by A. D. Ellis
A very tiny part of his head and heart, a part he had no desire to give credence to, was whispering, prodding, pushing. You and Zoey chose to drink. You knew you both were already drunk, you knew that drinking game would only make it worse. This isn’t completely Kendrick’s fault.
He pushed aside the nagging voice, and clung to the fact that Kendrick had spiked the punch, Kendrick had introduced the game, Kendrick was the main one at fault here.
Chapter 14
“Come here, pretty girl.” Zach held his hand out to her, and they naturally began walking toward the park.
The silence as they walked soothed. Could anything warm his heart and soul the way simply holding her hand could? Things had to be okay between them. She wouldn’t be holding his hand if he’d totally screwed it up. At least that was the hope.
The day was a perfect temperature, just a slight breeze. Reaching the park, they continued in a warm silence while both seemed to gather their thoughts.
He let her lead, following her to a small grove of trees where a low bench carved from an old log was almost completely hidden from view. Settling down sideways on the bench, one leg stretched parallel, one leg bent and touching the ground, back against the tree, he pulled Zoey down to sit between his legs.
Drawing comfort from the warmth of her body pressed against his, Zach waited. Would she want to speak first, or was she waiting on him?
“So, did you get some sleep?” She pulled his arms tight around her body and snuggled deeply into his chest.
“Yeah, I slept like the dead. You sleep? You feeling okay?” He nuzzled her ear as he spoke.
“I took some aspirin, took a shower, and slept for about five hours. I’m not feeling bad, almost human.” A smile colored her answer even though he couldn’t see her face.
“Listen, Zo, about last night…”
“No, hang on. I’ll let you say your piece, but I need to speak first.” Zoey’s words were strong, her decision firm.
It was either a good sign, or a very bad sign.
“I’ve thought about last night a lot. While I walked home, while I zoned out in the shower, before you met up with me. And I’ve decided some things.” She held his hands in her own as she spoke.
“Zoey…” The urge to apologize, again, for last night and the disaster from the morning after was strong.
“Zach, stop. I need to say this.” She turned on the bench to face him, sitting as close to him as she could.
Taking a deep breath, she began. “You know I love you.”
Shit, that wasn’t exactly a strong beginning. Was she stating that fact only to let him down easily?
“Stop trying to guess what I’m going to say. I can see it in your eyes. Please just listen.” She reached up and cupped his cheek.
“As I was saying, I love you. I’ve always loved you in one capacity or another. I don’t have a single memory of growing up that doesn’t somehow, directly or indirectly involve you. What we have has been perfect from the very beginning.”
She stopped talking for a moment and stared at their clasped hands.
“We’ve been perfect ‘cousins,’ perfect friends, the perfect couple, and we’ve had this perfect plan of what would happen from one milestone to the next.” She turned a small smile up towards him. “But, you know what I decided today? We aren’t perfect. We’re human. We mess up; we make mistakes. That doesn’t change how much we love each other. It doesn’t change the fact that we want a future together. It just means we’re real.”
When Zach started to protest, she put a finger to his lips.
“Zach, I’d rather be real with you than perfect. Perfect has too many expectations, too many things hidden or glossed over. Perfect is easy, safe, beautiful. Real is hard, scary, ugly, and it hurts sometimes. As long as you’re by my side, I’ll take real over perfect every single time.” She stopped a moment to kiss him.
“But, Zoey, what happened last night…” His voice caught, fighting to scramble over the tears.
“Shhh, what happened last night is something that thousands of people have dealt with. Yes, it was messy, and not exactly what we had planned. And, this morning? Holy shit, talk about epic failure.” She giggled. “But, Zach, we built our first time up so much. The whole age thing, the timing, the place…it was all just too much. We tried to keep it easy and casual, but we still made it a much bigger deal than it should have been. I mean, we have this amazing history together, the progression of our relationship shouldn’t be based on dates and numbers.”
When she stopped speaking, he wanted to jump in and add to the conversation, but he chose to let the words just sink in. So, she wasn’t mad at their monumental screw-up? She actually was okay with it? Leave it to his girl to take something that could have been a complete catastrophe and turn it into something good.
“Really, if you think about it, based on our friendship and our past, what happened between us last night and this morning makes for a fabulous story. I mean, sweet, soft, romantic has its place and I plan on cashing in that raincheck, but you’ve got to admit that screwing our brains out like rabid monkeys, and not remembering much of it through our hungover stupors the next morning is pretty funny. If we weren’t in a committed relationship, it would have been reckless, unsafe, demoralizing. But, last night and this morning doesn’t change a single thing between us, except giving us something real to cherish.” She smiled at him and blushed as she bit her lip. “And, now we can get down and dirty anytime we want without the huge buildup.”
This girl was amazing. He shook his head and laughed, pulling her close for a kiss.
“Zoey, you are unbelievable. Last night could have totally ruined a relationship, but you…, I have no words, you’re simply amazing.” Tracing her ear with his tongue, he breathed her in deeply. “But, I sort of feel like I’m getting let off the hook way too easily here. Like if my dad or yours was to hear about this debacle, I doubt either of them would be as accepting. I was drunk and took advantage of you. It was wrong.”
She chuckled, “Well, if your dad found out about last night, we’d probably get a very stern lecture on the dangers of alcohol and unprotected sex. If my dad were to find out about last night, I think he’d likely be upset, but he knows life isn’t perfect, and plans don’t always work the way we think they will. He of all people understands that. We didn’t have some random hookup, we just moved the inevitable up by a few days. Not to mention, I was just as drunk and I was taking advantage just as much as you. We both played our part in last night’s mistakes.”
“Well, there’s someone else who played a huge part, and he’s not getting off the hook as easily.” Zach stood, taking her hand, and began walking.
“Whoa, hold on there, Rambo. We are not going in, guns blazing, and blaming Kendrick for this.” She stopped and tugged on his arm.
“Zoey, he pumped us full of alcohol last night. You’re not even legal, and he had both of us drinking ourselves into oblivion. Don’t tell me he doesn’t deserve some blame.” His face was on fire, fists clenching, as he spoke of his beloved cousin. Kendrick had definitely found his way onto the Shit List.
“We are going to the house, we will talk to Kendrick. But, Zach, if you’ll let go of your anger and misplaced blame, I think there’s another possibly bigger issue going on with Kendrick.”
As her small arms wrapped around his waist, he spread his legs to give her something solid to lean on. Not wanting to think about Kendrick, Zach leaned his head down and caught her lips with his. When she opened her mouth on a whimper, he took advantage and let his tongue trace her bottom lip before delving in to meet hers. Walking them a short distance to a nearby tree, he turned so his back took the brunt of the rough bark. Snaking one hand up the back of her shirt, while the other grasped the back of her head and tilted it so he could deepen the kiss, he moaned into her mouth when she rocked her hips against him.
Breaking apart reluctantly, he nipped at her bottom lip, letting his hands travel down her backside and
pulling her tightly against the desire raging behind his zipper.
“We should get our talk with Kendrick over with, then we can continue this matter privately.” He kissed her soundly, and they turned back towards the house.
**********
What the hell was Kendrick doing still asleep? It wasn’t like his cousin to sleep the day away, even after a rough night of drinking.
“Hey man, Zoey and I wanted to talk to you. Can you get dressed and come to the living room?” Zach poked his head into Kendrick’s pitch black room. When had he added the darkening curtains?
A grumbled, garbled string of curse words was his answer, but he saw Kendrick roll over and his feet met the floor.
“We’ll give you a minute to get yourself together.” Had he ever seen Kendrick look so off-kilter and disheveled?
Returning to the living room, he sat with Zoey on the couch. He couldn’t shake the feeling that something was wrong with Kendrick.
“You see it now too, don’t you?” Zoey’s voice was soft.
He nodded.
“I feel like it’s been this long, drawn-out thing, like several years drawn out. I remember when I was about 11, Kendrick acted really different for a while. He wasn’t as happy, not as fun. But, then it got better, or at least it seemed to. Kendrick has always been the life of the party, but recently he’s been off, different, down. It didn’t all come together until the family was together on Thursday night, and then again last night, but he’s got something going on. It’s like he slips into this weird zone where he talks about crazy stuff, then he realizes what he’s done so he pops back into Kendrick mode in order to cover up his slip.” She worried her lip as she spoke.
“Yeah, he’s always been a master at drawing or diverting attention when needed. Whether on or off himself or someone else. I hadn’t really noticed it, but you’re right, he’s been off lately. Do you think we can get him to talk about it?” Zach mused, but he stopped short as his cousin’s likeness appeared in the living room.
Kendrick looked…destroyed, slayed, he looked like a shell of the man they both loved.
“Holy hell, man, what’s going on with you? You’ve never had this type of recovery period from a night of drinking.” Zach watched with concern as Kendrick flopped himself next to Zoey on the couch.
Holding his head in his hands, he ran fingers through his hair roughly, fisting it into clumps and pulling hard enough both Zach and Zoey winced.
“Kendrick, what’s going on? Talk to us.” Zoey reached over and pulled him into a hug.
A piece of his heart broke while Zach watched his tough, charismatic, smart ass cousin shudder and sob into Zoey’s hug.
“Zoey, babe, I’m so fucking sorry about making you drink last night.” Kendrick pulled away from her shoulder and wiped dejectedly at his tears. “You have every right to hate me, and Zach had every right to punch me.”
“You punched him?!” Zoey turned shocked eyes toward him.
“What? It was before I knew we were okay, I was pissed.” Turning his words toward Kendrick, he continued, “Man, I’m sorry for punching you. You played a part in last night, but Zoey and I had just as much of a part in that disaster, so I shouldn’t have placed the blame all on you.”
“No, you were right to punch me. I deserved it. I think I almost welcomed it. The pain of that punch helped to block out the other pain for a while.” Kendrick stared at the wall, completely zoned out.
“The pain of what, Kendrick? What’s hurting you?” Zoey rubbed his back as she spoke softly.
“Nothing I can talk about. Dumb mistakes as a kid. Things that were way out of my control. Lives changed, precious lives gone, hidden, pushed away. It’s just hitting me harder than it usually does. I just wanted to forget, didn’t want the barrage of memories and the what ifs.” Kendrick scrubbed a shaky hand over his face. “But, I was wrong to try to use you guys to bury my shit. I’m so very sorry.”
“Man, it’s okay. Zoey and I have talked, we’re good. All of us are good, no harm, no foul. I was angry and scared this morning when I yelled at you, but it wasn’t right to place the blame all on you.” Reaching over, Zach clapped his cousin on the shoulder. “Hey, seriously man, we’re good. You need to snap out of it.”
With a humorless laugh, Kendrick spoke sardonically, “Yeah, I’ll just snap out of it, because that will fix everything. Maybe I should just snap out of here, go somewhere I won’t bring everyone down.” He stood and headed back to his room.
“I’m worried about him. Like, really worried.” Zoey chewed on her lip. “Do you think Audrey and Jeremiah know what’s going on? I mean, he said ‘dumb mistakes as a kid’, surely they would have known what was going on if he was living there.”
“I don’t know, Zo. But we should talk to them. Let’s give him a little time to see if he peps back up, but if he doesn’t, we’ll ask them about it.” He pulled her onto his lap. “Now, before we spend our whole evening psychoanalyzing Kendrick, let’s discuss the other options available for our entertainment.”
She giggled, and tried to wriggle out of his grasp when he began to tickle.
“Come on, let’s order in and head up to my room. I think I’d very much like to keep you locked up in there for a loooong time.” He winked, and pulled out the menus.
They decided on sub sandwiches from the local deli. Once their dinner had been delivered, and Zoey had called home to let them know she was likely spending the night at the guys’ house, they settled in on his bed.
“So, Mom and Dad want me home tomorrow for birthday dinner after church, but you’re invited too.” She spoke around a cucumber dangling from her mouth.
Sitting cross-legged at the head of his bed, Zach knew he’d never seen a more beautiful, perfect, real woman. His heart ached with love for her, his body raged with desire for her.
As they cleaned up the remains of the sandwiches and chips, Zoey leaned down to dig through his Wii U games. The Xbox was downstairs, but he kept the Wii U in his room since he’d brought it from school. It had been one of his first I’m on my own, I can spend my money how I want purchases at college.
His eyes roamed her frame, bent over his games, and couldn’t help but admire. He grinned as he thought about what they may be doing later in the evening.
“Ah-ha! That’s what I’m looking for.” She held Mario Kart 8 up in triumph.
“Looking to do a little racing, huh?” Zach smiled and tweaked her nose.
“Mmmm, I have a proposition for you, Mr. Morgan.”
His groin ached as she walked to him slowly and ran a finger down his chest. She lifted what he supposed were meant to be seductive eyes to meet his. What was she up to?
With no warning, she busted out laughing.
By the time she’d calmed her outburst, tears were running down her face.
“Zoey, what the heck are you doing?” Digging through his games, playing seductress, laughing hysterically, he couldn’t keep up with her.
“Sorry…,” she hiccupped, “I was trying to play all sexy and erotic, but I can’t do it. I imagined what I looked like with that cucumber hanging from my mouth, a video game in hand, trailing a finger likely still covered in grease from the chips down your chest, and I just couldn’t stop the giggles. Sorry, when you fell in love with me, you totally missed out on the erotic seductress.” She covered another hiccup.
Surely she didn’t think he wanted anything but what she was, did she?
“Pretty girl, you have to know that you’re everything I could ever want and more, right?”
“Yeah, deep down I know that. I guess sometimes I just wonder if you’d rather have someone older, more experienced, worldly.” She blushed. “Not just some girl, barely out of high school, who takes classes at the local college, and teaches some classes at the community center.”
He grabbed her chin, tipping it up. Moving close to her, so his breath feathered across her cheeks, he spoke. “Never. I want the innocence, the zeal, the zest for life. I want real
. I want you.” He pulled gently on her chin as he took another tiny step so their bodies were flush. Brushing his lips across hers, he whispered, “Now, what do you have planned for that racing game?”
Dazed from his words, his touch, his love, Zoey’s eyes stared at him blankly for a few moments. Looking down at the game in her hand, she regained her senses and blurted, “Strip Mario!”
His girl had just suggested they play video games with the very real possibility of her stripping completely naked. Hell to the yeah.
He smiled suggestively. “Let me get this straight. My beautiful girlfriend wants to play a racing game, and clothing coming off during this game is a very probable outcome?” Wagging his eyebrows playfully, he chuckled when she slowly nodded her head up and down with a sinful smile.
“Game on, Zoey Belle. Game on.” With a fist pump, the competition began.
The rules were simple. If you won the race, you got a kiss. If you lost the race, you removed a piece of clothing.
Zoey was better at certain tracks than others.
“Hey, have you been playing this with Asher? Damn it, Zo, don’t throw those bombs at me. Shit, fucking Donkey Kong just passed me. Wait, where are you? Hell, how did you get in first place and I’m in eighth?” Zach hated to lose, but he smiled secretively at how excited his girl was to win that race.
He removed a sock. And she cashed in her kiss.
“Let’s go, loser. I’ve got races to win, and you’ve got clothes to remove.”
She was so damn adorable when she talked smack.
Three laps around the beach track later, the smack talk had been shelved.
Zoey removed her pants. He stole his kiss.
“Bet you were wishing you’d kept your socks on before this little game started, huh?” He laughed at her pouty face.
As the races continued, the kisses grew longer, the clothes became fewer, and concentration became less focused.
By the time he was in only his boxers, and she was laying on her stomach totally naked, he knew the game was over. Pressing pause, he removed the controller from her grasp. Lowering his weight so he was partially on the bed, partly on her, he wrapped arms around her.