Come tomorrow, when he’s sober, he’ll try to talk about the weather once again and I’ll be the only one with the memory of tonight. I’ll be the one with the heartache.
“Get away from me, Tate,” I say placing my hands on his hard chest and pushing him away. Screw him and screw my emotions that he makes me have.
He takes a few steps back and chuckles. “You say one thing but mean another.”
“What are you talking about?” I sigh, ready for this night to be over.
He steps back into me and reaches up, running his knuckles down my cheek. His knuckles aren’t soft like Braxton’s. They’re rough and he has scars on some from his past. I like the feel of them better. “You tell me to leave. You say you want me to leave you alone.” He opens his hand and slides it to the back of my neck, holding it firmly and it makes my knees buckle. “Yet, when I was on top of you I could feel how much your body wants me. And you look at my cock as if you want to taste it.” His deep voice is a rough whisper and his hard, large body is pushing into mine.
My breath quickens and my stomach knots up. Can he really see how much he still affects me? Can he see that even though he broke my heart I would still do anything to be with him?
“You’re drunk,” I say. “You don’t know what you’re taking about.”
His gives me a slow and cocky smile, one that very rarely appears on his beautiful face. Tate is known for his looks of hatred and anger. Not much can make him smile.
His hand comes up and wraps in my hair. He pulls my head back as he lowers his lips to mine. Without even thinking I open for him to kiss me but he passes my lips and presses his to my ear. “I think about you all the time, Missy.” The hot breath makes me shiver and fight with everything I have to not moan at his confession. “I dream about having you again.” His body presses against mine and I can feel his arousal behind his jeans press into my lower stomach. His free hand runs up my jeans before he cups my ass.
I take in a deep breath trying to slow my heart rate and get myself under control. I fist my hands down by my sides and close my eyes tightly trying to fight the tears that I feel coming. How can he do this to me? I swallow the lump in my throat. “Stop,” I whisper trying not to reveal the brokenness in my voice.
“That’s not what you say in my dreams.” His tongue comes out and licks softly before he nibbles on my ear.
I can’t hold back the whimper this time as my body starts to go limp in his hands. “I miss you, Missy. I miss you so fucking much.” His voice is laced with pain and lust.
I open my eyes and the tears that I tried to hold back run down my cheeks. My body remembers how it felt to be his that one night and it begs for that chance again. But I won’t tell him I miss him. I won’t allow myself a moment of weakness. I’ve worked too hard and come so far since that night to tell him how much he destroyed me. How it took me months to get back to feeling like myself again. How much I lost from that one night. I want to, but I won’t. Because he won’t remember it tomorrow. He probably won’t even remember being here tonight.
“Do you miss me?” he asks now running his nose down my neck.
I look up to the ceiling trying to get my eyes to dry. “You don’t have to lie to me, Tate.” I clear my throat and ignore his question.
He pulls back and looks down at me. His hands go to either side of my face, and he wipes the tears away. I wish he could wipe the memories away. I’ve worked so hard to forget them, even invented a whole new me. But they come crashing back like a wave on a shore. Suffocating me. Drowning me until I have no option but to give up the fight and let it take me under.
“I’m not lying.” He leans down and places a soft kiss on my lips. I stiffen as I refuse to kiss him back. I need air to breathe as I drown, and that’s not what he’s offering right now.
He pulls back and looks down to me with those dark blue eyes. He slowly runs a hand down my throat and my skin tingles from the notion. “You’re the best mistake I ever made.”
I close my eyes and a sob racks my body.
Mistake!
That’s all I’ll ever be to him.
“Say something,” he demands softly.
“What do you want me to say?” I whisper keeping my eyes shut.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into him.
“I want you to give me something.” He leans down and his lips brush my shoulder. “I want you to tell me that I haven’t lost you.”
I open my eyes and look up at him. “Haven’t lost me?” This time he doesn’t wipe the tears away as they run down my cheeks. He just stares into my eyes as I try to make sense of how my night ended up like this.
I swallow nervously and then let my thoughts be heard. “You walked away, Tate. You were the one that I lost,” I all but cry out.
“It’s better that way, Missy. You deserve something better,” he says and his brows crinkle as if it confuses him to have to explain that.
“Does it even matter what I want?” I ask angrily.
He shakes his head as he looks down at me.
I swallow the lump in my throat and wipe the tears from my eyes. “I gave up.” My voice is weak, and it makes me want to scream.
His eyes darken as he looks at me. “Did you hear me? I said I gave up after Vegas. Why are you here now, Tate?” I beg. When he just stares down at me, I continue. “I can’t do this anymore.” It sounds like I’m begging. Like I’m daring him to tell me that he wants to try. That the thought of being without me is too much for him.
He stares at me for a few seconds before he takes my heart and rips it out for a second time. “That’s for the best, Missy. We were never meant to be more than what happened in Vegas.”
How can he touch me the way he just did? How can he say those words to me, yet deny me once again? I want to slap him. I want to throw something at the wall. But instead, I let the tears fall down my cheeks, and I push him away from me. He doesn’t protest as he takes another step back from me. Slowly, I take in a deep breath as he starts to walk to the back door to leave.
“I’m sorry it’s over,” he whispers and I try to take in a deep breath. I know he means our friendship. But I can’t help but think he means more.
“It never even started,” I whisper. “You never even gave me a chance to show you that I can be something you might want.” I hate it! I hate him! I’m breaking down like an idiot.
“Missy…” his voice cracks. “It has nothing to do with you. You’re too good for me. I don’t deserve someone like you.”
I turn around and look at him. He actually looks like he’s sad. Like he regrets that he broke my heart. “I don’t know what happened to make you see so little of yourself but you’re right.” His body stiffens at my words. I’m tired of being the only one hurting here. “I deserve someone who actually wants me. And believes that I’m worth something more than a one-night stand.”
He fists his hands down by his side. “I would have never…”
I raise my hand, getting angry. “I get it,” I snap. “If you would have known I was a virgin you wouldn’t have touched me,” I say with my voice rising. “But you did. Grow up and get over it. It was only sex for Christ’s sake. Quit acting like it was something important. It meant nothing to you and nothing to me. It was just a drunken fuck,” I scream as hot tears run down my face as I speak of that night. The lie hurts more than I thought it would. Like I just stabbed myself in the heart.
He just stands there and looks down at me with hard blue eyes and I swallow the lump in my throat. “I already told you. I can’t do this anymore. Goodbye, Tate.” I go to the door but he grabs me and spins me around.
“You don’t think it kills me to see you with Braxton?” he asks with a bite to his words. “Do you really think I don’t want you?” he asks as his voice rises.
I throw my hands out to my side. “I don’t know what to think.” I shake my head and look down to the floor. I watch my tears fall to the floor. “You want me. You don’t want me.” I l
ook up at him. “Please just do what you did before?” I beg of him. When he continues to just stand there and look at me, I point to the back door. “Just walk out the door and don’t look back.” My words are broken and my chest heaves as I try to catch my breath.
I close my eyes, trying to hide my fear, my brokenness. I don’t want to watch him walk away again.
I smell his muscular scent and tequila before I feel his body against mine. He leans down and places a soft kiss to my forehead. Then I feel my body go cold as he pulls away from me. I flinch when I hear the back door shut, indicating he did exactly as I asked. Without even opening my eyes, I fall to the floor and place my head in my hands as I cry my eyes out.
******
I stand in Sam and Slade’s kitchen sipping on a Long Island that Sam made me as I look around the beautiful home that they built together. I’ve been looking forward to this party all day. I went home and continued to cry my eyes out last night after Tate left the bakery. I couldn’t get to the alcohol fast enough. I still have no idea what he was doing there, and I haven’t spoken a word of it to anyone. Sam keeps asking me what’s wrong but I just tell her it’s Braxton. I really need to quit lying. News travels so fast in this group of friends. Sam knows I was the one who broke up with him so I don’t know why she would believe that I’m upset over it. But for now she seems to be buying it.
I’ve tried to be cheerful tonight. It is my birthday after all. I called my mother and had lunch with her today. I then went over to my parents’ house before I came over to Sam and Slade’s house. My dad had asked me about school and thankfully my mother covered for me. I think she knows that I have enough on my plate, and she doesn’t want me to go back to ignoring them.
I look up from my drink and scan the kitchen one more time.
Tate hasn’t shown!
Did you expect him to? I ask myself before I take a long drink from my straw.
I guess I thought he would. I thought that he was the type of guy who never did what others asked of him. I halfway expected him to show up with a beautiful woman under his arm and a smug smile on his face. Just to rub it in my face what I can’t have.
My phone lights up in front of me on the counter signaling I have a message. I set my drink down and pick it up.
Kat: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BITCH!!!
I let out a little laugh. Katherine is the girl who had told my mother I quit school. We had a class together. I wouldn’t say we’re best friends—we don’t hang out or anything—but she will text me every now and then.
Me: Thank you.
I respond and then place my phone back down on the counter before I pick up my drink and take another sip as I look around the kitchen and dining room.
“What are you doing in here?” Holly asks as she enters. “Everyone has been looking for you.” She smiles as her black bob bounces. Holly is a sweetheart as much as Sam is. She married Slade’s younger brother about a year ago and welcomed me into their group with open arms. “We were about to start searching the bathrooms.”
I laugh and lift my drink up in the air. “Not yet. This is my first one.” And it’s still more than half full.
She loops her arm into mine. “Well, then, you need to get to drinking faster. Come on.” She starts to drag me out of the kitchen. “Josh wants to play beer pong.”
“Geez, last time I lost. Big time.”
“There’s the birthday girl,” Slade shouts as I enter his man cave.
I giggle as I see all the balloons hung from the ceiling and the birthday banner hanging in front of the minibar. There’s also a dozen red roses in a beautiful pink vase over by the fireplace. I’m so thankful to have them all as my friends. “So,” Josh, Courtney’s husband, comes over to me and throws his arm over my shoulder. His dusty brown hair falls, covering his eyes, and he shakes his head to the side to push it away. “Ready to lose to me again, little lady?” he asks with a smile.
I nod before tossing back another drink of my Long Island. “Bring It.”
I spend the next hour getting my butt handed to me by Josh, Slade’s best friend, and Micah, Slade’s brother.
For as much as I have had to drink, I feel fine. I make it to the restroom and once I finish up I unlock the door and go to walk out when I run into the one person I didn’t expect to see tonight. I close my eyes and inhale his masculine scent and it has my heart beating faster and my knees starting to buckle. How do I stop this reaction to him? Why can’t I make it easier on myself and just hate him?
CHAPTER THREE
TATE
“Whoa,” I say reaching out to grab her small hips before she falls to the ground.
This party was not even an option. No way in hell could I show up here and see her. Then I started getting texts from Sam asking where in the hell I was. That they finally had a night without Sadey and Josh and Courtney didn’t have their twin boys. They wanted us all together to have some fun. From the looks of the beautiful blond in my arms I would say she has had a little too much.
“I’m fine,” she says before pulling away and trying to straighten herself.
“Are you sick?” I ask worried that she has already had too much.
She shakes her head and then looks down to the floor. I stand there silently and the tension starts to build up. Why did I fucking come? What was I thinking it would help?
“I didn’t think you would come,” she says softly, continuing to look down at the floor.
I take a step up to her and place my hand under her chin, lifting it so she has to look at me. “I didn’t think you wanted me to after what I did at the bakery,” I say honestly.
Showing up there was foolish on my part. I knew she was working. I had just finished having dinner at Sam and Slade’s house when Sam had mentioned that Missy was working late. On my way home I had stopped off at a bar. I somehow found myself at the bakery and when I had been hit from behind I thought that maybe she had already left and someone was there robbing the place. I wish that would have been the case. A robbery I could have handled much better.
“I’m surprised you remember even being there,” she whispers.
I take in a deep breath, getting ready to speak, but she beats me to it. “I do miss you,” she says, and I hate the way it makes me feel. Almost…hopeful. Like I could love her if only I understood what that word meant. I know she has feelings for me, but I don’t know why she has them. If only I could make her see the real me, she would understand that she needs to stay away.
I sigh heavily trying to relax my tense shoulders. “I’m sorry about Vegas.” I have to get this off of my chest. I’ve been a dick to her for too long. She did nothing to deserve that side of me.
“Sorry for which part?” she asks, and I stare at her for a few seconds, confused by her question. “The part where we had sex? Or the part where you cussed me like a dog the next morning?”
I run a hand over my unshaven face trying to think of the right words once again. “I’m sorry for us sleeping together. I’m sorry for taking something that should have been special to you,” I admit.
Her beautiful face hardens as she stares up at me. “I might have been drunk, but I knew what I was doing. Why do you keep blaming yourself?”
I should have known better. “Because you were my best friend.” I run my hand through her blond hair. “And I took that for granted. I let it go too far.”
Her eyes soften and her tense shoulders fall. “I wanted it, Tate. I wanted you. That night meant the world to me and you made me feel like nothing.” She looks back down to the floor.
My chest rises and falls as I breathe deeply needing to say the right thing. Slade and Parker said that I need to get back on her good side but I can’t get that close to her. Not without hurting her again.
I pull her into me, and I place a kiss in her hair. The smell of coconuts fills my senses and I smile to myself. I hold her for a few seconds longer than I should. It feels so good to have her small frame in my arms. She reaches up and wraps her arms ar
ound my waist and my chest tightens. She makes me feel needed. All my life I’ve felt worthless and like a coward. But with her it’s different. She makes me think I could be a better person but it’s not true. I can’t change my past, and I sure as hell won’t ruin her future.
She pulls away and looks up at me. “You told me at the bakery that you miss me. Was that a lie?” she whispers.
I place my hands on her face. “I do miss you. I’ve always wanted you, Missy. You’re beautiful. You’re smart.” I pause. “You’re perfect,” I say with a small smile. “You’re my dream girl but not everyone’s dreams come true. I have nothing to give you. Don’t you understand that? You deserve a prince and a happily ever after, not me.”
She sniffs as tears run down her face and I know it’s time for me to leave. I lean down and place a soft kiss on her forehead before speaking. “Happy birthday, Missy.” Then I turn and leave, not even bothering to tell anyone else goodbye. Hell, I’m not even sure that I told everyone hello.
I get into my truck and pull my phone out of the center console. I dial up the number for the one person who I know is always available when I call.
“Hello?” Cindy answers and I can hear the smile in her voice. Even through all the noise in the background.
“Busy tonight?” I ask, before I back out of Sam and Slade’s driveway.
She chuckles. “Not anymore.”
“Meet me at my house,” I say before I hang up and toss my phone into my passenger seat. I don’t need to give her directions. She’s been there enough times before. Cindy and I met out at a club one night. She’s in an all-girl band and played right before Jacob, Missy’s brother, and his band. We hit it off and started hooking up. And once again I need that release tonight. I need to get the smell of Missy off of me. I need to get that memory of her out of my mind.
I make my way to my house and am thankful when I pull into my driveway and the only car I see is Cindy’s car. Parker must be working tonight. Thank God.
I get out of my truck and lock it up before I head to the front door. Cindy gets out of her car and greets me just as I push it open. I hold it open for her to enter before slamming it shut.
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