I stare at her wide-eyed. My mom never cusses. “I’m trying to fix it, Mom,” I sigh.
She raises her eyebrows. “I’m going to fix it. She’s drunk, I’m tired, and I want to talk to her. I think I’m just going to take her home.” I run a hand through my hair.
“That’s a great idea, Son.” She hugs me then heads to the kitchen.
I spot Angel standing with Holly. She has her head thrown back, laughing, and the sound of that laugh makes me think there’s hope for me; for us. I will do anything to hear that laugh, rather than that sad face I saw earlier.
I walk toward them. “Angel, you ready to go?”
She continues to face Holly, completely ignoring me. I’m at a loss here. What the fuck do I do? I’ve already told her the truth. She just chose not to believe it. How do you make someone so stubborn believe you?
“I’ll call you in the morning, okay? We’ll meet tomorrow for lunch and continue the planning.” Holly gives her a hug.
Angel laughs. “That sounds great. Congratulations, Holly. I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Thanks, Sam. You’re going to be the best maid of honor ever.” Holly has a huge smile on her face as Angel hugs her one last time. I grab her hand, but she pulls it away from mine. I take in a deep breath, and put my hand on her back, guiding her out of the house and into my car.
I pull out of the driveway. Angel seems to be in a better mood now. It must be from all the wine. I’m going to take advantage of this. “When were you going to tell me you read the message?” I say nicely, not wanting to fight with her.
I see her body stiffen in the passenger seat. “I wasn’t.” She sounds rather annoyed to be alone with me again.
I shift uncomfortably in my seat. “So what? You were just going to go back to my house with me, pack your shit, and leave?” I’d have been furious, and chased her ass down.
“Yes,” she says sharply.
I let out a dark laugh. “Well, that would have never happened, Angel. First, I wouldn’t let you leave my house mad at me without me knowing the reason why. Second, you’re too drunk to be driving anywhere.” She doesn’t respond because she knows it’s true. She lets out a puff of air. I can tell she’s mad at me again.
She turns to face me. “Why haven’t we had sex?”
I almost run off the road.
“What?” I snap defensively. “What are you talking about?” I have no clue what is going on in her head, but I don’t think I’m going to like where it’s going.
“You have slept with all these other women, but yet you won’t sleep with me. Why be with me if you’re not attracted to me sexually? What’s the point?” she demands.
“You think I’m not attracted to you?” I say in disbelief. “Are you crazy?” She just might be.
“What the hell am I supposed to think, Slade?” she yells, then leans back in the seat. “I had to get you all wound up yesterday for you to want to do anything sexual with me. It’s like you don’t even want to touch me.” She whispers the last part.
I feel so shitty. I don’t know what to say. I never thought she would think of it that way.
How do I tell her I just didn’t want to hurt her?
That I wanted her body to heal?
That I’ve thought of having her a hundred different ways since I first heard her voice?
I don’t know how to explain any of it, so I just stay silent. As soon as I pull in the garage, she is out of the car and walking in the house.
“I don’t think so.” There is not a chance I will let her go pack her stuff. I run in the house, not even bothering to shut the car door, but I do manage to hit the garage door button. I might need that down to buy me some time if she makes it out that far. Highly unlikely, though.
I run in the bedroom to find her in the closet packing her stuff. “Why don’t you believe me?” I walk over to my tall dresser and place a pair of handcuffs in my back pocket without her noticing. If I have to, I will use them.
“It’s not that I don’t believe you. I…I...”
She sits on the floor and sags her head. How can I make her feel this badly? Has her past with Jax made her feel this insecure, or is it just me? Do I do this to her because of the history I have with women? I go sit down beside her and pull her in my lap. I’m relieved she doesn’t fight me.
“How could you think I don’t want you? You’re very special to me.” I kiss her hair.
She talks into my chest as I smooth her hair down her back. “You might think I’m overreacting, but seeing that message made my chest hurt and my head spin, trying to figure out what that message meant. I…I have feelings for you, Slade. Feelings I can’t explain. And I’m mad at myself for allowing them in.”
She pretty much just told me that she loves me, but hates herself for it. Well, I can work with that because I know I love her and I don’t want her to be ashamed for feeling the same way.
“Angel.” I lift her head up; slow tears are trailing down her cheeks. “Don’t be ashamed of your feelings. I feel the same way.”
She jumps off of me so fast that she almost trips. Or that could be the alcohol. I remain sitting on the floor, trying to figure out why she looks pissed all of a sudden. I’m having trouble keeping up with her emotions. Fuck. Are all women this way?
“It’s not supposed to happen this way! We’re supposed to take it slow!” She throws her hands up in the air, frustrated. “You...” She looks at me with clarity in her eyes, and I feel a cold chill run up my spine. “You could fall in love with any of those girls you’ve fucked.”
What is happening? Where is this going?
“You just didn’t give yourself the chance. You fuck them then throw them to the side like toys. They just go seeking you out, and surprise!” Her eyes go big as she throws her hands up in the air. “They let you fuck them. You treat them like they are nothing to you but a piece of ass. Which, let’s face it,” she lets out a hard laugh, “who would blame you?” She gestures a hand down my body. “Every girl wants you. You’re hot.”
She’s all over the place. Where the fuck is this coming from?
“If you gave every one of them the chance to become friends and get to know them better, you could fall in love with them very easily.”
I start shaking my head no.
“Don’t disagree. I know what I’m talking about.” She puts her hands on her hips. “Have you ever been in love, Slade?” She doesn’t let me answer. “Falling in love with someone…” she closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. When she opens them, they’re full of tears. “I’ve come to find falling in love is easy. It’s getting the person you love to love you back just as much that’s hard because no two people love the same!”
She walks out of the closet, leaving me sitting on my floor alone.
One good thing about all this is that her bag is sitting in front of me with all her stuff thrown around, so I know she’s not leaving this house. I’m getting really tired of her leaving me in a room going over what she says. I can’t help but remember what she said. Could I fall in love with any of the girls from my past? Absolutely not! But that doesn’t matter. The way I look at it, none of them made me feel the way she does. She does something to me that I’ve come to crave. I don’t have to have a previous love to know that the love I feel for her is real. It is the most real thing I have ever felt. I feel an unexplainable need. Need like I have never known for another when she sighs my name. She makes me feel powerful when I hold her little body in my arms. I feel as if I’m the only man in the world when she looks at me with those beautiful green eyes. She has made me feel every damn feeling possible.
I want to go to her. Pull her close to me and tell her I love her. That I would never in a million years have known love with any of those other women before her, but I don’t think I should. Not because I think she’s right about me loving the other women. She is wrong about that. I can’t because I want to give her space. She obviously needs time alone to figure out what her feelings
for me mean.
I know I am in deep. So deep, I couldn’t crawl out if I wanted to. There is one thing I’m sure she was right about. No two people love the same. And the love she has for me may just be shallow enough for her to push to the side and never look back.
It would give me a new feeling.
A broken heart!
And I already know no other woman would be able to put the pieces back together.
I sigh and close my eyes. I don’t know what my next move should be. She is always leaving me second guessing myself, and not knowing what direction to go with her. I want her to know how much she means to me.
With a clear mind, I stand up and head out to look for her. She doesn’t need space; she needs me to take this relationship to the next level.
And that’s exactly what I’m going to do!
*****
SAMANTHA
What the hell was I thinking, rambling on about love and sex?
Geez, I’m so stupid!
Why couldn’t I have said, “Slade, I believe you.” Now he knows I have feelings for him.
Crap, I’m so stupid!
I need to quit drinking. It messes with my emotions, and I don’t need any help when it comes to my emotions bouncing around. Slade pretty much takes care of that himself.
I can’t love him. I’m not supposed to love him. I’m supposed to…
Hell, I don’t know!
He could never love me the way I would love him. He will leave me, having to piece my broken heart back together.
I can’t love him. I’m not supposed to love him. I’m supposed to…
Hell, I don’t know what I’m supposed to feel!
I hear him coming up behind me. “Angel?”
“I don’t want to talk about it, Slade. I just need time to think.” I continue to walk down the hallway, not looking back at him.
He grabs my arm and spins me around roughly, knocking me up against the wall. Before I can ask what the hell he’s doing, his lips are on mine, and his hands grab my thighs, lifting me up. I don’t hesitate, wrapping my legs around him and kissing him back. He lets go of my legs and fists his hands tightly in my hair as he starts walking us to his bedroom. This is how it needs to be between us. Just sex, no love. Maybe my talk did some good after all.
We stop walking, and he pushes me up against another wall. I reach down frantically, grabbing his shirt. He pulls away long enough for me to pull it over his head, and his lips come crashing back to mine. His hands come down and tighten on my ass as he pushes his erection into my jeans. I grip his hair tightly as he groans and nips my lip. He pulls me away from the wall then slams my backside up against another wall. I break away from the kiss and throw my head back, crying out. His lips kiss me up and down my neck.
“Ahh!” I scream as he bites my collarbone. “Please!’’ I don’t know what I’m begging for, but he seems to know.
He pushes me harder against the wall, using his body to hold mine up. “Lift your arms,” he rasps out. I do, and he pulls my shirt over my head. Before I can lower my arms, he already has my bra ripped off. He slows his movements, taking a breast gently in his hand as he leans his head down to suck on the other.
I don’t want gentle right now! I want him to show me the side of him that I know he’s holding back.
“Slade,” I breathe out as he moans. God, it’s so hard to talk. I can’t think of how to tell him what I want, so I’ll show him. I place my hands in his hair and roughly pull his head up to mine. I kiss him hard, our tongues seeking out one another while I pull his hair and bite his lip.
“Fuck,” he growls as he pulls me off the wall and starts to walk again. He opens the door and walks us into his bedroom, shutting it with his foot. We both fall onto the bed. He hovers over me, pulling my arms down to my side, straddling me so that my arms are pinned under his legs.
God, the weight of his body feels so good.
“Is this what you wanted, Angel?” he breathes heavily. “You want me to fuck you?”
My body shivers at his words. “Yes,” I moan.
He plays with my left nipple between two fingers as I arch my back and cry out.
He runs his thumb over my bottom lip, and I can’t stop myself from sticking my tongue out to lick it. As I lick his thumb, he slides it into my mouth and I start to suck on it.
“Jesus Christ, your mouth feels amazing. So fucking hot and wet.” I can feel his hardness on my stomach, and I don’t want to wait any longer. I’m ready!
“Get up,” I say when he removes his finger. He shakes his head no as I say again, “Get up.” I buck my hips this time, catching him off guard and pushing him off me. His eyes get huge. I think he thinks that I changed my mind.
Not quite.
The moment he’s completely off me, I jump up and push him down into the bed. I’m going to take over. He looks momentarily stunned; he wasn’t expecting this. I bite my lip to hide my smile.
I go straight for his pants. I don’t even bother with his belt or button. I go straight for the zipper on his jeans. I’m not taking my time. It is urgent that I have him immediately. I wrap my hand around his hard length and pull it through the zipper taking him into my mouth. I’ve never known someone could be so big. I have to keep my mouth open wide, to the point it’s painful, but it’s a delicious kind of pain.
“Whoa, Angel,” he says as he bucks his hips up.
I can’t stop.
I can’t slow down.
I take him, all of him. Hard and fast, feeling him in the back of my throat as he lifts his hips each time to meet my mouth.
“Ah, fuck,” he hisses. He digs his hands into my hair, wanting to control the pace. I bring my hands up and pull his hands to his side, ripping some of my hair out in the process. Damn, that hurt.
“I’m going to come,” he says through a clenched jaw.
I slow my rhythm. I don’t want him to come yet. I want to savor the taste and feel of his hardness in my mouth. I want to keep him on the edge for a little while. I lick all the way up and back to the bottom in a slow tantalizing speed as he moans. I let go of one of his hands so that I can run mine up and down him, following it with my mouth.
“Fuck. Yeah, baby.” He moans with pleasure. “Just like that.”
I can’t help but smile around him. I take him until I feel him against the back of my throat, then suck up his length again until the tip pops out of my mouth like a lollipop. My cheeks are getting sore from sucking as hard as I can. My hand moves downward while my tongue circles his head.
“Angel,” he pants, “you have to stop.” He arches his back. “Fuck!” He cries out.
I hum with satisfaction as his words fill my ears. “I’m going to come.” I lightly squeeze the base of his dick and pull him in, sucking harder. And I feel it. I feel his body tighten.
“Fuck!”
I feel his release. I continue to suck and swallow every drop as he pulses inside my mouth. Savoring his taste; his taste that I can’t seem to get enough of.
I slowly sit up and look at him lying there; shirtless, eyes closed, breathing fast. He opens his eyes, and they burn into me. “You, Angel...” he takes a deep breath, “are in for it now.”
I slowly get up and slide off the bed. He lifts up on his elbows to stare at me, now standing at the end of the bed.
I lick my lips, give him a huge smile and whisper, “We’ll see.” I turn and walk out of the room in search of my Victoria’s Secret bag. I plan on wearing one of my new outfits for him.
Where is my bag? I thought he brought it in the house a few days ago. I look all around the garage. I’m already having trouble seeing straight due to the alcohol, so maybe I overlooked it somewhere. I walk back in the house, and stop, I can’t see anything. All the lights are off. But they were on a minute ago. Did Slade go to bed? He does have to work in the morning.
I make my way quietly back to his room. Maybe he put it in there, and I just missed it. I walk back in the bedroom, being as quiet as possib
le. I shut the door and turn to try to find my way around the room, but it’s pitch black.
“Crap, I can’t see anything,” I whisper to myself as I try to take a step forward without falling over something.
“You’re not supposed to be able to see.”
I stop dead in my tracks at his voice, and my heart starts to beat fast. Shit, what is he doing?
“Slade? What are you doing? Did I wake you?”
“No. I was waiting for you, Angel,” he says seductively.
“Uh, what do you mean?” The hair on my neck stands up as my mouth goes dry. Why do I suddenly feel like a mouse who is about to get caught by the pet cat?
“I want to play.”
My heart rate speeds up, and my breath hitches. “Play?” I try to swallow, but the dryness is making it difficult. “What do you mean by play?” I start backtracking my way to the bedroom door.
“You’ll see. I bought some toys the other day. I wasn’t sure if I was going to use them on you, but since you pulled that stunt, I decided why not.”
My body trembles with need.
I put my hands up in front of me, afraid I may trip or run into him. I don’t know what he means by toys. I’ve never used a toy before, but the thought of it is making my panties wet. I feel his arms wrap around me, and I yelp. He picks me up and throws me roughly on the bed.
Instinct is to fight him, so I do. I hit him a few times in the chest then realize it’s not going to do any good. I need to shove him off me. As I go to move, he grabs both my wrists and holds them on either side of my head tightly.
“Slade...”
“Do you trust me?” I shiver as his hot breath lands on my neck.
“Yes,” I answer without hesitation.
His lips are on mine. It’s a sweet soft kiss that makes my body melt under him while his tongue enters my mouth. I feel him pushing my hands up towards the headboard slowly. I pull my wrists, trying to stop the movement. He stops moving them but does not release them. His mouth gets more forceful, and his tongue gets more demanding.
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