“The doctor said, barring no problem, it could take place next week.” He gave her two thumbs up. “I won’t let anything happen, Leila. Callie’s getting this kidney.”
Leila felt as if the weight of the world had slid off her shoulders. She trusted that he would do everything in his power to make this happen, and having him on her side made it so much easier. She was no longer alone.
As soon as they left the office, she looked at Ryan and grinned. “I hope you don’t mind, but I’ve got to hug you right now.”
He laughed. “I’ll try not to mind too much. Just take it easy with this gratitude thing.”
She shook her head as tears pricked her eyes. “No way. You’re getting a lifetime’s supply of gratitude from me.” She put her arms around him, leaning her head against his chest. “I’m so happy, I want to cry.”
He patted her head. “That’s okay. Shed those tears. You’ve held them inside long enough.”
“I don’t want to wet your shirt.”
“I’ve got another.” He tilted her head up and used a thumb to wipe away a tear. “You’re pretty when you cry.”
“No woman is pretty when she cries. Especially not me.”
He dropped a kiss on her forehead. “You’re wrong about that.”
The world seemed to stop as he stared down at her, and she suddenly had trouble breathing. Why did he have this effect on her? One look into his eyes and she wanted…wanted things from him she shouldn’t. He was Nick’s brother. Maybe it was only gratitude, but she wanted his kisses, wanted to feel his arms around her. The thought of being held by him was so overpowering, she swayed a little.
“Come on,” he said, finally looking away from her. “Let’s go outside. I think you need a little fresh air.” He put an arm around her back and guided her out to her car in the parking lot. “Want me to drive?”
“No, I’ll be all right. I’m just feeling a little overly emotional, that’s all.”
“You have every right to be.” He opened the door for her, but she didn’t get in. She turned to him instead.
“Ryan, we’re going straight home from here and Callie and my mother will be there.” She lifted her face to his. “There is something I need to do. It won’t happen again, I promise. But—but will you kiss me?”
He raked his hand through his hair. “Leila… Didn’t we agree not to go down this road?” He gripped her shoulders, his hands warm and strong, but then he let her go and stepped back.
Her face must have registered her disappointment because he caved in. “Oh, hell,” he muttered, and slid his arms around her, tugging her close. “Why shouldn’t we?”
Without another word he was kissing her deeply, and she didn’t care that she couldn’t catch her breath. His kiss was worth dying for. She clung to him and heard herself whimper. He sensed her need and didn’t let go.
His mouth was hot and sweet and tasted like breath mints. She let her tongue explore his, loving the feelings that were rippling though her body. It was good to feel alive again and to want to be touched by another man’s hands, and to be kissed and kissed and kissed.
She had no guilt. None at all. She didn’t give a rat’s ass if Nick understood or not. She was going to kiss his brother and he could just roll over in his grave if he didn’t want to watch. She wasn’t about to end this. Not for him. Not for anybody.
Ryan was the one who finally let go.
“Jesus. I don’t know what got into me. I only meant it to be a little kiss, not to ravish you in public like that.”
“No worries, mate,” she said when she got her breath back. “I liked it just fine. Any time you want to ravish me, feel free.”
He frowned and backed away a step. “Don’t, Leila. Don’t make this more difficult for me.”
“What do you mean?” She could hear the hurt in her voice, but she didn’t care. She was so tired of being strong and hiding her feelings.
“You know what I mean. I came here to do the right thing, not to get it on with my brother’s wife.”
“I’m not asking you to ‘get it on.’” But she couldn’t help wishing she could.
“We have enough emotional drama going on, little Miss Hotpants. We need to walk away from this before it explodes in our faces.”
“Hotpants? Did you just call me that?” She laughed. “I’ve never been called that in my life, and probably never will be again.” She slid into the car, still grinning. She leaned across and opened the passenger door. “Come on. Don’t be scared of me.”
He shook his head and got into the car. “Look, Leila, I’ve never met a woman I couldn’t walk away from, and you won’t be the first. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“You won’t,” she said, and hoped she wasn’t lying. “And when this transplant is done, you will leave and I will cheerfully wave you good-bye.”
“Promise?”
“With all my heart.”
“Okay.” He paused. “Well, maybe a few kisses won’t hurt. But don’t try to get anything more out of me.”
He stared straight ahead, looking as though she’d just assaulted his virtue, and Leila couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t want you in my bed, Ryan. I may be a little foolish right now because I’m so happy, but I’m not a total moron. I need to have my wits about me, not to be thinking about sex.”
He seemed to relax. “I’m glad we cleared that up.”
“Me too.”
“You need to find a good man,” he surprised her by saying. “Someone who’s husband material. Callie’s young and needs a father.”
She backed out of the parking spot. “I’m not ready for another husband. Heck, until five minutes ago I wasn’t even ready for sex.”
He glanced at her, one eyebrow lifted. “Do you think you can wait until I leave?”
She winked. “We’ll see.” Since that made him look nervous again, she changed the subject. “So how serious are you and Jamie?”
“On a scale of one to ten, probably a two.” He glanced out the window, obviously uncomfortable, but she didn’t care. She wanted to continue this conversation and see where it would lead.
“Why have you never married?”
“I’m not an easy man to live with, and besides, I like my freedom. Let’s blame it on all those years in a cell. I don’t ever want to be locked into anything again.”
“Oh, come on. You can’t be serious.” She paused as she negotiated a tricky intersection. “You must have been in love at least once in your life. And when you love someone, you want to share your life with that person. It’s not like your freedom is taken away.”
“I guess I’ve never loved anyone that much.”
She glanced at him. “I think that’s sad.”
“Think what you want, but I’m perfectly content with my life.”
Her mind flew back to the Barrier Reef, his boat, and the amazing job he had. She had to admit, it was not bad.
“What about children? Wouldn’t you like to have kids one day?”
“I do. I have as many kids as I want.” He told her about the Outreach program that occupied his spare hours.
“I see. That’s a pretty nice thing you do, and I guess you’re right. Your life is full and you really don’t lack for a thing.”
“Good. I’m glad you agree.”
“But sex is better with love.” She darted a glance at him, and saw a muscle tick in his jaw.
“I don’t need love.” He crossed his arms and looked annoyed. “Why can’t you just leave it alone?”
“You’re absolutely right.” She licked her bottom lip. “I owe you an apology. It’s none of my business, and you have a right to live any way you want.”
“Forget it. This conversation is done. Now how about dinner? I’m a pretty good cook. Can I make you ladies a nice pasta dish for dinner?”
She smiled. “I haven’t had a better offer all day.”
A few hours later, Callie, Leila, and her mother sat down to dinner, which had been prepared and served by Rya
n. He’d had Leila stop at the supermarket on their way home, made her stay in the car while he ran inside to buy what he needed, and then he’d told everyone to stay clear of the kitchen while he cooked.
They had been happy to oblige. Leila didn’t particularly enjoy cooking, and Callie was getting bored with the bland food her grandma made, so the shrimp scampi over whole wheat pasta was a welcome treat.
Leila had completed her lesson planning for the following day while she waited for dinner, and Callie had finished her homework. June had watched Oprah and then the five o’clock news. The smells from the kitchen had been distracting to say the least, but they had kept to their agreement and not bothered the chef.
One bite and Leila knew it had been worth the wait.
She rolled her eyes and let out an exaggerated sigh. “This is delicious. How come mine never comes out quite so good? What did you use for the scampi sauce?”
“My secret.” He winked at Callie. “I could tell you, but then I’d have to kill you.”
Callie giggled. “Ha! You’re funny. But Mom’s right. This is better than hers.”
“Never had it with whole-wheat pasta before, but it doesn’t taste too bad,” June said, though with a sour expression on her face.
He poured wine for himself, Leila, and June and lifted his glass in the air. “Here’s to health and happiness. And a painless transplant,” he added with a grin.
“I’ll second that,” Leila said, and saluted him with her glass. She had noticed that he’d taken the seat at the head of the table, and it seemed right for him to be there. It also made her realize how easily she could get used to having a man around the place. But since that was not going to happen for quite some time, she’d better keep her guard up.
June took a small sip of her wine. “This isn’t cold.”
“Mom. It’s not supposed to be. It’s red wine.”
“What difference does that make?” She made a face as if the wine had poisoned her.
“Just enjoy it, okay?”
“I was only saying that wine should be cold. I wasn’t born yesterday, you know.”
“This is an Australian Shiraz, June,” Ryan said, “and it should be served at room temperature. But if you’d like yours cold, we could add some ice cubes. There is no right or wrong way to drink wine. People like what they like.”
“Well, I like it cold.”
Without another word Ryan got up, went into the kitchen, and brought back a glass full of ice. “There you go. Knock yourself out.”
Leila bit back a laugh. Callie exchanged an amused look with her, but wisely said nothing.
“Thanks for preparing dinner, Ryan,” Leila said, “and for the delicious wine.” She rolled the wine around in her glass, then drank a little. “I once took a trip with Nick to the Napa Valley, and we stayed in a wonderful hotel and visited several wineries. It was before your time,” she said to Callie. Then she asked Ryan if what they were drinking was from the wine district in Australia.
“Yes,” he said, adding that it came from Hunter Valley in New South Wales, just a couple hours north of Sydney. As they ate he told them about the Hunter Valley region, known for its great restaurants, hotels, and scenery, as well as its eighty or so wineries. He went on to entertain them with stories about Australia, using colorful expressions in his acquired accent, which was not nearly as noticeable here in his homeland as it had been down under.
They’d just finished dinner and were clearing the plates when the phone rang. Leila glanced at the caller ID. It was Margaret, her mother-in-law, Ryan’s mother. She dreaded a conversation with his mother while he was standing there. But worse, she didn’t want him to hear his mother speak on the answering machine after all these years of silence.
Debating with herself, she knew she had no choice but to take the call and remove herself from the room.
She quickly picked up the cordless phone. “Hello! How are you?” she said as she stepped through the sliding glass door and onto the patio. “I’ve been meaning to call, Margaret.”
“We’ve been concerned. It’s not like you not to call. We haven’t heard anything from you in several days. Is everything all right?”
“Yes, of course. We’ve been extremely busy, as always. I wanted to wait until I heard back from the doctors, but we might have some very good news. It looks as though we may get a donor kidney. We should know within a few days.”
“My goodness! This is wonderful news. I understand you not wanting to tell us until you were sure, but we are her grandparents and would like to be informed right away.” There was a distinct chill in her voice when she asked, “Does your mother know?”
Leila swallowed hard. She hated to lie, but sometimes the truth hurt more than a little dishonesty. “She knows there’s a very good chance, and that we’re waiting for the doctors to confirm and set up a date if it is a match.”
“I see.” Her tone remained frosty. “And you will know tomorrow? May I come with you when you speak to the doctor?”
“No, no, there’s no need for that. I’ll phone you immediately, I promise.”
“Is this kidney from another cadaver? Or did you find a blood relative match?”
Leila knew she was asking about her son, but she couldn’t tell Margaret the truth, no matter what.
“My sister,” Leila said. “She finally agreed to be tested and it looks like she might be a perfect match.”
Oh, God! Why had she said that? Her in-laws would obviously expect to see her sister in the hospital if that were the case.
“I didn’t know your sister was visiting.”
Did Margaret sound suspicious? No matter. Leila had to keep going with her lie. “She’s not. She was tested in California and will fly in for the operation if the doctors give the go-ahead.”
“Well, this is great news. Let me go tell Jack. He’ll be as thrilled as I am. Call me the moment you know anything.”
“I will. Good-bye, Margaret. Give him my love.”
She hung up and was about to walk back inside, but the sliding door opened and Ryan stepped out. He had a strange look on his face, and she knew he’d sensed the call had been from his mother.
“Was that anyone I know?” he asked softly.
She nodded, too upset to speak. Tears filled her eyes. “Yes. I didn’t tell her anything.”
“That’s good. Did they know that you’d gone to Australia to find me?”
“Yes, of course. They gave me all the information they had on your whereabouts and I discovered the rest.”
“What was their reaction when you said you were going to ask me?”
“They said it was a mistake and to leave it alone. They tried to dissuade me. Why, Ryan? Why would they do that?”
“Damned if I know. They don’t think much of me, so what can I say?” He marched past her, heading for the trees at the end of her property.
She knew he wanted to be alone, but she followed him. “Ryan, your parents are wrong about you and I would like for them to know that before it’s too late. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could make peace with them while you’re here?”
“No, it wouldn’t be nice. And it’s not going to happen, so you can just get that out of your head.” His face was grim as he delivered the next blow. “I never want to see them again and there’ll be no forgiveness. Not from me.”
Leila dropped her head and studied the ground. She was devastated, torn by her loyalty to him and to the in-laws she knew so well. They were not the most affectionate people in the world, but they were always caring and only had her and Callie’s best interests at heart. She had always considered herself blessed to have them in her life.
“Oh, Ryan.” She tentatively reached out a hand and touched his arm. “I don’t know what to say. I feel just awful about this. I’d do anything to make things different, but I accept your decision and I’ll do my very best to make sure they never know. But you do realize that once you’re in the hospital it may be out of my hands.”
“Then you’ll have to keep it in your hands, Leila. I’m relying on you.”
“I know. I will.” Her hand was still on his arm, and she was reluctant to let go. She ached for him, for all the hurts and injustice he suffered in his youth, and knew if she wasn’t careful, she could easily smother him with love. “Come back inside. My mom is probably ready to leave.”
Once June had left and Callie was in bed, Leila and Ryan sat next to each other on the couch in the living room. He was flipping through channels, searching for who knew what, while she stared blankly at the TV.
“It will be over soon, Ryan, and then you can go back to your real life.” She kept her voice neutral, afraid that her feelings might be visible. He’d be really ticked off if he knew that she hurt for him.
“I know,” he said. “I’m looking forward to getting back home. I have no happy memories here.”
She made a tiny face at him, so he wouldn’t see her sadness. “None?”
He touched her face with his fingers, and his eyes were both warm and kind. “Maybe one or two.”
“I’m so glad you’ve gotten to know Callie,” she said, a little more brightly, wanting the evening to end on a happy note. “She’s a truly special girl.”
“Yup, she is. Just like her mother.”
“Thank you, Ryan. That’s very sweet of you.” Her eyes met his bravely, willing for him now to see into her heart. “I will miss you when you leave.” It was true, and she didn’t want to hold anything back from him. Perhaps his parents didn’t appreciate him, but she did, and she wanted him to know it. “You’re very easy to be around.”
He looked skeptical. “First time I’ve ever heard that.”
“Oh, come now. You probably have tons of women flocking around you all the time.” She gave him a flirtatious smile. “Pretty young women like Jamie.”
He shrugged. “Maybe, but I keep it casual. I don’t like to see the same woman too often. It gets complicated, and I’m a simple man.”
His arm was on the back of the sofa, and she almost wished he would touch her again. But he kept his hands to himself.
“I think you’re anything but simple. I think you’re very complicated and I’d love to have time to figure you out.” Her knee was close enough that she could brush it against him if she wanted. But she was half afraid that if she started something, she might not be able to stop it.
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