as brothers, we have a special bond.”
“I see. And do you have the ability to change your appearance in such a way as Alois? I would see you as a Jack Russell myself.”
“I can, but choose not to. Raw meat does not suit me and I always end up with a bad attack of the mange.”
“How dogmatic. I am going to risk life and limb by going into that room again to ask Kokki to see if he can send a message to any of his colleagues in London. If I do not emerge within thirty seconds, tell my wife that it was for England.” And with those words Danvers strode towards the source of the noise.
Kokki was eating again and nodded as Danvers, standing as far away as possible, asked him if he could mindspeak to London. Kokki said nothing for a while, then nodded and said, “Yiss, it is possible. I joost spoke to me brooder, Juha, who is junior assistant vind vizard (3rd Grade). Joost giff him warming, joost a minute, please.” Danvers only just made it out the door before eruptions started.
He returned with a candle. This was not a good idea, as the resulting explosion removed half his eyebrows and singed a seriously ugly ancestral wall-mounted portrait. Danvers wrote hurriedly in his pocketbook and, tearing out the sheets, handed them to Kokki, who grinned and rose three feet off the ground as internal gases propelled him into the air.
After some more buttock music Kokki shouted that they would be picked up at the beach at two the following morning, and could he have some sparkling wine to settle his stomach.
The hours passed slowly, their tedium only enlivened by the appearance of the young lady, Arlette, in a very fetching boy’s costume. The resulting comments from all sides had brought a blush to her cheek and a dangerous sparkle to the eyes of Mr LeBroque. However, their gallantries were quelled by Alois, who growled very softly deep in his chest, and disappeared. Soon afterwards they were joined by an extremely hirsute young man with deep-set grey eyes. Danvers was fascinated to hear his voice, which was light and breathy. He told them that the agents had been alarmed by the numerous noisy interludes and had left to report to their local supervisor.
Danvers and the others took advantage of this and departed for the beach. Danvers looked at his watch and winced as a little breeze sent searching nasty cold fingers into his body. Two hours to go. He glanced at the others. Arlette was huddling close to LeBroque; the de la Toques were muttering together and Kokki and Baskerville were debating whether to look for driftwood and light a small fire. Suddenly the sound of French voices could be heard. Either they had been followed or the servants had been induced to talk. Kokki grinned and, turning his back, produced a rapid volley of musket-like sounds. There were shouts and screams because, as Danvers noticed with interest, the noise was accompanied by the flamelike effects of a number of firearms being discharged. Kokki was a veritable arsenal. The French voices retreated and there was silence. Kokki grinned and took Baskerville to look for firewood.
The French brothers, after many whispered speeches, clattered away, and the rest of Danvers’s group shivered in the dark until the sound of oars slowly splashing through the water alerted them. The boat stopped some distance away out to sea and a smaller shape got out and splashed through the shallow waters to reveal itself as a soaking midshipman.
“Captain’s compliments and could you make your way to the boats, please. Can’t come in any further for fear of guard boats.” He turned and splashed back the way he had come.
Sir Danvers gritted his teeth and plunged into the freezing water. He swore and slipped his way until he came to the side of a very large rowing boat with mounted swivel-guns. He climbed aboard, to be joined by the others. Arlette’s boyish appearance produced some excited murmurs, which were stifled by a few sharp words and a blow to the back of the head of one rather forward seaman who took a little too much trouble assisting her aboard. Kokki was not so welcome and quickly found a space for himself. Courtesy had miraculously appeared among the crew.
They had hardly got under way when there was a swoosh and a huge splash nearby which caused the boat to plunge wildly so that the oarsmen missed their stroke and the craft slowed. The commander let out an oath as another explosion set the vessel tipping crazily again and the men clung to the sides and stopped rowing or dropped their oars. Danvers pulled one of the smaller men out of his place, grabbed the flailing end of his oar and started pulling with all his might. Kokki and Baskerville followed suit and the three civilians puffed and strained. A bosun started smacking the seamen and screaming in their faces above the din of falling shot. Gradually the boat picked up speed and the flickering lights of the chasing enemy craft diminished. But still they were too close for comfort.
Suddenly, from above, a volley of fire came out of the faint dawn and raked the pursuing boats, sinking several and causing panic among the survivors. The boat crew started shouting and gesturing upwards until forcibly restrained by the warrant officer who screamed at them to row like buggery. The captain had stood up to wave his thanks when he fell forward howling and clutching his thigh. A small French craft had crept up unseen and fired on them, causing several casualties.
Danvers glanced up cautiously and froze. There appeared to be four elongated craft suspended above them. They were painted black and he could see slung underneath them a cabin with large portholes. A barrel protruded from one of these portholes and hellish fire rained down on the enemy who circled and fruitlessly shot musket balls into the air.
Danvers looked round and saw with dismay that some of the enemy boats’ lights were gaining on them. He redoubled his efforts and resumed pulling and the men followed. They began to move slowly away as a patter of musket shot skittered across the murky water. They reached the side of the ship drenched in sweat, their hands bleeding and sore, and were helped aboard. The second-in-command, after seeing his superior go below for a painful session with the surgeon, bellowed out orders and the old ship started to move slowly. The airships loomed menacingly over the remaining pursuers and poured deadly fire upon them in streamers and lances of flame. The pursuers replied with a final defiant, if ragged, volley of shots, some of which crashed into the vessel’s side.
Before he went below Sir Danvers asked one of the younger officers, a serious young gentleman who gave his name as O’Brian, about the airships. He shrugged and said, “They are one of our very special squadrons. They are kept aloft by a very powerful gas newly discovered and they are propelled and controlled by junior Wind Wizards. The men who crew them are commanded by Captain Lucas and they are known as Skywalkers. Only the most intrepid will take on the duty – it is a very hazardous section of the navy. Those who operate by night are called the Stealth Squadron.”
The civilians were ushered into the officers’ wardroom, which was being used by the surgeon, just in time to see the semi-conscious and pale figure of the captain being carried to his cabin. Their hands were soothed with grease and their insides with grog and they recovered their breath.
LeBroque had taken no part in the foregoing festivities as he had been covering his lady friend’s body with his own. This had no doubt been very noble and brave of him, but Danvers reckoned he would have preferred him to take a turn on the oars. He escorted her to the wardroom where the surgeon, summing up the situation, had offered her brandy and water and a not too clean blanket to cover herself. Alois, who had also taken no part, confined his activities to shaking himself thoroughly and soaking everyone around him. Kokki, who had fired off numerous sho
ts from his arsenal as he acted as rear gunner, was nibbling on some rather rancid pork procured from the officers’ servant.
A series of crashes and screams came from outside and Danvers and Baskerville grasped their weapons and rushed on deck. A large number of Frenchmen, led by a big man waving a cutlass, were coming over the side. They’d flown there on huge wings, which they shed on landing.
Danvers unsheathed his sword, tied the cord attached to the hilt to his wrist and plunged forward towards the large Frenchman who, seeing him, across the main deck ran to meet him. He hurled himself at Danvers, who skipped to one side and made a short stabbing movement with his sword into his opponent’s groin. The Frenchman parried the stroke and they locked their arms and swayed but Danvers sensed that sheer weight of numbers was pushing the Englishmen back to defeat.
Suddenly there was a patter of feet behind the main body of French and they were assailed from the rear by men descending on rope ladders from the airships that had lowered themselves to allow their crew to assist the ship’s fighting men. On seeing this and also getting the full odour of the young Wind Wizards who headed the crew, the remaining Frenchmen promptly surrendered.
The mopping-up took another half an hour and then HMS Puissant hoisted sail and took to the open sea. After they had landed, Danvers took LeBroque to one side and asked him if he still had their proposal to foil the invasion. LeBroque tapped his coat and after profuse handshakes all round with the ship’s crew they stepped into the coach and headed swiftly for London.
On hearing the coach stop Lucy raced downstairs and wordlessly flung herself into the arms of the huge figure. The servants all stood around, waiting for instructions. Sir Danvers raised his head and with a slight nod indicated that they should withdraw.
His wife, taking her opportunity to speak, said somewhat breathlessly, “And just where the flamin’ ’ell have you been? Nearly missed Christmas, cully. I’ve got something hot in the oven for you, mate, which I’ve been cooking for a few days.”