by Lauren Runow
Fuck me.
I turn up the radio already tuned to Live 105 rock station that’s playing Rise Against Savior right at the middle of the song where the music slows down to a very slow guitar as the singer slowly and calmly yells I don’t hate you.
I grab my phone, scrolling to my old client, Gina, and clicking the icon to call her.
“Well, Mr. Ashley. That’s a name I didn’t expect to see on my caller ID. Especially after our little Halloween incident.”
“Yeah baby, I’m back. You up for a movie? This one’s on the house. I’m in the mood to play.”
“Oh, I’m always up to play. What happened? No girlfriend anymore?”
“Fuck her. I’m on my way.”
“Can’t wait darling.”
I hit my head back against my headrest taking a deep breath in as I change the station before pulling into on-coming traffic to get by the boom truck and drive to Gina’s.
Allison calls my phone over and over again but I don’t want to talk to her so I turn it off and throw it on the seat next to me.
It takes me ten minutes to get to Gina’s house in the Sunset and I quickly turn off the car and jump out, trying not to listen to my mind that is yelling at me for what I’m about to do. My jaw is tense and my eyebrows are scrunched close together as my heart rate starts to pound.
Gina opens the door, “Well hello, Mr. Ashley. Looking hot. Come in…”
I grab her firmly, pulling her in and angrily kissing her. Gina loves it and returns the favor as we walk, wrapped around each other toward her room. Gina pushes me down on the bed and starts to unzip my pants like she’s clawing to see what’s inside.
I look up to the ceiling as my chest tightens so much I can barely breathe.
Gina grabs for my cock and is shocked when she sees I’m completely limp. Looking up at me she frowns, “Mr. Ashley… I’ve never seen you like this. Let me see if I can help with this situation.” She leans down and sticks my entire cock in her mouth, moving her tongue around.
I gasp as the feeling makes my chest burn and my stomach nauseous. I know I don’t really want this no matter what I just saw Allison doing.
I jump up, pushing Gina off of me. “I’m sorry… I can’t,” and I run out of her house, jumping in my car and speeding away.
I pull over in Golden Gate Park to try to gain my composure and think about what I plan on doing now. Turning my phone back on, I see multiple text messages and voicemails from Allison along with one from a number I don’t recognize.
I listen to that one first to see who it is:
“Charlie, um, it’s Alex. Look, I deserved that. I don’t know what came over me. I… I just wanted to let you know it was all me. Allison had nothing to do with it. I saw her crying and, shit man, I can’t lie, I have feelings for her. But that’s my problem. Please don’t be mad at her. She made it very clear after you left that she wants nothing to do with me. So… I’m sorry.”
I rub my eyes as I play the message again.
Fuck. God, what have I done? Thank God I left Gina’s. But shit, I kissed her.
My stomach turns as I listen to Allison’s messages next:
“Charlie, please baby. Where did you go? Please answer my call.”
The next message:
“Charlie, I swear, I want nothing to do with Alex. He kissed me. I promise. Please call me back.”
The final message:
“I love you Charlie. I can’t stand this feeling. Where are you?”
My eyes start to well as I fight back the tears wondering how I can face her again.
Here she wanted nothing to do with this man who took advantage of her and I go straight to a former client. How can I be such an idiot? She’s going to hate me.
I need to clear my head so I drive to Twin Peaks, hoping the view and fresh air will calm me down. As I pull up I see Allison sitting on the wall, waiting for me to show up.
I park the car and slowly walk up to her with my head down, not sure how to approach her.
When I’m close I ask, “How did you know I would show up here?”
“Because I know you Charlie, all of you. I knew this was your place.”
I reach out to hold her hand as I look down. “I got your messages.” I look at her and see her eyes are red and swollen from crying which breaks my heart even more. “Alex called me, too.”
“Please believe me Charlie. I don’t want anything to do with him. I quit.”
I hold my finger up to her lip, “Shhh, it’s ok.”
“Where have you been? I was worried sick.”
I fall to my knees in front of her, willing to beg for her forgiveness. “I messed up Allison.” I look at her, tears running down my face.
Allison gives me a sour look. “What are you talking about Charlie?”
“Please forgive me. I’ve never felt that feeling when I saw you with him. It felt like you drove stakes right through my heart. I was mad. I was scared. I had to do something or I felt like I was going to die.”
“Charlie, you’re scaring me. What did you do?”
“Then when I left I saw a billboard going up in Union Square. Allison, it’s our photo, from our modeling shoot in Paris. Seeing you, us, together, I felt I had died all over again. Then I turned on the radio and Savior was playing.”
“Yeah, Alex told me the photo was going up, but Charlie, tell me what you did.”
“Please know that when I got there I couldn’t do it and I left. Even though I still thought you kissed Alex, I couldn’t go through with it.”
“Charlie…?”
“Allison, I went to an old client’s house. The one we saw at the Halloween Ball.”
Allison pushes my hands off of her, “You did WHAT?”
“Allison please, please understand what was going through my head. I’ve never dated. I’ve never been in love. Seeing you with him was worse than any feeling I have ever felt.” I grab her hands again, “Even the feeling when my parents passed away. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing you or seeing you with another man. I lost my mind. I had to do something or I would have killed myself.”
“Charlie, don’t talk like that.”
“It’s true. Allison, I can’t imagine my life without you. I just saw a glimpse and I can tell you it’s something I never want to feel again. I’m sorry. I went to her house. I kissed her but that was it. I couldn’t do anything else. She wanted to,” I look down, embarrassed by my confession. “She tried but I knew it was not what I wanted. No matter what I just saw you doing. I walked out without doing anything else. I promise.”
“Fuck Charlie! The first time anything goes bad between us you run right back into that lifestyle. How is that supposed to make me feel?”
“Allison please, I was so scared I had lost you. You left the house so upset with me then I saw you kissing Alex when I came to surprise you with flowers. What am I supposed to think? I told you, I’ve never been in a relationship. I panicked. Please believe me. I know I will never go back. I couldn’t. No one will ever be you.”
Allison steps away, turning her back to me. I want so bad to reach out to her, and try to make all of this better but I’m frozen where I stand. I stare, praying she believes me and can find it within herself to forgive me.
My heart pounds as the silence between us grows. I watch as she tilts her head up to the sky, taking a deep breath before turning to me with a sad look in her eyes.
“Charlie, I can imagine what you felt. I’m sure it’s the same feeling I am feeling right now, listening to you, but I know it was worse for you since you witnessed it.” She looks at me, “We need a reset. Go back to this morning. Look, I’m sorry I got mad this morning.”
“No Allison, I’m sorry. I should have told you. I just didn’t want to upset you.”
“I know Charlie, neither of us really know how to deal with all of this. Shit, nobody would. It is not exactly a common thing be to dealing with. But we’re getting there. And I can tell you one thing for sure. The past coupl
e of hours, when I couldn’t find you, were the worst moments of my life as well. We’re both in this. Together.”
I place my hands on either side of her face, “Allison, I love you with all of my heart.”
“I love you, too.”
We lean into each other, kissing softly, emotionally, before holding each other tightly.
“I’m so sorry, Allison.”
“Me, too, Charlie. Please, I don’t ever want to hear you say goodbye again.”
“I promise, I never will.”
“Happy New Year you two!” Nichole yells as she greets Allison and I walking into Paul’s apartment where all of our friends are gathered to ring in the New Year.
Sonia walks up to Allison giving her a big hug, “It’s about time you guys showed up. Do you know I get to look at your sexy ass on the billboard everyday when I walk into work?” she teases.
“Oh jeez, thankfully it’s not the front of me.”
“Yeah, I’m the only model in this family,” Nichole butts into their conversation. “It’s a hot photo though. You both look like you’re about to devour each other.”
“Oh and we did a few minutes after that photo was taken,” I say laughing as Paul gives me a high five.
“Ok you guys. Enough of that,” Allison says embarrassed.
“So what’s going on with you now? Any new job leads?” Sonia asks Allison.
“Actually, Alex felt bad about what happened and set me up with another photographer. I have an interview next week. Sounds pretty promising.”
“Oh good. That was really nice of him to do that.”
“Nice of him?” I snap back, “Guy’s a prick. He’s lucky I didn’t kick his ass more.”
Allison gives me a snide look and I smile, winking back as I drink the beer Paul handed me.
“So wait, isn’t there other big news for tonight?” Sonia asks looking to us both.
I pull an envelope from my back pocket, holding it up, “Yup, I have it right here. But not until midnight.”
Sonia looks to Allison, “What do you think it is?”
“I have no clue. There’s a 50/50 chance it’s a boy or a girl…” she says sarcastically.
“Oh, come on. Charlie, what do you think it is?”
“Well, if my dreams are true,” I pause to grab Allison and pull her into me, “And so far they are, it’s a boy.” I kiss Allison and everyone around us leaves, teasing us about being too touchy feely with each other.
The doctor did an ultrasound on Jacquelyn yesterday and I had them put the pictures and the sex of the baby in an envelope for the two of us to open together at midnight as our way of turning a new leaf for the New Year and our upcoming life together.
The party is going well with Paul being his obnoxious self, all over Nichole, and everyone thoroughly having a great time. Midnight rolls around and we pour champagne anticipating the countdown. Everyone gathers around Paul’s balcony to ring in the New Year with the most beautiful view in the City.
“Hey, listen up!” Paul yells. “I know that everyone saw my fine ass girlfriend here with me tonight,” he grabs Nichole, pulling her in closer, “I know you all are jealous but feel free to stay as long as you want because I’m about to disappear with her and celebrate the new year in another way.” He raises his eyebrows to her as he pulls her away.
We all laugh, shaking our heads since we’re used to their antics but before they leave I yell out, “Hey, don’t forget the group WOD tomorrow. You said you would go.”
“We will. I finally convinced Nichole to go, too.”
“You did?” Allison’s shocked to hear.
“I know, I know. Don’t remind me.” Nichole replies. “Yes, I am going to try CrossFit tomorrow. But only this once.”
Paul laughs, “Sure, just like you said you wouldn’t date. Just like me, once you’ve tried it you’ll be hooked.”
Nichole shakes her head, pulling Paul into the bedroom as we all begin the countdown, “10-9-8-7-6-5-4-3-2-1-Happy New Year!” we all yell in unison.
I wrap my arms around Allison, kissing her as slowly and lovingly as I can before looking into her eyes, “Happy New Year, baby. You ready?”
“Yes, what are we having?”
I look up to her, surprised at her we comment. This is the first time she’s referred to the baby this way. My eyes tear up as I lean down to kiss her again.
I open the envelope and pull out the pictures of the baby. The top picture shows the baby’s head with a profile shot of the little head, eyes and nose.
I slowly walk to the couch, suddenly weak from the sight of the picture.
Allison sits next to me, looking at the photo then at me. “Wow, look at that. That’s your baby Charlie.”
I look at Allison, my eyes full of tears. “I know. It’s… it’s amazing. It’s a real baby.”
Allison laughs, “Yes Charlie, it’s a real baby.”
“I mean, wow, look.” I show her the picture.
“Is it a little more real now?”
I sigh, “Yeah,” as I stare at the photo.
“So, what is it?”
I take a deep breath, flipping to the next piece of paper. “It’s a boy…”
Allison’s face lights up. “It is?”
“Just like in my dreams. Allison, it’s all coming true. I’m,” I pause, “we’re going to have a boy. I think we should name him Lyric.”
Allison looks at Sonia who is sitting next to us watching. “Well Charlie, I’ve never told you this but as long as I can remember I have wanted to name my son Lyric.”
Sonia pipes in, “It’s true Charlie. When she told me about your dream and the baby’s name I about had a heart attack. It was just another sign that you two are meant to be.”
“Really?” I look at Allison, surprised.
“Really Charlie… You know my love of music and how I pay attention to the lyrics of songs. I saw a little boy named Lyric years ago and just fell in love with the name. I wanted to make sure it was a boy before I said anything to you.”
“So it is true. All my dreams are coming true.”
I wrap my arms around Allison as the vision of my last dream where Jacquelyn came to pick our son up pops in my head but I quickly dismiss it, trying not to ruin the excitement for my son, our son.
At 10 am we all meet at our CrossFit box ready for the group New Years WOD.
“Seriously? Only crazy people would meet this early on New Years day to workout. I swear, this place is a cult.” Nichole says holding her head with dark sunglasses trying to hide her hangover.
We all laugh, knowing what Nichole is saying is totally true but we don’t care.
“I know. It’s crazy. I tell everyone yes, I drank the Kool-Aid and now I’m addicted but you just wait. You’ll be happy you came with us this morning,” Allison tries to comfort her sister. “I’m not going to lie, this is going to kick your ass but you’ll have fun doing it. I promise.”
“Ok everyone. Gather around, let’s get this thing going.” Andy yells out to all the other CrossFitters. “Ok, I want you to break into two equal teams. While one team runs 400 meters, the other team will be doing 20 squats, one burpee and six mountain climbers. Hence, 2016…” he smiles. “Everyone gets a stack of cards to count on their own. Only once the entire team is back from running can the next team begin their run. As you run out place the cards you turned in the bucket either labeled team one or team two. We will do three rounds. The team with the most cards in the bucket, wins. Everyone got it?”
Nichole looks at me, “Ok, help. Show me what these moves are again?”
I drop to the ground, doing a pushup before bringing my knees back into my chest and jumping straight up, high into the air, “That’s a burpee.” Then I go to a plank position to show her mountain climbers by bringing my leg up one at a time to my elbow. “And those are mountain climbers. Each leg together counts as one so only count when you bring your right leg up.” I pull her in close into me, “Don’t worry doll. You got this
. And everyone does it together so I’ll be right by your side. Even on the run.” I kiss her sweetly trying to encourage her more.
Nichole shakes her head, “Why did I agree to this?”
“Because you love me…” I reply.
Both Charlie and Allison look at Nichole to see her reaction before stepping away, giving us space.
Nichole sits still, not responding but not running either, which makes me smile. I don’t need to hear her words though; her face says it all.
I smirk, leaning in, kissing her before I whisper, “I love you, too. And guess what? I got a text from my mom this morning saying she’s in rehab. Hopefully just like you, she’s coming around to the idea of change in her life, for the better.” I grab her ass. “Did I thank you enough for going with me to see her?”
Nichole laughs, “Uh, yes, I was sore for a couple of days after that.”
“Hmm… maybe we can do it again,” I raise my eyebrows before ducking my head into her neck, kissing it before licking up to her ear.
Andy breaks our moment yelling out, “Ok, everyone ready?” He counts out the teams to make sure they’re equal. “Ok. Three, two, one – Go!”
A big group piles out the door heading for their run. I hit Nichole’s arm as we run next to each other, winking at her before giving her a sexy grin. “You got this baby. Don’t over think it. Just roll with it.”
She smiles back, “You know I’d rather be rolling around with you.”
“That’s my girl,” I slap her ass as we finish the run.
As we enter the gym Bad Girlfriend by Theory of a Deadman plays over the speakers talking about her being naughty to the end and I can’t help but smirk as I look at Nichole.
“Ok, team two – go! Team one start your squats,” Andy yells out.
Nichole squats down and I can’t help but reach out and grab her small round ass as she stands back up. “Oh Nic, that ass. I’m not sure I can make it through watching you dip down that low.”
Nichole turns around, giving me a sexy grin, “Hands off, lover boy. Play your cards right and I see a hot shower in our near future.”