“Yes, Dad,” I say, rolling my eyes. When I get to the door, I give him a hug. “I really do appreciate it.”
He squeezes me back. “It’s the least I can do.”
Once he’s gone, me and Ayanna spend a little more time in front of the TV before we get ready for bed. It isn’t until we’re lying next to each other that she asks, “What’s up with you and Lorenzo? Are you guys gonna get it on or what?”
I snort out a laugh. “I don’t think so. I really like him, and I wouldn’t want to mess up our friendship.”
“I think he really has a thing for you.”
I sigh. “Maybe.”
“You still crushin’ on Kingston?”
“He’ll always be attractive,” I say. It’s my way of telling the truth without delving deep into the details of what’s going on now.
“That’s for sure. I found out which teacher he’s banging.”
My body tenses up. “What? Who?”
“Professor Drakulich. Don’t you have her for English Lit?”
The air leaves my lungs. “Yeah.”
35
On Wednesday morning, when it comes time for Nova’s class, I hope she’ll be early so we can have a couple of uninterrupted minutes, instead, she waltzes in with Lorenzo, and his arm is wrapped around her shoulders.
My primal instinct is to rush over and pry them apart. I don’t know what it is about male instinct, but the need to let everyone know she’s mine runs deep. It takes a lot of self-control to keep my facial expression in check, but I only allow them one glance before pretending to study the screen on my computer.
As she passes my desk and gets into hers, she says, “Good morning, Professor.”
I look up and give both her and Lorenzo a quick look with a tight smile. “Morning. How are you two?”
“We’re good,” Lorenzo answers, glancing at Nova with a grin that makes me want to lose my cool.
With another peek in her direction, I say, “Great.”
Nova rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “Did I miss a test on Monday? I…uh, something came up,” she says, her eyes cutting to Lorenzo. He frowns a little then reaches his long arm over to her and squeezes her shoulder.
My brows furrow together as my jaw clenches. I try to read between the lines, but I don’t know what’s going on with her, and it’s clear that Lorenzo does.
“No test.”
“Okay.”
The class goes by quickly, but all I can focus on is how much Lorenzo is touching Nova, or how they’re whispering and having a deep conversation at the end of class.
By the time class is almost over, my body is tense with unease and I feel conflicted about whatever this thing between me and Nova is.
I’m not typically a jealous person. I’ve never felt insecure about myself or what I have to offer. But having to pretend I don’t think of Nova as more than a student is hard, especially when I have to watch her interact with another guy in front of me. I don’t blame Lorenzo for what he’s doing, because it’s not like he knows what’s going on between us. He’s just being a guy. He’s working his way in. I see what’s happening and I can’t do anything about it.
After I dismiss the class, the two of them stand up and continue whatever conversation they were having. Lorenzo rests his arm on one of her shoulders, looking down at her with a smile. Her eyes dart to mine briefly, aware that I’m watching.
“I’ll meet up with you later,” she tells him. “I need to ask about the work I missed.”
He nods and quietly says something to her before leaving the classroom.
Everything feels better once it’s just her and I.
“Hey,” she says softly.
“Hey.”
She hands me a folded piece of paper. “It’s my number.” I pocket it without looking it over. “I wanted to get in touch with you but wasn’t sure I should email you. I don’t know who’s reading those,” she says with a nervous giggle. “Anyway, just know I’m not freaking out about our weekend.” Nova glances over her shoulder to make sure nobody’s coming in. “Are you still okay with things?”
“I’m fine, but are you okay?”
She shrugs and gives me a forced smile. It’s not her usual megawatt one, and I can tell something’s weighing on her. “Yeah. All good. Um, maybe we can talk later?”
I nod. “Of course. I have your number now, so I’ll be in touch,” I say with a smile.
Her grin comes back and feels genuine this time. “Good. Okay.” She starts walking backwards, still looking at me. “Yeah, text me. Or call. Whatever.”
I chuckle. “Okay.”
Once she’s gone, I walk to the door and close it, shutting out the noise while I focus on some work before my next class. Before I can take a couple steps back to my desk, the door opens and in walks Lorraine.
“Elijah,” she greets, stepping close to me. “I feel like I never see you anymore. I have to track you down just to say hello.” She tugs on my tie with one hand while resting the other on my chest, giving me her best pout.
I take her hand in mine, ready to step away from her touch. “Lorraine, this isn’t…” before I can finish my sentence, Nova’s voice reaches my ears.
“Oh, and I…” she trails off, her lips parting in surprise as her eyes land on Lorraine’s hand in mine.
Lorraine and I both step away from each other, no doubt looking guilty.
“Sorry,” Nova says before rushing off.
“Goddammit, Lorraine. Like I was about to say, this isn’t appropriate. We’re at work.”
“It’s not like it’s forbidden, Elijah. We’re both adults.”
“We’re not together, Lorraine. You know that, right?”
She jerks back like I just slapped her. I didn’t mean to hurt her feelings, but considering what Nova just walked in on and is probably thinking, I’m feeling angry and anxious to talk to her to clear things up.
“Oh, I know, Elijah. You make it perfectly clear by ignoring me at every turn and treating me like a bed warmer. No romance for you, huh? No feelings, no emotions, nothing. I thought we could have something special.”
I take a deep breath and blow it out. “Lorraine, I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, but I told you before we started anything that it wasn’t going to be serious. I thought I made myself clear.”
“Oh, right. Because you were also sleeping with Paula. You think people don’t talk in this place?” she snaps.
I cross my arms over my chest. “I told you and Paula both that I wasn’t looking for a relationship. And it’s not like I was with you one night and with Paula or anyone else the next. There had been quite some time between me and Paula and me and you.”
“Oh, so you only sleep with us a handful of times before tossing us out for the next new body?”
She’s pretty accurate, but the way she says it sounds horrible and makes me feel like shit. “I’m sorry, Lorraine. I haven’t been interested in a relationship in a long time. I have my own personal reasons for that, and I hope you can understand. I thought I was doing everyone a favor by being upfront about what to expect and what not to expect. You were the only one who seemed to want to take things to the next level, but I was never interested in that, and you were aware of that fact.”
She steps back and folds her arms low around her stomach. “I just thought I could get you to change your mind. I hoped you’d see more in me.”
“Lorraine, you’re a beautiful and intelligent woman.” She peers up at me with sad eyes. “I know you deserve to be more than a lay, and I’m sorry things between us couldn’t develop. It’s just…”
“You’re not into me the same way,” she says, like she’s just realizing it.
“I still respect you and hope we can remain civil,” I tell her.
She straightens her back and approaches me. “I don’t know what woman will be able to tie you down, Elijah. But she’ll be damn lucky when she does.” With a final touch on my arm, she says, “I’ll see ya around.”
When I unfold it, I notice it’s more than just her number.
Elijah,
I’m watching you try your hardest to keep from looking at me. I know you hate seeing me and Lorenzo so close. I can’t explain everything in this note, but I will soon, just know there’s nothing going on between him and me. I only have eyes for you. Call me. I’ve missed your voice.
xoxo
Nova
Her number is scribbled below her name, but I can’t stop reading the note. She wanted to make sure she gave me some reassurance. She sensed my discomfort and let me know I had nothing to worry about. She wants me and only me.
But now she’s seen me with Lorraine and is probably regretting so much. I whip out my phone from my desk drawer and dial her number. No answer. I call again. No answer.
I’m sure she’s probably in class. I risk sending her a text. She’ll know it’s me.
Nova, call me after school. I don’t know what you’re thinking, but I can guarantee there’s an explanation. Just know I feel the same as you. You’re the only one I see. The only one I care about. It’s you or it’s nothing. Call me.
I didn’t mean to be so deep in the text, and I hit send before I could re-read it over and over and decide to change something. I’ve known there was something different about her from the beginning. It’s wrong what we’re doing. Wrong according to the school, perhaps according to society. She’s a student fourteen years my junior, but we have something. I know we do. It’s in the baby stages, but it’s growing. What we have can’t be wrong.
36
As the day goes on, my anger continues to stew. What had I walked in on? They weren’t kissing, they were just close. But they were holding hands. On top of that, Ayanna just told me it was Professor Drakulich that Elijah was “banging.” Is that present tense? Is he still sleeping with other people? It’s not like we defined what we have. Are we supposed to be monogamous? Because that’s how I took it.
I assumed the phone calls I got from a number I didn’t recognize were from Elijah, but I was already in class and unable to answer.
The text that came through soon after I left unread, unwilling to start a game of back-and-forth texting during the day. We need to talk, but we should at least talk on the phone or face-to-face.
I go the rest of the day trying not to think the worst, but failing. Ayanna and Lorenzo both notice my change in mood, but I think they assume it’s related to Mario and the fact that he might be here in town, so they don’t question it.
As I’m walking to work, I spot Lorenzo and Ayanna near the entrance.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask.
“Nothing, I just wanted to let you know I’ll be busy tonight,” Ayanna says. “I have a study group starting soon, then I’m covering for a girl at the restaurant and taking a shift from seven to eleven.”
“You work at that Italian place, right? Lucio’s?” Lorenzo asks. “I need to hit that place up soon. I’ve heard good things.”
“Oh, it’s definitely good,” Ayanna replies before turning back to me. “Anyway, so I can’t be here when you get off or stay with you at home.”
As she’s talking, I spot Elijah heading our way. His eyes never stray from mine as he approaches, and my heart begins to pick up speed the closer he gets. God, he’s sexy. I wouldn’t be surprised if he’s slept with all the female staff. Nobody would say no to him. But the thought of him being with anyone else strikes a nerve. Everyone has a past, but if he’s still currently sleeping around, then I can’t continue this. I want him all to myself.
As soon as he’s about to pass us, I hear Lorenzo say my name.
“Nova, is that cool with you?”
I look back at Lorenzo. “Huh? Sorry.”
“I’ll stay at your place tonight.”
Elijah’s gaze snaps in my direction, fire burning in his eyes as the grooves between his brows deepens. Oh, he definitely heard that, and he’s not happy. Great, now I have some explaining to do as well.
“Hey, Professor K,” Lorenzo greets, lifting his chin up.
Elijah lifts his head and gives him a quick smile, then disappears into the library.
“Lorenzo can sleep on the couch,” Ayanna says, continuing the conversation. “He can bring extra blankets and stuff from his dorm. Right?”
“Yeah, for sure. You okay with that?” he asks me.
“Uh. I guess. I don’t know, but I’m pretty sure I’m late,” I say, trying to get out of this conversation. “I’ll call you later, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
After I rush inside the library and store all my stuff behind the front desk, my eyes scan the room searching for Elijah.
Annie, the head librarian, finds me and tells me what she needs me to do. I hide in between some shelves and slide my phone from my pocket. I don’t normally keep it on me when I’m working, but I need to get in touch with Elijah.
When I read his text, my heart nearly explodes as tears burn the backs of my eyes.
It’s you or it’s nothing.
Any lingering anger is blown away by just a couple lines of text. I need to talk to him. I have to explain what he heard. I have to explain a lot.
As I work, I keep my eyes peeled. It’s not like he blends in. He’s tall, muscular, and the most attractive man in this school. But I don’t see him anywhere. Did he already leave?
I decide to roam around the entire library one more time before I text him. He’s not at any of the tables that are in the main room, so I walk past a few of the other rooms. The computer rooms, reading rooms, private study rooms are all free of Elijah. It’s a fairly expansive library, but after moving through the first floor and not finding him, I decide to head upstairs.
It isn’t until I check the last couple of meeting and conference rooms that I start to give up hope. All that’s left is a couple of the study cubes. These rooms don’t require a reservation, but a lot of study groups don’t use them, because they’re a lot smaller than the study rooms. However, if you want a quiet space for you and maybe one other person, these are perfect.
The two rooms are up against the wall, and when approaching them, you can’t see inside. You have to walk all the way toward the back wall before you see the glass doors that slide open on your right.
I decide to empty the trash can that sits between the two rooms before going back downstairs. The first one’s empty, only a small round table and two chairs inside. When I take the lid off the trash, I spot movement in the last room.
I take a side step and peer in. It’s Elijah. His back is to me, his work spread out before him on the table. I take a few seconds to look around. Nobody is nearby. Hardly anybody comes this far because it’s only these two cubes. I can’t see downstairs from here, which means nobody from downstairs can see me.
I knock lightly on the door, and he angles his head over his shoulder to see who’s interrupting him. When he spots me, he straightens up and twirls his chair around. He gestures with two fingers for me to come in.
I open the door, but don’t step inside. “Hey. So, we probably need to talk for numerous reasons, but I just wanted to talk to you about what you may have heard out there.”
He tilts his head slightly. “What did I hear?”
“Lorenzo saying he’s staying at my place, but it’s not what you think.”
“I’d hope not. He’s been awfully touchy lately, and now he’s talking about sleeping at your apartment.”
“I know, but again, it’s not like that. You read my note, right? There’s nothing going on between us.”
He nods. “Yes, I know.”
“You do?”
“Yes. You said you were only friends, and I believe you. I have no doubt that he wants to be more, and you may need to talk to him about that if you don’t have any interest.”
“Of course
I don’t have any interest. Elijah, I only want you.” His face changes, and I can tell he’s happy to hear that. “But you also have some explaining to do.”
He stands up and takes a step closer. “I know what you walked in on looked bad. And I hate to say I can explain because it sounds like the cliché thing people say when they’re caught in the wrong, but I do have an explanation.” He takes a breath. “Lorraine and I. Professor Drakulich, we have a past. Nothing serious, but you know.”
“You’ve slept together.”
He nods. “Yes. I told her prior to us sleeping together that I wasn’t interested in a relationship, but she seemed to think she could change my mind. We haven’t slept together in months. It was last school year, but she’s been trying to set something up for us. Anyway, I won’t go on, but she was in my class, once again trying her best to get things started again. I was about to step away from her when you walked in, and when you left, we sorted things out.”
“So, she’s not going to be trying to get in your pants anymore?”
He smiles. “No, I don’t think so.”
“She’s my professor, you know? It’s gonna be weird being in her class now.”
“I’m sorry,” he says, and actually looks pained for me.
“It’s okay. I just want to make sure you’re not, you know, with anybody else right now. Are you still seeing anybody?”
He shakes his head. “Nobody. Only you.”
Relief consumes me and I smile. “Good.”
“Now why is Lorenzo trying to sleep at your apartment?”
I look down the hall to make sure nobody’s around. “It’s a long story. Can we talk about it when I’m off? Annie’s probably gonna be looking for me soon.”
He gives me a nod. “Okay. But call me before you get off. Tell Lorenzo you don’t need him at your apartment tonight.”
“But—”
“If you don’t feel safe, you come to me. I’ll take care of you.”
Emotion floods my body. I’m overcome with happiness, relief, adoration, and something else. Something strong. Something that scares me.
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