by Megan Tayte
I’d never been one for crowds. As a child, whenever my parents had a party, I’d hide under the nearest table. In my early teens, when all the girls at my school were boarding coaches to see a band in concert, I stayed behind and watched TV in a deserted common room. Even now, at nineteen, I was reluctant to be amid masses of people. Although, to be fair, that was less to do with an agoraphobic tendency and more to do with the fact that these days people drained me. Literally. Drained the light right out of me, which at a low level was exhausting, but at the extreme, I’d been warned, was deadly.
Little wonder then that since becoming a Cerulean, I’d avoided densely populated areas. But Mum’s condition had made that impossible. The best specialists in the country to treat her were at the Wellington Hospital in St John’s Wood, London. Hence my regular commute this past week from my isolated clifftop cottage in Twycombe, Devon, population one thousand, to the city of London, population eight million, six hundred thousand.
The commute took mere seconds, thanks to my ability to Travel, but the distance made it extremely tiring. Not remotely as tiring, though, as being in a hospital surrounded by suffering people. Sienna and I managed only a few hours each morning before we left Mum’s side, and then Si and Cara took turns for the rest of the day until tea time, when the private nurse took over.
I’d got into the habit of stopping off at the hotel where I’d booked a suite for Cara and Si before heading home – home to Twycombe, home to my quiet cottage, home to my boyfriend, Luke. Usually, I texted Si, who took first watch, to tell him to come to the hospital, and I waited for him to arrive before handing over. But now there was no need. Sienna had promised me that she wouldn’t hurt Mum, and I trusted her. On that.
So with a last kiss on my mother’s forehead, I left her and made my customary exit from the hospital past the nurses’ station, making sure Cindy saw me go by (unlike my sister, I wouldn’t risk the exposure of vanishing from the room). Only once I was safely in the lift – alone – did I close my eyes, count one heartbeat and will myself...
‘Scarlett! What is it? You didn’t text! Why are you here? Did something happen?’
I opened my eyes and got a fleeting glimpse of the swanky suite before Cara’s rosy face was right in mine and her hands were on my shoulders, shaking me.
‘Is it your mum? Who’s with your mum? Oh God, she didn’t – she is okay? I mean, of course she’s not okay, but she is…?’
‘It’s all right, Cara,’ I told her quickly. ‘Mum’s the same.’
Si appeared at Cara’s side and began gently prising his girlfriend’s fingers off me.
‘You sure everything’s all right?’ he said.
I nodded.
‘Should I head to the hospital now then?’
I shook my head.
‘But your mum…’
‘… is safe,’ I reassured them both. ‘Honestly.’
Cara leaned into Si, hand clutched to her heart. ‘Jeez,’ she said. ‘Don’t do that to me!’
‘Sorry,’ I said.
I was. In the past week it wasn’t just me who’d been through the wringer, I knew. Si’s perma-smile was missing in action, and no amount of makeup could conceal the shadows under Cara’s eyes. Though she’d said nothing of it, I could tell she was deeply affected by the circumstances; that my grief had triggered waves of her own, buried after the loss of her parents.
‘Coffee?’ I asked hopefully.
It was the magic word, instantly diffusing the anxiety in the air. Si headed off to the percolator in the little kitchen corner and Cara began rummaging in a large paper bag and setting out pastries she’d picked up from a local patisserie.
I had to smile: my friends fitted beautifully into the lifestyle here. And who wouldn’t feel at ease in these surroundings? Whipping out the credit card to book us into one of the best hotels in the capital – the five-star Landmark – was the least I could do when my friends had dropped everything to come to London and watch over my mother.
I’d barely sunk down onto a velvet sofa when a plateful of mini French pastries was plunked onto my lap by Cara and Si was setting a steaming cup down on the table at my knees.
‘Eat,’ commanded Cara. ‘And drink.’
I took a bite of sticky pain au raisin. Chewed. Swallowed with effort.
‘Er, Cara – it’s kind of creepy how you’re staring at me,’ I told my vigilant friend, who’d perched on the sofa beside me and was watching me with big, unblinking eyes.
She said nothing and I glanced at Si, who’d sat on the armchair opposite. He too was watching me.
‘Out with it,’ I commanded.
‘It’s nothing really…’
‘I’m in no mood for secrets these days,’ I said, clattering my plate down on the table.
Cara winced and I felt a stab of shame. Too often in this past week I’d been snappy with her. And Si. And Luke – especially Luke.
‘Sorry,’ said Cara. ‘I didn’t mean… it’s nothing bad… it’s just that… did you check your phone this morning?’
‘Switched off. Hospital rules. Why?’
‘Luke’s on his way. He’ll be here soon.’
‘Here? Why?’ I’d seen Luke only last night, and he’d said nothing of travelling to the city.
Cara shrugged. ‘He wanted to see you.’
‘He sees me every day in the cove.’
‘Maybe he wanted to see you here.’
I glared at her and she threw up her hands. ‘Honestly, that’s all I know of it. I was as surprised as you are when he texted me from the train.’
I reached into my cardie pocket, pulled out my phone and turned it on. There was one message waiting:
On my way to the city. Should be at the hotel 11ish. Nothing to worry about, just need to see you. Luke xx
A little of the rising anger in me died. At least Luke hadn’t been going behind my back with Cara and Si. Though his trip to the city was odd. What was so important that it couldn’t wait until this evening in Devon?
‘Scarlett,’ said Si, ‘sorry to probe, but your mum – who’s with her?’
‘No one,’ I said, picking up my pastry and taking another bite.
Si and Cara exchanged glances.
‘Er, Scarlett…’ began Cara worriedly.
‘Sorry,’ I said, finishing a mouthful, ‘I should’ve explained. Sienna and I reached an agreement – she won’t hurt Mum. She promised. So we’re done watching over Mum twenty-four/seven.’
‘But still,’ said Cara, ‘with whoever did this roaming about…’
‘The hospital know well enough the circumstances,’ I reminded her. ‘There’s high security on that ward, and Mum’s watched closely. And besides, only people we can trust know where she is.’
‘You trust Gabriel?’ Si’s question earned him a cushion in the face from Cara.
‘Of course she does, you great oaf. He’s her father.’
I rolled my eyes at Cara’s reverential tone on that word: father. She had high hopes for my dad. Which was bizarre, given that she’d never met him. And that he was the founder of a vigilante faction who admitted brazenly to murder and had been entirely absent from my life for eighteen long years.
‘Cara,’ said Si warningly, but she just poked her tongue out at him.
‘In answer to your question, Si,’ I told him, ‘yes, on this, I do trust him. Gabe didn’t hurt Mum – no matter what he is, I can’t believe that of him. His shock after we found her, it seemed real enough to me. And he tried to help. Luke told me, when I was… well, not with it. He tried to heal Mum.’
‘If not him,’ said Si, ‘then one of his lot?’
‘No. Gabe’s adamant about that.’
‘You really do trust him.’
There was something in Si’s voice that made me shift uncomfortably on the sofa. Did he think me naive? Stupid? Heaven knew I’d thought it of myself enough this past week. A woman near-dead after a vicious attack – the obvious culprit was someone known to be violent. An
d who else did I know of with the capacity for such brutality but the Fallen? But as Gabriel had pointed out to me, what motive was there for one of them to hurt my mother, a stranger to them all? Plus, he’d vehemently sworn that no one in his family, as he called it, was so dishonourable as to have done that; he personally vouched for each of them. And he was a very convincing man.
‘I don’t know why exactly,’ I told my friends now, ‘but all of my instincts tell me Gabe’s on the level.’
‘So why then,’ said Cara, ‘are you holding him at bay? You haven’t spoken to him since the day you found your mum. How many times has he called since? Why do you make him keep a distance if you trust him – surely you’re curious about him, his life, why he came to find you in the first place?’
I was saved from answering by a knock on the door. Ignoring Cara’s eyes boring into me, I watched Si walk to the door, peer through the peephole and then swing it open wide.
‘Luke,’ said Si unnecessarily.
‘Si,’ replied Luke equally unnecessarily.
Luke gave his friend a hearty pat on the arm and then swung past him, into the suite. He saw me on the sofa and smiled. I didn’t smile back. I’d noticed the huge rucksack on his back. What was he doing turning up with luggage?
‘What is that?’ I demanded, pointing.
Luke unhooked his arms and dumped the bag on a chaise longue.
‘Just supplies,’ he said.
My eyes lit up. ‘Cake?’
He laughed. ‘You think I travelled two hundred miles to bring you cake? Scarlett Blake, you have a one-track mind.’ As he spoke he’d weaved through furniture to reach me, and now he collapsed onto the sofa and pulled me to him for a long, hard hug. ‘You okay?’ he breathed in my ear.
‘Yes,’ I said automatically.
I felt his sigh. He didn’t believe me.
Breaking away, I pointed at the abandoned backpack. ‘So?’
‘Clothes and stuff,’ he explained.
‘What? Luke, we talked about this. We worked it out. You stay in Twycombe and mind the cafe and meet me at the cottage in the evenings. You don’t need to be here – Cara and Si are here. Though actually…’ I looked at my friends, who’d squished into a narrow armchair. ‘You could go too, now you don’t need to watch Mum.’
Cara looked a little crestfallen at the suggestion – though the circumstances were awful, I knew she got a thrill from being in the busy metropolis, centre of culture and fashion. But I was much more interested in Luke’s reaction right now. I turned to find him the picture of innocence.
‘Don’t you blue-eyes me, Cavendish,’ I warned. ‘Tell me what you think you’re doing here. Now.’
He grabbed my hand. Cleared his throat. Said: ‘Listen, we… I didn’t know what else to do but this. It’s been a week, and she hasn’t woken up, and it may be a long time before she does. And in the meantime, you look shattered, Scarlett. You look wasted.’
‘I’m fine.’
‘You’re not fine. This setup, you Travelling back and forth such a distance and wearing yourself out – it can’t go on forever. Something has to change.’ He swallowed before finishing: ‘You need to prepare yourself for the long haul here.’
‘So, what, you’ve turned up with your stuff to relieve me for a while?’
‘No, I’ve come to be with you as you settle into a new place to stay.’
‘What? Where?’
I shot a look at Si and Cara. They looked equally mystified.
‘Someplace safe,’ said Luke. ‘Where you can rest.’
‘We’ve been through this,’ I told him impatiently. ‘This is London. There are people everywhere. Everywhere.’
‘Not quite everywhere. Jude and I were talking, and –’
‘Woah. You’ve been talking to Jude?’
Funny how in the space of just a few weeks my Cerulean friend Jude had gone from being the guy Luke didn’t trust to a mate. Someone he talked to independently of me. Someone he teamed up with to make choices for me.
Actually, it wasn’t funny at all. It was downright out of order.
I stood up, so that even at five foot three I towered over Luke. ‘I haven’t forgotten,’ I told him, ‘that you set up Jude spying on the meeting with my father.’
‘To keep you safe,’ he protested.
‘I won’t have it.’
‘Won’t have what?’
‘You two. Pairing up. Plotting behind my back.’
‘Plotting? That’s crazy.’
‘I. Am. Not. Crazy.’
‘I didn’t mean… Look, you’re overreacting. You shouldn’t feel –’
‘Don’t you dare tell me how to feel!’
He stood up and reached for me.
I backed away.
‘Please, Scarlett. We’re just trying to protect you.’
‘I don’t need protection! Don’t you get it? It’s not me who’s hurt – it’s her! It wasn’t me bleeding on the floor, with bruises on my throat – it was her! She is what matters. She, and the animal who did that to her, who’ll suffer for doing that to her.’
I was shouting now in a voice that was not my own, and I saw Luke flinching, and I heard Si saying my name, and I saw Cara struggling to get up and come to me, but it was too late: I’d jumped off the precipice.
‘This isn’t about protection. About making me safe. I heard those words day in, day out for months in Cerulea. All they are is a way to control people. Trap them. You’re not trying to protect me, you’re trying to control me. All of you. And no one controls me. I have more power in my little finger than any one of you, and I will not be controlled, and I will not be manipulated, and I will not be in the dark any more!’
The room was silent but for my ragged breathing. Cara had buried her head in Si’s shoulder. Luke was a statue, staring at me. The look in his eyes… until that terrible day at Hollythwaite, until I’d lost my mother, I’d never seen it before. Fear. Not of losing me, but of me. Of what I may become.
A twisted voice inside yelled, Yes, you do right to fear me. I am not weak. I am not a victim. I AM –
Luke had walked to me. Wrapped his arms around me.
I stood rigidly, holding on to my fury for a heartbeat, two. But he was there, solid and warm, halting my freefall.
‘I’ve got you,’ he whispered.
And then:
Horror.
Shame.
Fear.
‘Oh God,’ I said, and I buried my face in his chest.
‘It’s okay,’ he said, over and over. ‘You’ll be okay.’
Words designed to comfort, but lies all the same.
Eyes closed, I floated on gently buffeting waves, as light as a ballerina in flight, breathing in time with the classical music playing soothingly over the sound system.
‘I Monster!’ said a voice beside me.
I sank, took in a mouthful of water, found my footing and stood up, spluttering, ‘Monster?’
‘Sorry,’ said Luke. ‘The music, I meant. Not you. Obviously.’ He blinked at me, worried. ‘I just meant – it’s Tchaikovsky, Swan Lake. The melody I Monster sampled for their song “Daydream in Blue”. Which is what you were having, I guess. Until I broke the mood. Sorry.’
‘Don’t be,’ I told him quickly. ‘You’ve been great. This is great.’
A swim in the hotel pool had been Luke’s idea. It was the last thing I’d had in mind to do, but I’d gone along with it for his sake – ashamed as I was of my outburst, I’d have done just about anything he suggested right then. Now I was in the water, though, I felt different. Calmer.
‘Nowhere near surfing,’ said Luke, ‘but it’s on the scale.’
I knew what he meant. Surfing was a release for us both, a way of living. This past week, I hadn’t so much as set foot on the beach, let alone surfed. I realised now that I’d missed the water – I needed the water.
Beneath the surface, Luke’s legs entwined with mine and the gentle movement of the water pushed us closer so that o
ur noses bumped. He gave me an Eskimo kiss, and instinctively I laughed. Then stopped.
The little pool was empty, a splashed-out family having just left, but I knew this privacy couldn’t last. Best to get the words out now.
‘Luke,’ I said. ‘I’m sorry. Upstairs, what I said. It’s not you, it’s not any of you.’
He tried to shush me, but I held up a hand.
‘Please, let me. This past year, everything’s got so out of control, and the shadows – Evangeline, Jude, Hugo, Sienna, Gabriel, even my mother, they’ve all lied to me. And they’re lying still, some of them. I can’t stand it any more.’
‘I know,’ he said. ‘I know how sick of it you are. Which is why I came here today…’
He bobbed in the water, waiting for some signal to continue.
‘Go on, then. Hit me with it.’
He smiled a little at that, and then floated back a way, so he could look me right in the eye, and said seriously, ‘Remember that Bible verse you told me about, from the island? Evangeline’s motto or something?’
‘Or something,’ I said. ‘You mean, “The truth will set you free.”’
‘That’s it. When I first heard it, I thought it was way off base. I much preferred to stick my head in the sand and pretend away all this Cerulean stuff.’
‘Understandable.’
‘But unfair. And now your mum’s hurt, and you’re hurt, and I see how desperate you are to do something – anything.’
‘So you’re going to tell me what I should do.’
‘It’s not that. I’m not trying to control you, Scarlett. I’m trying to support you. In finding the truth.’
A door slamming shattered the moment, and we turned to see a very big man in very tiny trunks striding across the poolside. He nodded at us, and then ploughed down the steps, flopped into the water and launched into a spectacularly splashy front crawl that sent shockwaves throughout the pool.
‘Perfect,’ said Luke under his breath.
‘Maybe it’s time to cut to the point,’ I suggested.
‘Right. It’s… well, it’s Gabriel. Gabe. Your, er, father.’
‘What about him?’
‘He rang Jude late last night, and Jude rang me. Gabe’s worried about you.’