Truly that hour foretold
Sorrow to this.
The dew of the morning
Sank chill on my brow-
It felt like the warning
Of what I feel now.
Thy vows are all broken,
And light is thy fame;
I hear thy name spoken,
And share in its shame.
They name thee before me,
A knell to mine ear;
A shudder comes o'er me-
Why wert thou so dear?
They know not I knew thee,
Who knew thee too well-
Long, long shall I rue thee
Too deeply to tell.
In secret we met-
In silence I grieve,
That thy heart could forget,
Thy spirit deceive.
If I should meet thee
After long years,
How should I greet thee!-
With silence and tears.
As I read it, my eyes welled up. By the time I reached the fourth and final stanza, I was a complete mess. The words resonated with me and I could feel the pain caused by the decline of the relationship.
Looking up at the clock, I saw that it was almost twelve and Lily wasn’t back. Mom came in and asked me if I heard from her when I told her no, she told me to call. Lily answered and said that they were at Starbucks and she’d lost track of time.
When she got in, we ran upstairs to talk. As Lily got on the bed, she said, “You should date Reed and then we could double date.”
“Maybe...” I said loudly, knowing they were listening.
Lily realized what I was doing. “He’s so cute and so much cuter than Daniel,” she added.
“I know and besides Daniel was such a pompous ass,” I said loudly.
I made it unbearable for them to listen to our conversation by putting the music on really loud. Mom ran in and scolded us about the radio’s volume and made us turn it off.
I woke up in a state of terror from another nightmare. I remembered being chased and getting killed. The dreams seemed so vivid and felt so real. All this espionage stuff was causing havoc with my sleep and my mind.
Waking up and finding Lily there was such a comfort. Somebody finally knew what I’d been going through and could help, or at least give me advice.
As Lily was leaving, she said, “I’ll see you Friday night at Grammy’s. Oh, I forgot to tell you that Noelle is coming. Should I see if I could change it? We won’t be able to talk.”
“There’s really nothing else to say. We just have to wait and see what happens. Having her out there will be a nice distraction. Besides, she can play tennis and bike with you.”
I packed clothes that were easy to slip on, so that I wouldn’t have to ask Grammy for help. Mom helped me bring my bags downstairs and left them in the foyer. We would leave right after my doctor’s appointment.
At the doctor’s building, I saw Pierce in the lobby talking to a guy with black hair. It was creepy that people I didn’t know were following me around and listening to my every word.
Dr. Wesley took off the plaster cast and put on a fiberglass one now that the swelling was gone. The new cast was much better, less bulky and more comfortable. He told me that the cast liner could get wet but I still needed to be careful. How do you swim with one arm?
We took a taxi home, had lunch, packed up the car, and were on the road by one o’clock.
11. Dream
“Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow.” Einstein
Sitting in the car for two hours gave me plenty of time to think about Daniel and I knew that I had to get over my anger. Yes, he lied and led me on, but he had never once treated me inappropriately. He had been protecting me and was doing his job. The rejection was painful, but I couldn’t force him to have feelings for me that he didn’t have.
We got to Grammy’s around three and she rushed out the door thrilled to see us. Grammy told me to go lie down by the pool and I left them in the kitchen. I watched the boats in the distance and when I opened my eyes, I knew I had fallen asleep. Except for Amber, I was alone.
I went inside and found them in the living room. “I can’t believe I had a three-hour-nap! The painkillers really knock me out. What’s for dinner? I’m starving.”
“Turkey burgers. We were waiting for you to wake up before we started a ruckus on the grill,” Grammy said.
“I made a pasta pesto and Grammy made a tomato and mozzarella salad. Do you want something while we cook the burgers or do you want to wait?” Mom asked.
“I’ll wait. I’m going to put on my bathing suit. I’ll be right back.”
I put my suit on and spotted the NSA boat right in front of the house. “I understand you guys aren’t going to stop tormenting me, but do you have to be on top of me. Please move and go someplace else,” I ordered.
The cell rang and it was a private number again. Please don’t let it be Daniel.
“Hello?”
“It’s Daniel. I’m the one out here. Pierce is on his way and when he gets here, I’ll move. I don’t want you to think we’re doing this intentionally.”
I didn’t know what to say, I was completely silent. I said, “Fine” and hung up. There was nothing else to say.
In the morning, the boat was gone. I sat by the pool, read poetry, sketched and wrote depressing, heart-rending songs. Soon, I’d have a whole book of pathetic songs and poems dedicated to my heartbreak. I was miserable. I caught Mom’s glances and she understood more than I gave her credit for.
When we went to the store, I noticed that the boat was at the Causeway Beach and it made me feel good that Daniel was nearby.
Noelle showed up before Lily since she had driven out with Aunt Cecile. Lily was taking the bus with Uncle Ian.
After changing, Noelle swam and I sat on a lounge chair. Noelle insisted that I tell her all about my accident. I got hit by a car summed it up, but she wanted more and kept asking questions. Thankfully, I was saved by Lily’s call saying that they had caught an earlier bus.
While Noelle read magazines, I went upstairs to check my laptop. I read all the new postings on Facebook, sent some messages, chatted with some friends. When Lily finally arrived, the weekend officially started.
After dinner, we hung out in the pool and gabbed. I had nothing to talk about and realized quickly that without Daniel, my life was quite dull. Lily talked about her job and then about Chad and Zack, the boy that had asked her out from her swim club. Noelle talked about work and then admitted that she had a crush on a boy named Dean who worked with her.
Saturday, I spent most of the day by the pool. Lily and Noelle went for a long bike ride.
That evening, we went out for dinner and a movie. As we left, I saw that the NSA car parked at the entrance of Grammy’s street was moved to the entrance of Nassau Point.
At Love Lane Kitchen in Mattituck, we got two tables, one for the adults inside and one for us outside. As Lily, Noelle and I sat enjoying the evening, I noticed a car parked across the street. I looked at Lily and with my eyes directed her where to look. She glanced over and shook her head in amazement.
When Noelle went to the ladies room, Lily said, “I’m sorry. This is just insane!”
As we exited the theater, Noelle saw Pierce in the crowd and said, “That guy looks like Daniel’s friend, Pierce.”
Lily looked at me awkwardly, not knowing what to say. I blurted out, “Oh, it might be. His family lives out here.” Pierce had disappeared at that point, so we dropped the subject.
After breakfast, Lily and Noelle went kayaking. I took Amber for a walk and watched them from the beach. As I searched for sea glass, my cell rang. It was a private number.
“Paige,” said a male voice I didn’t recognize. Did those goons get my number? I would have to leave Cutchogue if I would endanger Grammy. “It’s James Hay
din.”
“Yes? What can I do for you?”
“Can you can meet me tomorrow morning? I need to talk to you.”
“You’re here too?” I asked incredulously.
“No, I’m not. I’m arriving tomorrow to see you and then I’m leaving,” he said, sounding annoyed by my question. “But the team is there and are protecting you.”
His condescending tone irritated me so much, that I snapped, “You have a team guarding me. Doesn’t that sound insane to you? Listen, in case you didn’t hear, I know nothing and have nothing. So can you please, please, just leave me alone?”
“I wish it was that simple. If you’ll see me tomorrow morning, I’ll try to explain.”
“You’ll tell me what’s going on?” I asked surprised.
“Yes, I’ll try.” He sounded sincere, but since they lie for a living that was debatable.
Curiosity won out and I agreed, “Okay, I’ll meet you. Where?”
“Eleven o’clock at the Nassau Point section of the Causeway Beach.”
“Okay, bye.” What was he going to tell me? All I’d ever heard from either of them was that everything was classified.
After I got back home, I realized how much fun Amber was having running around so I asked my parents if Amber could stay with me. My parents agreed figuring that Amber could keep me company and would be happier here than stuck in a city apartment.
Lily and Noelle got back from kayaking and we sat by the pool talking. Mom came out of the house and asked “Did anybody see that car at the entrance of Nassau Point?”
Lily glanced at me and Noelle looked confused. “No, what car?” I asked.
“The black one with the dark windows. The security team is back guarding someone.”
“Who?” Noelle asked excitedly. “Anybody famous?”
“Nobody knows. All the residents have been trying to figure out what house this person is staying in. Mr. Banes actually knocked on the car window and asked, but they wouldn’t answer.”
“Wow. It must be somebody really important,” said Noelle. Yeah, sure it was.
“Well, this is a good place to guard someone since there’s only one way in and out,” said Lily.
“Not really,” said Noelle. “Since it’s a peninsula, if something goes wrong that person is trapped. There’s only one road out.”
“Well, there’s always a boat or a …helicopter,” I interjected, remembering that there was a helipad on Vanston Road, so it was possible to get out if necessary.
When Noelle went to shower, I told Lily about the call. “Please be careful. I’m not sure if I trust them.” Lily plugged Daniel’s cell number and his email into her phone just in case.
Everybody started heading home around seven and I didn’t want to say goodbye.
Lily hugged me and whispered, “Be careful.”
Mom saw my sad face and said, “I’ll be back Thursday night and everybody else will be back on Friday. You have fun with Grammy.”
After they left, Grammy and I watched a movie. It was nice spending time with her. On my way to bed, I made sure to set the house alarm. Grammy said it wasn’t necessary, but I said it was. She looked at me funnily and didn’t say anything more about it.
I had breakfast and waited anxiously for my meeting with James. When it was time to leave, I told Grammy that I was taking Amber for a walk and I’d be back around lunchtime.
There was no one on the Nassau Point section of the beach other than the guard at the entrance. His job was to check that the cars had stickers, which allowed the residents access. This area didn’t have a lifeguard and was exclusive to the people who lived on Nassau Point. People who lived in Cutchogue used the beach a bit further down at the other end, which did have lifeguards on duty, restrooms and a playground.
I saw the boat in the water up ahead and someone on the deck. Was James Haydin on the boat? He didn’t seem the type to swim ashore. Every time I’d seen him, he was dressed in a suit.
“Morning, Mike,” I said to the guard.
He nodded. I knew he didn’t remember my name.
“Nobody here, huh?” I asked, looking around the beach.
“Not yet.” Most young families stayed near the lifeguard section. As I strolled toward the water, the tide was very low and there was seaweed on all the exposed rocks. Amber sniffed horseshoe crabs on the beach. It moved so I lifted it and threw it back into the water. Just at that moment, a dark car appeared and James Haydin exited. He must have flashed his badge at Mike.
“Hello, Paige, it’s nice to see you,” he said, trying to be friendly, but it didn’t sound genuine. I had felt that he didn’t like me from the first time I met him.
“What’s this about?” I asked and Amber retreated behind me.
“I realize that I haven’t been fair to you and want to tell you what’s been going on.” His demeanor exuded arrogance and self-importance.
“I thought everything was classified.” I looked at him suspiciously.
He nodded. “It still is. I need to tell you something, but it’s not about the case.”
“I knew it,” I retorted and started to leave, so sick of all this cloak and dagger stuff.
“Paige, wait. It’s about Daniel.” I hesitated at the mention of Daniel’s name and turned back to face him. “I need to exculpate Daniel,” he stated formally. James looked very uncomfortable.
Did he have to use big words to feel important? Or was it to feel smart? “I have no idea what that means?” I said, looking at him with a disgusted expression.
In a condescending tone like he was talking to an imbecile, he said, “It means I need to clear Daniel.”
“What does he need to be cleared of?” I asked. I was so sick of all the vagueness every time either James or Daniel spoke. Why was every conversation with them so tortuous?
“I ordered Daniel to stay away from you.”
Well, that was concise and to the point. I stared at him, not knowing how to react. Actually, it didn’t matter since Daniel had a girlfriend anyway. It was best that James kept Daniel far away from me. Was that the reason he wasn’t around when I got hit by the car?
“So?” I said.
When James didn’t get the reaction he wanted, he went for the jugular. “Daniel doesn’t have a girlfriend.”
My eyes searched his face to see if this was another trick. What was going on?
“I don’t understand. Did they break up?” I asked. My heart felt like it was beating out of my chest.
“No, Daniel told you he had a girlfriend because I made him. He was jeopardizing the mission, so I ordered him to end your friendship.” Happiness, confusion, annoyance at James Haydin, all these emotions were churning inside.
“Then who’s Juliet?” I asked warily.
“That’s his ex-girlfriend.” I could tell that this talk was totally beneath James Haydin and he seemed to be cringing discussing Daniel’s love life. James looked like he was ready to leave.
I wasn’t going to let him without my questions being answered first. James asked for this talk, so he wasn’t getting away that easily. “Wait. Why are you telling me this now?” I asked.
James sighed and said dejectedly, “Because Daniel has given up a lot for the agency.”
“Why doesn’t Daniel tell me himself?”
“When I told him that I was wrong and that he should tell you the truth, Daniel said that it didn’t matter now because he overheard that you didn’t care for him. No matter what’s going on, he’s family and I need to remember that.”
All those horrible things I said about him were said in anger. In a stupor, I stood there staring at him. “I don’t know what to say. I can’t believe this,” I whispered, afraid to raise my voice. Daniel did like me for real, not just as a job. Probably not anymore, after all the hateful things I’d been saying to upset him. As I was reeling from this news, I heard a familiar voice shouting from behind and I turned to see a wet Daniel hurriedly approaching and he looked irate.
; “James, what are you doing?” Daniel bellowed.
James didn’t answer and waited until Daniel got closer. “Calm down,” James instructed when he was close enough. “You’re making a scene.” James glanced at the parking lot where a young couple was standing by their car looking worried that an altercation was imminent.
“Why are you talking to her? I just talked to you an hour ago. How did you get here?” he asked angrily, but his voice was quieting.
“By helicopter. I’m on my way to Plum Island. I stopped here to tell Paige that you don’t have a girlfriend,” James quickly explained.
Daniel’s strained facial muscles slowly relaxed as he looked from James to me. Still in a state of shock, I was frozen in place trying to fathom all that was happening. Was this real or was it a dream? If it was a dream, I didn’t want to wake up.
“Daniel, I think you and Paige need to talk. Everything else is still classified. I realized that I had no right to interfere in your personal life. I’ll talk to you later.”
“Thanks James. I appreciate you doing this,” Daniel said.
Turning to me, James added, “Thanks for seeing me.”
My legs were shaking and afraid I might fall down, I sat on the sand. Daniel sat next to me and spoke quietly, “I’m sorry I lied and I’m sorry that I hurt you.”
I was sitting there in silence and I didn’t know what to say. I was so happy inside, but I was afraid to say anything and felt if I spoke, he might disappear. I was positive this must be a dream and I didn’t want it to end. When he put his hand on my arm to jostle me, it felt so real.
“Can you forgive me?” He let go of my arm and got on his knees in front of me.
“I don’t know what to say, I’m still in shock.” I really was stunned by the turn of events. In my wildest dreams, I didn’t think this was possible. Hoped maybe, but never thought there was even the slightest chance. “But yes! I forgive you.”
“I’m sorry, but my uncle ordered me to end things with you.”
“Why?”
“The night you showed me that photo, one of our agents was ambushed and ended up in the hospital. They couldn’t reach me because I had turned my phone off and James was livid. James told me to put the brakes on our relationship. I told him no way. Even though you had already told me that you wanted nothing to do with me, I was hoping you’d change your mind,” he admitted. “The night you had that date with that Billy character, I wasn’t supposed to be watching you. But I was really concerned and…jealous so I switched shifts with Frank, another agent and….” Daniel stared at me awkwardly.
EMIT (THE EMIT SAGA) Page 19