It had been something I'd felt for a little while now. And it hadn't taken me very long to figure out why. Jendrish was the first man I'd opened my heart to in a long time. I'd sworn off men and relationships after my last one had flamed out so spectacularly. But somehow, some way, Jendrish had broken down my walls and had inserted himself into my thoughts and my heart.
For a while, I'd thought that maybe I had jumped the gun. That maybe, because of the intensity of the situation we'd found ourselves in together had sparked feelings within me that were mere – mirages. That I really didn't feel what I thought I felt.
But no, I truly felt for him what I felt for him. And what I felt for him was love. As much as I wanted to deny it, rationalize it away as something else, I just couldn't. I loved Jendrish. Plain and simple.
Which is what made the uncertainty I was feeling all the more painful. All the more frustrating. I wasn't a girl who liked feeling uncertain or insecure as it was. To know that it was love in my heart for a man I wasn't sure returned the feelings made it all the more terrifying for me.
I didn't want to ask. Was afraid of the answer. But I knew if I didn't ask, didn't try to get some clarification, I was only going to continue tormenting and torturing myself.
“What I meant though,” I started, my voice hesitant, “was are we okay? Is everything okay with us?”
He finally turned to me, his expression no less inscrutable. “Why would you ask?”
I shrugged. “I don't know, I just feel like you've been distant lately.”
He gave me a soft smile. “If I've made you feel that way, I apologize,” he said. “I've been distracted. There has been a lot going on that has demanded my attention. I didn't realize I was not as attentive as I should be.”
It wasn't quite the answer or the reassurance I'd been looking for, but I supposed it had to do. Optorions weren't the most expressive or demonstrative people. Jendrish had come a long way, but he could still sometimes come off a little cold and unfeeling. Not that he meant to, it was just the way of his people. Humans were a lot more – emotional. It was something I knew he struggled with. But we were working on it.
“I understand,” I said. “And I'm sorry if I come off like I'm – needy. I don't mean to be. It's just... ”
I trailed off, not sure I wanted to open up this can of worms. I knew he already had a lot on his plate. The last thing I wanted was to add more to it.
“It's just that what?” he asked.
“It's silly,” I said. “Don't worry about it. I'm just being stupid.”
His laugh was soft. “You are a lot of things, Riley,” he said. “But stupid is not one of them. Please. Tell me what is troubling you.”
I shrugged again. “I don't know,” I said. “Sometimes, I just feel – lonely. Like I don't have any purpose.”
I cringed on the inside, hearing the words come out of my mouth. I sounded like one of those girls – the kind of girl I loathed. Needy. Clingy. Entirely dependent upon somebody else for their identity.
“Lonely?” he asked, rolling over and propping himself up on an arm. “I – I didn't know. You're always surrounded by people. I know you and Ynora are close, I – ”
“Ynora is great.,” I said. “She's been a good friend and I adore her, but she's always busy working and I don't want to bother her. And I don't really have any other friends. I have little to do all day. I wander around aimlessly.”
Jendrish nodded as if he understood. Perhaps he did. “I apologize, Riley,” he said. “I didn't stop to think that you weren't getting enough stimulation. I have been so wrapped up in everything I'm doing that I didn't stop to think about you. That is my failing.”
“It's not a failing, sweetheart,” I said. “We are just two different people with different minds, different needs.”
“What can I do to help?” he asked.
He looked at me earnestly and spoke sincerely. It gave me hope that everything I'd been feeling was wrong. Foolish. It gave me hope that Jendrish truly did care. Did love me like he said he did. The trouble was, I didn't know what he could do to help – other than be around and be with me more than he was. But could I really ask that of him? He had an entire planet to run.
“I really don't know, Jendrish,” I admitted. “I know it's stupid to dump all of this on you and have no answers. I guess, at the root of it all, I just want to spend more time with you. I feel like ever since I came to Optorio, we've seen so little of each other. There is so much I still want to learn about you. So much I need to know.”
“And there is much I still want and need to learn about you, Riley,” he said. “There is still so much about you that is shrouded in mystery. I want to cut through all of that and see to the heart of you.”
He reached out and stroked my cheek and I leaned into his touch. Savored it. I looked into his eyes and saw nothing but love and compassion in them. And I suddenly began to feel guilt over doubting his feelings for me. For doubting him.
“Do you think we'll get there?” I asked.
“That is my hope,” he replied softly. “And I will make you a promise – once the coronation is over and I am confident the rebellion truly is crushed, you and I will go away for a little while. There is much on Optorio I wish to show you. I want to be with you as you experience some of Optorio's wonders for the first time. I wish to be with you as you explore your new home.”
I couldn't keep the smile off my face. “A vacation?” I asked. “You mean, you're going to take me on a vacation?”
He nodded, returning my smile. “I believe that is the human word for it, yes.”
I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into a tight embrace. He laughed and awkwardly returned my hug. It was honestly, the best I'd felt since come to Optorio. For perhaps, the first time, I felt optimistic about the future. The idea that I'd made a mistake in coming to Jendrish's home world fled my mind and I had a sense of excitement running through me that I hadn't had before.
“I can't wait to see all Optorio has to offer, Jendrish,” I said. “And I can't wait to see it all with you.”
After a few moments, he pulled back from my embrace and looked me in the eye, his expression suddenly serious.
“There is something I need to ask you, Riley.”
“Uh oh,” I said. “Sounds serious.”
He gave me a half smile – but one that did not quite reach his eyes. Whatever it was he had to ask me certainly seemed serious. A knot formed in my stomach and I waited for the other shoe to drop.
“I wanted to ask you – ”
Jendrish stopped himself, falling silent and I began to see something on his face I'd never seen before – uncertainty. What in the world did he have to feel uncertain about?
“What is it, Jendrish?” I asked.
He sighed. “As a king, I of course, need to produce an heir... ”
A cold feeling settled into the pit of my stomach as I realized exactly where he was going with this. But I didn't think it was even possible. Humans and Optorions, though remarkably similar physically, didn't share enough common biology to allow impregnation. Or at least, that's what I'd been told by Ynora, who was lamenting the fact that she wasn't going to have any little ones to look after for us.
Which meant that he was thinking something else.
“Are you talking about a surrogate?” I asked.
He shook his head. “No, actually. I've been speaking with our scientists and they're confident that they've discovered a way for us to produce a child. ”
“So, they've found a way that we can have a – baby?”
He nodded. “Perhaps. It's not certain as of yet, but they're confident they can make it happen.”
I let out a low whistle. Me. A mother. It was something I had never contemplated before. I never thought I was cut out to be a mother, to be quite honest. It wasn't like I'd ever had the best role models in the position growing up. It was a thought that terrified me down to my very core. I was sure that when I looked at him, the p
anic was plainly written across my face.
“You need not answer now,” he said. “As I said, nothing is for certain yet. But think about it.”
I nodded. “I – I will.”
He looked at me and I saw the mischievous glint in his eye. “There is something that has to happen before that though.”
“Oh? And what is that?”
“You must become my bride.”
My mouth fell open and I couldn't help but gape at him. “A – are you asking me what I think you're asking me?”
He brushed away a strand of hair that had fallen across my forehead. “Not yet,” he replied. “Let's get through the coronation ceremony, so I can give you a proper proposal.”
I wasn't sure what a proper Optorion proposal was, but I knew that I was looking forward to it already. My head was spinning. I'd gone from the depths of despair and uncertainty, to feeling like I was on top of the world in the span of a few hours. Not only was he asking me to be the mother of future Optorion kings, but he was also asking me to be his wife.
At least, he was going to be asking me to be his wife soon enough.
“I love you, Riley,” he said as he leaned in and kissed me.
And for perhaps, the first time since I'd come to Optorion, I believed it. I believed him. Life was coming at me fast and furious and I was having a hard time keeping up with it all. But all of the sudden, though filled with trepidation, I was looking forward to what was coming next.
Chapter Seven
Veshna
“Is everything ready?” I asked.
Kalmor nodded absently, his eyes fixed on the bank of vid-monitors before us. Because Jendrish had not yet restored the biosystems to everybody, we had to rely on antiquated technology to track the progress of the mission.
“Our agents inside the palace have placed monitoring devices in key locations,” Kalmor said. “We should be able to see and hear everything.”
“Good,” I replied.
Kalmor turned to me. “Does your father know of this plan?”
I looked over at him in near disbelief that Kalmor would question me. Especially on this night – the night of our triumph. I knew my father cast a long shadow and despite his many faults and flaws, he still had the respect from many people. Or perhaps they feared him. He was a temperamental man, given to fits of rage and violence. He had been known to thrash people for disagreeing with him.
But I never suspected that Kalmor was one of those people who quaked at the mere mention of his name. Still, once our plan came together, once we had claimed victory, I knew that Kalmor would see where the power truly resided and would fall into line. Or perhaps I would need to re-think my command structure. I needed strong men. Men of iron and steel. Men who would not cower in the face of adversaries. And most of all, I needed men who would follow me without question or hesitation.
But for now, I needed Kalmor. I would decide what to ultimately do with him later.
I snorted. “Of course not,” I said. “He thinks small. His grand idea was to take control of the palace, arrest Jendrish, and lock him up for the rest of his life.”
Kalmor looked at me evenly. “There is still time to pull the plug on this plan and go that way,” he said. “If that was your desire.”
I felt my anger rising, but as always, did my best to rein it in. “My desire is to see this plan through to the end and see the usurper dead,” I said. “My desire is to restore order and bring Optorio back to the way it should be. The only way to do that is to kill Jendrish and place our man upon the throne.”
Kalmor nodded and looked away. “As you wish.”
“If you are having doubts about what we're doing,” I snapped. “Now is the time to voice your concerns.”
He still refused to meet my eyes, remaining focused on the monitors. “Not doubts,” he said. “You know I am with you to the end. My – concern – is your father. Should he ever get out – ”
“He will never see the outside of that prison complex,” I said. “That much I can guarantee. Once our work here is done and we've secured the throne, I will deal with my father. You need not fear him.”
He stood up and crossed his arms over his chest, seeming to be considering his words. “The one thing about your plan that I don't understand is, if we're going through all of the trouble to assassinate Jendrish, why do you not take that opportunity to take the throne for yourself? Why put somebody else there?”
I nodded, understanding. Perhaps, that was why he did not seem entirely sold on my plan – he didn't fully grasp it. I supposed that maybe I had kept some bits of information too closely guarded. It was necessary when planning something as risky as an assassination. I did not trust people to begin with – especially when I deemed those people to be inferior.
Still, if I was going to trust Kalmor to be my second in command when this was over, I needed to trust him with a little more information than I was currently doling out.
“The reason we're doing all of this to put somebody else on the throne, is because when I ascend to the throne, I want it to be permanent,” I said. “I refuse to be seen as a usurper. We saw what happened when Bazarok's brother tried to seize the throne through violence.”
Kalmor nodded. “Many viewed him as an illegitimate king.”
“Correct,” I replied. “But by putting somebody on the throne who is – sympathetic – to our views and is willing to bend to our will, we have a layer of insulation. Many will view him as illegitimate, of course. There will be some resistance. But that will allow me the time necessary to build up my political power and support behind the scenes. I will be the voice of reason within the Congress, and when the time comes, I will seek to depose our puppet on the throne. And when that happens, the people will naturally turn to me. That way, when I take the throne, it will be with the full support of the people and the Congress. No bloodshed. No violence. And no opposition. Just a smooth and seamless transition of power.”
A broad smile spread across Kalmor's face. He finally understood my intentions and saw the complete picture of my plan.
“That is very smart. Very strategic,” he said.
“Sometimes, it's necessary to play the long game,” I said. “Coups may bring immediate relief, but they also create tension and distrust. That breeds resentment and eventually, chaos – which ultimately leads to another coup. If I can peacefully transfer power, with the backing of the people, Congress, and the Guard, we stand a much better chance of succeeding in the long term.”
Kalmor looked at me as if he had a newfound respect. Part of me wanted to shake my head and roll my eyes. The other part of me simply wanted to breathe a sigh of relief. All of this was going to be much easier with Kalmor on the same page with me.
“Now,” I said. “Are our assets in place? Is everything ready?”
Clearing his throat, Kalmor nodded. “Everything is in position.”
“And you trust the men you tasked with this job?”
He nodded again. “These are good men,” he said. “Willing to give their lives for the cause.”
“That's good,” I replied. “I hope not, simply because we need good men on our side, but they may have to.”
“They're ready.”
I looked at the monitors and waited. Everything was in motion and if everything went according to plan, it wouldn't be too long before Optorio had a new ruler. It was but one step in the plan. I was a patient man and was willing to bide my time as I let the long game play out.
Mostly because, I knew that in the end, it would be worth it.
Chapter Eight
Jendrish
“It's almost time,” Vink said.
I sighed. “Don't remind me.”
Riley squeezed my hand and gave me a smile. “I know you're not crazy about all of this pomp and circumstance – ”
“That's a bit of an understatement,” I said and gave her a rueful grin.
“But sometimes you have to let the people have their traditions,” she conti
nued. “They need those things that are familiar and comfortable.”
“And Optorio has been in such upheaval for so long now,” Vink added, “that the stabilizing influence of a king everybody is behind, and the – tradition – of his coronation, will be a welcome relief.”
I sighed again. “I feel like an idiot.”
We were standing in a room off of the main throne room, where the coronation ceremony would take place. I shifted in the uncomfortable outfit I was being forced to wear. If I'd had my way, there would be no ceremony. I certainly didn't need one. But it was something that was out of my hands – which, if I was to be king, didn't seem quite right. As the ruler of this world, I should have some say in things – or so I'd thought. A thousand different people had planned this event, and all of them stressed the importance of it – an importance I still failed to see.
I looked at myself in the mirror, at the fancy white cloak draped over my red and black ceremonial armor. I looked like somebody who pretended to be a soldier – without actually being one. Somebody who was playing at being something they were not. As I looked at myself, I realized that maybe, I really was that. That maybe, I was simply an imposter. A pretender to the throne. Somebody who was neither qualified, nor cut out to rule an entire world.
“I know that look,” Vink said. “And don't you dare even begin thinking that.”
“You don't know what I'm thinking,” I grumbled.
“I think he does,” Riley added. “And he's right. Stop thinking you're not worthy of this. Stop thinking that you're not the right man for this job. Because you are.”
Vink nodded. “You absolutely are,” he said as a wide smile crossed his face. “Your Majesty.”
I turned on him and growled. “Don't you dare start with that garbage,” I said. “I've told you a hundred times already – ”
Vink's laughter was as loud as it was long. Riley, of course, joined in. And I stood there, feeling the heat blooming in my face.
Mated to a Bear (Legends of Black Salmon Falls Book 3) Page 47