by Неизвестный
Pornography should be regarded as much as a value stance or a personal sexual ethic as it is a behavioral pattern. This may be a particularly salient finding for emerging adult women who report higher levels of acceptance than actual use of pornography. Furthermore, pornography acceptance among women was a stronger correlate with permissive sexuality, alcohol use, binge-drinking, and cigarette smoking than was actual pornography use.52
It is unclear what the long-term implications for changes in female pornography consumption and acceptance will be, or how those changes will affect society. The body of research that documents a wide range of effects on male consumers needs to be reexamined with a female population in mind.
As a clinician, however, I have observed in female users many of the same effects associated with male consumption. For example, many of the female consumers I have worked with experience increased difficulty in developing long-term, intimate relationships; have become desensitized to graphic material and sexual content; have less-sensitive attitudes toward males; are more willing to use a male for sexual gratification while not being emotionally committed to him; and take greater risks with their sexual health. Although some would like to think that female consumption of pornography is helping women be more sexually confident and secure, my clinical observations inform me differently. As pornography has become mainstream, we have forgotten that pornography is dispensable; it is not needed for human development, sexual maturation, happiness, or relational success. If anything, pornography is an impediment to such goals.
WIVES OF PORNOGRAPHY USERS
Many of those using pornography are married men. Married men outnumber single men in internet use,53 and the majority of people struggling with sexual addictions and compulsivities involving the internet are married, heterosexual males.54 Consequently, examining the impact of pornography on wives of consumers is a logical focal point when exploring the impact of pornography on women.
Generally speaking, North American women are socialized to seek, if not to expect, marital and intimate relationships that foster equality between partners and that are founded on mutual respect, honesty, shared power, and romantic love. In stark contrast, pornography promotes and eroticizes the antitheses of these relational and marital ideals: power imbalances, discrimination, disrespect, abuse, violence, voyeurism, objectification, and detachment.
Consequently, when a North American, married woman discovers that her husband has been secretly consuming pornography, the discovery not only devastates her sense of self and trust, but often threatens the foundation upon which she has constructed and framed her relational world. She is suddenly confronted with how psychologically, spiritually, and sexually split her supposedly “modern man” really is. It’s not uncommon for women in this situation to say things such as, “I have no idea who he is anymore,” “I now feel like I’ve lived a lie the entire time I’ve been married,” or “I thought we had a good marriage until this was revealed.”
To add insult to injury, many wives are directly or indirectly blamed for their husband’s pornography use by her spouse, family, or confidant. Many women I have worked with clinically describe stinging insinuations that the marriage must be unsatisfying, that she has “let herself go” and is no longer as physically attractive as she once was, that she is closed-minded to new sexual experiences, or that she is overly focused on her children and not attending to her husband’s needs. Too often the woman’s experience of the marital relationship and the historical context of his pornography habit become conveniently dismissed as irrelevant by those seeking to assign blame to her. Consequently, the husband’s pornography use is justified, and the effects of pornography use are unchallenged. When wives are scapegoated, pornography problems are enabled, and the cultural chime of boys-will-be-boys is reinforced and everyone loses.
Several researchers have found that women commonly report feelings of betrayal, loss, mistrust, devastation, and anger as responses to the discovery or disclosure of a husband’s consumption of pornography and/or online sexual activity.55 Some researchers have even suggested that individuals in committed relationships who discover that their partner is engaged in compulsive pornography use or other sexually addictive behaviors can manifest symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder.56 Additionally, many women experience physiological effects such as fatigue, increases or decreases in appetite and libido, and other signs and symptoms of anxiety and depression, including suicidal tendencies.57
It is also common for women to report dramatic changes in personal conduct in the wake of this kind of marital crisis. For instance, I have worked with women who, upon learning of their husband’s pornography use, began viewing pornography themselves, started drinking or using drugs, engaged in infidelity, or participated in sexual acts they previously found degrading and contrary to their values. These abrupt changes in behavior usually represent maladaptive attempts to cope with the sense of threat and competition evoked by a spouse’s betrayal, or desperate efforts to reclaim a sense of control and stability.
Increased risk of marital distress, separation, and divorce. Over and above their intense emotional distress, women who are married to a pornography consumer can experience a range of very serious risks and effects that often get dismissed with the minimizing, cultural mantra of “porn is harmless entertainment.” Some of the most significant impacts on women include increased risk of marital distress, separation, and divorce; increased isolation; and increased risk of abuse.
Although women in various kinds of relationships can experience intense and adverse reactions to a partner’s or a husband’s pornography use, there is a significant difference between women who are dating or cohabiting and those whom are married. According to research, married women are significantly more distressed by a partner’s online pornography consumption than women in dating or cohabiting relationships, and they view internet pornography consumption as a significant threat to the marital bond.58 As might be expected, the distress they reported increased according to the perceived frequency of their husband’s online sexual activities, and was not significantly influenced by their religious beliefs.
Another study found that cybersex addiction was a major contributing factor to separation and divorce for affected couples.59 Although a range of online sexual activities were listed, viewing and/or downloading pornography accompanied by masturbation was present in every case.
As cited previously, at the November 2002 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a professional organization comprising the nation’s top divorce and matrimonial law attorneys, 62% of the 350 attendees said that the internet had played a role in divorces they had handled during the last year, and 56% of the divorce cases involved one party having an obsessive interest in pornographic websites.60
Increased risk for contracting a sexually transmitted disease from one’s partner. An increasing number of women I have worked with clinically have learned about a partner’s involvement with pornography and related infidelity through the discovery that they had contracted a sexually transmitted disease. It is particularly traumatic and life-changing for a woman who has been faithful in her marriage to learn she has a sexually transmitted disease.
This discovery is not surprising. Individuals who used the internet and had had an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more likely to have used internet pornography than were individuals who used the internet but did not engage in affairs, according to survey data.61 People who have paid for sex (i.e., prostitution) were 3.7 times more apt to use internet pornography than were those who had not engaged in paid sex.62 These statistics indicate that internet pornography is often associated with activities that can undermine marital exclusivity and fidelity, and subsequently increase the risk of contracting and transmitting sexual diseases.
Increased isolation. Marriages in which a pornography problem or sexual compulsion exists are commonly pervaded not only with diminished intimacy and sensitivity, but with anxiety, secrecy, isolation, relat
ionship dysfunction, and decreased temporal security due to the risk of job loss or related debts.63
In addition, these wives tend to feel lonely and isolated because they are vulnerable to getting entangled in keeping their husband’s secret in an effort to cope with the problem.64 Additionally, women commonly fear they will not be understood if they do speak out, or fear the potential risks, ridicule, and consequences of sharing the information.65 As a result, most women withdraw from their typical sources of social support.66 Given the insinuations and types of blame I have witnessed female clients encounter, it is not surprising that most withdraw or remain silent for long periods of time.
In my research with wives of sex addicts who had reported pornography being an issue in their marriage, the majority (68.18%) had experienced some form of isolation (emotional, spiritual, physical, or social) while dealing with this problem.67 What was interesting was that many of the women reported having strong networks of support and family ties, but still described being isolated due to the shameful nature of this particular problem. This suggests women who are high-functioning and well-supported in other areas of life may still be at risk for isolation, delayed help-seeking behavior, and/or prolonged psychological struggle because the problem is so shaming and public awareness of it is in its infancy.
In addition, isolation can put women at risk for heightened psychological stress and turmoil if they are used to receiving support in other areas of life, thereby making this population more vulnerable overall. The common pattern of isolation underscores the need for increased public awareness and ways to connect these women to resources and supports that can help them heal.
Increased risk of sexual and physical abuse. A growing number of researchers and clinicians are beginning to recognize a connection between pornography use and abuse in marriage.68 It is not uncommon for wives of pornography users to report being asked to reenact pornographic scenes, consume pornography with their partner, or being pressured or coerced into sexual acts they find uncomfortable or demeaning.69
While conducting my own research, I was surprised to learn how many women had experienced marital rape when asked about how pornography had affected their marriage. Unfortunately, my experience as a researcher was not unique. For example, another researcher found that one third of the females in her sample reported that their partner consumed pornography, and that there was a correlation between pornography use and the most sadistic rapes.70
Sadly, these findings are not surprising when we consider that men exposed to violent pornography are six times more likely to report rape behavior than those not exposed,71 and pornography use is the strongest correlate of sexual aggression.72 Furthermore, a survey of women who had been battered found that: 75% of the women had been shown pornography and had been asked or forced to perform similar sex acts; 64% had had pornography described to them and had been asked or forced to perform similar sex acts; 31% had been asked to participate in pornographic photographs; and 81% had reported rape.73
While definitive causal ties cannot be determined, it is important to recognize the correlation between pornography use and abuse in marriage for many women. As we get better at asking the right questions, I am confident that the impact of pornography on spousal abuse and oppression will come into focus. In the meantime, however, countless women are suffering.
CONCLUSION
Several years ago I would have considered myself complacent, if not downright indifferent about the issue of pornography. Today, I feel an urgency that often surprises me. As a woman, I have a deep, foreboding sense of concern over the impact pornography is having on our society, and on women in particular. As a clinician, I am troubled by the sharp rise in individuals who are seeking treatment because their mental health has been affected. As a mother, I am passionate about doing all that I can to protect youth from sexualized media that hijack some of the best parts of being a child, and distort some of the best parts of being an adult. As a citizen, I fear the cultural tide of political correctness, sexual permissiveness, and egocentric hedonism will pollute the values and principles upon which this country was founded. As with any cultural shift, it can be frustrating to wait for the research and societal mindset to catch up with what is happening in the trenches and in individual lives.
I trust, however, that through further research, the sharing of personal narratives, and the persistent efforts of concerned citizens, we will effect change. Just as women are influencing the spread of pornography, they also play an indispensible role in fighting it.
PORNOGRAPHY’S EFFECTS ON INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Ana J. Bridges
An as intern at an adult psychiatric hospital, my first client was a woman who had a partner she described as “addicted” to pornography. For some time, she had been struggling to change his behavior—through cajoling, pleading, threats and ultimatums, tears, and tantrums. Although at times effective for a little while, she continually found a restocked stash of pornographic materials, despite his promises to stop. Her distress and his inability to hear her distress reached such high levels that she had attempted suicide: thus her admission into the hospital and our meeting.
I had studied depression, anxiety, trauma, and psychosis, but I was wholly unprepared for this. Was this a cognitive distortion? Did she just need to “lighten up,” to stop interpreting his behavior in unhealthy and unhelpful ways and just accept it? Did she have a right to demand that his sexuality be limited to what she found acceptable? Was there such a thing as pornography addiction? Was there something else going on she was unable to talk about directly? Could she actually be that upset over something so normal? Didn’t all men look at pictures of naked women and masturbate?
As a neophyte clinician and conscientious graduate student, I immediately consulted the professional and scientific literature. I found an array of articles examining how short-term exposure to pornography in a laboratory setting affected male viewers. I found not one single empirical study of pornography use from the romantic partner’s perspective. My research area was born.
Fortunately, in the past decade, research on the interpersonal effects of pornography use has risen considerably. This paper will begin by describing theoretical models that help explain how pornography affects interpersonal relationships and then review research that helps systematically disentangle the full spectrum of effects that pornography may exert in interpersonal relationships. Although I will be focusing primarily on romantic relationships, these results often extend to parental, work, and peer relations.
Several theories exist for how pornography affects consumers and others. We will look at the imitation, social learning, sexual script, permission-giving beliefs, perception of social norms, and cultural climate models.
MODELS OF PORNOGRAPHY’S EFFECTS
Imitation model. The simplest is the imitation model. It theorizes that consumers imitate what they have seen. There is some indirect and qualitative support for such a theory,1 but it is grossly inadequate. Most users do not commit the abuses they see in the pornography. This model ignores the complexities of the relationship between media and individual behavior and suggests that consumers of pornography are uncritical automatons. Critics of anti-pornography efforts have repeatedly focused on this model for their attacks, stating that consumers are aware of the difference between fantasy and reality.2
This has implications for public policy. If this model was the only or even the primary mechanism by which pornography affected users, limiting access or even banning pornography would clearly be indicated. However, the evidence does not support such a simplistic mechanism.
Social learning model. A slightly more complex theory, this model posits that people learn through observation, but that only behaviors that are rewarded are likely to be imitated.3 Thus, if a pornographic depiction shows a man overpowering a woman sexually, when she initially refuses such advances but eventually invites them and derives pleasure from them (a script for what is called the “rape myt
h”4), the viewer learns that overpowering women sexually leads to sexual rewards both for himself and for his partner, and he is then more likely to imitate the behavior. Research has continually demonstrated that the combination of sexual arousal and violence results in more misogynist attitudes and behaviors than depictions of violence against women or sexually explicitness alone.5 However, as with the imitation model, this model is limited in its ability to explain the discrepancy between widespread and common use of pornographic materials and relatively low rates of overt sexual violence.6
This implication for public policy of the social learning model rests on both individual media consumers and media producers. Individuals, such as parents, may need to monitor the media they or their children consume to avoid depictions wedding violence and sexuality. On the other hand, regulatory bodies such as the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) may seek to ban such media from public sale. In fact, countries such as England and Australia have made it illegal to sell or possess violent pornography.7
SEXUAL SCRIPTS
Sexual script model. A more general version of both models is sexual script theory. Scripts are memory structures that provide information and rules for behaving. They evolve over time and with repeated exposure to a set of stimuli or with repetition of particular behaviors.8 For example, people develop scripts for how to behave in a public library, a football game, or when stopped by a police officer for speeding.
Pornography’s scripts emphasize culturally accepted beauty standards, the idea of the constant sexual availability and insatiable sexual appetites of men and women, the excitement of sexual novelty, and sex outside of a primary romantic relationship. 9 It rarely includes affection, intimate relationships, or expressions of love, and it often involves men ejaculating outside of a woman’s body while she expresses orgasmic pleasure. Frequently, pornography lacks foreplay and afterplay: The focus on sexual penetration is so pervasive that caressing, kissing, or cuddling are minimized or eliminated.10