As Lorraine occupies the seat across from me, I keep replaying the kiss over and over again. When I realize it’s been quiet for a while, I shake my head. “Sorry. What?”
“Do you have plans tonight?”
I look at my watch. “I do, actually. I have dinner with my brothers.”
“Can you cancel? Why don’t you come have dinner at my house?”
“I can’t cancel, Lorraine. This is a tradition for us. We always get together on Sundays.”
“Well, all right,” she says with a minor huff. “But we should get together again soon.”
“Yeah, maybe,” I say, hoping it placates her.
She stands up and heads for the door. “See you tomorrow.”
As soon as she closes the door, I lean back in my chair and exhale. What have I done?
16
I go home and flop onto my bed and think about how I just had the best kiss of my life with my calculus professor. It wasn’t the first kiss we’ve had, but considering our new dynamic, it felt different. We weren’t just two adults coming together for a night of passion, we were a student and a professor crossing a line. What we did was against the rules, and we did it in his office. It was hot as fuck. The sexual tension between us keeps growing, and the fact that we both know how the other one looks and feels naked, makes it so much harder to keep our hands and mouths to ourselves. If I was at all starting to forget what it felt like to be kissed and touched by him, I definitely remember now.
I think back to what it felt like to have him pressed up against me—his body full of muscle, and his arousal obvious. His large hands on my face and neck while his talented tongue danced with mine gives me tingles just thinking about it.
I understand his hesitation, and I get that he has more to lose here. I’m not stupid, but we all have feelings and wants and needs. There’s something between us, and I feel like we deserve to explore it. I just don’t know if we’ll ever get that chance.
My day ends the same way it began, the same way all my days end and begin lately, with thoughts of Elijah.
* * *
When I get into class on Monday, there’s already a handful of students. But when I walk in front of his desk to get to mine, I notice him doing a double take. I grin as I take a seat, then I lift my eyes and meet his stare.
With a slight tilt of my head, I give him a tiny smile. He promptly goes back to what he was doing.
Unfortunately, he does a good job at ignoring me the whole class period. It isn’t until the end of the class that I get his attention, and that’s only because I waited for everyone to leave, and then stood by his desk.
“Are you still going to tutor me?” I ask.
He doesn’t look up from the papers in his hands. “Yes. I told you I would, so I will. When are you off next?”
“Wednesday after five.”
“Okay. I’ll be in the library at five.”
He doesn’t want us to be alone again. “Okay.”
As I’m walking away, his voice stops me.
“Nova. It will not happen again.”
My shoulders sag at the sound of finality in his voice. I don’t respond, I just walk out.
Before my next class, Ayanna rushes up to me with a huge grin on her face. “Luca just asked me out. Like officially. Not just fucking around. Eeeee!”
I smile, happy for her, but even I can tell it doesn’t reach my eyes. It’s forced, but only because I’m dealing with my own dejection.
“Oh wow, congrats, girl! He’s a catch,” I tell her.
She continues to beam, but as we keep walking, she turns and says, “What’s wrong with you?”
I force away all thoughts of Elijah. I can’t talk about him anyway, and give her a crooked smile. “I’m fine. Just tired.”
“Mmhmm. How’s calculus?”
“What? What do you mean?”
“You said you were gonna fail. Is it getting any better? Did you find a tutor?”
“Oh. Yeah, I’m working with someone, and I can tell it’s helping. I’m still no math whiz, but hopefully I’ll get a passing grade.”
“Give him an apple,” she jokes.
I snort but don’t respond. The silence stretches between us as we approach the next class. She speeds up and turns, stopping in front of me. “What else? I know something else is going on, so don’t front. Tell me. Is it Kingston?”
I nervously glance around, wondering who’s listening. “No, nothing is happening. It’s not a big deal.”
Ayanna gives me a look like she knows better. “I’m serious. Okay, maybe I’m being childish about my crush not being able to go any further, but that’s it. I’m just in my feelings about it. I’ll be fine.”
She eyes me for a few seconds, determining if she wants to believe me. It’s not a lie, but it’s not the whole truth.
“Okay, well, we’ll talk later.”
“Okay.”
After our third class of the day ends, we head to the lunch atrium, get a few tacos apiece, then drop to a table.
“All right now. Spill it. And don’t lie to me. I know we haven’t known each other but a month and a half or whatever, but I’m gonna tell you now, I don’t open my mouth and say shit that’s not my business. You don’t have to worry about me saying anything to anyone,” Ayanna tells me.
I tilt my head and exhale. “It’s exactly what I said.”
“You’re crushing on Professor K, and now you’re all sad. That doesn’t make sense.”
“I like him, okay?” I say a little defensively.
“Do you know him?”
I shrug. “A little.”
“Look, I’ve crushed on teachers too, but they don’t really give us the light of day. We’re just silly young girls with a crush. Has he led you on in any way? Why are you so in your feelings about it?”
I take a bite and slowly chew, giving myself time to come up with an answer. As much as I feel like I can trust Ayanna, and lord knows I need a best friend to be able to talk to, I feel like I’d be betraying Elijah’s trust if I told her everything, because I told him I wouldn’t say anything to anybody. But typically, when people say they won’t say anything, they still have one person they’ll tell. A best friend, a sister, a spouse, someone.
“I’m just being ridiculous,” I say with a smile. “I probably read into a couple things because I wanted him to like me. I get that he’s not that type of guy, though.”
She pushes some lettuce that’s dangling from her lip into her mouth, then brings her hand up to cover her mouth while she talks.
“Girl, please come out with me this weekend. We’re gonna find you someone to take your mind off Fine-ass Kingston.”
I snort. “Yeah, yeah. Fine.”
Soon, Lorenzo joins us, sitting down next to me as he drops his plate of pizza in front of him. “Hey, ladies. What’s goin’ on this weekend?”
“We’re goin’ out to find Nova a guy,” Ayanna replies, giving me a wink.
“Why you need a guy? I’m right here,” he says nudging me with his elbow.
I roll my eyes. “You’re cute, but you have girls hanging off you all the time.”
“Ay, that’s not my fault, Mami. I mean, can you blame them?” he says, rubbing his hand over the hair on his chin. “I’m not with anybody though,” he finishes, taking a huge bite out of his pizza.
Ayanna raises her brows, giving me a look. I mean, yeah, he’s good looking. He’s got a set of pearly whites, smooth, brown skin, and eyes the color of whiskey. He’s charming, funny as hell, and definitely on a lot of girls’ radar.
“Anyway, so we partyin’ or what?” he asks between bites.
“Yep. I’ll text you the deets later in the week,” Ayanna tells him.
“Cool.”
“Well, I gotta get to class. I’ll talk to y’all later,” I say, standing up and taking my trash with me.
Lorenzo gives me an exaggerated once over, checking me out while biting his lip. I shove him in the shoulder, laughing as I lea
ve.
Maybe Ayanna is right. Perhaps I should try to find someone to focus my attention on. Someone I could actually have a relationship with.
17
“All right, bring your papers up to my desk, please,” I announce to the class as I erase the board and start writing new problems. “We’re gonna play a game.” Some students whoop and cheer. “It’s a math game, so don’t get too excited,” I advise with a wry chuckle. “The same problems on both sides of the board. We’ll split into two teams, then it’s a race to see who finishes first.”
The class grows louder as the students trek to my desk with their papers, then linger between their seats, talking and laughing while I finish writing the problems out.
Gesturing with my arm, I split the room in half. “Okay, this half is Team One and this half is Team Two.” I spot Lorenzo leaning against his desk, facing Nova, smiling and whispering to her. I clear my throat and get his attention. “All right. One person from each team will come up and do the first problem. I’ll be watching and once I determine who got it right first, the next person will come up to the board and do the next problem.”
“What do we win?” Jessica asks.
“An extra five points on your next test.”
“Oooh!”
Once again I notice Lorenzo talking to Nova. This time he’s closer, squatting next to her desk and nudging her knee. I don’t like it.
“What do you say?” I hear him ask her.
“I say you need to focus on what we’re doing here, Mr. Baez.”
His eyes meet mine, then he stands up and gets back to his desk. “My bad, teach.”
I do my best to avoid looking at Nova, but my eyes catch a tiny glimpse of a smile on her face. Great. Now she’ll think I’m jealous.
Am I?
“Okay, if after one person can’t solve the problem, and the other team has already, you can call in another team member to help you. Figure out who’s going first, then let’s get started.”
Two students from each team line up, ready to dart to the board.
“Go!”
Their fellow peers cheer them on as they attempt to solve the problem. As I watch and wait to see who gets it first, my eyes travel back to Nova who’s falling into Lorenzo’s side, laughing at something he said.
My jaw clenches, and I hate myself for feeling even an ounce of jealousy. Nova should be with him. I can’t expect her to stay single. She’s the most beautiful woman I’ve seen.
I tear my gaze away and focus on the board. Team One gets done first, and another student starts on the second problem. Soon after, Team Two is on the move. Once a team finishes the row of five problems, we start a new round until the winning team gets to fifteen points.
The kids get so caught up in the competition and wanting to win, they seem to forget how much they hate doing these problems. Their teammates give them confidence with their cheers and encouragement, and everyone has a good time. I like to do these types of games every so often, since it seems to help boost morale.
“All right, Team Two wins,” I announce as they reach fifteen points.
Team Two celebrates with high fives and Team One jokingly boos, but they all end their day with smiles on their faces.
“Now get out of here and study up. Test on Friday.”
As the students gather their belongings and shuffle out, I head to my desk to collect their papers and clip them together. Nova and Lorenzo seem dead set on getting my attention today, because once again they’re talking and laughing, getting too close for my liking.
I shake my head, reminding myself I don’t have a say in this. I shouldn’t even care, but I do. I hate that she seems to be into this guy. I hate that he seems like a good guy. But mostly I hate that I can’t claim her as mine.
“So, you gonna call me later, or what?” I hear him ask her.
“I guess.”
“Oh, you guess?” he jokes. “I see how it is.”
“I’m kidding,” she replies with a laugh, putting her notebook in her bag. “I’ll call you.”
“We still meeting up before the party?” he questions.
I huff, annoyed that I have to listen to them arranging their dates.
Out of the corner of my eye, I see Nova’s head turn in my direction for a second. “Yeah, for sure. Ayanna and Luca will be meeting us at Antoni’s.”
“All right, cool.”
They both pass by my desk, and I chance a glance up and meet Nova’s gaze. She gives me a tight, forced smile, then leaves without saying anything.
I find that I’m looking forward to seeing her tonight for her tutoring session, and I’m regretting that I arranged to meet her in the library, because all I want right now is to lay her across my desk and devour her.
Fuck.
18
“Girl, I’m tellin’ you, he likes you. I know he’s a jokey kind of guy, but I think he may be trying to mask how he really feels just in case you aren’t feelin’ him like that, you know?”
I cock my hip and stare into Ayanna’s eyes. “You might be right. He’s been doing a little more lately.”
“Lorenzo’s fine, girl,” she says, pursing her lips. “Has a bit of a player vibe, but maybe he’s not. In any case, he’s not a teacher.”
I narrow my eyes at her. “Shush.”
She barks out a laugh. “I’m just sayin’, and if that don’t work, or if you don’t wanna go there, then we still have this weekend.”
“All right. Well, I gotta get back,” I say, jerking my head toward the library. I haven’t told her that Elijah’s my tutor yet. It would probably spark more questions, but he clearly doesn’t care about that if he’s choosing to meet here.
“Okay, I’ll text ya later.”
My shift ended ten minutes ago, so I took a quick break to run to Hug-a-Mug for a cup of coffee and a bagel. I ran into Ayanna on my way back, and now I need to hurry back in because I’m sure Elijah’s already waiting on me.
Sure enough, as I’m speed walking to the back of the room, I spot him at the table in the far corner, his back to me. The white material of his button-up shirt stretches across his thick back muscles, and I remember what it felt like to hold onto those muscles as he was thrusting inside of me.
A shiver runs up my spine at the thought of it, but I quickly rid myself of those memories and rush up to the table.
“Sorry, El—Professor,” I say, stumbling over what to call him. “I was starving and running low on energy, so I had to make a quick coffee and bagel run.”
He lifts his own coffee cup. “I did the same. It’s fine.”
“Okay, so what’re we working on today?” I question.
His eyes roam over my face curiously, like he’s waiting for more, but when I don’t say anything else, he speaks up.
“We’re going to go over your last test.”
I scrunch my face up. “Yeah, that wasn’t good.”
“Well, let’s see if we can change that.”
Halfway into our session, after he’s explained each problem, and pointed out what I did wrong, I’m trying to solve them all on my own. I glance up briefly and find that his eyes are trained on me as he leans back in the chair.
The intensity in his gaze gives me pause and makes my heart race. I quickly look back to my paper and keep working.
This man is driving me crazy. He says we won’t be together again, but the looks he gives me makes me believe he wants to ravish my body.
I finish the first page of the test and put my pencil down, taking a few seconds to stretch my arms out to the side and arch my back. “Just taking a tiny break.”
He nods. “So, do you have any plans for this weekend?”
The question catches me off guard. “Um. Yeah. I’m going to a party on Saturday, then spending Sunday doing laundry and maybe some shopping.”
Elijah clicks some keys on his computer, like he isn’t all that interested, then says, “I may have overheard that today.”
He’s referring to whe
n me and Lorenzo were talking. I bite down on my grin, but now I know for sure that he pays attention to me in class. He hates that I’m talking to Lorenzo so much. I know it. Professor Kingston is jealous.
“Oh, yeah, me and Lorenzo are going together.”
I watch as his jaw tightens just slightly. “Mmhmm, I heard that as well.”
“That reminds me,” I say, grabbing my phone off the table. “I wonder if he’ll go to the store with me.”
A very low, almost inaudible growl rumbles in his throat. “You have a test to finish.”
I place the phone back down on the table and pick up my pencil, getting back to work. I only do one problem before I stop writing and look up at Elijah.
“If you’re going to be jealous, then maybe—”
“I’m not jealous of that kid,” he snips, his voice low. “You were…”
I lean forward. “I was what?”
He exhales, bringing his hands up to his head, running his fingers through the strands as he looks off to the side. He looks tortured.
“Nothing. Just forget it.”
“I wanna know.”
“I’m not jealous,” he repeats, his eyes piercing mine.
“Are you trying to convince me or yourself?”
The furrow between his brow deepens. “You two make more sense than you and I ever will.” He glances around, searching for eavesdroppers. “I’ve been through more than most people will ever experience. I’m a grown man with responsibilities, and you’re too young to understand—”
I raise a hand, cutting him off. “Let’s stop right there. I’m gonna tell you right now, you’ve got to get over this age thing. Yes, I’m younger than you, but don’t tell me what I’m too young to understand, because I can guarantee that you’d be surprised to learn about what I’ve been through.”
His face relaxes a fraction and his shoulders loosen up as he watches me. I see questions lining up behind his eyes, but I’m not in the mood to talk anymore.
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