by Lauren Runow
“Charlie, come on. I know they responded,” I push his chest back to a seated position. “Tell me.” I give him an I’m-not-playing look making Charlie sigh, looking down.
“Allison, I just don’t want you to worry. Please, let me deal with whatever this is. It’s my problem and I don’t want you brought into this any more.”
“Ok, now you’re worrying me. Tell me what they said.”
Charlie stands up. “I’m sorry. I won’t. Please, drop it.”
“Charlie! You said we wouldn’t have any more secrets. You need to tell me.”
“Allison, please. Just for this once. Let me deal with this. I don’t want to worry you or get you involved.”
“But I am involved. It’s too late to not get me involved. Charlie, our entire lives are going to change tomorrow. Tomorrow! This all started with you keeping secrets from me so excuse me if I don’t trust you,” I start to yell, extremely pissed off all a sudden.
“Allison, no. Don’t say that. You can trust me.” Charlie grabs for my hands holding them in front of him as we stand inches apart.
I look down. “Charlie, I’m trying to be strong. But I feel like I can crack at any minute. I’m still not sure I can even do this. I don’t need to think there is something else you’re keeping from me. Don’t push me away. Not now. Not if you want me to stay here. With you. With Lyric. I can’t start out our life this way.” By the end of my statement I’m barely whispering.
“Allison, baby. Look at me. Don’t talk like this. Please don’t tell me you’re having second thoughts. I need you here with me. Lyric needs you.” He pulls me in closer, so we’re touching as he leans down and places his forehead against mine. “You’re his mother.”
I take a sharp breath in, “But what if his actual mother does wake up? What then? I’m step-mom…? Charlie, I…” I try to push myself away from him as my eyes fill with tears.
“No Allison, don’t think like that. You say so yourself, ‘everything happens for a reason.’ We have to have faith. If she wakes up we will figure it out and everything will be ok.”
“How can you say that? You don’t know. Charlie, the woman threatened to kill me. Did you forget that little fact?” I yell as my tears turn to anger.
“Allie, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t forget. I know you have been through a lot,” he looks down ashamed. “All because of me. But Allison, please. Don’t do this now. I need you, more now than ever. My son, our son, will be born tomorrow. I have to believe everything will be ok. We will be ok.”
“If you honestly think that Charlie than why are you hiding your phone from me? Who texted you?”
“Allison, I don’t know. I’m being honest. I have no idea who sent this text and why. I really just don’t want to hurt you. If you really want to read it you can. I hope you would just listen to me and trust me. I’m not trying to hide something from you. I’m trying to protect you. I will tell you this. You don’t want to know what this says. And I don’t want you to know until I know who it came from and why.”
I look up, shocked. Tears start to fall down my face as Charlie pulls me in closer. “I love you. Please, I don’t want you to have all of these feelings, all of these doubts. Especially now, especially with what’s happening tomorrow. This should be the best day of our lives. Our baby will be here.” He looks down directly into my eyes, “You hear me. Our baby.”
I look up, not being able to fight the tears that flow down my face freely. “Then tell me. I can handle whatever you have to tell me.”
Charlie reaches to his back pocket and hands me the phone. “Please know. I’m giving you this because I love you. And I don’t want you to read it because I love you. Decision is yours.”
I look down to his phone. Holding it with both hands but I don’t swipe it on. I look up at him, looking into his eyes then back to the phone. Slowly I throw it down on the bed. “Ok Charlie. I won’t read it. But please don’t keep me in the dark. If they text back you let me know. If you don’t want me to know what it says I’ll trust you. But if you’re in trouble you let me know. No secrets. Ok?”
Charlie grabs me tightly, holding me close to him. “I promise. Thank you. I just don’t want to worry you over something I don’t even know is worth worrying about. Come on. Can we get back to what you started a few minutes ago? I do believe I owe you an orgasm now.” He smiles his sexy smile, wrapping his hands around my neck and pulling me in for a kiss.
I’m too worked up to kiss him back. “I’m sorry. Give me a second.” I turn and walk into the kitchen for water.
Once Allison’s gone from the room I fall down on the bed. I’ve been trying to keep my anxiety for tomorrow at ease but now, after the text and the fight with Allison, I’m truly and emotionally terrified. So terrified that I do something I swear I never would after my parents died. I pray.
Please, God. I’ve never asked you for anything. And I know I’m not religious, or anything, but if you are there. If you are listening. Please. Please make tomorrow ok. Can you please…
I pause, not sure how to finish my thought. How can I ask God to not let her live?
Just please make everything ok. I love Allison. Please give her strength to stay with me.
I pause again.
No matter what happens.
I look down to my hand that is gripped around Charlie’s. Neither one of us wanted to be in the delivery room so we’re sitting silently in the waiting room waiting for news.
My stomach turns and my chest is so tight I can barely breathe. Charlie leans his head back against the wall behind him, closing his eyes taking a deep breath in and out. I’m assuming he feels the same way I do but I can’t work up the never to ask.
“I wish my parents were here,” Charlie whispers.
I’m shocked to hear Charlie’s confession. He’s never spoken of them besides relaying the dreams he had that they were in. I grip his hands tighter. “They are, baby. I know they are. Just like in your dreams. They’re always with you. And they know their grandson is being born today. I really believe that.”
Charlie opens his eyes and looks at me with his head still leaning back and takes a deep breath, then whispers, “Thank you. Thank you for being here with me. I know this is a lot for you. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t here with me right now.”
My heart aches for him. I love this man and he’s been through so much. There is nowhere I would rather be than right by his side. A small tear runs down my face as I hear a familiar voice timidly say hello. I turn my head to see my mom and dad walk through the door.
We still aren’t speaking but seeing her, after all this time and in this very tense, scary moment, I’m nothing but grateful to see them both standing there, especially my mom.
“Charlie… Allison… I hope it’s ok that we are here,” my mom says while holding my dad’s hand and arm firmly for support.
“Mom!” I run up, wrapping my arms around her, giving her a huge hug as tears fall uncontrollably.
She instantly starts to cry, gripping me tightly. “Oh Allison. I’m so sorry. I miss you so much.”
I don’t want to think about anything. Right now I just really need my mom and having her there to support us means more to me than I ever thought possible.
Now I fully understand Charlie’s comment about wanting his parents there. I didn’t know how bad I needed my parents until the second they walked in.
I turn to Charlie then back to my parents, for the first time, fully understanding the pain he has been going through the last ten years.
I look my mom in the eyes then tilt my head to Charlie in an un-said motion that he needs a mom right now, too.
She loosens her grip on me and walks over to Charlie who stands as she approaches. “Charlie, I know I will never be like a mom to you but I’d like to try.” She looks to me for reassurance. “At least I will be a Grandma in your life. If you guys will let me.”
Charlie shakes his head yes as a tear falls down his face and he reaches over
to give her a big hug. I know hearing he has the support of a family in his life now means more than anyone could ever know. I can’t help but let the tears flow down my cheeks.
She whispers, “I’m so sorry Charlie. This is all my fault.”
Charlie stops her and pulls back looking into her eyes. “This is nobody’s fault. This is my son.” He looks at me, holding out his hand to grip mine again. “Our son. I will never look at this as anything but a blessing.”
My dad walks up, placing his hand on Charlie’s back. “You make me proud to say you’re a part of our family.”
They smile at each other for a moment as a nurse walks in, “Excuse me. Which one of you is Charles Ashley?”
We all freeze, looking at the nurse before Charlie grabs my hand tightly, stepping forward saying, “I am.”
She smiles halfheartedly, “Can you please follow me? The doctor would like to speak to you.”
He looks at me, pulling on my hand with an it’s time look on his face.
I can’t move. I’m completely stuck. It’s like my feet have been glued to the ground and my legs forgot what walking even feels like.
I get lightheaded, my brain swimming with possibilities. These last nine months, not knowing what will happen, will she live, will she die? And the baby. Lyric. Everything is coming down to this moment. Right here. I think I’m going to be sick. If I can’t move even a centimeter forward, how can I move a lifetime forward?
My dad wraps his arm around me. “It’s ok Allison. We’ll be right here. Go with him.”
I look up at him, still not able to move or breathe. Charlie steps closer, wrapping his arms around my waist, pulling me in so we’re centimeters apart and whispers, “Breathe,” before kissing me softly.
He steps away holding my hand tightly and pauses when he sees I’m not following him. He looks back with pain in his eyes. Please Allison. He mouths to me. Please come with me.
I take a deep breath in then slowly start to move forward looking straight into his eyes. I need those eyes looking back at me. They are my comfort, my everything. As long as I have those to look into I know I can do this. My whole body trembles with fear as I wrap my other arm around his arm, holding myself up as we walk out the door. I’ve never felt so faint in my life but having my rock, my Charlie, by my side helps calm me more than ever before.
I can do this.
We enter a room where a doctor has his back facing us writing in a chart. He turns when we enter and it’s hard to read his facial expression.
Not able to wait a second longer, Charlie asks, “So what happened? Is my son ok?”
The doctor looks at him, then at me. “I’m sorry to say but Jacquelyn didn’t make it.”
Charlie looks at me, trying to hide his happiness, knowing this is not something people would normally be celebrating, but oh my God I feel like I could float away on could nine right now. My chest opens up, I can finally breathe. Filling my lungs with what feels like the best air ever created on this earth. I try really hard not to smile and just grip Charlie tighter.
The doctor continues, “Once we started the procedure her blood pressure started to spike and we tried everything. We were hoping the hormones released after the baby was delivered would bring something back to life but the medication we had to give her had the opposite affect and it was too much for her body to handle. It turned into an emergency surgery to get the baby out as fast as we could so we could try to revive her but unfortunately there was nothing we could do. She was already gone.”
We both look at each other, knowing what our hearts are feeling before Charlie looks back to the doctor. “And the baby?”
His frown turns slightly up, “Congratulations. It’s a boy. He’s this way.” The doctor puts his hand on Charlie’s back, “Come meet your son.”
Tears instantly flow down Charlie’s face and I can only think they are tears of happiness, tears of relief, tears of sorrow for his parents, and tears of joy for his son. He wraps his arm around my waist and leans in to give me a sweet kiss before pulling back and whispering, “Come on. Let’s go meet our son.”
We walk into another room to see a little boy wrapped up in a blanket in a clear bassinet with a nurse standing over him.
She looks up to Charlie and smiles, “This must be your beautiful little boy.” She looks down, then back at him. “He has your eyes.”
Charlie’s eyes well up again as he leans down to see his son for the first time. He looks at me, then to the nurse. “Can I hold him?”
The nurse laughs, “He’s yours sweetie. You can do whatever you want with him.”
Charlie’s face lights up as he reaches down and timidly wraps his arms around his son and begins to lift him up to his chest. He cradles him in his arms looking to him as he rubs his soft head that is lightly covered with soft brown hair.
My heart melts like never before. Seeing a brand new baby is a feeling that can’t even be described. I was there the moment Sonia’s daughter was born and this feels the same. That instant love, the instant happiness and knowing you would do anything for that baby is all too consuming.
You want to hold them tight but you’re terrified to hurt them because they are so tiny. You can’t help but stare at them as your heart grows five times bigger than you ever thought possible.
I know, in this moment, that I can love Lyric as my own son. He is mine. I am his mom. Just like I love Sonia’s daughter as my own. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t give birth to him; we are a family now.
I’m his mommy.
He looks at me as more tears fall. I step toward him, leaning down and kissing Lyric’s head before leaning in and kissing Charlie on the lips as tears fall from my eyes as well.
“He’s beautiful, Charlie,” I whisper looking back up at him. “Hello Lyric,” I pause, looking up to Charlie and then down to Lyric again. “I’m your Mommy,” I say closely to him before kissing his head.
Charlie’s body visibly constricts as he lets out a sob he can’t hold in, wrapping his arm around me so the three of us are in our first family hug. Hands down this is the best moment of my life. One I will remember forever. The birth of our son. I hold on to Charlie and Lyric never wanting to let go.
We sit in an embrace until there’s a knock on the door. Nichole walks in whispering, “Can we come in?”
We both look up, wiping our eyes, smiling as Nichole, Paul, along with my mom and dad all walk through the door.
Nichole squeals as she jumps over to where we’re standing smiling from ear to ear, “Let me see him, let me see him!”
She wraps her arms around both Charlie and I looking down to Lyric. “He’s beautiful. God Charlie, he looks just like you.”
Charlie looks at her then back down to Lyric, rubbing his head again, “He does, doesn’t he?”
Paul walks over placing his hand on Charlie’s shoulder. “Congratulations, bro.”
“Thanks man. I’m glad you’re here.”
I look at Charlie, “Can I hold him?”
“Of course,” Charlie hands him over to me and steps back, taking in everything that his life has become.
A huge smile grows over his face. We catch eyes as we both smile and whisper, “I love you,” at the same time.
I look over to my parents who are standing next to the door, timid about their presence. I look back to Charlie who shrugs and nods his head their way.
I’m ready to forget everything that’s happen. I can forgive my mom because I know now that no matter what, family is the most important thing. We need them in our lives. Lyric needs them. We will show this little boy that he is more loved than anything in the entire world.
Slowly, I walk toward them with Lyric in my hands and smile, “Lyric. I’d like for you to meet your Grandma and Grandpa.”
My mom covers her mouth with her hands as tears flow freely down her face. She places her hand on his head softly and smiles at me mouthing the word, Thank you.
I whisper back, “You’re welcome. Here, w
ould you like to hold him?”
She reaches out, without hesitation, and wraps her arms around her new grandson. My dad leans down and kisses my mom on the head before lightly running his hands over Lyric’s head. “He’s beautiful you two.”
Charlie walks up behind me, grabbing my shoulders and lightly kissing the back of my head. “He really is.”
I lean back into Charlie, placing my hand on his while resting the back of my head on his chest and let out a breath I feel like I’ve been holding for the last nine months, knowing now that my life is complete.
The three of us spent the night in the hospital before bringing Lyric home for the first time. Since Jacquelyn could not verify that I was the father, the hospital ran a paternity test and when it came back that Lyric was definitely mine we were allowed to take him home.
Allison and I hold hands as Lyric sits quietly in his car seat in the backseat of the Mustang. With smiles covering both of our faces, we head toward our future together.
Marry Me by Train comes over the radio and I can’t take my eyes off of Allison as we sit at a red light.
I lean over kissing Allison on the cheek, whispering, “Getting the nerve to say hello in the café was the best thing I ever did.”
Adjusting to having a baby took a few days but we’re working through it with nothing but love for one another and love for Lyric. Our life was complete until the third day when my text went off again:
I see she died. Lucky bastard. Lucky for me too.
I’m thankful that Allison is not in the room as I grit my teeth replying back:
Who is this? Why are you texting me?
You’ll see soon enough. I know you did this for her money and I want some too or I’ll turn you in.
What are you talking about? What money?
Don’t lie to me. You know what money.
NO I DON’T!!!