by J Turbett
“So I can’t go to the asshole.”
“Until Brassila dies it has to be her.” He looked off at the ocean, “Wits are something she hasn’t lost.”
“Alice,” he turned back to her, took her hands in his. She flinched but accepted it. She had been getting better at that, and better at not shocking him every time he did it. “You’d be risking his life. If it turned out your brother didn’t have the gene… he would be killed. They can’t have someone knowing their secrets. As for your parents, it’s likely one of them is and one is not a recessive mer. There’s really no way to tell. Either way, if you share the secret to someone who cannot become a mer, they will not live.” She looked straight at him with those clear green eyes and he found it hard to return her gaze. He couldn’t be sure she understood what he was saying.
“My brother.”
He released her hands gently. “Could you live with his blood on your hands?”
She looked off into the distance, at the ocean, and he watched that faded smile crawl across her face. She was beneath those waves again in her head. It irritated him a little that she had a place he couldn’t follow.
“You can’t know what’s down there.”
“Your father said you two were very close.” Her smile brightened just a little.
“I miss him. I feel like I’m lying to him every day when I go home.”
“But,”
“I could never. I want to share this all with him,” she turned back to Adam, “You can’t begin to imagine.” He sighed. When she talked like that, she was one of them.
“Alice,” he reached for her again. This time she jerked away.
"What about this party?" she asked. He sighed. He was used to this; sometimes she would be on one topic and then suddenly another. When she got too deep into something emotionally, she would quickly turn tail and disappear into her mind to finish her arguments with herself, and by herself. He watched as she let the current reflexively run across her fingers. She liked to do that when she got lost in her head.
"You can’t get out of the fish party, I’m afraid. You’re the transform, so you are number one on the priority list. They will miss you if you are not there."
"Well, do you wanna go?" she asked casually. At this casual, benign question though, he froze.
"To the Caraway Christmas party?"
"Are you even allowed?" she wondered.
"Well, yes, but I'd probably be the only humans there," he looked thoughtful, than mumbled something else, "and I'd have to take certain precautions."
"I meant as a friend, Adam. You're the only person I know, the only person in the town I could remotely call a friend. I think it would be as awkward going with a human as it would be going alone. In this case, I don't really want to be alone."
“No, you wouldn’t want to do that, being single and of age…” He nodded deep in thought. It would probably calm Ashley down a bit; even if he were only a friend, the sharks didn't have to know that. Not to mention it would balk any suitors. He knew, even as a friend, that the last thing she needed was someone who didn’t understand what she was going through. Also, he had seen Ashley lately for a cut she received from one of the visiting mer. Which reminded him: "Hey, where's your knife?"
"Oh, I must have left it at home."
"How many times have I told you?"
"I don't think those witches care about me. I haven't moved for their territory."
"You don't have any idea!"
"What?"
"Ashley's chomping at the bit."
"You been talking to your buddy Finn?"
"Go home, Alice, and don't come to the party without that knife. I'll rent a tux. Do you have a dress?"
"No. Actually, I was wondering if you could drive me into the city to look for one."
He smiled. "You're asking a guy to go shopping with you?"
"Not like I know anyone else. We only have one car and my parents will be using it."
"Your mom would kill to go shopping with you." The look of horror on Alice's face made him laugh. "Too traumatic, huh? Yeah, I'll be your lift. I'll pick you up a little after five tomorrow. As far as the party goes, I'll pick you up six o’clock Christmas day. In my car, not my boat." He smiled.
"Ooh, driving a car in Brassila Cove, must be fancy." Alice finished her beer, got up and gracefully wrapped her towel around her just before she let the sweatpants fall to the ground. She walked off the deck and threw the wet towel back up to Adam. "Sorry ‘bout your towel!" He caught it and shook his head at her. Everything with her was quick: get in, get out, spend as little time in the company of others as possible. Yet, still, she had convinced her parents that she was moving forward in leaps and bounds. Adam could tell different. The more time she spent in the water, the more she moved further and further away from every sentient creature around her. In a world that large, it wasn’t hard.
Alice went home and up to her room; it was getting late now. Her parents were in bed, but David was wide awake, sitting at his computer per usual. He was probably the only other person who didn’t think Alice had really improved that much. David had been fooled briefly when she cut her hair, but the way she avoided him told him something completely different. Alice walked past him to enter her room. She flopped on the bed, her hand instinctively reaching up under the pillow for her knife, grasping onto thin air. Alice froze. She all but jumped up and walked the few steps to David's room.
David spun in the chair at his desk as she fell against his door frame. In his hands was her knife. She stared at his accusatory eyes in disbelief. It wasn’t something one would expect to find in a young woman’s room. The curve of the blade looked deadly.
"David..." she whispered, unable to really get any breath behind it.
"Alice, what is this?" he asked.
"You haven't told mom or dad, have you?" Alice’s heart was tight in her chest. The knife. Any answer she could give would lead to more questions. More questions that would lead straight to a secret that could be deadly for her family. He wasn’t supposed to know. She wasn’t supposed to have to make this decision; she understood what Adam had tried to tell her. The folk never took their rules, or their secrecy, lightly.
"No," he answered, softly. Alice let out a breath of relief. At least he hadn’t involved their parents. She knew her parents would question it relentlessly. The knife was encrusted with shells that weren’t easily found in diving distance. David knew that, and Alice knew he knew, he was an internet whiz, he would have looked them up, taken pictures, referenced them. This was information he would gladly share with his less internet savvy parents. She stared into his eyes and she melted.
"It's, I-I'm sorry, David, it's a secret I have to keep.” She couldn’t even bring herself to make up some lie for him, despite them being distant for so long. “I promise I'll tell you when you're older."
"I turn 18 on January second, Alice."
"Right. I’ll tell you when you’re an adult. I promise." He handed the knife back to her.
“You had better,”
"Just don't tell anyone, or the deal’s off." She didn't know how she was possibly going to tell him anything, but she had to say something. If only to keep it a secret for awhile. Great, she thought as she curled up in bed, the knife back where it belonged. Now I have to talk to Finn. No not Finn, Finn's grandmother. She slipped into uneasy sleep, with visions of the deep dancing through her head.
Chapter 12
Men and Shopping
"How about this one?" Alice asked. Adam raised his head from his hands. He couldn't fathom how he had ever agreed to this. Spending time with Alice was one thing, but spending time with a woman shopping was just not something a male was biologically adapted to. The long drive there had been mostly silent; he had had to turn the radio on just to maintain his sanity. Now he watched her try on dress after terrible dress. They were either so fluffy they hid everything, or too long, or just ugly things made of material akin to burlap.
"Alice, how �
��bout I pick the next few?" he asked tentatively but desperately. She flinched in response. "No offense, Alice, it's just…you're not thinking fancy, you're thinking…well, I don't know what you're thinking, but whatever it is, it's terrible.” She just stared at him. They had been at it at least an hour and neither had eaten. She was getting tired of being told everything was wrong. Even the sales clerks were giving her weird looks. She admitted to herself that she was fashion-challenged at that point; she was terrified of this silly little ball. Pants were one thing, but a dress meant something completely different.
She went back into the changing room with a frown on her face. Adam went to the racks and started grabbing some dresses that looked a little better than what she had been picking.
"Wait," she said, coming from behind him to put one of his selections back on the rack.
"Seriously, Alice, we're getting nowhere with what you’re picking."
"I know, it’s just…" she bit her lip for a second. “Okay, I'll try these on.” She took the bundle from him. As she was walking back to the dressing room she grabbed one more dress on impulse before realizing it was something she would have picked before.
She tried the impulsive choice first. Looking in the mirror, she cringed. It wasn't that the dress was terrible; it actually looked great on her. But whether she could wear it in front of anyone was another question. She had it off before she knew it, trying on one of Adam’s picks next.
"How's this one?" she asked, coming out of the dressing room. Adam looked up with his same sulky face, then paused midair.
"Not bad, actually," he said as she turned. The black, tea-length gown had a halter top with a keyhole. It was elegant and tasteful, but her form was painfully visible. "It looks fine. Can we be done now?" Alice asked as she retreated back into the dressing room and put her own clothes. Though the black dress was exactly what she had been looking for, she grabbed her impulse choice as well.
Exiting, she smiled her little broken smile, the smile that pulled at his heartstrings. "I'm so hungry!" she exclaimed.
Adam looked thoughtful. "Actually, I know the perfect place," he said as they walked to the checkout counter.
"Oh?" she remarked, feigning interest. As long as she could get some food before she fell over, she was sure it would be fine.
He looked at her out of the corner of his eye. "Well, you will have to change into one of your new dresses," he smiled slyly. He almost laughed at the suspicious look she gave him, but she didn’t complain at all.
That was how they landed at Le Petit Crab. The building was mostly glass, and it looked out onto the ocean. Outside, thousands of tiny white lights wound around the bushes and the trees growing from their pots. It was undeniably fancy: not really Alice’s idea of food or fun.
"Just call it rehearsal," Adam said to her kindly as she stared at the restaurant. She shot him an angry look as a waiter led them to a table on the balcony overlooking the sea. Still, while she seethed in anger at Adam and tried to make herself comfortable in her halter dress, she couldn't deny that it was beautiful. At the other tables there were some people up and dancing. One elderly couple in particular reminded her of her grandparents, the little she could remember of their forty-year marriage. She had been ten when her grandfather had died, but she had known that when the two were together, they were happy. Alice looked out at the black ocean, her arms across her chest as if she were cold.
"Feel free to order whatever you want: it’s on me," Adam said. Alice looked down at the menu. She'd probably just have the crab. She couldn’t understand half of what was written on the menu, anyway. She looked out over the ocean again, dreaming, seeing the life that teamed under the surface, wanting, needing. "Hey, what’re you thinking about?" Adam asked gently. Alice looked at him distantly. He smiled his winning smile, so she told him the truth.
"My grandmother. She used to look out at the sea after my grandfather died. She'd never go near it, but she always looked like she was waiting for the sea to tell her something. Like all the knowledge in the world could be found beneath the waves."
"She sounds like an amazing woman."
"She was amazing to me. She was always so happy. She cared for the people around her so much more than herself, but when she thought no one was looking, she would get this distant look in her eyes." Adam was sure he knew exactly what that had looked like; Alice could never hide it as well. She snapped out of her reverie and caught him watching her. “I’m sorry,” he apologized hastily as she looked away. Afraid to make a connection with anyone, human or mer.
"What happened to her?" he asked seriously. Alice looked up as if he had just stabbed her. He reached out and grabbed her hand. She sent a light shock through it but didn't pull her hand away. The shock wasn’t as bad as the first time he had touched her hand; this current was almost pleasant. "Hey, it's okay," he said, forcing himself through the jolt. "I don't mean to pry. It just sounds like you loved her very much." Alice was silent for a moment, just staring into his dark eyes. It made him mildly uncomfortable and aware of the way his hand awkwardly wrapped around hers. It was as if she were piercing him with arrows or darts, like she was shocking him again, though no current ran through her.
"She was murdered." The way Alice said it, he knew. He knew that she was there when her grandmother died. She didn't have to speak it aloud, it was obvious. Now he knew just one more bit of the mystery that was Alice, and he backed off. As he released her stiff, freezing cold hand, she pulled it back in to her lap. For a moment, an awkward silence fell. Luckily, the server showed up shortly thereafter. They ordered, Alice in that dead way she had, staring at the table.
"Well, I'm glad you didn't order lobster." He said a few minutes later, trying to lighten the atmosphere just a little. She looked up at him, confused, "You know, Daryl Hannah, in Splash? I was trying to make a joke." Alice laughed a little. It was enough. "Come on."
"Wait, what are you doing?" she asked worriedly as he pulled her to her feet. "No, Adam, no." But it was too late, it was do or die. If she stopped him, she'd bring attention to them, and attention was the last thing she wanted, so they danced to soft jazz playing over the speakers.
"Come on, you're not that bad," he said, knowing that wasn’t the reason she had resisted at all.
She looked at him. She meant to send him a glare of death, but his smile interrupted her. Adam's smile softened something in her; it was so peaceful, and it did feel good to be dancing, like she was moving through the waves of the sea. She let go and let him lead her, letting the music sweep her away. As she danced, soon she was humming. Adam quickly put his hand over her mouth before the entire restaurant turned to look. She looked up at him, confused. He shook his head, breaking the moment.
"Don't- you can't do that. You can't sing like that out of the water," he whispered fiercely. Obviously Alice didn’t understand what was going on, so he was forced to explain. "Out of water, that singing is a siren's song. The mer language, sung out of water, attracts way more attention than you want." She looked at him. He sent her into a spin and then pulled her back to him. She was in his arms now, her back against his chest. It was awkward, but it didn’t feel wrong and she didn’t feel threatened; they were dancing. She wondered about the song for a minute. She knew how special singing was to mer in the water, but it hadn’t occurred to her that out of the water it was something completely different. After a few moments, the dancing lulled her and she fell back into the peaceful moment. She closed her eyes again and didn't pull away until their dinner was served. Even then, her mind was somewhere else.
They ate in silence. Alice would never admit that, for a moment, out of the water, life had been okay. The rest of the evening was uneventful. Adam drove her home and she fell asleep in the car. Looking at the way her hair fell over her eyes while her chest rose and fell to the rhythm of the night, Adam didn’t want to wake her. The night stretched around them. Life wasn't so horrible. That night something had softened in Alice, and the world turned on its ax
is in a way that didn’t make Alice want to scream.
Chapter 13
Hell of a Party
"That's enough primping, mom! Jeez, you'd think I was on my way to my first homecoming or something!"
"Don't they usually have up-dos at prom?" Ron commented from his position on the couch.
"Show them!" her mom said excitedly. Alice awkwardly tugged at the hem of her dress, the impulsive purchase from a few days before. She had argued with her mom about which one to wear, and her mother thought the midnight blue one looked better for a fancy party than the halter dress. It was gorgeous on her. It was the shortest thing Alice had worn in many years. The spaghetti strap dress was knee-length, low in front and lower in back, with a slit up one side. It made Alice uncomfortable, especially with her cleavage being so very exposed. Tastefully pinned to one side was a tiny little snowflake pin.
"Well at least it's snowing somewhere, huh?" David said bitterly from the couch. He hadn’t forgiven her. The look he gave her frightened her. If he said something about the knife, she didn’t know what she’d do.
"You look gorgeous, honey," her dad said, rising to plant a soft kiss on her cheek. There were some flowers in her hair, but it was down, not an up-do.
"Fit for a millionaire's party, I think," her mother said. Her mom looked so very proud of herself. She had applied the make-up, she had done her daughter's hair. Alice had grudgingly let her do everything, even though it made her feel more and more exposed every second. There was, thankfully, a knock on the door before her mother could fawn over her anymore.
Her dad opened the door and greeted Adam while her mother touched up an out-of-place hair. Her smile was enough to make Alice want to disappear. It was the first time Alice had even had the mild courage to wear make-up, and the red in her cheeks said everything as Adam looked her up and down. He smiled approvingly. He hadn't seen this dress.
"I'm sorry we don't have time to chat. We're running a little late." Adam said guardedly.