by R. K. Star
“I’m all set Dad.” It was sad for me too.
This was the first time I would be away from home for such a long time. I was getting homesick just thinking about it. My dad drove me to the Caltrain station. We had a quiet drive, neither of us spoke but we understood each other.
Before my boarding I gave my dad a tight hug. “Take care Dad.”
He held me back. “Take care sunshine.”
That night I couldn’t sleep. I tossed and turned in the bed for hours. Every now and then I would look at the time, 1:35am, 2:10am, 2:17am, 3:34am, 4:09am, 5:00am, 6:15am. It was horrendous. I finally decided this was pointless and I wasn’t sleeping at all tonight. I got up, brushed my teeth and fixed myself up. It was 7:00am now and orientation starts at 9:00am. It was a ten minute bus ride to the university and probably have to walk for five minutes to get to my orientation room. If I want to be ten minutes early that meant I had one hour and thirty-five minutes to spare.
I made some toast and spread some peanut butter on it. I turned on my laptop and open YouTube to look at orientation videos at Stanford while taking a bite of the over dried bread. It would be a new beginning for me and I was excited to get things started. “Please be kind,” I whispered to myself.
I decided to post an ad on the local community website to see if anyone wants to share an apartment room. I had a spare room and if someone was to split the apartment with me I could save significantly by halving the rent and utilities.
Eventually I got so bored I decide to head to Stanford early and walk around the campus. Maybe I would make a friend.
The campus was quite deserted at this time. I got into my orientation room and it was completely empty. The student leader wasn’t even there but then I was thirty minutes early. I took out my laptop and headphones to listen to some music while looking up the news. I saw a headline about two young women who got rape last night outside a club. The women described three rapists vaguely. They said it was too dark to see them clearly. The women were severely beaten and were reported bruised throughout their whole bodies. Their names were not revealed to protect privacy and police advised everyone to be careful at night.
A young man walked into the room, he was early as well. I looked at the time and there was still twenty minutes before the start of the orientation. I thought he was kind of cute. He had short brown hair and was probably around a hundred and eighty centimetres tall. His jawline was sharp and masculine and his skin tanned, although his skin was still fair and white. I snuck a peek and even stared for a moment to see where he would sit. I hope he sat next to me.
“Um, excuses me, may I sit next to you?” He pointed at the seat adjacent to me where my bag was.
I took off my headphones and moved my bag. “Of course.” I flashed him my prettiest smile.
“My name is Danny. Are you here insanely early because you had nothing better to do?”
“Haha, unfortunately yes. I didn’t know what to do with myself here so I thought I’d just sit in the orientation room and listen to some tunes until it starts.”
“Same. I came from San Francisco just yesterday and don’t know what I should do.”
“It’s like you’re telling me what I just did.”
“Is that right? Which high school did you go to?”
“I went to Lign-Tannis High School, it’s in the Ingleside area. How about you?”
“I went to Sage Hall High School, it’s in the pacific heights area, near JapanTown.”
In my mind I formed a map of where pacific heights area in San Francisco was. “That’s the opposite end of the city from where I went to school.”
“Yeah, it was a good school. It had small class sizes but it was a private catholic school. It divided the boys from the girls. Girls went to one part of the school and boys another part. You can think of it as an all boys school and an all girls school together. I really enjoy my time there but I’m an atheist though which made some aspects a bit uncomfortable.”
“I didn’t enjoy my time too much at my school.”
“Oh, why not?”
I look at him with a moment of hesitation. Why am I already telling him personal stuff? I’ve known him for one minute. “I was bullied by the classic mean girls, you know.” Actually, I also had no friends and I was horribly lonely but there was no way I could say that. He would think what is wrong with her and get away.
“I don’t know about mean girls. I was at an all boys school.” He looked at me smiling, trying to ease the mood because he could see I was feeling down from remembering a bad time.
“Ha, I guess that’s true.”
I took a look into his mind and like most guys and some girls in my high school, he also thought I was pretty and cute but he actually talked to me or maybe it’s because I’m the only other person here. I really hope he wants to be my friend so I had someone to talk with and get out with once in a while.
“I never got your name.”
I realized he was right, “Layana.”
“Layana,” he took a moment to think about my name. I never heard anyone with that name before. That’s a very unique name isn’t it.
“Yes, I’m the only Layana I know of.”
“Really? Layana sounds like a Spanish name but you don’t look Spanish. You look sort of Caucasian, maybe a pinch of Asian blood. I have no idea where you’re from.”
“I’m not sure what I am either. I’m adopted and never met my biological parents.”
“Oh,” he had a look that I’m a person full of sorrows. “How did you get the name Layana then?”
“My parents were watching an anaconda documentary and it was in Spanish. Anaconda in Spanish is la anaconda. My parents couldn’t think of a name for me and while they were watching this anaconda movie my father shouted, what the heck Laconda it is. My mother told him to shut his mouth. But he came back at her with Lacona as a second choice. My mother had none of his nonsense and I’m very thankful for that because Lacona sounds ridiculous. My mother adjusted it a bit and now here I am, Layana Nito.”
“Hehe, my name is common, Danny Bursko. My parents were from England.”
“What is the focus of your studies Danny?”
“Language and history, what about you?”
“Physics and astronomy. Any specific language?”
“Japanese, I got hook on manga and now I want to learn Japanese.”
“Cool.” I nodded at him. I read a bit of manga in high school but it never peaked my interest.
The door swung open and six people came in, they all appear to be from the same school and knew each other already. They sat on the other side of the room. Moments after, two people that look slightly older walk in and stood at the front preparing some stuff. They were most likely the student leaders. I look at the time and now only three more minutes before orientation starts. People were coming in now. There were over twenty of us.
“Good morning, I’m John and this is Stephanie,” he points to his co student leader. “We’re going to give you some tips on how to succeed in post-secondary education and university life. Afterwards we’re going to take a tour around campus. There is a lot to introduce you to so that is why orientation is two days. In the afternoon there is a festival and events going on. There will also be groups and clubs trying to get you to sign up. In reality, it’s only one full day of orientation material.”
They went on talking about tuition, parking, dormitory, exam prepping. Part way through their presentation I phased out and my mind went blank. I was good at studying and I had the intellect. My tuition was covered by my scholarship. I lived in an apartment and took the bus. I didn’t think much of that stuff they mention applied to me. Danny on the other hand was making chicken scratches on the pointers they were providing. I wish this would just end. I was bored out of my mind.
“Okay everyone let’s go out for a walk. Everyone is probably getting bored of us talking.” Stephanie open the door and waited for us to get up. “Stay together, everyone look at the
flag John is holding, if you forget which group you were with just remember the flag and you can get back to us. Does anyone need to go to the bathroom? There is a five-minute intermission before we head out.”
We finally got out of the class room, my bum was hurting from sitting for so long. Danny and I walked side by side and continued our conversation.
“What is your cell phone number? We can keep in touch,” I took out my phone to record his number but was a little anxious if he would actually give his mobile number to me.
Danny took a moment to recall his number before speaking. “Just text me after so I have your number,” he smiled.
I sent him an emoji text, I had wanted to do it for so long. This was what it felt like to text an emoji to a friend. My first friend.
During the campus tour, we memorized places where we had classes that we registered for. We memorized important spots like cafeteria and other snack spots if we wanted to get a bite, the computer lab, the library. The tour ended, and they brought us to the campus main grounds, there was a barbecue going on.
“Everyone can go get some food its free. There are some performers playing music and singing and other activities going on. Just walk around and have a look, sign up with a club or two and enjoy the campus life. Have fun and we’ll see everyone tomorrow same place at nine in the morning.” John wave us off to get some food and walked away.
“Where are you staying at?” Danny asked. He was trying to fill in the void of time we had while waiting at the barbecue line up.
“The Spot, on Alma street.”
“Oh, I know where that is.”
“Where are you staying?”
“The dormitory but I want to move into an apartment, I haven’t had the time to look yet though.”
I wasn’t sure if it would be crazy to ask a male to stay at my apartment but Danny seems genuine and I could use the money. He seems like he was financially well off so I wasn’t sure if he would want a roommate and a female roommate as well. It didn’t hurt to ask him. “Danny if you want to split the cost with me you could move in to my place, it’s a two-bedroom apartment and I’m looking for a roommate.”
He took a moment to think, “I think that’s a good idea, it’s a good location. You don’t mind sharing the place with a guy though?”
“I don’t mind if you don’t mind sharing it with a girl,” I laughed.
We walk around and enjoyed the live band. I never heard of the band before and didn’t care for their music. Danny got a membership at the gym and join the manga club, he was quite excited. I didn’t join any clubs none of them seem quite right for me.
Danny move his stuff to the apartment later that afternoon and we settle on how to spit the costs. Danny was very easy to get along with and we talked and watched movies for the rest of the day. I really didn’t want to go for another day of orientation but Danny was excited to go and I didn’t want to be a downer. I tried to change all my negative aspect and be a more positive person so I could make some friends. It was just one more day and I would bear through the dullness. I was more afraid if I didn’t do what Danny liked, I would lose him as a friend.
5
First Semester
Every now and then I would video call with Dad to see how he was doing. Sometimes he seemed great and other times he looked pale, with his hair knotted together. His body lack the colour of life, probably from lack of nutrition. I would remind him to stay strong for me and I needed him to be strong so I could be strong. Usually that would be enough motivation for him to get things back together, temporarily.
For me, everything went by smoothly. Classes were rather boring. I sat in the large lecture hall and the professor mumbled for fifty minutes. Then I went off to my next class and it repeated. There was a break in the routine when I had a lab. Besides that, I would return home and study quietly at my desk.
I performed excellent on all my midterm exams, generally scoring in the high nineties. Danny was really impressed with my academic performance but it was easy for me. He was amaze I could work part time and still achieve top grades. Now he understood how I got that scholarship. Danny was my good friend and my only friend since a long time, it was nice. I made a couple more friends in my labs but Danny and I were really close since we were roommates. We got along really well, it reminded me of my elementary years. I think it helped that I wasn’t high maintenance. I didn’t spend hours in the washroom and when we went out to grab a bite I would be ready before he was. I’ve always been tomboyish in that regard. We always shared everything, especially our grades in assignments and exams. Danny did good on his studies as well, just not as good as me.
Danny had an opportunity and decided to go to Japan for the next semester, it was an oversea exchange program. He thought it was a great opportunity to further his Japanese. I was happy for him, it sounds like it will be a wonderful experience but I was also really sad. I wanted to ask him not to go but it was not in my place to ask. I was afraid of being alone again and not having anyone to talk too. I had a couple of other friends but they were more of acquaintances, we never got together outside of university setting.
Danny and I were going back for the holiday break but we would continue to pay the rent since I had signed a lease. I was looking forward to checking up on my dad to make sure he was fine. School and working part time didn’t allow me to visit him, even during the long weekends. I would have to do projects, lab reports, study or work, and any remaining time wasn’t long enough to make the trip. Besides I just wanted to relax and hang out with my new friend rather than stress out about travelling back and forth.
We wrote our final exams and the semester came to an end. I got A+ on all courses but I was neither surprised nor happy. I had grown to expect nothing less than top grades. We got out with a couple of friends to have a dinner and a drink to celebrate before we went our separate ways for the holiday. The friends were Danny’s friends. I had no one to call up.
“Congratulations to everyone for successfully completing their first semester,” Danny raised his glass for a toast.
Everyone else said congrats and raise their glass and clunk it with their neighbours’ glass then took a sip. I followed suit and did the same. In honestly, I felt this is nothing to celebrate about. Perhaps after we graduated with our degrees there was reason to celebrate but then I’ve always been socially awkward. If I think back in the past I wasn’t always socially awkward. It was the makings of junior high and high school. It was because of how everyone ignored me or was so hostile towards me. It made sense to have a dinner because it would be a while before everyone would get together again, especially for Danny. My heart felt uneasy I really didn’t want to say goodbye, I felt if we left today we wouldn’t see each other anymore and I would be alone. We finished our dinner and everyone departed.
Danny and I went back together and packed. We spent the night talking about how fast the semester had gone. We talked about some of the professors we thought were jerks and the ones we really loved. We talked about our favourite courses we took so far and laugh most the night. We talked again about what we wanted to do after university. Danny gave a similar answer. He wanted to be a historian or maybe a professor but he still saw himself enjoying manga and learning new languages. Danny asked me if I knew what I wanted to do but I still wasn’t sure. I knew I enjoy physics and astronomy but I didn’t know what I was going to do after.
Why was I always different in such peculiar ways? The mind knew what it is fond of but not what it wants. The body seems to know how to operate but knows not why it’s operating. Sometimes I have deep thoughts of why I’m alive, what is the purpose of living. Do I really enjoy living or do I suffer more pain of living life? Sometimes I wonder if we are reborn after death with our slate wiped cleaned to start fresh. If that is the case I hope I achieve Nirvana and not have to be born again in this ghastly cycle of torture.
We checked the apartment to make sure everything was turned off and tidied things ups before we
locked up and headed for the Caltrain. There was a sadness in me that I couldn’t explain. It was an emotion I couldn’t express. I whispered softly, “goodbye Danny,” as he left from my view.
I was hoping my dad’s emotions had stabilized after my mother death now. I didn’t want to be troubled with school, work and have to worry about him at the same time. I’m amazed how fast time healed me from the passing of my mother I hope my dad could do the same.
I open the door and went looking for Dad. I found him cooking, which was a rare sight when Mom was still with us. He wasn’t a bad cook but I suppose he was lazy. I snooped around to see what he was making. I notice he lost weight, probably around five kilograms. He wasn’t doing to good and I knew he wasn’t taking care of himself very well. Mom’s death had a larger toll on Dad as it should and he wasn’t near over it yet, He would need more time to stabilize on his own.
“How did your courses go in your first semester?”
“Okay, I got A+ on everything.”
“That’s Great! You’ve always been smart, I’ve never had to worry about you in that aspect.”
“You don’t look the best dad. How have you been these past months?”
“I’m not going to lie, it’s been a challenge. I thought I could be stronger and get over your mother faster and be strong for you. Sometimes when I’m alone my mind wanders and I think of your mother and it breaks my heart.”
My dad started to get a bit teary. I could understand his loneliness. I gave him a hug from behind and my hands overlap together. He lost some of his beer gut with the weight he lost. I didn’t know what to say, I didn’t know how to comfort people besides saying the classical ‘there, there.’ I kept holding on to him for a long minute before letting go.
“Thank you for trying to be strong for me, I can only imagine how difficult it has been for you. Mom would be happy to see you doing your best, she would want to see you happy again.”