“What are you doing here?” I ask softly, still trying to swallow that stupid feeling that wants to bubble to the surface.
He places his hands in his front pockets nervously. He looks at the door of my father’s room, and I know he overheard what was said. I should feel angry toward him, but I’m not. I’m relieved that I didn’t have to explain it to him. He heard it firsthand.
“I wanted you to know that I understand what I did last night what uncalled for. I didn’t mean what I said.” His voice is soft but we both know what he said was a lie.
“But you did,” I correct him.
“Katherine,” he sighs running a hand through his hair, “I’m trying.”
“I’m not asking you to.” I look up at the ceiling, not wanting to lose my cool. I feel a nervous breakdown trying to surface and this is not the place or time.
“That’s just the thing,” he says taking a step closer to me. “You’re not asking anything of me. Quit playing hard to get.”
My mouth falls open. “You think that’s what this is?” I ask breathlessly. “You think this is all a game to me?” I hang my head and sigh before I look back up at him. “I’m not a prize to be won, Parker. I am whatever I need to be when the time calls for it.” He wants to know a little bit about me? I’ll fill him in. “I needed a mother—I became my own mother. I needed someone to love me so I loved myself. I needed a life so I made a life for myself. What can you give me that I can’t give myself?” I demand. And instantly regret those words. I don’t want him to give me anything. I know he could hear the anger in my voice. Fear that I’ll one day be like my father. Alone and stuck in the past—the past that I hate so much. I’ve always accomplished whatever I wanted, but allowing someone in, allowing him in—he can let me down. He can fail. I can fail, and I probably will.
He takes another step toward me and places his palm on my cheek. Like a dog needing affection, I lean into it. Loving the feel of his warm hand on my skin.
“Me,” he replies. “The only thing I can give you that you can’t give yourself is me,” he replies softly.
I look up at him feeling lost and confused. He just spoke the one word that broke down a part of my wall that I’ve spent so much time building up. “Why would you want me?” I whisper. “I’m just a heartless fucking bitch,” I repeat the words he yelled at me last night.
His eyes move away from mine and look at my father’s door once again. He takes a deep breath and then looks back down at me. “You have the biggest heart of anyone I know, Katherine. You just hide it really well.”
I almost crack a smile at those words. “I’ve always been good at hiding.”
He tilts his head to the side and gives me a slow smile as his brown eyes search mine. “I see you, Kat. I see you clear as day and just like the sun, you blind me with how beautiful you are.”
CHAPTER TWELVE
PARKER
Do you ever open your eyes and see the world differently? Do you ever wake up and think damn, I’ve been blind for as long as I can remember? I just did! It’s invigorating and terrifying at the same time. After leaving Katherine’s house yesterday afternoon, I realized it was a mistake. I felt it the moment I pulled out of her drive. I was mad and got defensive. She wasn’t opening up to me, and I hated that she could keep something so important from me. Sex has always been just sex to me. But with her, I needed something deeper than sex with her. So I had stopped down the street from her house. I had an internal battle with myself to go back and tell her that I was sorry, but while I sat on the side of the road, I saw her car drive by. Like the stalker I have become concerning her, I followed her. Pulling into a nursing home was the last place I thought we would end up at. I figured it was going to be a guy’s house and I was gonna have to shoot him. I seriously had my gun loaded and ready. Have I mentioned that I’ve lost my mind? I have!
I waited for her to leave, but she never did. I called her, but she ignored it. Then when I called her back, I realized she had turned off her phone. I called into work to tell them that I wasn’t coming in and fell asleep in my truck waiting for her to leave. And when I woke up, it was daylight and her car was still in the same spot. I couldn’t wait any longer. I went inside and told them her name. Normally, they wouldn’t have given out that information. But after I gave them a spiel about needing to speak to her and flashed my badge that I always keep on me—because women love that shit—they gave me the room number that she was in. I was about to knock when I heard an older man speak. I heard him call out to a Jules and then I heard Kat speak. It only took me a second to understand what was going on. It did something to me. It made me realize who she is. A daughter just trying to get by in a world that doesn’t know who she is. That has to fuck with her head. And it made me realize what I wanted to be. Hers. Believe me, I know how fucking crazy I sound. I keep popping up everywhere she is. I can’t help but want to be near her.
I left her there at the nursing home, promising to be over later. She was there to be with him, even if he wasn’t mentally there for her. And I give her major props for being that strong, but she’s gonna break. I could see it in her eyes. I could hear the fear in her voice. She’s gonna break—everyone does. And when she does, I’m gonna be there.
I don’t know exactly where that leaves us. I told her that she could have me, but she didn’t say she wanted me. But fun fact—she didn’t say she didn’t want me. So, I’m in limbo right now, which is better than where I have been. I’ll take it.
I had gone home, showered and changed, and grabbed Puss Puss. She hasn’t been acting herself and I am having the vet look at her.
So, now I sit in the waiting room as I softly pet her. She hates her crate and breaks out in hives if I leave her in it too long. So it sits down at my feet while she sits on my lap purring. I look up when the bell rings alerting them of a new client. A woman walks in with a cat on a leash and I frown. Maybe I should try that with Puss Puss. She checks in and sits down on the bench beside me.
Puss Puss arches her back and I get a better hold on her. She doesn’t like other pets. She’s a total attention whore.
“Your cat is pretty,” I say to the old lady, trying to make conversation.
“Thank you.” She smiles sweetly. “She’s very friendly.”
I lift my hand that’s not holding Puss Puss and ask, “May I?” she nods. And I reach over and run my hand down her orange back. She arches it and starts to purr.
I pull away and go back to petting Puss Puss. “My pussy is much softer than yours,” I say truthfully
Her mouth drops open and she gasps. “Young man…”
“How often do you bathe her?” I interrupt her. “I bathe Puss Puss once a month,” I inform her as I reach down and pet her black fur. “They say that bathing them can dry their skin out but not if you use the right stuff.” She looks at me wide-eyed and I continue. “Dawn is the best for them.”
She nods with her mouth half open. “Thanks,” she says but sounds unsure if she should be thanking me.
“Parker?”
I look up at the cute little brunette who calls my name. She’s tried to get in my pants in the past. But I refuse to fuck her since she works at Puss Puss’s vet. Kinda don’t bite the hand that feeds you type of thing. Girls are about revenge, and even though their turnover rate is high here, I still value my cat’s care.
“What’s going on with Puss Puss?” she asks as I place her up on the table.
“She hasn’t been as active as she normally is,” I say trying to calm her by petting her. “She’s been lazier than ever before. And she meows all the time.” Puss Puss has never been one of those cats that is overly talkative.
“Okay. Let’s see if we can get her weight.” She motions to the scales. I place her on them and quickly remove my hand for the best possible read.
I take her off when finished and hold her tightly to my chest.
“She’s gained three pounds, Parker. You need to put her on a diet.”
I let out a breath. “How much does she need to lose?” I question. I’ve never put her on one before.
“Five pounds would be best.”
That’s easy, right? She takes out a pen and paper, writes down the name of some cat food, and tears it off. “Here, get this for her. Give her one bowl a day. I want her to come back in a month.”
“What?” I ask looking down at it. “One bowl? She’ll starve.”
“How often do you feed her now?”
“I fill her bowl to the top and she eats whenever she is hungry.”
She shakes her head. “That’s not good for her, Parker.” She reaches over and pets my pussy. “Do what I said and she will be back to herself in no time.”
As soon as we leave the vet, I go to the store and get what she said Puss Puss needed. I go home and pour out her big bowl of food. I then fill her pink princess dish up with the amount of new food they recommended. It barely covers the bottom of her bowl.
“What are you doing?” Tate asks as he enters the kitchen. The lovely bride and groom are officially back from their honeymoon.
“I had to get Puss Puss new food. She’s on a diet.”
He chuckles. “About time. It took her three times yesterday to get up on the couch.”
I turn around to look at him. “If she wanted up on the couch, why didn’t you help her and place her on the couch?” I ask.
He shrugs. “Didn’t think of it.”
I sigh as I turn back around to her. “Come on.” I bend down and shake her bowl. “It’s yummy. Try it.”
She lies down and meows up at me. “She doesn’t like it,” Tate states.
“Yes. I know,” I say rolling my eyes at him. I get up and open the fridge. I look around, trying to find something, anything. I smile when I find what I think will help. I close the fridge and grab a spoon out of the drawer. I open up the yogurt and dip it out and into the bowl. I mix her food around and she starts meowing as she gets up off her side.
“There you go,” I say with a smile as she starts to eat it.
“That can’t be good for her diet,” Tate says, shaking his head.
I lift up the now empty yogurt container. “It says fat-free.” How bad can it be? I stand and throw away the now empty yogurt container and go to walk out of the kitchen.
“Have plans tonight?” he asks.
I’m not ready to hear the shit storm I’ll get from him about Katherine. “Yeah,” is all I say.
*****
I make my way up to her door like I live here. I reach out and turn the knob. It opens up for me. “Kat?” I call out as I shut and lock it behind me.
“In the bedroom,” she calls out, and I rub my hands together. Already in the bedroom.
“I could get used to this,” I say making my way down her hallway. I walk into her room and don’t see her. “Hello?”
“I’ll be right out,” she answers from behind her bathroom door.
“You don’t need to freshen up for me, sweetheart,” I call out as I sit down on the side of her bed and I hear her laugh. I don’t know why women feel they have to make themselves all pretty in order for a man to fuck them. Men are simple—they always want to have sex. They don’t care about your morning breath. In fact, I’m pretty sure that was why doggie style was invented. They don’t care if it’s winter and you haven’t shaved your legs in a week. They don’t care if you’re on your period—well, some men might draw the line there. I don’t. The dirtier the sex, the better.
These days women want to be all nice and smell fresh. I remember how I found out cinnamon and my cock did not mix.
I sit in a woman’s shower that I just met a couple of hours ago, with her sprayer on me full blast. “What the fuck did you use?” I cry as I bend over grabbing my cock.
She runs over to her sink and picks up a red bottle. “It was supposed to make your orgasm last longer,” she says in a rush.
“Does this look like a fucking orgasm?” I snap. “Oh, my God.” I throw my head back. It burns! My cock burns so bad. I kick the shower floor. She sprayed her fucking pussy with some cinnamon bullshit and now my cock is paying the price. “Fuuuuccckkk,” I say through clenched teeth.
“Wash it off,” she suggests coming over to me. She falls to her knees outside the open shower door and grabs her shampoo. She squirts a good amount into her hand and reaches out for me.
I shake my head quickly. “No.” Fuck, my cock has never been in so much pain. My balls have shriveled up into my stomach and my cock is fucking burning in hell. “Oh, please Jesus,” I beg. “Just make it stop.”
It hurt to pee for a week. I learned my lesson then to be more careful where I stick my cock. I hear her sink turn on and I look around her bedroom. It doesn’t look like a typical woman’s bedroom. There are no pink or purple colors. Her walls are a soft gray and her bedspread is silver. She has a long dresser and one nightstand by her side of the bed. I look down at the floor and see an object that catches my eye.
I lean down and pick it up. It’s blue and white and reads Body Wand on the front of it. It has a long handle with a big white looking ball on the top.
I wrap my hand around it and my thumb grazes a dial. I push it up and it starts to softly vibrate.
“Hmm,” I say as I place it on my upper back. I turn it up a little more as I allow it to massage my back. It feels amazing. I should get one of these. I close my eyes and run it over as much as my arms allow me to reach on my back.
“What are you doing?”
I open my eyes and drop the Body Wand. “Hmm?”
Katherine stands there in an oversized t-shirt that barely covers her sex and my cock hardens. Her hair is down and falls over her shoulders. Her beautiful face is how I like it—free of make-up. She leans up against the door and gives me a small smile. “Having fun?” she asks.
“With this?” I ask picking it up. “It feels good.”
She laughs. “It does, indeed.” She pushes off the door and walks over to me. She takes it from my hand and turns the dial up all the way. The sound of it vibrating fills her bedroom. I sigh when she places it on my chest.
“So good.” I close my eyes. She slowly moves it down my chest and over my stomach. My eyes spring open and I jump up off the bed when she places it on my cock. “What the fuck?” I ask looking down at her.
She lifts it up and I now notice that it has a cord to it. “Is it plugged into the wall?” I ask.
She nods and then bites her bottom lip. A little smirk appears on her face. “How did that feel?”
“Great until you placed it on my cock.” I guess it could have felt great if I wasn’t so surprised.
She looks down at it and then looks back up at me. “Why are you looking at me like that?” She has this naughty smile on her face.
She hands me the Body Wand and asks, “Where would you put it?”
Where would I…? And then it comes to me. “This is your vibrator?” I ask in shock. She nods. “Damn. No wonder a cock can’t get you off.”
She shoves me in the shoulder with a smile. “I’m serious,” I say, pushing the dial all the way up. “This is hardcore,” I observe. “Hell, it even plugs into the wall.”
“Never run out of batteries,” she adds.
“Will you show me?” I ask, handing it back to her.
“Show you?” she asks slowly.
I step up to her. “I wanna watch you get yourself off with it,” I whisper, running my thumb over her bottom lip.
Watching a woman get herself off is the most sensual thing ever. The way she touches herself. The way she controls her own body. Most women won’t do that. They’re ashamed. Afraid. But I know Kat won’t be. She’s just not that way. Only she knows what her body requires and I wanna see it firsthand.
I reach down and grab the hem of her t-shirt. I lift it up and she drops the vibrator onto the bed in order to lift her arms above her head. “Fuck,” I sigh when I find her naked. I toss the t-shirt behind me and run my hands up her small waist and rib
cage. I cup her big tits and she lets out a sigh. Her soft pink nipples harden at my touch and I lick my lips. “Show me, sweetheart,” I demand, and she nods her head.
I let go of her and take a step back from her. She lies down on the bed and picks up the vibrator. “Just pretend I’m not here,” I say when she looks over at me.
She smiles. “Why would I do that? I want you to watch.”
Fuck me! She’s sexy as fuck.
The vibrating sound fills the room as she turns it on. I make my way down to the end of the bed and look down at her as she spreads her legs and places it against her clit. Her body jerks a little at the first feel. But then she lets out a long sigh.
I crawl onto the bed and I look down at her body. Legs spread and completely vulnerable. I fucking love it. And my cock hardens just remembering what the inside of her tight, smooth pussy felt like.
Her back bows and her legs shift on the bed as I hear the vibration between her legs grow louder. She sucks in a deep breath as her free hand cups her breast.
“Allow me.” I reach out to hold it in place for her, letting her have both of her hands free. I change my mind. I wanna be the one to get her off. I wanna be the one in control of what her body does.
Her body continues to move as her hands run up her sides. Her nails leave red marks as her hands run up the side of her chest, then her face, and she tangles them in her hair. She moans as she throws her head back and her mouth falls open. My cock aches to be in it. For her to taste me. For me to taste her.
“Come on, baby. Let me see you get off,” I say desperately.
“Oh God,” she cries out, and I turn up the speed.
I shift on my knees trying to allow my hard cock some movement behind my jeans.
When she cries out again, I start to move the head of the vibrator around. Slowly up and down her pussy before placing it back on her clit. “God, I wanna fuck you with this,” I say out loud, and she lets out a moan.
I watch as the muscles in her stomach tighten and her legs start to stiffen. “Putain, je viens,” she cries and I kick myself for not knowing French. But I don’t have to know what she says to know what her body feels as she comes right before me.
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