“He’s dead.” She didn’t take his hand.
“Nick?” He stepped back, his legs meeting the rail. He grabbed onto it as his sea legs damn near gave out. “No. I would have known if something happened to him.”
“How? You haven’t been in touch with your family for the past fifteen years.” Her eyes shifted away and she said softly, “Did no one from the family call you?”
“No. Not that I would expect them to.” He expelled his breath loudly. “How? When?” He shook his head, still reeling from shock. He hadn’t seen his brother in many years, but that didn’t mean he didn’t have feelings.
“Five years ago. It was a car accident.”
“My God. Hard to believe. I’m sorry. Real sorry.” He looked at the woman in front of him. She’d spoken about her husband’s death without a flicker of emotion, but then, she’d had five years to get used to the idea. He’d only had a minute.
“I’m sorry, Ryan. I shouldn’t have blurted that out the way I did. I just don’t understand what happened between you and Nick. He never spoke of you, and knowing Nick it must have broken his heart.”
Ryan felt a punch in his stomach as surely as if she’d used a fist. “You know nothing.” He turned away from her, carrying her bag toward the main cabin. Two of his guests, a young couple from New Zealand, were watching them with curiosity, and he was eager to get out of public view.
She grabbed his arm. “You’re right. I don’t know anything, but I want to understand.”
She stared intently at his face, as though she were seeking something familiar, a resemblance to Nick. Well, she wouldn’t find any, because he didn’t look anything like his brother, or think anything like him, for that matter. His mouth tightened and he glanced away.
“Ryan, we need to talk. And since you’re going to be stuck with me until tomorrow, I can’t see that you can avoid me completely.” She had her hands on her hips and a determined tilt to her chin. In different circumstances he might have thought it was cute.
“No, I can’t avoid you. But that doesn’t mean I have to talk to you about my family.”
She frowned. “But I am family, Ryan. And we can’t turn our backs on each other.”
“I can and I did.” She had blocked his path, but he skirted around her and kept on walking.
She followed him. “I don’t believe you.”
“Suit yourself.” They had entered the main salon and a family was in there playing cards. He quickly made the introductions, then continued down the narrow corridor to the rear cabin.
“We have three private cabins with double beds and five single bunks,” he told her. “We have a full house, so there isn’t a spare cabin. You can have mine. I’ll sleep on deck.”
“I can’t kick you out of your own cabin.” She looked around as if searching for a place to sleep.
He winked. “Unless you want me to sleep with you, I don’t have a choice.”
“No, I don’t want that. I just meant…”
He laughed. “Don’t worry. I’m used to roughing it, and I prefer sleeping outdoors. Nothing better than falling asleep under the stars.” He gave her a long look. “Besides, Nick and I never had the same taste.”
He watched her face flush, and wondered if he was about to be caught in a lie. His gaze was drawn to her mouth, and he couldn’t help but wonder what she would taste like.
Dammit. She was his brother’s wife. Don’t go there, my friend.
He opened his cabin door and practically threw her bag inside. “We’ll be having dinner on deck in about an hour. If you need anything, just ask one of the crew.”
“Thanks, Ryan.” She touched his arm as he turned to leave. “Will you have dinner with me tonight?”
“I’ll be there sure, but I have a responsibility to all my guests.”
* * *
When he left, Leila sat on the edge of the unmade bed. My God. He didn’t look at all like Nick, or act like Nick, or smell like Nick. Nick had been taller, slimmer, a strikingly handsome man with classic features. A long, straight nose, a strong chin, carved cheekbones, deep brown eyes that saw so much. He was always perfectly groomed and expensively dressed. Ryan, on the other hand, had the surfer look with his long sun-bleached hair, his dimpled cheeks, and his tanned, nicely sculpted chest. Come to think of it, he reminded her of Matthew McConaughey, who was definitely hot.
She could smell Ryan in this room and it unnerved her. His scent was on the pillow and sheets, and it was a manly mixture of perspiration and the sea.
She was so exhausted from traveling that she longed to sink into the comfort of the unmade bed. Yet she forced herself to remain seated, not wanting to lie on the sheets that her husband’s brother had laid upon. It was so personal—and she didn’t even know if she liked him.
Why would he be seeing to his guests, when she had so much to discuss with him? If he only knew why she’d come all this way, he would understand what he had to do.
Maybe she should go find him right now. Tell him. Get it over with. Maybe he’d turn the boat around and they could fly back to America in the morning.
Her shoulders drooped as she released a weary sigh. Somehow she knew that would never happen. If she dared tell him now, he might have her forcibly removed from the boat. Besides, as much as she wanted him to, it was unrealistic to think that he’d agree tonight, at the drop of a hat, to donate his kidney to a niece he didn’t even know existed.
No. She would have to win him over, let him get to know her, hear about her life with Nick, and come to see how much she loved her daughter, Callie. Then he would want to help save his brother’s child.
Only an evil man wouldn’t want to help a child. Ryan had had a rough life and had a lousy reputation, but she had no reason to think him evil.
CHAPTER THREE
Leila took a hot shower, which revived her a little. At least she felt halfway human again. Instead of redressing in her shorts, she wore the white cotton skirt she’d brought and a blue halter top. She figured she might be overdressed for a dinner on deck, but she didn’t care.
She had to put her best foot forward, didn’t she? And she wanted to look and feel feminine, because it never failed to lift her spirits. It had been a long time since her spirits had had anything to be lifted about, but here she was, on a large and luxurious sailing vessel in the middle of the Barrier Reef. It would be a shame not to enjoy it for one evening.
All her troubles would still be waiting for her the minute she stepped back on land. Callie had tried to talk her out of coming here, but she had made her daughter understand that she had no choice. No one else in the family was a good enough match. As much as she wanted to be, Leila herself was not. Her mother had asthma, her sister, who was single and lived in California, was extremely fond of all her body parts and wanted to keep them—thank you very much—and Nick’s father had had a stroke the year before. His mother, as lovely as she was, was a closet alcoholic.
Callie had been given a kidney once from a cadaver, but it had not worked and she’d been back on dialysis for the past year. The national registry for donor transplant had an average wait of two to four years and the doctor didn’t think they had that much time left. He wanted a better match—a related donor. Was there anyone else, he had asked. She had remembered Ryan and had dragged the information of his whereabouts from his reluctant mother, who didn’t have a kind word to say about her youngest son. Seemed he was exonerated by the legal system, but with his own family the jury was still out.
Leila hadn’t thought twice. She’d damn well turn heaven and earth upside down to find the right kidney for her daughter. So here she was, on a sailing yacht in the beautiful Whitsundays, determined to get a kidney out of a certain man whether he liked it or not.
All of the guests were already on the deck, enjoying the view of the reefs and the sun as it lowered in the sky. Leila hadn’t had much time to look around, so she spent a few minutes drinking in the undeniable beauty of the setting. The startling blue-green
shades of the reefs and the burnt orange hues in the sky were exquisite, colors so rich and poignant she felt a stirring inside. She knew her emotions were not on an even keel if something this lovely could move her so profoundly.
Turning from the view, she circled the deck, introducing herself to the few guests she hadn’t met yet. As she was chatting with one couple, a young pretty woman in a pair of skimpy white shorts and a white T-shirt with the name of the boat written across her breasts, approached her.
“Hi, welcome, Leila. I’m Jamie, your hostess for this trip. I’m sorry about the accommodations, but we certainly will try to make sure that you enjoy your experience with us.”
“Thanks, Jamie. I hope so too.” She looked around for Ryan, but didn’t see him.
“May I get you something to drink?” Jamie asked. “Dinner will be served in about a half hour. We have wine, cocktails, almost everything you’d want.”
“I would love some white wine, thank you.”
Jamie poured her a glass of wine at the bar on the far side of the deck. When she brought it back to Leila, Leila asked where Ryan was.
“The galley.” Jamie grinned. “He’s not only our dive instructor, he’s also our chef. A regular Jack of all trades.” She leaned toward Leila, as if sharing a secret. “He’s frying up some nice dolphin fish for dinner, and that man sure knows how to cook.”
Leila’s mouth watered. The thought of food made her realize how hungry she was. She hadn’t had an actual meal since last night, having slept through breakfast on the plane. The flight attendant had given her a biscotti biscuit with her coffee, so she had very little in her stomach.
“Let me introduce you to our captain,” Jamie said, gesturing behind Leila. She turned and saw a tanned man standing at the railing, drinking a beer and talking to a young couple. He was dressed in a white short-sleeved shirt, white shorts, and was much younger than she’d expected. She would guess he was about her age, and was a very fit, nice looking man.
Jamie introduced him as Richard Tanner, and he in turn introduced Leila to the couple he was talking to, David and Sara from New Zealand.
The four of them made small talk for several minutes, and then the captain left, saying he had to speak with his other guests.
Leila excused herself as well, unable to fight any longer the urge to talk to Ryan. Jim had told her the boat would return to shore the next afternoon, so she had to take every opportunity to ingratiate herself with him. Time was of the essence, and she needed to win him over before she dared ask for a piece of him.
He was indeed in the galley, cutting up vegetables into julienne strips, handling the sharp knife like a pro. He had a skillet filled with lightly battered calamari, and the fish fillets were marinating in a large bowl. Everything looked and smelled delicious.
“Need some help?” she asked.
“No, I’ve got it covered. Food will be out soon. Why don’t you go mingle with the others?” He spoke with a charming Aussie accent that seemed perfectly genuine. But why shouldn’t it be? He’d lived here for many years.
Jamie came in, grabbed the calamari and tossed it onto a plate, and carried it and a bowl of marinara sauce out onto the deck. “Aren’t you the least bit curious as to why I’m here?” Leila asked.
“No.” He said it flatly, and she was pretty sure he was telling the truth.
“Well, I actually have a big favor to ask you. Huge, really.” She hesitated, second guessing herself. Should she confess all, right here and now, and let him have a day to make a decision? It might be the fair thing to do. But on the other hand, what was best for Callie was the important thing. If she were smart, she’d wait and ask him at lunch tomorrow in front of his passengers. He’d have to agree to save face.
It wouldn’t be nice, but nice didn’t count when it came to saving her daughter’s life.
“Still not interested,” he answered.
She changed tactics. “So how did you become a cook?” She leaned against the counter and took a sip of her wine.
“Necessity. I’ve lived on my own nearly half my life. If I didn’t cook, I’d go hungry.”
“Hmm.” She mulled it over. “Why have you never married?”
“Never felt the urge.” He gave her a casual glance. “You know the old saying, ‘Why buy hamburger when the steak is free?’”
“No, can’t say I’ve ever heard that particular saying before. As far as I’m concerned, stability is good. I love knowing where I’m going to sleep each night and with whom, and what I’ll wear in the morning and have for breakfast. I like my life nice and orderly.” She gave him an apologetic smile. “I know. To a guy like you that probably sounds boring.”
“Yup. Sure does.” He tossed the vegetables into a sizzling wok and put the fillets in the frying pan that had held the calamari. “Can you grab me some lemon out of the fridge?”
“Sure.” She found the lemon and tossed it to him. He caught it without losing focus on his frying pan or the wok.
Slicing it in half, he squeezed half on the vegetables, the other half on the fillets.
“If you wouldn’t mind, could you return to the deck and tell everyone that dinner is now being served?”
She looked at him, wishing she could stay longer and talk about nothing and about everything. She had so many questions and so few answers, and they were driving her crazy. Knowing the conversation would have to wait, she did what he asked.
The other guests were friendly and made her welcome. There was the family from Germany she’d met in the main salon, a husband and wife with their two golden-headed boys, two young couples from New Zealand, and two single women from Canada. When someone asked her if her flight had been late, causing her to miss the departure time for the cruise, she nodded and accepted that explanation.
Everyone was there with someone, and this became noticeable once dinner was over and people drifted off in pairs. As exhausted as she was, she did not want to retire to her cabin, actually Ryan’s cabin, and lose this opportunity to speak to him. She figured his duties would soon be done, and he planned to sleep on deck. He’d have to come out here sometime, so she’d wait for him.
Leila found a comfortable lounge chair on the forward deck and sat, looking out at the starry night. Half asleep, lulled by the soft warm breeze, she soon became mesmerized by the moon’s glow on the sparkling water. It was the most peace she had felt in as long as she could remember.
She didn’t want to think about anything but the stars, the moon, and the pleasant sound of the water lapping at the boat. It might be selfish of her not to let her real life intrude, but for this moment only she wanted to appreciate the simple beauty of the night.
“It gets to you, doesn’t it?”
Ryan had come up behind her, and he dropped to the deck beside her. “I came here fourteen years ago, and I’ve never left.”
“I’ve never seen anything quite so beautiful,” she said, surprised when she felt the back of her eyes burn. At home she never gave in to the luxury of tears. If she ever started, she might never stop.
“Would you like to go for a swim? I’m in the mood and would love some company.”
She smiled, surprised by the invitation and that he was actually being nice. Although she wasn’t in the mood for a swim, she wanted to keep the communication open. “Oh, yes. I would like that very much.”
He stood up and took her hand, pulling her to her feet. “Go change and I’ll wait right here.”
She glanced up into his face, and for a fleeting moment it was as though she was looking at Nick. Ryan didn’t look like his brother, but something in the line of his face, a certain glint in his eyes, the curve of his mouth, an indescribable but undeniable familiarity pulled at her and made her ache for Nick.
“Ryan?”
“Yes?”
“Nothing. I’m just very glad to have met you, that’s all.”
* * *
The moonlit swim turned into a snorkeling adventure. A soon as she returned to the dec
k, Ryan gave her a flotation vest, flippers, and goggles with a snorkel attached.
Leila was not keen on the idea. She was a strong, comfortable swimmer in the pool, but the idea of being in open and dark water with unknown dangers, like sharks and stingrays and what have you, did not appeal to her in the slightest. A quick swim around the boat, staying within ten feet of safety was more what she had in mind, but Ryan was already in his snorkeling gear, and if she wanted to get to know him better, she didn’t want him to think she was a wimp.
Besides, she wasn’t a wimp. She simply had a fear of enclosed spaces, which was a very rational fear. She also feared sharks, and crocodiles, and water snakes, and putting herself in danger. She was all her daughter had, well, not quite all, but close enough, and she very much wanted to stay alive and dance at her daughter’s wedding.
So, saying all that, she still fitted the goggles to her face, stuck her feet in those god-awful flippers, and pretended it was a brilliant idea. After this adventure, if she survived it, she might enter acting school.
“Ryan, I haven’t actually snorkeled in about ten years. Do you mind giving me a little refresher course?” They had just jumped into the water and panic was setting in. Already she felt as though she couldn’t breathe. Perhaps her eyes clued him in that she was quietly freaking out, because he took hold of her, turning her back into his, and wrapped his arms around her middle.
“I’ve got you and you aren’t going to drown. Now try to breathe normally, and we’ll just float around for a while until you begin to feel comfortable.”
With his arms making her feel safe, she began to relax. He turned her around to face him. “Okay, let’s try this again.” He adjusted the mask on her face and put the inhaler in her mouth. “You don’t have to work at snorkeling, simply relax and let it happen. Keep your hands at your sides and kick with your flippers. They will propel you forward and the vest will keep you afloat. All you have to do is breathe normally and enjoy the view.”
She nodded. Fighting down the panic she moved out of his arms, but then he held onto her again. “Don’t put your face in the water just yet. I’m going to continue to hold you and let you practice breathing through the inhaler. When you’re ready, give me the thumbs up and I’ll let you go.”
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