The two weeks since Ravi’s big idea had passed like as slowly and miserably as trying to download a movie on bad WiFi. He’d had the holiday concert for the gay men’s chorus he sang with now, and they’d both had more baked goods foisted on them by well-meaning friends and acquaintances than they could eat in three months. Ravi’s idea had looked better and better with each passing day.
And now, they were headed out of the city, and even with bad holiday traffic on 405, his heart still surged as they merged onto Highway 14 and the urban sprawl started to recede. Ravi dozed until Tristan stopped in Lancaster to top up the tank and get coffee drinks.
He was clicking around on his phone when Tristan returned with a peppermint mocha for each of them.
“Thanks. Hey, look at this. Noah and Adrian’s kid can like do tricks now.” He turned his phone so that Tristan could see the baby blowing bubbles while her adoring fathers cheered her on.
“Cute. Did you reply?”
“Yup. Sent them a video of Rey chasing that new toy we got her with a bell in it. Figured if they can brag on their offspring, we can too.”
“Good move.” Tristan drove back to the highway, trying to decide how to say what he wanted to say next. “So… you know how you want all these adventures together?”
“Yup. I’ve got a list.” Ravi laughed. “We’re too good at road trips now to stay home all the time.”
“Yeah, well, I was just thinking… what if we weren’t always alone on the adventures?”
Ravi groaned. “We are not joint vacationing with Ryan and Josiah. Sorry. Love them, but no. Ditto Noah and Adrian. That much people interaction all day everyday would make you cranky and then I’d get cranky, and just…no. We’re good as a duo.”
“I didn’t mean our friends. I meant more like…sidekicks. If we’re the dynamic duo out adventuring, maybe it would be cool someday to have sidekicks. That’s all.”
He glanced over in time to see Ravi blink and swallow hard. “You mean kids?”
“Yeah. We’ve talked about everything else, but it’s never really come up.”
“Wow. You…uh…want that?” Ravi turned in his seat. “Maybe we should have talked about this more sooner. I just assumed…”
“It’s no big deal.” Tristan tamped down the pain blooming behind his breastbone. “It was just a thought.”
“Not a terrible. Just…unexpected.” Ravi scrubbed at his hair as Tristan slowed for a plodding ancient truck merging in. “My sister loves me—and you—but no way is she doing the surrogate thing like Adrian’s sister did.”
“I wasn’t thinking of that.” Tristan hated that he sounded defensive. “More like I was reading recently how sibling groups are the hardest to place in adoptions, and how many times they end up splitting up families. That sucks. Can you imagine growing up without your siblings?”
“They drive me nuts, but yeah, I love them. And I know you miss your brother.” Ravi’s tone was gentle. “But, wow, adoption. That’s a huge step.”
“No one’s saying tomorrow. Or even next year. We need to get the bigger place, see how many rooms we can afford…”
“You’ve got a whole list devoted to this already, don’t you?” Ravi teased, but his fingers drummed restlessly against the dash.
Tristan shrugged as traffic finally picked back up. “Only some notes. That’s all. Like I said, it was a random thought I had. If you’re not up for it, it’s fine.”
“I’m not saying no.” Ravi leaned back in his seat—all his fidgeting said he was way more uncomfortable with this conversation than he was letting on. “I’m just…not sure. I like you, me, and the cats. And simply paying for a week at the cat condo place for them was pricey enough. I don’t even want to think about how expensive kids are.”
“I thought I was the practical one,” Tristan groused. “My parents had Derek for practical, well-thought out reasons, and then I was the surprise kid. And there was no question that they could afford us. I know I’m the king of plans, but simply having the money for kids doesn’t mean people should have them and vice versa.”
“Yeah. Good point.”
“Maybe—and trust me, I’m shocked at this too—some things just aren’t quantifiable or testable.”
“You mean people either want kids or not? Because I’m not thinking so much about want—I can tell you want this. I just worry about being good at it. There’s got to be…I don’t know, a quiz or something. What if we suck at parenting?”
“You hate quizzes.” Tristan reminded him. “And it’s okay if you’re nervous or afraid or whatever. We’ve got plenty of time to figure out if it’s in the cards for us or not.”
“You, you’d be great at it. You’re so organized and stuff. It’s more me.”
“Hey, you remember to feed the cats and stuff.”
“Because you have a schedule on the fridge that makes it easy.” Ravi let out a heavy sigh. “Honestly, I’m not sure I’m together enough for kids. Not sure if I’ll ever be.” Ravi looked out at the passing scenery.
Tristan followed his lead, but his emotions were as unchartered as the terrain. The Sierra Nevada mountains were looming closer, and the landscape wasn’t the only thing getting greener—jealousy, swift and hot, raced through him. Why was it so easy for Noah and Adrian? They had both been on board with kids almost from the start. And others were like Ryan and Josiah, who seemed to share a vision of the future, whether that included kids or not. He wanted that sort of agreement, hated being on a different page from Ravi.
But he loved Ravi, and he wasn’t going to force him into a huge, life-altering decision. Like he’d said, they had years stretching in front of them, and they could always revisit the topic at some future point. But he’d be lying if he didn’t admit, at least to himself, that he’d been hoping for a different reaction.
Oh well. Time to move on. He flipped on Ravi’s “Getting Married” play list and started singing along with Stevie Wonder just to make Ravi laugh and get them back on familiar footing. They could deal with this.
***
Tristan had a headache, and it was all Ravi’s fault. By the time they arrived in Tahoe, he could tell Tristan was hurting, and he knew that their conversation earlier about kids was a big reason why. Oh Tristan said it was the sun and the altitude and the fact that he’d driven way more than half the distance, but Ravi knew Tristan well enough to know that Tristan was unhappy and had tamped down his unhappiness instead of letting it out, leading to a headache.
“Do you want to talk?” he suggested as they exited the highway for the rural road that would lead them to the resort they were staying at. He was driving now, but it was undoubtedly too little, too late, just like his suggestion of talking.
“Nah. Quit feeling guilty. I’m going to try and nap when we get to the room, see if I can get this headache gone before we find dinner. Can’t believe I didn’t pack painkillers though.”
“You’ll rest. I’ll get you meds.” Guilt made his throat as tight as his hands on the steering wheel. The sign for the resort finally beckoned and he made the turn, wishing he could make Tristan magically better.
“Okay.” Tristan tipped his head back, eyes squishing shut. “Sorry. I’m ruining things before we even get started.”
“You are not.” That’s my specialty. He hated that he hadn’t had a more positive response to Tristan’s questions about kids. But his pulse had sped up, worse nerves even than before he ran a race, and he’d just known that he’d screw up parenting, hadn’t been able to lie to Tristan.
“Whoa.” Tristan sat forward again as they had to slow down for a sleigh to pass them on the private road leading to the resort’s central “village.” And it was an honest-to-goodness real horse drawn sleigh full of a smiling family heading for the towering lodge in front of them. Ravi had seen plenty of photos online of the resort—the three and four story buildings full of hotel rooms and condos surrounding a central village of shops, fitness centers, ice skating rink, and other amenities, but
the pictures hadn’t done justice to the picturesque setting. Even the parking lot was cute, tucked behind the village with wreaths on the light poles, hiding the cars from view so as to not mar the pedestrian—and apparently sleigh—friendly setting.
It looked like something off a holiday card—pillowy piles of white snow, towering pine trees decorated with lights, and clumps of Santa hat wearing guests both on foot and on skis. In the main lodge, the biggest Christmas tree he’d ever seen towered over the reception desk, smaller trees throughout the large high-ceilinged room, twinkling lights and garland on every available surface.
“Holy cow. It’s like the North Pole exploded.” Tristan’s eyes were wide as he surveyed the room next to Ravi. His mouth curved into a little smile before his expression turned more worried. “Are you…is it too much?”
Ravi laughed. “No. Just because I don’t really celebrate doesn’t mean I can’t appreciate the kitsch value of all this decor. It feels like we landed in a painting. And honestly, that look on your face just now, like a little kid, that was totally worth the whole trip.”
Tristan’s face softened. “I love you. Even with this headache, I’m so glad to be here.”
“Ditto. Can’t wait to marry you.” Ravi winked at him before handling the check-in details. They had a “honeymoon suite” as part of the package, which worked out to be a cozy little one bedroom condo on the upper floor with a jetted tub big enough for two in the bedroom, a kitchenette, and a living room with a gorgeous view of the mountain and the village below. The suite was decorated with dark woods and a cheerful faux-Western vibe. A wedding-themed welcome basket with champagne brightened up the dining nook’s table.
“We should explore the resort.” Tristan frowned as he unloaded the cooler into the small fridge.
“Plenty of time for that later.” Ravi pushed him in the direction of the bed. “Rest. You’ll feel so much better. I bet I can find some painkillers at one of the shops. I’ll be back soon.”
It showed how badly Tristan was doing that he didn’t protest, leaving Ravi to grab a coat and head out into the crisp early evening air. Darkness was starting to settle over the village, and happy, tired skiers were everywhere as the slopes emptied. He easily found a small store that had everything from wine and gourmet sandwiches to little packets of medicine. Knowing Tristan’s sweet tooth, he got a small container of locally made cookies and the painkillers.
Walking back, he skirted the large ice rink. People of varying abilities circled around under thousands of twinkling holiday lights. His eyes were drawn to two bundled up kids in matching red coats and thick blue knit hats skating on wobbly legs between two attractive guys. The kids kept squealing excitedly with each slippery glide forward and the guys kept up a steady stream of encouragement. Ravi supposed that it could be a dad and a uncle or two uncles, but something about them screamed family.
“Here, let me get a picture.” The peppier guy moved to in front of the other three, snapping a pic with his phone. “There. Uploading. Hashtag first time on skates. Hashtag future Olympians.”
“Really?” The older kid beamed at the guy.
“Absolutely. You’re a pro.” The guy moved back to holding the kid’s mitten-clad hand.
“Clark.” The affection in the dark haired guy’s voice told Ravi he was probably right on with thinking this was a family unit. “No pressure, right? This is supposed to be a fun trip. Come on, guys. Who wants hot chocolate?”
“We do!”
Something inside Ravi’s chest pinched. That could be us. That’s what Tristan wants. For the first time, Ravi pushed past his own fears and allowed himself to imagine it. Small voices in the backseat. A table for four or five on holidays instead of their cozy twosome. Explaining Diwali and other Hindu traditions. Tristan handling birthdays and Santa rituals. He was so good with Ravi’s nieces and nephews—patient and kind and endlessly creative. He’d be amazing with his own kids, and Ravi could envision it with surprising clarity, almost feel small hands tugging him along a path he hadn’t envisioned before, but suddenly wanted with a surety that surprised him.
Because of each of their difficulties with their extended families, he’d become very invested in an us-against-the-world mindset, in being each other’s primary family. But what if…
And unlike his panic in the car, his heart thumped against his ribs a steady beat of maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe they’d be like the other couple, balancing each other out. Maybe they’d be happy like that. Maybe their dynamic duo could expand, a circle of love and laughter, like that little family. And he was sure there were hard parts too, but he could almost see the stack of picture-perfect memories waiting for them.
Newly resolved, he wrapped his coat tighter around him and hurried back to their room. He left his boots and coat near the door. After getting a bottle of water from the fridge, he found Tristan stretched out on the bed, on top of the covers, lights dimmed. Ravi couldn’t tell whether he was asleep or merely resting, so he cautiously stretched out next to him, dropping a kiss on his shoulder.
“Oh, hey, you.” Tristan rolled to give him a sleepy smile. “You find a store?”
“I did.” Ravi passed him the medication and the water. He waited until Tristan had swallowed before speaking again. “Tris?”
“Yeah?”
“You really think we could do the kid thing? You don’t think I’d be a crap parent?”
Tristan frowned. “I told you. Not a big deal. Let’s not let it hang over our week, okay? I’m sorry I brought it up.”
“No, I’m glad you did.” Ravi gathered him close. “I’m so afraid I’d screw it up, but…” He licked his lips.
“You wouldn’t.” Tristan’s expression was way more tender now. “I’m not sure what you’re so worried about. You’d be the fun dad. All outings and trips and clubs. And hair tips.”
“There is that.” Ravi had to smile. “And I was thinking while I was gone. Maybe I like your idea of a group of sidekicks. We’d be our own squad goals. Not too soon, but someday…”
“Someday?” The hope in Tristan’s eyes was enough to make Ravi’s breath catch.
“Someday,” he said firmer now. “Someday I want to get over my worries. Because if I don’t we might miss out on something really neat. So, someday I want to see your notes. Want to help you make a list of what foster adoption takes. Want to take the classes or whatever other hoops they put us through. Someday.”
“Yeah.” Tristan’s voice was little more than air. “That would be good. But only if you really want it. I don’t want you doing it just for me.”
“I’d be doing it for us. For me. We’re pretty good as a family of two plus the cats, but maybe… Someday.”
“Someday.” Tristan’s eyes were bright as he pulled Ravi in for a kiss. It was sweet and full of promise. Ravi tried to keep the kiss gentle since Tristan was probably still hurting, but his heart leapt. I love you with everything I have. He couldn’t wait to marry this man, start the rest of their lives together.
CHAPTER THREE
Tristan supposed they weren’t the first couple to start their wedding day with snowboarding lessons, but it was a little surreal knowing that in a few hours they’d trade their snow gear for suits and vows. The night before, they’d had a quiet dinner of food they’d brought and watched a movie before soaking in the tub together. It had been the sort of low-key evening he’d really needed after the drive and the heavy conversation. And by morning, the headache was long gone and he felt up to breakfast in one of the resort restaurants. And somehow, he’d been convinced that strapping himself to a board was a great idea.
Ravi was, of course, a natural with the snowboard, zooming down the beginner slope with ease after the instructor demonstrated the basics. Meanwhile, Tristan flipped and flopped and otherwise looked ridiculous as even staying upright was a challenge.
“You’ll have it by the end of the week,” Ravi encouraged. “This is just day one.”
“Of the rest of our lives,”
Tristan quipped.
“Yup.” Ravi grinned at him. “So stop complaining. You don’t have to be perfect at this. Just have fun.”
“Like them?” On one of the steeper runs, a veritable fleet of Santas zoomed down—at least fifteen people in red suits, several sporting fake beards.
“Yes.” Ravi laughed. “See I told you coming would be great.”
“You do have good ideas.” Tristan tried again to get himself going forward. He had to admit this was super fun—removed from the pressure of their own family and friends and expectations, it was nice being surrounded by happy families and cheerful seasonal trappings. Ravi’s idea of an escape from LA had been exactly what they both needed.
“Hey, watch out!” Ravi warned right before he stumbled again. But this time, Tristan just laughed. Even if he was going to have bruises by the end of the week, it would be worth it.
Also worth it? The look on Ravi’s face a few hours later when they followed their officiant to a waiting sleigh outside the lodge.
“I can’t believe we’re really doing this,” he whispered, squeezing Tristan’s hand.
“Believe it.” Tristan squeezed back. They both had on dark gray wool suits—his with a blue shirt and green bow tie, Ravi with a green shirt and blue bow tie. And yeah, the matchy thing was a bit much, but Ravi liked shopping and fashion, and Tristan hadn’t minded indulging him on this. The pictures for the wall that Ravi wanted so badly would look amazing—white snow, clear blue skies, matching outfits, and them smiling against the chilly afternoon air.
Tristan had printed a script for the celebrant, who was a cheerful ski guide doing double duty and who seemed perfectly happy to go along with their whims. When they’d met with her earlier, she’d suggested a particular scenic overlook, and now the two of them, her, and the burly photographer provided by the resort all piled in the sleigh. The two of them took the front seat and snuggled under the thick sleigh blankets.
Holiday Escape Page 2