Her own eyes filled with tears. Head bowed, she tried to find the words for another apology—the last apology she would ever owe this man. He might not want her to let him go, but he needed to let her let him go, so that she could never put him through this kind of pain again. She could hardly bear it when his hands framed her face, coaxing her to look up so that their eyes met.
“A chuisle, you know I loved you back then. You know there’s been no one else since you. My heart was yours on sight the night we first met and I never took it back. I had opportunities, but they left me cold. I didn’t want them—I wanted you. I wanted you to have everything of me that I had to give. Fiona, I feel as if I’ve loved you all my life. You are my life and I’ve been nothing without you. Forgive me—please, forgive me.”
Forgive him for what? “Ryan? Why…?”
“For not being enough for you to have faith in me to help you through all that. I should have been there for you.”
“Ryan, stop right there. Stop it—now.” She kissed away his tears. “Never—never—think you’re not enough for me. You’re everything, you hear? There is nothing I need to forgive you for—nothing. I wouldn’t let you be there. Do you understand, sweetheart? It was my decision.” She looked into his eyes. “I wouldn’t let you be there.”
She knew Ryan wasn’t a practising Catholic but boy, could he do guilt—talk about unintended consequences. Just telling him he had nothing to feel guilty for wouldn’t cut it. He had to feel it to know it and that would take time. If he wanted it, needed it, she would give him all the time in the world.
She would give him the rest of her life—gladly and with all her heart.
“Ryan, you said I never asked you for anything…I want to ask you for something now. It’s the biggest thing I could ever ask of you—the biggest thing one person can ever ask of another…”
Epilogue
Another wedding.
After Natalie and Joel had tied the knot just before Christmas, Ryan hadn’t expected to find himself attending another wedding a few months later.
The bride was currently cavorting round the dance floor with her brother-in-law, while his very pregnant wife was sitting to Ryan’s right, watching the spectacle and trying not to laugh at her husband.
“I’ll go and put a leash on him in a minute, Natalie—he’s embarrassing both of us,” Ryan promised with a smile, knowing that his new sister-in-law would take the comment in the way it was intended.
She returned his smile with one of her own, although she did seem a little anxious. “Before you do, Ryan, can I have a word with you? Please?”
“Of course.” He pulled a chair over to sit beside her, wondering why she was suddenly so serious. “Are you all right?”
She smiled again, a little more easily this time. “Now I see more than ever why Fiona loves you. You will look after her, won’t you?”
Ryan took his sister-in-law’s hand. “With my life, I swear.”
“It’s just that…she’s always had the shitty end of the stick and she deserves to be happy. She had a crap time with Mum.”
Ryan squeezed her hand. “I know, Natalie. She told me about it.”
“Did she tell you all of it, though? It wasn’t just the dementia, you know. Mum was hard on her, Ryan—really hard. She demanded that Fiona do everything to please her for as long as I can remember, until Fiona just gave up trying to be herself. The whole thing with Mum affected her to the point where she became a chameleon, trying to be what other people wanted her to be. And I gradually lost my sister.” Natalie's face was a study in anguish. “When she didn't think anyone was looking, her eyes would just die—they'd go so empty.”
“I know.” Only too well. Even now, on the happiest day of his life, his heart constricted at the memory. “I tried to get her to open up to me, but all I did was back her into a corner, until she had no choice but to end things between us. I had no idea what she was going through.”
“Don't blame yourself, Ryan—she wouldn't want it, ever. Keeping quiet about Mum was a decision we took between us. She wanted the time she spent with you to be for the two of you, the same as I wanted with Joel. I should never have left her to deal with Mum on her own so much, though.” Self-recrimination was all over Fiona’s sister’s face.
The young woman closed her eyes—Ryan could tell she was trying hard not to cry. He enclosed the hand he held with both of his, trying to give her a little of his strength. If it weren’t for this woman, he’d never have met the one who was his life.
“Natalie, listen to me—Fiona wouldn't want you to have that regret. She wanted you to have a life.”
“We should both have had a life. My happiness came at the expense of hers. She belongs to you, Ryan—the same way I belong to that goofy idiot.” Natalie glanced towards the dance floor. “She always has and she always will. Make her happy.”
“I will.” That was a promise Ryan would have no trouble keeping. “I can’t think of any way I’d rather spend the rest of my life.”
Natalie bit her lip. “You know she fell in love once before?”
Ryan nodded. “Some bastard who made her believe that love was a weapon to be used against her.”
“Quite. When she finally found the courage to tell him she loved him, that bastard walked away from her—broke her heart. She just shut down completely. After the way Mum had treated her, I think it was more than she could take, but she never complained. I just wanted to thank you for letting her believe in love again.” Natalie squeezed his hand. “Thank you for giving my sister back to me—to all of us—and helping her to be the person she was always meant to be.”
“Natalie,” Ryan said, his voice full of admiration for the young woman sitting beside him, “for a kid sister, you are a very perceptive lady.” He lifted his sister-in-law’s hand to his mouth for a fleeting, brotherly kiss. “I’ll take good care of her—I promise.”
He glanced down at the rich gold of the band on the third finger of his left hand, put there by his new wife a few hours earlier. It still felt strange, but it was a strangeness he welcomed. He flexed his fingers, watching the light glint from the metal.
His life was changing in so many ways. Marriage to Fiona was by far the most important of those changes, but his business was going to transform beyond all recognition as well. When he and his wife returned from their honeymoon, he was going to contact Alex Lombard—now back in the security business—and Cam Fraser. After several conversations, initially with Cam, but then with Alex, too, he’d decided that it was time to set in motion the proposed merger of their companies. Now that he was a devoted husband, Ryan’s view of his work had changed dramatically—it was a means to an end, not the end itself.
Fiona was his priority now.
He’d never imagined he could love her any more than he had during their earlier relationship, but he did, and the emotion was growing stronger and fiercer with each passing day. She was so different now, even from when they’d met again at her sister’s wedding. Natalie had noticed the difference, had even just commented on it, although he doubted that she’d believe her sweet, gentle, elder sister was capable of becoming the Mistress who took such exquisite control in the bedroom.
The last few months had provided them with an ideal opportunity to make a few…interesting discoveries about one another. At first Fiona had been hesitant, reluctant to see in herself what he had come to see so clearly, but Ryan was a man who knew what he needed, and equally, knew only Fiona could give it to him, now that she was learning to accept the part of her that was a perfect fit for that part of him. The ingredients were time and patience, and trial and error, but Ryan would never forget the way she’d glowed after the first time they got the recipe right.
Nor would he forget his own reaction to finally finding his place as his wife’s submissive.
His discussions with Alex and Cam hadn’t been entirely about business. He’d known of their tastes for a while, and with a little finesse, Ryan had been able to open
up another field of enquiry. The two men were only too happy to provide Fiona with any advice and assistance, and had even introduced both her and Ryan to Ros Edwards, another member of the club they’d told him about, and a Domme to boot—perhaps the most suitable person of all to tutor Fiona.
And with the further assistance of his friends, Ryan had also been able to secure an additional surprise wedding gift for his wife—membership of Aegis for them as a couple.
Ryan’s thoughts turned to the future, and what would happen in another couple of hours, when he and Fiona went up to their suite and made a second, private commitment to one another. Kneeling before her, wearing only his wedding ring, Ryan would offer her his wrist and she would tie the decorative, soft, brown leather cuff around it, claiming him as her property.
The cuff was Fiona’s wedding present to him, and the only one he wanted, in addition to Fiona herself. Her response, when he’d asked her what she would like for her gift, had been just one word…You. He would give her that gift tonight, and with that symbolic gesture, Fiona would truly become his Mistress.
Just the thought of that term—and the woman to whom it applied—was enough to remind him of the peace he’d found with her. Through the club, both of them would be able to learn more about the lifestyle they were only just beginning to explore. Never in his wildest dreams had he imagined that they’d both welcome their…unconventional roles so wholeheartedly, and look forward to a future that embraced those roles.
Ryan fought his impatience to embark on that future, starting with their private ritual, and forced himself back to the more orthodox celebration going on around him. Fiona hadn’t wanted the big wedding, but since he was determined it was the only wedding in which she was ever going to take a starring role, he’d wanted her to have it all. He felt like an idiot in the fancy getup—the grey morning suit with the brocade waistcoat, winged-collar shirt and cravat—but he didn’t care. When he’d tried it on at the menswear shop, it was worth it just to see the look in her eyes when he’d come out of the changing room. He’d never imagined any woman ever looking at him with such sheer, naked want in her eyes, let alone Fiona. She’d looked like she could eat him alive and made him feel ten feet tall.
Of course, he’d had to wait for the wedding ceremony to see her dress. Just a few hours ago, he’d been standing in the church, more nervous than he’d ever expected to be, waiting for her to come to him, wondering yet again what she’d chosen.
She’d never been more beautiful than that moment when he first saw her, coming towards him on the arm of her brother-in-law, wearing the strapless, beaded, champagne satin gown that had taken his breath away, the colour a perfect backdrop for the bouquet of heavily scented, vibrant-orange roses.
Totally besotted with his bride as he was, for Ryan the ceremony had been pretty much a blur, but there was one thing he would always remember—the moment when she had taken his wedding band from the clergyman and, before placing it on his finger, in a purely spontaneous gesture she’d touched it to her mouth, her eyes never leaving his, her lips silently forming the words I love you.
“Okay, that’s enough,” Ryan muttered, dragging himself back to the party again—his mind really was wandering too much. Natalie, laughing again, was starting to give him cause for concern. Although he was pretty clued-up when it came to advanced first aid, he wasn’t sure he could cope with assisting in the delivery of his niece or nephew on his wedding day, should her full-blown fit of the giggles result in an early labour. All that champagne her husband had consumed had a lot to answer for. He strode onto the dance floor.
“Barlow, get your hands off my wife,” he ordered with mock severity, his tone harking back to the days when he’d been Joel’s commanding officer, rather than just his boss. “She’s had enough of you stamping all over her feet, and Natalie needs to stop laughing so much, or she’ll give us all a surprise we hadn’t bargained for.”
Grinning broadly, Joel glanced from groom to bride and back again, snapped off an equally mocking salute, and loped off to keep his own wife company.
“I’m sorry about that, darlin’,” Ryan murmured, taking his wife in his arms. A sense of warm contentment settled around him. “He’s a prize pain in the arse, always has been.”
Fiona looked at him and failed to suppress a soft giggle at the indictment. She knew that Ryan still hadn’t forgiven his brother-in-law for the stag night—that might take until their first wedding anniversary. Or maybe their tenth—Ryan hadn’t yet decided. His wife draped her arms around his neck and fitted her body to his, oblivious to the attention they were drawing from their guests, as the music changed to something slow and romantic. “And now he’s family, Mr. Quinn.”
“I know, Mrs. Quinn.” He paused for a moment and looked at her, a slight frown creasing his forehead. “I never thought to ask—do you want to be Mrs. Quinn, or would you prefer to keep your own name?”
“Do I want to be Mrs. Quinn?” Fiona appeared to consider the question. “Let me see. I have a list of the organisations I need to contact as soon as we get back from our honeymoon, to inform them of my change of name and marital status. I’ve had that list ready to go since the day after you agreed to marry me. Does that answer your question, husband of mine?” She smiled up at him, so much happiness and love in her eyes that Ryan thought his heart might burst.
“I guess it does, Mrs. Quinn.” he sighed, lowering his head to brush his lips across his wife’s mouth, in a kiss that promised more later. “Sounds good, darlin’.”
“Besides,” she added after a short pause, “it won’t confuse the staff when I take the kids to school.”
The quiet statement rocked Ryan to the core. Children. Fiona wanted babies—his babies. Children were something that happened to other people…he’d never even thought about them being a part of his own life. “You want children, a rúnsearc?”
“Only with you and only when we’re both ready, sweetheart,” she whispered. “And if you’re never ready, it’s all right. We’ve never talked about it, and now certainly isn’t the time to start. We have plenty of time for that.”
Ryan had thought he could never love her more, but how wrong he was. He held her just that little bit more tightly. “Darlin’, I’m selfish—I want you to myself for a little while yet…but there’s nothing I want more than to give you babies.”
Could life be any better? Suddenly happier than any man had a right to be, he twirled Fiona under his arm. “Now—let’s celebrate!”
For Ryan Quinn, there was a whole lot to celebrate.
The woman he loved more than life itself was his at last.
And mind, body, heart and soul, he belonged to her.
***
Thank you for reading the second story in the Club Aegis series. I hope you liked it!
If you’d like to find out more about my books, the complete list can be found on my website, christieadamsauthor.com, where you’ll also find the link to sign up for my infrequent newsletters.
If you enjoyed this story, please would you consider leaving a review? It means a lot to an author to know that their work is enjoyed by those who read it. If you do leave a review, thank you so much.
Christie
Other books by Christie Adams
Club Aegis Series (suggested reading order):
The Velvet Ribbon
A Wanting Heart (novella)
Love Is Danger
Passion’s Last Promise
Single Titles:
Spent Love (novella)
Ask Me (novella)
About the author
When Christie Adams, author of contemporary steamy romance, isn't completely absorbed in the writing process, she's probably thinking about it—either the book she's currently working on, or one of the dozen other stories she'll have percolating away at the back of her mind.
In addition to writing, she also loves investing time in reading a good book, or browsing the internet in search of cute videos of puppies, a pastime tha
t often helps with writer's block—or so she claims. On those rare occasions when she can tear herself away from the computer, she has a weakness for James Bond movies and romantic comedies.
Good chocolate is also one of her passions in life, often accompanied by a glass of her favourite tipple, English sparkling wine. And if she can be persuaded to abandon her writing for a while, she finds that chocolate, wine and a good movie on TV is an excellent way to pass a winter's evening.
For news about new books, join Christie’s mailing list. Follow her on Facebook and Twitter (@ChristieAdams), and you can email her at [email protected]
A WANTING HEART (CLUB AEGIS #2)
Copyright © 2015, 2016 by Christie Adams
All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, scanned or distributed in any manner whatsoever without the prior written permission of the author, except in the case of brief quotation embodied in critical articles and reviews. To request permission, write to the publisher at the address below.
Blue Topaz Books
[email protected]
www.bluetopazbooks.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are a product of the author’s imagination. Locales and public names are sometimes used for atmospheric purposes. Any resemblance to actual people, living or dead, or to businesses, companies, events, institutions, or locales is completely coincidental.
Edited by Julie Naughton
Cover by Syneca Featherstone
A Wanting Heart / Christie Adams (2nd edition)
A Wanting Heart Page 10