“I HOPE YOU’RE COMFORTABLE up here,” my stepmother Cricket said as she bustled around the attic room that Brooke and I had slept in as children. The slanting roof that had felt playfully intriguing when I was younger now seemed to confine me in a cage very much like the imaginary one I’d pushed my wolf into weeks ago, back when my darker half and I were still on speaking terms. That thought, along with the bleakness of my future made me bark out a laugh in response to Cricket’s words—comfort was the furthest thing from my mind right now.
Rather than taking offense, Cricket paused in her puttering and sank down onto the edge of the bed beside me. “You know we’re all so glad you’re home,” she said softly, gazing into my eyes as if begging me to understand, although she didn’t reach out to touch me. My stepmother was stick-thin and had always seemed to lack the maternal nature of my own mother, but Cricket wasn’t cold-hearted like the Chief, so I tried to at least be polite to her. Unfortunately, I couldn’t seem to muster any social graces now.
“Don’t take this personally, Cricket,” I replied, “but moving back to Haven has always been my worst nightmare.” Taking a deep breath and moving beyond my own woes, I looked at my stepmother consideringly. “I’m actually surprised you’re still here given the...um...problems with Ethan.”
Now Cricket did pat my hand, but it was an uncomfortable movement, similar to the way a dog owner would try to stroke a cat and muddle it all up. It occurred to me to wonder how such a fragile woman had kept her half-human background a secret all these years, and whether she could possibly handle my father’s anger now. If I didn’t miss my guess, Chief Wilder would have been beside himself when he realized his prized son couldn’t shift, and I wouldn’t have been surprised to find Cricket still recovering from broken bones. But, no, my stepmother seemed as whole and healthy as she’d ever been.
“He knew about me all along, dear,” Cricket told me quietly, and it took a minute for me to parse her words and to realize she was talking about my father, not about Ethan. “We considered it a fair gamble....” Her eyes became distant for a moment, and I actually could imagine my father marrying a halfie, even understanding that there was a 50% chance any son he sired would be human. Maybe it was my father’s bloodling nature—another surprise to me today—that made him equally willing to entrust his future to luck as to skill. Yet another puzzle for me to work through when my mind was less clogged with grief.
“I’m just glad you’re okay,” I told my stepmother quietly after a minute, because that much, at least, was true. Now didn’t seem like the appropriate time to ask where Ethan had been sent off to in disgrace and how my father could have kept his bloodling past so well hidden, although these puzzles were threatening to pull me out of the wallowing I so badly craved. Nothing like concern about others to ruin a bout of self pity.
“Well,” Cricket answered, jumping back to her feet and plumping up pillows that didn’t need plumping. “I should get back to work on dinner. Call me if you need anything.” Even as she spoke the words, my stepmother was moving toward the door, and I knew I should have offered to join her downstairs to help out with the task. But I couldn’t quite make my legs move. I would have to take my place within the stifling women’s realm of Haven eventually, but Cricket seemed to understand that I needed this one day to mourn the outside world, and I appreciated her quiet support.
I had already started to drift back into my grief when my stepmother turned back from the open doorway to face me. “Oh!” she exclaimed, “I forgot to ask if you read the letter from your sister that I put in your file?”
That woke me up, and my hand closed involuntarily around the unopened envelope I’d been carrying around in my pocket all day. When I first saw Brooke’s letter, I’d been afraid to read it, knowing the presence of my sister’s missive was part of my father’s intricate plan to wind me up in his web of intrigue. Later, I’d gotten sidetracked by the joy of mingling with Wolfie’s pack and had forgotten all about the note. But when I left Dale’s house this morning, I’d reached out and put the envelope in my pocket, meaning to throw it back in Chief Wilder’s face unopened. Now, discovering that the letter had been placed in the file by my stepmother was just...confusing.
But before I could answer Cricket, another familiar voice drifted toward us from the stairway. “Don’t worry, I’ll show myself up,” the female werewolf called as her head crested the opening into the attic. Quetzalli hefted a duffel bag up behind her, nodded at my stepmother, then said to me, “Looks like we’re roomies.”
TO BE HONEST, I HADN’T really expected to see any member of Wolfie’s pack again. But if anyone was going to show up, Quetzalli wouldn’t have been the werewolf I’d thought most likely, nor would she have been the one I’d prefer. I could imagine Oscar being left behind as a sort of honor guard if Chase had felt some misplaced duty toward a woman who was once nearly a pack member, and I would have liked to imagine that Galena was enough of my friend that she might have chosen to help me through the weeks to come. Even one of the yahoos would have been preferred over Quetzalli, who was the rougher and more masculine side of her and Galena’s partnership. While some of the other pack members might have glossed over my harsh words that afternoon, Quetzalli was bound to have taken offense, and she wouldn’t hesitate to let me know it.
From the look in her eyes after my stepmother pattered away down the stairs, Quetzalli wasn’t any more pleased to be here than I was to see her. “Not my idea,” she muttered as she carried her duffel over to the spare bed under the window. Her tone said Case closed, but I couldn’t let it go at that.
“Okaaay,” I answered, drawing out the word, then settled on simply asking her flat-out. “Whose idea was it then?”
Quetzalli rolled her eyes at me before turning away to begin unpacking her possessions. She’d clearly known she was staying before leaving the pack’s compound because the werewolf had filled her bag with underwear, a change of clothes, and toiletries. Which meant Chase must have talked to her since he was the only one who had known about my plan before the fact.
Or so I’d thought. “Wolfie, who else?” Quetzalli answered, her back still to me. “Although why he would bother worrying about you is beyond me.”
Quetzalli’s revelation silenced me for at least fifteen minutes, which might have been her intention. During that time, my mind raced over the events of the last twenty-four hours, honing in on Wolfie’s visit the night before and on his subtle attempts to drag me back into pack life. Yes, it was no stretch to imagine that Chase might have told his friend about my planned betrayal—I’d always known that was a possibility, even though I’d hoped I was convincing enough to prompt Chase to keep my secret. And, although it was harder to believe, I could also see Wolfie deciding that the decision was mine to make, then squelching his own feelings in order to let me follow my chosen path. Despite being a bloodling, Wolfie was nothing like the domineering males I’d known in the past, and he probably guessed that if he had forbidden me to trade myself for Keith, I would have just sneaked away in the night and carried out my plan without the pack for backup.
But if the bloodling had the willpower to restrain himself from forcing me to stay home the way any other alpha would have, why didn’t he also have the willpower not to attempt attacking Chief Wilder? It didn’t seem possible that Wolfie’s uncontrollable shifts and his lunges against the rope leash had been an act this afternoon, although that was the obvious conclusion. Perhaps the young alpha really was that skilled of an actor?
But if Wolfie’s behavior had all been a farce, played out for my father’s benefit, what was the purpose of the subterfuge? While I would have loved to think that Wolfie was simply buying time so he could come up with a longer-term solution to our problem, I wasn’t so sure that Wolfie could still want me back after my inflammatory words. But, Quetzalli’s presence suggested that the young alpha wasn’t done with me just yet, which sent a tiny surge of hope flickering through my deadened soul.
The onl
y clue I had to begin deciphering the puzzle was Quetzalli herself, so despite her angry silence, I attempted to draw the werewolf back into conversation. “How long are you staying?” I asked, breaking the extended silence at last.
Ever since joining me in the attic room, Quetzalli had seemed completely in control of her wolf, so I was surprised when I felt the first hint of a change in the air. The woman spun back around to face me, fur already beginning to elongate across her body. “I don’t know that yet,” she ground out between her teeth, face flushed with anger. “Look, I really don’t want to talk to you right now,” she continued, the words mangled as the shift overtook her. “But do bring me up some meat from dinner.” Then a large, surly wolf was lying on the spare bed.
Great. Life in Haven had turned out to be even worse than I’d originally imagined.
Chapter 17
I kept expecting Wolfie to batter down the door and come to get me, so as the hours and then days passed, I became more and more agitated. Even though Quetzalli hadn’t coughed up any more information, her presence—no matter how unpleasant—initially gave me hope that I hadn’t been entirely written off by Wolfie’s pack. I figured their alpha would just need a day or two to calm down and get over the events of Keith’s retrieval, which surely meant he’d be here at any minute.
Not that I wanted to draw Wolfie back into this mess, I reminded myself. In fact, the theory behind my betrayal was still sound. I couldn’t see any way short of a physical challenge for Wolfie to extract me from my childhood home, and that brought me back around to the whole reason I’d rejected the young alpha so publicly in the first place—I needed Wolfie to think I despised him so he would leave me alone and not get himself killed. In fact, I was so conflicted, between wishing to hear Wolfie’s voice and yet dreading what would happen if he did show up, that I was a bundle of nerves by lunchtime.
My second day in Haven, Quetzalli had deigned to shift back into human form, so I followed Cricket’s advice and took my roommate on a tour of the pack’s land. Yesterday, I’d been so intent on retrieving Keith and on my own role in the drama that I hadn’t taken the time to really look at the houses and people we’d passed, but now that I peered more closely, I saw that the village had turned into a strangely skewed version of the community I remembered. During my childhood, lawns were always mowed and houses shone with fresh paint, but now porches were leaning away from dwellings and a pall seemed to hang over Haven.
“This place gives me the creeps,” Quetzalli muttered, her words mirroring my thoughts. Yes, Haven had been restrictive when I’d lived here, especially if you were born female, but many people had seemed happy then. I remembered my neighbors singing as they worked when I was a child. There had been barn dances and community dinners. Now, I couldn’t quite imagine any of these werewolves laughing or dancing—the Haven werewolves today seemed to be barely managing to carry on their daily lives.
As Quetzalli and I walked through the middle of the green and took in the depressing sights around us, I was startled to hear my wolf chime in her two cents’ worth: Look to the alpha. It had been so long since I’d heard so much as a whisper from my wolf that I stopped in my tracks to take in her words. I reached inward, but the lupine consciousness slipped away through my fingers and I almost believed I’d merely imagined her voice in my head. Almost, but not quite.
“What’s wrong?” Quetzalli asked, and for the first time since our pack had left, there was a hint of concerned warmth in her voice. The thought flickered through my mind that Quetzalli was really a better companion to have in Haven than either Galena or Oscar since Quetzalli was tough but kind, and her words made me realize that she might actually forgive me one of these days. Echoing my thoughts, the ache in my stomach seemed to dull by a minuscule amount, reducing the pain from a mind-wrenching presence to something I could think past if I focused hard enough. The easing pain even made me smile at my unchosen companion.
“I thought I heard my wolf,” I answered her question, then continued. “But you’re right, Haven shouldn’t be like this. It feels like a ghost town, but with the people still in it.” In fact, Haven felt much the way I had when I sought my wolf out in her lair and found her missing, but there was no way the entire community’s wolves could be absent.
“Your father,” Quetzalli said simply, her words confirming the insight from my wolf. There was more here than met the eye, and I needed to strike to the heart of the matter if I wanted to figure out what was going on.
THAT WAS EASIER SAID than done, though, since Chief Wilder was far too busy to even take meals with his wife and daughter that day and the next. In fact, instead of hunting down the cause of Haven’s collective depression, I ended up suffering through an afternoon surrounded by giggling cousins as they fitted me for my wedding dress (groom to be announced). The trauma was lessened only slightly when I realized that Quetzalli was even more shell-shocked by the episode than I was.
Since Cricket was darning socks in the corner as a sort of mood stabilizer, I did my best to smile and nod, otherwise ignoring what was going on around me. But even my hard-boiled mood couldn’t overlook the excitement of my youngest cousin, Iris. “You’re so lucky,” the teenager trilled as she hemmed the edges of a petticoat several hours after the bridal shower had begun. I couldn’t quite tell if the young werewolf was referring to the quality of the dress we were constructing or to my mate choices. Either way, I felt far from lucky.
In fact, I couldn’t help counting how many hours it had been since I had last gazed upon Wolfie’s face, which made for a more pleasant daydream than the one Iris would have chosen for me. Surely Wolfie must have calmed down enough by now to make an appearance here at Haven, I pondered. Unfortunately, it was beginning to seem more and more likely that Wolfie had ordered Quetzalli to join me, then had changed his mind about hoping to see me again. But if that was the case, why hadn’t the young alpha sent someone to fetch Galena’s spouse home?
“Mmmm,” Fernanda hummed, bringing me back to the present and responding to Iris’s enthusiasm. “Hunter is a nice specimen, and Reed isn’t so bad either, if you like them young.” She winked at me saucily, and I remembered that Fernanda had gotten married even before I left Haven. I guess she’d had a thing for young men even then.
I’d been trying not to think about the four potential mates, hand-picked by my father, who I was to meet at dinner the next night, but my cousins’ banter finally made the future impossible to ignore. Just remembering what tomorrow held in store for me made my stomach decidedly queasy, but I couldn’t expect a reprieve on that account. When it came to a bargain, my father would expect the other party to live up to their word even if they had to do so between bouts of vomiting, and as much as I hated the fact, the Chief and I had made a deal. I shivered, even though the room was hot from the coal furnace in the basement of my family home, and wished with all of my heart that I was back in Dale’s basement with Keith pounding on the floor above me, playing Dance, Dance, Revolution at two in the morning.
My thoughts were once again interrupted, this time by Cricket, who was kind enough to put me out of my misery. She’d clearly joined us for a different purpose than to merely keep me in line, and I reminded myself that I needed to give my stepmother credit for making my confinement less painful than it could have been. “I think we should be able to finish up the rest later,” Cricket said, rising to usher the young werewolves out the door, and I sent her a thankful smile.
Which reminded me of the very worst part of my voluntary incarceration. I was beginning to understand how I could learn to be content here, to turn into a plumper version of Cricket and to settle into Haven life, forgetting what I was missing in the outside world. I’d spent the morning helping my stepmother prepare the day’s bread, and had ended up enjoying the yeasty odor and the feel of resilient dough between my fingers. Later, we hung sheets out on the line to dry, mopped the front hallway, and even washed windows, each task provided immediate gratification that had been l
acking in my previous life. Now, a traitorous part of my mind told me that perhaps my father had my best interests at heart all along—maybe this simple women’s work was what I had been born for.
“Well, that didn’t end a moment too soon,” groused Quetzalli, and I smiled in relief. At least I had Quetzalli present to take the edge off my internal craziness.
QUETZALLI HAD GONE on a walk to blow off steam and Cricket was down in the cellar gathering vegetables for dinner when Iris showed back up. The young werewolf knocked so timidly on the back door that I almost missed the sound, and when I let her in, she immediately began apologizing. She was sorry to bother me, sorry to interrupt, sorry to intrude. Despite myself, my heart warmed at the youngster’s elaborate apologies, and I took pity on her at once.
“What’s wrong, Iris?” I asked, channeling my stepmother as I put on a pot of water for tea. I even pulled out a tin of cookies to sweeten the poor child’s mood, not that she herself could get much sweeter. If nothing else, the food would give me something to do while the young werewolf apologized.
Despite the cookies and tea, Iris was evasive, and it took me a full ten minutes to put my finger on her problem. My young cousin was unhappy with life in Haven, but was afraid to strike out on her own since female werewolves had such a hard time controlling their shifts. She’d heard that I was able to keep my wolf under control despite monthly hormonal surges. Was it true?
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