The mere mention of the napkins made Liza feel all weepy again, remembering her conversation with Daniel about how they would be folded. I was walking on a cloud and I didn’t even realize it.
Why did this happen, God? Did I do something wrong? Did I take it all for granted and not feel thankful enough? Liza covered her face with her hands.
Molly paused and gave her a moment to collect herself. “I’m listening,” Liza assured her.
“Of course you are,” Molly said in a gentler tone. “The thing is, it doesn’t make sense to cancel anything now. Let’s just wait and see how it goes. There is a moment when it will make sense to pull the plug. But we have a little elbow room. I’ve seen this happen before, and nine times out of ten, the couple gets all lovey-dovey again, right on schedule.”
Liza glanced at her wistfully. It was a nice thought. But that wasn’t going to happen for her and Daniel. They couldn’t be all lovey-dovey if he was on the Navajo reservation, a zillion miles away.
But she was too worn out to argue with Molly. And she had a feeling that even if she did tell the intrepid wedding planner to cancel everything, Molly wouldn’t do it anyway.
“All right. Whatever you say. But please be mindful of that pull-the-plug moment?”
“I hear you,” Molly promised, gathering up her things. She stood up, then leaned over and gave Liza a huge hug. Which was a formidable experience. “Chin up, pal . . . and please use the tissues with lotion? You’ll see. You’re going to end up thanking me.”
Liza nodded. It was hard to resist being mothered by Molly. And hard to resist offering a small smile as they said good-bye.
Liza stayed on the porch, with her computer in her lap, staring at the reservations screen that showed the weeks to come, which was mostly blank, since she had blocked off two weeks for her wedding.
She pondered sending a message to her e-mail list with a special rate for the end of September and early October. She could probably fill many of the rooms with regulars.
Before she could consider the idea further, Claire came out to the porch and placed two dishes with thick sandwiches and some mixed greens down on the table nearest Liza.
“Is Molly gone already? I thought she might like lunch.”
“Yes, she had to go . . . other clients.” Brides who are actually getting married, Liza thought.
Liza had told her the news that morning, and Claire had tried to console Liza as best she could. But there was so little that anyone could say. Even Claire, with all her wisdom and faith, seemed to realize that.
Claire sat and gazed at her. Finally Liza looked up. “I know you’re hurting, Liza. I also know that you and Daniel truly love each other. And love is the most powerful force in the entire universe. Just don’t give up on it. Don’t let it go. You might have to follow it blindly, like a compass in a storm,” she suggested. “But if you both fix your faith on it with all your heart . . . it will show you the right way to go, I promise you. God doesn’t create a problem without creating a solution.”
Liza wanted so badly to believe Claire’s comforting advice. She did love Daniel. She knew she always would. But she didn’t see how they would ever find their way back to each other now.
“Thank you. I will try to remember that . . . But Daniel left me a note this morning. He’s leaving for northern Arizona tonight. He’s not even going to stop here to say good-bye.”
Claire looked surprised to hear that. She sat back in her seat and sighed. “Did he really?”
Liza nodded bleakly.
“What did he say?”
Liza reached into the pocket of her sweatshirt and took out a crumpled piece of paper. “Not too much. Here, you can read it,” she said, handing the note Claire.
Liza knew if she read it out loud, she would just start crying again. She was already blinking back tears, just recalling the words, as Claire slipped on her reading glasses and read it to herself.
Liza,
It’s hard to express all I’m feeling right now. Shock, mostly, that you so quickly decided you don’t want to marry me. I guess you don’t understand what this opportunity in Arizona means to me. Even so, I would have thought you’d be a little more willing to compromise. Seems nothing is left for either of us to say.
I’ve decided to leave for Arizona today and find out if this really is the work I want to do. I believe that it is and that I won’t be disappointed. Not by this choice, at least.
This isn’t what I wanted, Liza. I hope you can remember that. But maybe it’s the right thing, after all. You seem to think so.
Daniel
“I see . . . Well, that is serious.” Claire paused, collecting her thoughts and saying a silent prayer for God to give her the wisdom and words to soothe Liza’s soul, even if just a little. “The sooner he goes out there, the sooner he’ll figure out what he really wants,” she said finally. “A person can’t fly over a river like this. They have to swim through it. Would you be happier if he didn’t go and he just . . . pushed this down and didn’t try to get to the bottom of it?”
“That’s just what I told him I didn’t want him to do. I told him that I didn’t want him to stay here and take some job, knowing he wasn’t happy or feeling fulfilled. I couldn’t be happy knowing he felt that way.”
“You said the right thing. It was the only thing you could say if you really love him. And I know that you really do,” Claire assured her.
Liza sighed. “He said I wasn’t willing to compromise, but what are the choices here, Claire? It seems to me that it’s either I give up the inn to go with him, or we try to have some sort of long-distance marriage.” Liza shook her head in frustration. “That’s not what I want, either—to see my new husband once a month, or maybe less?”
Claire nodded. There was no clear answer here. “I don’t know what to say, Liza. I don’t know what the answer is,” she said honestly. “I do know that sometimes, compromise is not a fifty-fifty thing. Sometimes one person gets ninety percent of what they want, and the other person gets ten. But they’re willing to accept that arrangement because the happiness and welfare of the person they love is more important to them, and it more than compensates for what they’ve missed out on.”
Liza nodded. “Do you think I ought to give up the inn . . . or leave you here to run it?”
Claire shook her head. “I’m not making any suggestions at all. But I do know there’s an answer. It just hasn’t come to you or Daniel yet. I’m going to pray, my dear, that it does.”
“Thank you, Claire. I know I’m a horrible mess right now, but I appreciate you listening to me.” Liza leaned over and patted Claire’s hand. Claire took her hand and held it.
“You be just as horrible as you like if it makes you feel any better. And don’t worry about a thing around here. Nolan and I will take care of everything.”
“Thank you, Claire.” Liza was about to say more when she heard the phone ring at the reception desk in the foyer. Claire jumped up to answer it. “I’ll get that. You relax.”
Liza was soon alone again on the porch. She sat back and stared out at the sea. Claire seemed to think she had done the right thing. But to her mind, there had not been any other choice—or a compromise she could live with. She had done what she had to do. Even though it had cost her dearly.
* * *
WHEN Claire returned to the kitchen a few minutes later, she found Nolan at the table reading the newspaper. He looked up curiously as she walked in.
“Is the wedding really off?” he asked. Claire set down the dishes she had carried in. Liza had barely eaten a bite of her sandwich. Claire had to watch her. She didn’t want the poor girl to get sick now, on top of everything.
“Seems so. Daniel has gone out west, to the Navajo reservation. He left today,” she added sadly.
“Sounds very serious. Not just a lover’s spat. I feel sorry for them. They seemed so perf
ectly in sync . . . and here I was, thinking I might stay for the party, after all.”
Claire smiled. “Don’t hoist anchor yet, Nolan. It’s not over till the game ends . . . or something like that.” She suddenly couldn’t recall the exact words of the adage. Not like her, but the news was upsetting. She hated to see poor Liza so heartbroken. Especially after these last few weeks of pure bliss.
“‘It ain’t over till it’s over.’ Yogi Berra,” Nolan reminded her. “I think you feel a little blue over the lovebirds. It’s only natural. I think I do, too,” he admitted.
Claire smiled wistfully. Nolan acted as if he were just about the facts, but he wasn’t any more immune to emotions than anybody else.
“Yes, only natural. Maybe a walk on the beach will clear my head. It’s a very fair day.” She glanced at Nolan as she took her apron off. She wondered if she should ask him to take a walk with her. Even this far along in their relationship, Claire still felt shy—as if such a simple question would be very bold and forward. But Nolan would probably be leaving soon. She wouldn’t have too many chances to share his company.
She took a breath and squared her shoulders, preparing to invite him, when he looked up and put his newspaper aside.
“It is a lovely day. Despite the abandoned wedding plans. The sea is as calm as glass, though there’s a nice enough breeze out there, as well. Would you like to take a sail on the Ariadne? Test her out with me?”
Claire was so surprised by the invitation, she couldn’t answer for a moment. “You mean, on the water?”
Nolan laughed. “I realize you don’t know much about sailing, Claire. But surely you know a boat floats on the water?”
Claire laughed and blushed. How silly that had sounded. “I didn’t realize the boat was ready to sail, Nolan. You didn’t say a word.”
“With all this hoopla going on, it didn’t seem that important. Daniel left his trailer here. I hooked it up to your Jeep this morning and took the boat down to the dock. She’s definitely watertight. I just checked about an hour ago. I think she’s ready for a little test drive. See how the new sails fill and if all the lines are strung up right.”
Claire squinted at him a moment. “You mean you haven’t actually sailed it yet . . . to make sure the holes are fixed?”
He laughed again and patted her arm. “I’ve still got the life jackets. And you can swim, can’t you? I promise not to go that far out from shore.”
Claire had to smile at his negotiations. “I’m a strong swimmer. And if anything happens, Edison will save us. Won’t you, pal?”
The dog sat right beside Nolan, as usual, and stared up at them, seeming to understand the conversation. Claire heard his big tail thumping on the floor and had her answer.
“All right, I’m game. I’ll just go up and change my shoes.” She stared down at her sandals a moment. “I do know rubber soles are best for boating. So I won’t slip off the ship.”
Nolan patted her arm. “That’s my girl. I’ll make a sailor out of you yet. Meet you out back by the Jeep in five minutes.”
* * *
THE sun had peaked at noon and was already slipping toward the sea, but was still strong enough to make Claire glad she had brought her dark glasses. She stared out at the waves as the sunshine sprinkled the crests with starlike bursts of light.
Nolan had tied his boat to the end of the wooden dock that was down the road from the inn, the same place the injured Ariadne had been beached so many weeks ago.
Claire couldn’t help remembering that dark moment when he had surveyed the damaged vessel and nearly cried. Now he was returning with the same boat, seaworthy after his own careful efforts and repairs. Time has a way of healing most wounds, she thought. In this case, it was happily true.
As they walked up beside the boat, Nolan began loosening the tie lines. Edison jumped off the dock and landed on the deck with a thump. He certainly had not forgotten what to do. Claire wondered if the dog had missed sailing. His tail was wagging wildly as he stared up at the humans, beckoning them to join him.
“Hold your horses, Edison. And don’t sail off without us,” Nolan told him.
Claire laughed as Nolan held her hand and helped her down to the deck. Moments later, she sat on the bench near the steering wheel and, with his instruction, helped him pull in the tie lines. Then she sat back as he motored away from the dock. Once they were out on open water, he shut down the engine and raised the mainsail.
“Nice steady breeze, perfect for taking her through her paces. She’s riding the water very smoothly,” he observed, peering over the rail. He looked over at Claire and smiled.
“Oh yes, it’s a very smooth ride. It’s such a pretty boat, Nolan. You’ve done a wonderful job repairing it. I would have never known what it looked like before.”
He smiled, and she could tell her compliments had pleased him.
But before he could answer, the canvas began to snap, and he jumped up to tighten the sail. It seemed to Claire that Nolan was transformed into another person on his boat. He was so agile and adept, hopping from one side of the deck to the other, practically anticipating the boat’s needs before they happened.
Not that he wasn’t energetic and very able around the inn, but he was somehow different out here, on the sea. He was clearly in his element—totally focused, confident, and in command. Yet very relaxed, as though he didn’t know the meaning of the word “failure,” and had certainly never had its painful arrow aimed at his own heart.
As the boat sailed along, changing its tack just a bit, Claire felt suddenly peaceful and light, as if the gentle breeze had lifted away the turmoil at the inn, at least for a little while. It wasn’t as if she had forgotten about Liza and Daniel. How could she? But she did feel a bit distant from the drama and was able to focus instead on the beautiful view of the water and the deep blue sky that simply enveloped them.
“Thank you for taking me out here, Nolan. I’m thoroughly enjoying it.”
Nolan smiled. “I thought so. I’m glad you are . . . I’m glad you’re here, Claire. For this first sail.”
Once the sails were adjusted, he returned to the stern and took the wheel again. “It turns out, I had a very productive summer out here on this tiny dot of an island. Very interesting . . . and memorable, too,” he added, looking at her.
Claire wondered what he meant. Was he talking about her, about their relationship? She felt the color rise in her cheeks and was glad for her sunglasses—and the fact he would think it was just the effect of the wind and sun.
“I had a memorable summer, too,” she told him. “It was wonderful getting to know you, Nolan. You kept the summer full of surprises,” she confessed. “I never knew what new invention would greet me when I glanced out the window.”
Nolan laughed. “You made my time here very special, too. You gave me a reason to smile when I got up in the morning.”
Claire felt very flattered by his compliment. And touched.
But she still felt inclined to tease him. “I think you were just anticipating breakfast,” she replied.
“That, too,” he laughed. “And your good conversation. Talking things over with you,” he added in a more humble tone. “Even though I didn’t always act very appreciative of your wise words while you were dispensing them.”
Claire smiled at his confession. At least he’d given her well-intentioned words some thought. That was all one could ask.
“We had a lot of fun, the most I’ve had in a long time, so I thank you for that . . . And I’ll be sorry to see you go,” she said honestly. “I’ll miss you.”
Nolan turned and smiled wistfully at her. Then he looped a cord through the wheel and sat beside her. He put his arm around her shoulder and smiled into her eyes.
“I’ll miss you, too, Claire North. I can’t begin to say how much. Not quantifiable,” he added, with a shake of his head. “It’s very t
empting to stay here longer. Mainly because of you. But that would make it even harder to go. If I had something to offer a woman like yourself . . . well, maybe I’d recalculate and things would have a different outcome. Sadly, I don’t.”
Claire rested her hand on his. “I know what you’re trying to say, Nolan. I understand . . . I accept your decision to go. But you’ve always had something to offer me: your wonderful friendship. You’re a once-in-a-lifetime person. I’m very blessed to have met you.” He started to answer, but she hushed him and continued. “And you have so much to offer the world.” She swept her free hand across their view of the open sea and the wide open sky. “You don’t need to be a famous inventor or a millionaire. You have it all right now—your amazing imagination and all your amazing ideas.”
“Claire, you’re a once-in-a-lifetime person, too. Once in a hundred lifetimes would more likely be the probability,” he said, “if you do the math.” He smiled very softly and gazed into her eyes. Then he pulled her close and their lips met in a sweet, gentle kiss.
Claire savored the moment, the wind lifting her hair as the sailboat skimmed along, Nolan’s embrace warming her.
She knew he would be gone soon. That was the way it had to be. But she and Nolan had touched each other’s hearts, changed each other. For the better, she believed. Very much so.
Like watching a butterfly settle on a flower, one was helpless to do anything but simply appreciate the moment. It did no good to try to grasp at it. That would only make it melt away.
For better or worse, change was the only thing one could depend on in life. She had already learned that lesson by heart.
* * *
LIZA heard from Daniel once, a brief e-mail, letting her know he had arrived safely. After that, nothing. At first she checked her phone constantly for e-mails and texts. Then she purposely kept the phone in her desk drawer so she wouldn’t torture herself.
When she had first received his farewell note, she had been upset that he hadn’t called or come to the inn to say good-bye in person. But she knew it would have been too hard for both of them. He had sounded hurt and angry in his brief note, and the truth was, she still felt hurt and angry, too. In between missing him terribly. Wasn’t he the one who was leaving? What right did he have to be mad at her?
Harbor of the Heart Page 23