“Why do you seem so shocked?” I ask looking down at the puddle on the coffee table. The same puddle of water leftover from Rollin’s water that I turned over earlier.
“I’m shocked that you’re still alive,” she says matter-of-factly.
I plop down on my couch and run a hand over my face. “I’m fine.” I look around my house that was spotless just twelve hours ago. “Most was self-inflicted,” I inform her waving my hand in the air. “And some of this is from my dad as well.” I hadn’t had time to pick up the picture frames that he had broken when he fell down my stairs. I had gotten into a fight with Rollin as soon as I returned home from the hospital and then I had ended up arrested. Go me!
“How is he doing?” she asks softly, sitting down next to me and trying to avoid the pieces of broken glass. This house is hazardous at the moment.
“Not good.”
She’s quiet for a few seconds before she speaks. “Is he sleeping?” Her eyes look over at the stairs that lead upstairs. The one place he isn’t supposed to go. The one place he never goes, but he did last night. I know why he went up there, and it makes me sick. When my parents were still married, back when I was little, we lived in a two-story house in California that overlooked the ocean, and their room was upstairs. I still remember going up there to find my mother out on their balcony drinking her morning coffee and watching the waves roll in. She seemed so happy, but it was all an illusion.
He must have been thinking about her. He must have been living in the world where they were in love and still a happily married couple. It makes me sick to my stomach that he can still feel so much for her, and she probably doesn’t even think of him.
I shake my head. “He’s in the hospital.” I place my hands on my knees and push myself up to stand. “I need...”
“Oh, no. What happened? Did Rollin hurt him?” she asks in a rush.
“No. He fell down the stairs last night. So, I had to rush him to the hospital this morning. Then when I got home…” I gesture to the front door. “Rollin was here. We got into a fight and I tore up some more shit,” I say looking over at her. “Then the cops came and I got arrested.” I make it sound like a typical Saturday morning.
She looks me up and down slowly as if she just realizes I’m a mess. Missy is a great friend, but she’s quiet. She keeps what she feels to herself. That’s where we differ. I usually speak before I think. Whereas, she’s that friend who will tell you you look great even if you look like shit. If you’re looking for a confidence booster, she’s great. But I’m not. And I couldn’t care less what others think of me, friend or not.
“What do you need me to do?” she asks as she stands from the couch as well.
“Nothing. You’ve done enough. Thank you.” I reach down to pick up my purse that lies on the floor beside the couch. Most of the contents are scattered from when I threw it at Rollin’s head, but my wallet is still inside. I pull it out and grab the cash out of it. “It’s not much,” I say, turning to her. “I can give you more when I get to an ATM later.”
She looks down at my hand that has about thirty bucks in it. “What is it?”
“Cash. For coming and getting me,” I say. I know how much she has going on in her life. She’s getting married in two weeks to her fiancé, Tate. I’m sure she would have much rather stayed in bed with him than come and pick me up from jail. I have to offer her something.
She chuckles as she takes a step back. “I’m not taking your money. I came because you needed me.”
“Take it,” I demand. She plops down on the couch and crosses her arms over her chest. I sigh as I throw the money into her lap. I almost smile when she dusts it onto the floor as if it were some lint.
I sit back down and reach down, taking off my heels. I seriously can’t feel my feet. They went numb hours ago. Thank God for that. I lean back onto the couch and close my eyes with a sigh. “I need a bath.” I feel dirty. I am dirty. Just knowing that Rollin was in my house makes me want to burn it to the ground. Wouldn’t be the first thing I’ve set on fire because of a man. But I wouldn’t do that to this house; the house that my father was so proud to buy us. Back when it was just him and me.
Have you ever loved someone but not been in love with them? That’s how I felt about Rollin. I loved him to the point that I physically hated him. He didn’t cheat on me, well, not that I know of. People just grow apart. And it was time to go our separate ways. Sometimes you just find that one person who brings out the worse in you. Rollin was that guy for me. He made me an ugly person. I may be a crazy bitch, but that doesn’t mean I like it. I once told Missy this and she asked me why. The only answer I had was that I’m not gonna hide what I feel. What I am. I would get mad over such little things with Rollin. Even from the beginning, it wasn’t pretty. But, somehow, we made it two years. I think we were off more than we were on, though. I guess I just wanted to be with someone. Someone to come home to who actually knows who I am. On my father’s best days, he still doesn’t know who I am. And that hurts. To love someone who doesn’t recognize you is horrible. When that person is the one who raised you, it’s even worse. Heartbreaking.
“Do you think he’ll come back?”
“Huh?” I look over at Missy.
“Do you think Rollin will come back?” she repeats.
“No,” I say matter-of-factly.
“But he was here earlier,” she reminds me and my skin crawls.
“But I beat his ass.” A few kicks to his dick and a few punches to his face should keep him away long enough for me to… I groan. “Don’t let me forget that I have to change the locks today.” I should have done it days ago. But with work and my dad it fell to the back burner.
“Are you going to call someone?” she asks.
“No. I’ll go to Lowe’s and get new locks and change them out myself.” How hard can it be? Some screws and a screwdriver.
She turns on the couch so she can face me. “Why don’t you let Tate and his friends do that for you? You need to just go upstairs and get some rest.”
“I can’t.” I stand from the couch, needing the movement. If I continue to sit there, I will fall asleep and I have too much shit to do today. “I gotta shower and get back up to the hospital.” I had planned to take a nap earlier, but jail changed that for me.
She stands as well and sighs. “I’ll help clean the house while you shower.”
She bends down to grab a couch cushion. “Missy…” I grab her arm stopping her. “Thank you.” I pull her in for a hug. “Thank you.” I pull away. “But I’m okay. I made the mess, I can clean it up.” I’ve been cleaning up messes all of my life. This one is no different. At least this one was my fault.
Her big blue eyes shine, and she gives me a big smile. “If you need me for anything, just give me a call.”
“I will,” I say as we start to walk toward the door.
“I mean it,” she says, brushing her blond hair back from her face.
“Scout’s honor,” I say lifting my hand and giving her a fake smile. I close the door behind her and look at my messy house. “Fuck it,” I mumble as I head for my bathroom.
*****
I love the smell of hospitals. I love the coldness they make you feel. I know, I’m crazy. Most people hate hospitals. But that’s only because they are there for a loved one. People associate hospitals with sadness and sickness, but I work in one. And I like that I get to help people. I know, most everyone I have ever met thinks I’m a bitch. And that’s okay because I am. But I love to help people. I love knowing that I made a difference. Even if that difference is minor.
“Hello, Katherine.”
I smile up at Dr. Robert Jones as I walk the floors of the hospital in my scrubs. I’ve been an RN in the ER here for almost a year now. And I love it. Everyone is like their own family here.
He comes walking up to me. He’s a pediatrician and a real nice guy. “Hello,” I say with a small nod.
He comes to stop in front of me, and I start to walk
around him when he softly touches my upper arm. “I was… I was wondering if you would like to go out and have dinner with me?”
Well, crap! I’m not into dating at the moment. Especially someone I work with. “I don’t know…”
“I checked your schedule. You’re off next Wednesday.” And that’s why. They know all your business. Work and home.
“Please?” he begs, and I refrain from rolling my eyes. A guy who begs is like a dead fish—useless. “Just dinner.” He smiles showing off his dimples, and I find myself smiling back. “Sure,” I say and already regret it. Grow some balls, Kat.
He smiles proudly at himself. “That’s great,” he says as I gave in a lot quicker than he thought I would. I should have stood my ground. Oh well, it’s just dinner. I gotta eat. “I gotta run,” I say, starting to step away. “I’ll see you later.”
He nods and turns to finish walking as well. I go through a set of double doors and then I’m walking on the sky bridge. I look out through the glass to the city. It’s nighttime. When I decided to become a nurse, I knew that very second that I wanted to work the night shift. I’ve always been a night owl. The only thing was that when I was with Rollin, he worked days, so he was able to stay with my dad at the house overnight. My father is still in the hospital but will be released soon, so I’m gonna have to hire a nurse who can stay at my house the three nights a week I work.
I walk through another set of double doors and then go down a set of stairs to the cafeteria. I need caffeine. After Missy had left my house this morning, I showered and came straight back to the hospital. I stayed with my father in his room and took a short nap on the couch in his room. I got up with enough time for him to eat dinner and then it was time for my shift to start. It’s gonna be a long ass night, and I need some fuel for me to make it through.
“Kat?” Another ER nurse I know by the name of Renee calls out my name the second I enter the cafeteria.
I walk over to where she sits with three other nurses. I don’t know them that well, but I find myself sitting down to get off my feet. They are still killing me from wearing my heels for so long earlier.
“What’s up?” I ask through a yawn.
Renee frowns. “Tired already?” Her light brown eyes search my face.
I nod. “I came to get some caffeine then I’ll be good to go.”
“So, I want your opinion on something,” she says, and she gets an evil smile on her face.
“Shoot,” I say.
“So I was bragging about the guy I hooked up with last week…” You should know something about Renee. She is a nympho. And I don’t say that word often. I love sex. Who doesn’t? But I’m pretty sure she should be in Sex Anonymous or something of that nature. Because she has sex all the time. And it’s always with someone new. It’s her addiction. “…and Stacy asked if I had him shower before I went down on him.” She tilts her head to the side as she points over to a nurse who I’m guessing is Stacy. “I asked her why would I have him shower before sex?” She laughs as she repeats the question. “Stacy, tell her what you said.” She continues to laugh.
I look over at Stacy, and she lifts her shoulders. “I don’t know why it’s so funny. It’s important to shower before foreplay and sex,” she says, nodding her head to herself.
“Why is it?” I ask genuinely curious.
She lets out a long sigh. “I told her that I make my boyfriend clean off his penis before I will even touch it.”
What adult says penis? It’s called a dick. Cock. Penis sounds so….childlike. “But why? Just use a condom,” I suggest.
“Condoms are overrated,” Renee says. “I’ve used maybe one this year so far.” It’s May. And like I said, she sleeps with probably five guys a week.
“Good God woman, use condoms,” I say looking back at her. “I’m gonna get pregnant just talking to you.” Everyone laughs out loud.
“Anyway,” Stacy says regaining my attention. “One day I was in the bathroom while my boyfriend was peeing. I noticed that when he sat down to pee, his penis touched the inside rim of the toilet, and then later when we were in bed he asked for a blowjob. And I realized I’ve been doing this all along.” Her eyes widen. “That’s so gross. So now I hand him a baby wipe every time he wants a blowjob.”
I stare at her blankly as she lifts her fork and takes a bite of her salad. “He seriously wipes his cock off with a baby wipe before you suck it?” I question. That baby wipe aftertaste has to taste like shit.
She chokes on her food when I say cock, and it makes me smile to myself.
“Of course,” she says, wiping her mouth. “If he doesn’t, I won’t do it.”
“Isn’t that fucking crazy?” Renee asks. “I mean, if a guy asked me to clean myself off before he went down on me, I’d tell him to fuck himself.”
“Well, as much sex you have, maybe you should,” I suggest, and she gives me a ‘fuck you’ smile.
“You’re just as bad as me.” She points at me with her spoon.
I hold my hands up in surrender. “What can I say? We like the cock.” I smile once again when Stacy flinches at my use of language.
“Cock in the pocket,” Renee says, and I throw my head back laughing.
“I’m leaving on that note,” I say, standing from the table. I make my way over to the cafeteria line and grab a Coke. I go to pay the lady at the register when a five dollar bill gets shoved in front of me.
I look over my shoulder to see Dr. Burd standing next to me with a smile on his face. “I got it,” he says as she takes his money.
“I don’t need you to get my pop for me.” I place my hand on my hip. He works in plastic. He is also the one who did my tits. Ever since then he has been trying to get into my pants. And I hate to admit that it actually happened once. Rollin and I were having one of our off times and I slept with him. Then two weeks later I found out he was married. I was the talk of the hospital for a few days until our chief got caught fucking an ICU nurse in the break room.
“I know. Just thought I would help you out. Considering you had a bad morning.”
“How in the hell do you know how my morning was?” I demand as I turn to face him completely. I swear news travels so quickly in this hospital.
He smiles brightly at me, showing off all the dental work he’s had done. The guy is more fake than Barbie. “I always keep tabs on you.”
“You’re so creepy.” The guy is total stalker material.
“I’m sorry about what happened to you and Rollin,” he says frowning. “Already have someone lined up?” he questions as his eyes land on my tits. Thank God the scrubs cover them up.
“How are you still married?” I ask with all seriousness.
He smiles. “She lets me fuck around.” I roll my eyes and turn around giving him my back. “So, I’ll call you,” he calls out and I lift up my right hand giving Burd the bird. I hear him chuckle. Bastard!
CHAPTER FIVE
PARKER
I wake up and after I get Puss Puss to move off my pillow, I check my clock. It reads 7:00 on Saturday night. I didn’t get as much sleep as I wanted, but it’s enough for now. I make my way into the kitchen and find a yellow sticky note on the fridge. On it reads Parker- There is food for you in the fridge. Sam said you had asked her for a favor, which I find odd. You can explain it to me later. You’re welcome. Tate
I smile as I open up the fridge. There’s a casserole, some sort of dessert, and some enchiladas. I pull my phone out of my back pocket and close the fridge as I dial Sam’s number. I head back to my bedroom. She answers on the second ring.
“What’s up, Parker?” she asks sounding irritated. I shouldn’t have called. I know she’s busy working.
“I, uh just wanted to call and tell you thank you. I found the food that Tate brought home for me.”
“Oh,” she says surprised. I know, Sam, I’m usually a dick. I never call others to thank them. “I hope it’s enough.” Her voice has softened.
“It’s plenty. Thank you,�
� I repeat. How much can I thank her?
“You’re welcome,” she says, and I hold the phone awkwardly to my ear as I try to take my boxers off. I can tell she wants to ask about the situation. She wants to know what happened, but I don’t talk about work with my friends. Especially the girls. They’re too emotional. Hell, I about cried when I saw the little girl and father. Sam would lose it. I don’t know what a mother’s love is like, but I know what an uncle’s love is like. I consider myself an uncle to her and Slade’s little girl. And it would kill me if something happened to Sadey.
“Well, I’ll let you go,” I say to end this awkward conversation. “Just wanted to thank you once again.”
“Anytime,” she responds, and I hang up the phone. I toss it onto my bed and then lift my shirt up over my head. The hem of it catches on my nose, and I hiss in a deep breath.
Making my way into the bathroom, I look at it in my mirror. The thing is still swollen. I’m pretty sure the chick broke it. I reach up and try to touch it, but the pain shoots down my face. Cussing up a storm, I reach into the medicine cabinet and down some Advil. That’s gonna have to do for now. I have some things I have to take care of tonight.
*****
I hate this part of my job. The part where the loved ones have to say goodbye—where they have to face the evil in the world. That’s my job. That’s why I became a cop. To handle those situations so others don’t have to.
I look down at the paper to verify the address one last time and pull up outside of the house that matches it. I turn off my truck and reach over to the passenger seat to grab the box that I had placed the food in and grab the freshly washed baby blanket. With a deep breath, I exit my truck.
I take a few more deep breaths as I walk up to the house. The sight of the baby walker on the front porch breaks my heart. Was the little girl an only child? Would that make it easier or harder for them? I don’t have children. But I wasn’t an only child. I have a younger brother that I never speak to. And my father loves him more. I was my mother’s favorite. I’m not saying that every family is that way, but that’s how I was raised. That’s what I know. Doesn’t mean it’s right, just means I understand it—favoritism.
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