by Harley Wylde
“Ryker,” I said again, wondering where he was. He’d left the hospital, but had he left town too?
“We’ll talk about Ryker when you’re feeling better. Right now, you focus on getting better. I don’t think talking about him is going to help your brain any right now. He’s obviously a trigger for you, and the more upset you get, the longer you’ll likely have to stay here. And I know how much you hate hospitals.”
Flicker brushed a kiss against my forehead. I could see the care and concern in his eyes, and I hated that I’d worried him. He’d always been there for me, ever since I landed on his doorstep, homeless and without family. He hadn’t so much as hesitated to take me into his home, into his life, and I would be forever grateful to him for that. I loved him, and I was so glad he was here with me.
“When you’re better, the others will come see you,” Flicker said. “Isabella and Ridley have asked nonstop how you’re doing. Everyone at the compound misses you.”
“Miss them,” I said. And I did. The Dixie Reapers had become my family, and I knew they would always be there for me. It was like having a bunch of big brothers, and while that drove me nuts when it came to dating, I knew I could count on every single one of them.
“Get some rest, Laken. I’m not going anywhere. Anything you need, I’ll get it. Just get better, because I hate seeing you in this hospital bed with all these wires attached to you. Love you, baby sis.”
“Love you,” I murmured as my eyes started to close again.
I briefly wondered if I was going to spend the next few weeks sleeping nonstop, or if I’d ever stay awake for any length of time ever again. I hated being here, hated that I’d been injured. And it was even worse that everyone was worried about me. My brother was right. I needed to focus on getting better, and getting out of this place. I didn’t like being here any more than he liked it. I’d do whatever they told me to, and soon enough I could deal with Ryker. Just as soon as I figured out what exactly he meant to me, or if I meant anything at all to him. Other than being an incubator for his offspring, a baby he hadn’t even wanted.
But I could think about all of that later. Right now I needed to sleep, to heal. And to take care of the little one growing inside me. I was no longer only responsible for myself. All of my actions, and the consequences, would now impact a little baby. A son or daughter who would rely on me for everything. Someone I could love, who would love me in return.
I placed a hand over my belly, vowing to do everything I could to give them a happy and healthy life. Even if that meant it was a life without Ryker.
* * *
One Month Later
I glared at my brother as he handed me a plate with apple slices and cheese, then he set a glass of milk on the table next to me. He’d thrown out all my favorite junk foods and soda before I’d gotten home from the hospital, and had given everyone strict instructions that I was to have healthy foods and drinks only. I knew he meant well, but he was killing me.
“You know cookies aren’t good for the baby,” he said, urging me to take a bite of the snack he’d provided.
I angrily bit into a chunk of apple and chewed, my gaze casting daggers at him the entire time. He didn’t even look a little bit remorseful. He was mothering and smothering me. I’d only been home from the hospital for a few weeks, after they’d made sure all the swelling was gone in my brain and had checked me over thoroughly. My ribs were no longer sore, but I still got headaches periodically. They weren’t as bad as they were when I first came home, though, so that was an improvement. I’d honestly take any small victory I could at this point.
I hadn’t seen Ryker since the first time I’d woken at the hospital. At first, I figured he was keeping away because the hospital had banned him from ICU. Then I’d moved to a regular room, and he still hadn’t come to see me. When I came home the following week, I’d looked for him, and waited. A day had passed. Then two. Then three. When Ryker still didn’t show up, I’d asked him about him, and been informed that he was no longer here.
It hurt. So damn much. I shouldn’t have been surprised, though. He probably had time to think about the daddy thing and decided it wasn’t for him. It wasn’t like he’d loved me. He didn’t seem like the type who would ever fall in love and settle down, but that didn’t stop my heart from aching at the thought of never seeing him again. One day, my baby would ask about their daddy, and I wasn’t yet certain what I’d say. The truth, or some degree of it, but only enough that it wouldn’t hurt my son or daughter until they were old enough to better understand what had happened. The last thing I wanted was for my baby to think their daddy didn’t want them.
“Are you sure you want me to go with you to your appointment?” Flicker asked.
I set the plate down and twisted to face him. “Do you not want to go? You can always stay in the waiting room.”
“It’s not that. I just thought you might prefer having a woman back there with you, like Isabella or Ridley.”
“You’re my family, Danny,” I said, using his real name, or the version of it I liked to use. His real name was Daniel, which he hated. “There’s no one I’d rather have hold my hand through all this than you.”
He smiled softly. “Love you, Laken.”
“Love you too.”
“I know living with me hasn’t always been easy. I know you’ve felt like I’m too controlling, and maybe I have been, but I’ve only wanted to keep you safe. I can’t help but think if I’d done something differently, then none of this would have happened.”
“Danny, I know things didn’t work out with Ryker, but I can’t regret being with him. This baby may not have been planned, but I’m going to be an awesome mom, and I’m going to love him or her with all my heart. I could never wish my baby away, even to avoid the heartache Ryker caused.”
Flicker sighed. “You’ve grown up so much. I’m proud of you, Laken. Really damn proud.”
“I’m a little scared, though. I don’t have a job, and it’s not right to ask you to pay for everything. Babies are expensive.”
Flicker waved a hand. “Don’t worry about any of that. I checked with our health insurance, and they’re going to cover your pregnancy. It seems when you turned eighteen, Torch had a maternity rider added to your policy just in case. Guess he saw this coming sooner or later, and it’s a really damn good thing he signed the club up for a health plan back when you came to live with me.”
“It’s not right, though. You’re going to end up paying for everything. Diapers. A baby bed. Clothes.”
“And I will gladly pay every penny for the things my niece or nephew needs. Stop worrying, Laken. It’s not good for you or the baby. We’ll just take things one day at a time, okay?”
“All right.”
“Go take your shower and get dressed. Your appointment is in an hour.”
I stood up and kissed his check before hurrying to my room to get ready. Coming to live with Flicker was one of the best things to ever happen to me. He’d been an amazing big brother, and I knew he’d be an even better uncle. But my heart still ached for the one person I couldn’t have. Ryker.
Maybe one day it wouldn’t hurt so much. But that day wasn’t today.
Chapter Seven
Ryker
“Son, what the hell are you doing?” my dad asked as he leaned against the bar in the Hades Abyss clubhouse. “Anyone with working eyes can tell you don’t want to be here.”
I could have played dumb and acted like I didn’t know what he was talking about, but we both knew better. I was physically here, but that was it. Laken still consumed my every thought, and I missed her so fucking much. It had taken me leaving to realize just how much she meant to me. Once I’d heard we were having a baby, I’d known I’d make a life with her. But now… now I knew I didn’t just want a life with her. I wanted her heart, because she’d sure as fuck taken mine.
“I’m no good for Laken,” I said, taking another swallow of my beer. “She’s better off without me.”
“Are you sure about that? You know, I’ve never taken you for a coward. I know the Marines sent you into some hellish situations, and since you’ve been home, you’ve taken on club tasks I never would have asked you to do. I used to think you had balls of steel, but the way you’re hiding from a woman, I’m starting to think they’re more like marbles.”
I scowled at him.
Bear, the sergeant-at-arms, snickered. “More like shriveled peas. No, no… Wait. What’s smaller than a pea? I know! Mouse balls. He has a really tiny mouse balls.”
I growled at him, wanting to put my fist through his face.
“Don’t go insulting mice,” Marauder said as he walked up and joined the conversation. “Those bastards are bold as fuck.”
Bear fingered the patch on my cut. Diablo. I’d hated that fucking name ever since they’d given it to me, which is why I never used it unless I was around the club. Everywhere else I was just Ryker. I’d done some fucked up shit in my lifetime, and I might have earned the name on my cut, but it didn’t mean I was necessarily proud of everything I’d done.
“Maybe we need to change this out. I’m thinking Princess would be a better name for him these days,” Bear said.
“Nah,” Marauder said. “A princess has to be tough. He’s more like… Fuck. I got nothing.”
“Chickenshit,” Bear said. “That would be a good one.”
“Are you assholes done?” I asked, glaring at them. “I’m not a fucking chicken. You didn’t see what happened when I was at the hospital. I could have fucking killed her.”
My dad patted my shoulder. “But you didn’t. And now she’s home, she’s doing fine, and I’m betting that she misses you.”
“Do you have a crystal ball now?” I asked.
“No, he asked me,” said a voice behind me.
I turned and saw Torch, the President of the Dixie Reapers MC, standing behind me. No one had said a word about him coming here, and I wondered if they’d planned it that way. If I’d known he would be there, that anyone tied to Laken would be here, I’d have made myself scarce. I didn’t need a reminder that I was here and she was there, not when I was pretty fucking certain I’d left my heart back there with her.
“And in case you’re wondering, she’s asked about you. When she found out you’d left and hadn’t even said goodbye, I watched as her heart shattered into pieces. She’s putting up a good front, acting like nothing’s wrong, but we all know different,” Torch said. “And from what I hear, you aren’t doing so great either.”
“He doesn’t even look at the club sluts,” Marauder said with disdain. “Who the fuck gives up free pussy? I think your girl broke him.”
Bear smirked. “Or maybe her pussy’s just…”
Bear didn’t get to finish his sentence before I stood and put my fist through his face, just liked I’d been dying to do. Blood trickled from his mouth and covered his teeth as he grinned at me. Asshole. He’d baited me on purpose, and I’d fallen for it. He wiggled his teeth and spat some blood onto the floor.
“You’re lucky you didn’t knock any out,” Bear said.
I snorted. “Yeah, because all those are really yours.”
“Boy, do I have to take you back home the hard way or are you going to come easy?” Torch asked. “Because I didn’t come here on vacation. One of mine is hurting, and you’re the cause. So you’re going to man up and fix it.”
“You’re here for me?” I asked, then glanced at my dad who suddenly seemed very interested in the wall across the room. Yeah, the fucker had set me up. I should be pissed, but part of me was glad he cared enough to interfere. We might not have the typical father/son relationship, but he was there for me when I needed him, and he’d understood when I’d left and joined the Marines.
Torch scratched his beard. “The club and I have talked, and as much as we don’t like the way you handled things with Laken, the truth is that she wants you there. It’s obvious to any of us that she misses you, and I think she’s a little scared having to face this pregnancy alone.”
“Alone?” I asked. “She has all the Dixie Reapers there with her.”
“Yeah, but none of us is the daddy to her baby. You’re the one she wants,” Torch said. “Flicker would be content if you never showed your face again, but even he agreed that something isn’t quite right with Laken. She’s healed up just fine. Still gets headaches here and there, but the doctor said everything looks good. Baby is doing good too.”
“Then it sounds like she’s just perfect without me,” I said.
“Then why does she look so fucking sad when she thinks no one is watching her?” Torch asked. “I’ve seen her get this melancholy look on her face and put her hand over her belly, and I know she’s not sad about the baby. She’s excited even though she’s worried about her brother having to pay for everything.”
Wait. Flicker was buying my kid the things they needed? That was my job. If anyone should be providing for my son or daughter, it was me.
“He’s been good about taking Laken to her appointments, asking the doctor questions to make sure he takes care of her properly,” Torch said.
There was a look in his eyes that I couldn’t quite decipher, but I knew he was telling me all this for a reason. Maybe he knew I wouldn’t like the idea of someone else taking care of my kid, taking care of my woman. And fuck, but that’s what Laken was. Mine. I think I’d known it as soon as that first night. I should have tied her ass to the bed so she couldn’t leave. Maybe things would have turned out differently if she hadn’t snuck out that next morning, or if I’d asked more questions the second time I saw her.
“What’s it going to be?” Torch asked. “You coming willingly, or do I have to do this the hard way?”
“And what’s the hard way?” I asked.
My dad cleared his throat. “That would be me, as your President, ordering your ass to go with Torch. As of this moment, you’re the liaison between the clubs. We reached an agreement, but he’s sending one man here, and I’m sending you to the Dixie Reapers. You’ll still be Hades Abyss, but you’ll follow Torch’s rules while you’re there.”
“And if I don’t want to go?” I asked.
“Didn’t realize I was asking,” my dad said.
I could read between the lines. Either I did as I was told, or I was out of the club. The Hades Abyss had never meant much to me, not after I was old enough to leave and start my own life, but being back here… I’d realized that maybe they meant more to me than I’d ever admitted to myself. They were family, and you didn’t turn your back on family.
“If Laken wants to move here with you,” Torch said. “None of us would stop her, or you, from leaving. Your dad would just send someone else to our club. But Laken is family to us, and we’re hoping the two of you decide to stick around.”
“Looks like my future is all decided for me. And here I got out of the Marines so I’d be allowed to think for myself.”
My dad snorted. “Son, you were born into this club. You’ve never been allowed to think for yourself, so don’t go acting like that’s anything new. You’ve either followed my rules or the government’s, and I think between the two, you’d prefer mine.”
He wasn’t wrong. I sipped my beer and studied the two men over my mug. Assholes. They both looked like they knew I was going with Torch whether I wanted to or not, and really, they hadn’t given me any choice. I wasn’t about to give them the satisfaction of thinking I actually wanted to go, though. The thought of seeing Laken again both thrilled me and terrified me. I didn’t know what kind of reaction I’d get when she saw me. But fuck if I didn’t want to hold her again, to breathe in her scent, and run my hands through that silky blonde hair that hung nearly down to her ass.
“Fine. When do we leave?” I asked.
“Now,” Torch said.
“Your stuff is already boxed and ready to go,” my dad said. “Had it done while you were down here moping in your beer. A Prospect will drive the truck down with your shit. As a courte
sy to me, and in hopes you decide to stay there with Laken, Torch is letting you use a house on the compound. Mostly furnished.”
“If I’m not here to work, how the hell am I going to earn money to take care of my family?” I asked.
“You’re working, just not doing what you normally would. Torch needs help on any jobs, he’ll let you know and pay you accordingly. But I’ll have funds transferred to your account every month, for as long as you’re there. Don’t think being a liaison is going to mean you sit around on your ass all day. We’re going to work you. Hard,” my dad said.
I shrugged and finished my beer. I’d never been afraid of hard work. As long as I didn’t bring shit home to Laken and my kid, I’d do what I was told without question. But the second that shit came to my door, then everyone would remember why I was called Diablo.
“Guess we’d better hit the road, then,” I said.
“I’m only stopping for gas,” Torch said. “So if you need to piss, do it now.”
“Just how long have you been here?” I asked. I’d thought I’d have a night or two while he hashed things out with my dad. No way he drove straight here and was ready to turn around and go right back. That was a long-ass haul, and no offense to Torch, but he wasn’t exactly young.
Torch smirked. “Two days. Ironed everything out with your old man, and now I want to get home to my wife and daughter. So move your ass.”
I pulled my keys from my pocket and followed him out to the parking lot. He walked around the corner of the building while I went to my bike, and a moment later, I heard his engine rumble from the backside of the clubhouse. No wonder I hadn’t known the fucker was here. They’d made sure I wouldn’t see him. Fuckers. If this came back to bite me in the ass, if Laken didn’t want me, I was going to be fucking pissed.
Torch pulled through the gates and stopped at the street, waiting for me most likely. I started my bike and looked at the Hades Abyss clubhouse, wondering if it would be for the last time. Yeah, my dad might have said I was a liaison, but I knew he was really just trying to get me back together with Laken, and likely didn’t think I’d ever return. I had mixed feelings about it. I’d always thought that I could put this place in my rearview and never look back. Now I wasn’t so certain. I’d made a home here the last month, or as much of a home as I could have without Laken.