by Anni Taylor
After I’d dressed and come downstairs, I found Nan outside working on getting her precious ivy to grow over the toolshed, twisting it through the wire mesh that she’d put up before.
“You slept past lunch,” she told me over her shoulder. “There’s a chicken curry in the fridge.”
“Thanks, Nan.”
“You must have had an awful lot to drink, to sleep this late.”
“We had a few toasts to Nanna Rosie. Nan, she died last night.”
She winced. “Oh no. Not Rosie.”
I knew that Nan hearing of deaths of the older group of people she’d known hit her particularly hard. Each death was like a nail in her own coffin. Nan hadn’t even been good friends with Rosie. Rosie had been a firm believer in happiness, not in duty and stoicism, like Nan.
“Sad news, but Sass told me she enjoyed her life ’til the end,” I said, trying to soften the blow. “Saskia flew up to Queensland already.”
“I’ll send a card.” She resumed threading the ivy.
“Nan,” I said hesitantly. “I’m going out tonight. Just to dinner.”
She stopped, her shoulder bones drawing in together. “Who with?”
“A man that I met.”
She started shaking her head even before she turned around. “That’s not the right thing to do.”
“Why isn’t it?”
“You have a husband.”
“A husband who’s dating another woman.”
“You’re not going to fix this by going after other men.”
“I didn’t go after him. He asked me. And anyway, Luke already broke our marriage.”
“A good woman knows to be patient and show her best side. Her husband will see sense, sooner or later.”
I frowned at her with sudden realisation. “Granddad cheated on you, didn’t he?”
Her face crumpled. “Why would you say such a terrible thing?”
“He did, didn’t he? And you just waited it out, right?”
“I don’t want to talk about this, Phoebe. It’s none of your business. In any case, sometimes men stray. If a woman wants to keep the marriage solid, she’ll pull out all stops to get him back.”
“That’s the same kind of advice you used to give Mum. Stay with your husband, no matter how abusive he is. She was your own daughter, Nan. How could you do that?”
She pulled her lips in, dusting her hands of dirt. “I was raised to be strong. Not like you young women of today.”
“You and I have a different idea of what it is to be strong.”
“I was twenty-six, and I already had the two boys,” Nan said with a tremble in her voice. “Your grandfather started chasing a seamstress around. She worked in the textiles factory. What was I going to do? There wasn’t any help back then. I stuck it out. And we ended up having a good life, your grandfather and I.”
I bit my lip. Hard. “Were you happy?”
“Happiness is a fleeting thing. No one has hold of it for long. But a marriage keeps a family together and provides stability. That’s worth a lot. And your grandfather and I were very fond of each other.”
I was about to point out that Mum was never fond of my dad, but in truth, I didn’t know that for certain. Mum was always so guarded about her real feelings.
Leaving Nan to her ivy, I headed into the kitchen to heat up the curry. I took it up to my bedroom.
Down on the street, Bernice was walking home. She was sporting a large, floppy purple handbag. I recognised it from the stash of second-hand wares at number 29.
Damn. If I’d been out of bed earlier, I could have followed her to see where she was going.
I needed to try to find the stranger tonight.
Closing my eyes, I told myself I needed to get through the dinner with Dash. So that I could head out and search without Nan getting suspicious.
Three hours later, I began getting everything ready. I’d wear tight black pants, a nice red top, boots, and a black jacket tonight. In my bag, I packed a knit cap, warm gloves, and my notebook. I spent ten minutes researching evolutionary psychology on the internet. If I was going to pretend to interview a scientist, I needed to know a bit about my subject.
Dr Moran called me on the phone just as I was packing two of Nan’s sharpest kitchen knives into my bag. She was surprised when I told her about my big step of going out on a date night. I could tell by her voice that she didn’t know whether to cheer or be alarmed. If she could see me right now, she’d definitely swing to the alarmed side.
Another three hours after that, I was ready to leave. It would take me the better part of half an hour to walk to Darling Harbour.
Nan seemed to control her glaring expression somewhat as I headed for the front door.
“I’ll be back before midnight,” I told her.
“Where is he? Isn’t he picking you up?”
“I’m meeting him just down the road.”
“You stay safe and make him bring you home,” she told me.
I nodded, not wanting to verbalise yet another lie.
The night sky was clearer than the sky during the day had been. Thank God, the ever-present rain and fog were holding off tonight.
I walked to the pier and waited. I wanted to be the first one there. I needed to be the one to set the tone for the date. If I could control everything with Dash tonight, I could get through it. Maybe.
Seagulls burst from the dark sky as I stood by the pylon. Like harbingers of doom from an apocalypse movie.
Minutes ticked. He was late.
I waited longer. Until he was so late that I was starting to feel a bit like an idiot. People in the outdoor cafes and bars were watching me. They all had a good view. I shouldn’t have made this the meeting place. Last night, in the deep of the fog, it hadn’t seemed quite so public.
So, he’d ditched me for a better option.
I’d have to fill in some time before I headed back to my street.
I walked the loser’s walk of shame towards the nearest bar and ordered a drink. I seated myself on a bar stool. Within the space of five minutes, I was hit upon by two men.
Look, here she is. The poor loser girl who got stood up. She’s an easy target now that she’s got the stink of rejection on her.
Yet another man made his move. He parked himself on the stool next to mine, doing a quick, nervous lick of his bottom lip. He was bulky underneath his too-tight shirt. It was obvious he worked out. A lot. Too much. Sleeping with him must be like sleeping next to a bundle of boulders.
I forced myself to grin and make light conversation. I tried to channel Sass. Sass flirted with everyone. Even women. Even with my nan.
“Are you meeting with friends?” the bulky man asked me.
“A guy. But it looks like he found something better to do.”
The man stared at me with interest. “So, are you coming home with me instead?”
I straightened, confused. “How did the conversation get there?”
“Just want to know where I stand. We could be wasting your time and mine if this isn’t headed anywhere.”
I felt so, so far out of the singles scene. It all felt as impersonal as a transaction. Only no money was being exchanged. Just time. And cheap conversation. And most of all, bodies.
“Okay, I’ll give you an answer,” I told him. “In respect of your time, the answer’s no.”
He barely missed a beat. “Your answer doesn’t have to be no. Let’s break this down. What are your reasons for saying no to me?”
“A second ago, you were worried about wasting your time. Well, you’re not going to get productive here. You might as well go try your luck with someone else.”
“You’d be surprised how many women respond to being asked straight out if they want to sleep with me. It gives them a direction. But maybe you’re not like that and I took this too fast. Let’s dial it back a bit. What do you do for work?”
I leaned towards him slightly and spoke slowly and concisely. “I don’t want to talk to you anymore.�
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“That’s a bitchy thing to say.” But he remained sitting there, sipping his drink, as though he believed that getting past my defences was just a matter of persistence. “You don’t even know me, but you’re just dismissing me.”
“I’m not dismissing you. Just your offer.”
I was completely out of my depth. Sass would have handled it like an expert. I wasn’t Sass.
I needed to get out of here. It was too crowded. Airless. The body heat of the packed crowed was mixing with perfume and sweat and sour alcohol. The music was hammering my ears. Sass had no problem entering bars alone. I didn’t know how she did it. I didn’t know why she did it.
The bulky man was obviously still not satisfied. He didn’t leave. “You damned women get it too easy. You just get to sit there like a princess and wait for men to come to you.”
I eyed him directly. “What if I just wanted a drink or two to drown my sorrows before I head home? What makes you think I’m some kind of man-processing factory?”
He chewed his lip, not answering. His eyes were round and strangely childlike in that meaty, square-jawed face. I realised he was probably only twenty-two. I felt a weird twinge of pity for him.
“Hey bud, she’s with me,” came a voice from the other side of me. An American voice.
I turned, and it was Dash.
Dash, in a midnight-blue shirt and his hair smoother than it had been last night, was even better looking than I’d remembered. He had a kind of young Keanu Reeves look to his features.
The bulky guy pulled himself up from the stool, but then stopped, peering at Dash. “Hey, I went to a seminar today. Aren’t you Dash Cit—?”
“Whatever,” Dash cut in. “Get lost and stop bugging people.”
Shaking his head, Mr Bulky began making his way back to wherever he came from. I stared after him. Mr Bulky hadn’t left when I’d asked him to. He’d only left when another male had basically claimed me. I resisted an urge to follow and kick him in the shin.
Dash slid onto the stool that Mr Bulky had deserted “I caught the last couple of things that jerk said.”
“I think he’s just a bit of a stupid kid, trying out pickup lines.”
“Sorry I’m late. Got caught up and couldn’t get away.”
“Don’t sweat it. After all, I had a bar buddy to keep me company.” I made a wry face.
A grin caught at the edges of his mouth. “Hungry?”
“Yeah.” I was never hungry.
I walked with him to a restaurant that I’d chosen. I’d been to it years ago with Sass, Pria, and Kate. I remembered the food had been good.
I’d booked a table outside. Being outside made me feel less anxious. Like if I needed to get up and run, I could.
The night remained clear, lights from the boats reflecting on the water. A large two-level boat filled with diners in formal dress sat at the edge of the boardwalk. A wedding maybe.
Dash ordered a bottle of wine before we’d even seated ourselves.
“So, should we get started on the interview?” I asked.
“I worked a three-hour seminar today. We’ll eat first. Talk shop later.”
“I’m cool with that.”
“Why don’t you tell me about you? You know stuff about me. I know zero about you.”
“That wasn’t the point of coming here tonight.”
“Yeah, but even I get bored talking about myself.”
“Maybe you should work on your notoriety, so you don’t run out of material.”
He laughed at my joke. He laughed so easily. So naturally. Luke wasn’t like that. Luke had a pre-approved list of comedians and comic actors that he found funny, and all other attempts at humour were met with stone-cold silence. Including mine. Especially mine. He never found me funny.
A waiter came with the wine then, rescuing me from talking about myself for the moment.
Straight after we ordered, my phone buzzed. It was Luke. The message said Urgent.
“Would you excuse me?” I asked Dash.
“Go right ahead.”
Stepping away out of Dash’s earshot, I called Luke.
When Luke answered, he sounded a little lazy, as though he was lying around somewhere.
Probably her bed.
He was somewhere next to a clock. I could hear the tick tick tick. We had no analog clocks at our house.
“Did Gilroy get in contact with you yesterday afternoon?” he asked.
“No. I was probably at Sass’s. What was it about?”
“Don’t know. He didn’t tell me.”
“If it was about Tommy, he would have told you. Why’d you text me to say this was urgent?”
He paused and then sighed. “I just wanted to hear your voice. And know that you’re okay.”
I exhaled in annoyance. “I’m okay.”
“Where are you tonight? I called you at your nan’s, but she said you were out again. She told me what happened with Nanna Rosie. So, I know you’re not with Sass.”
“I’m just out with a friend.”
“What? A guy?”
“What does it matter?”
“Who is he?”
“You don’t have the right to ask me that.”
He sighed in a low, drawn-out voice. “I don’t want you to start seeing other men. If you care about our marriage at all, you won’t do this.”
“But you—”
“Phoebe . . . I’m so fucking confused right now. I feel like if we don’t get together and talk this out now, then things are going to go so far that we can’t fix it. We need to talk. Please?”
“I’m sorry you’re confused about which woman you want,” I said dryly.
“That’s not what I meant.”
“That’s exactly what you meant.”
“Phoebe . . .”
“I don’t even care. And I don’t want to talk to you.”
I ended the call.
Luke’s idea of relationships was as strange as Nan’s. He obviously didn’t think that him seeing another woman had irreparably damaged our marriage. But he thought that me seeing another man would.
I felt burned after the conversation. I didn’t know him anymore.
I’d call Gilroy in the morning to see what he wanted to talk to me about. He was probably just keeping an eye on me. To check that I wasn’t up to more crazy stuff.
Like what I was planning to do later.
I returned to the table.
“Anything wrong? You look like you just swallowed a lemon,” Dash remarked.
“Everything’s all right.” I waved a hand in front of my face. “Okay, I just reset my expression. No more sour lemon.”
He shot me an amused glance. “Maybe a bit less sour.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“Well, you do kind of have that resting bitch face thing going on.”
“Seriously?”
“Yeah.”
“Fine. You’ll just have to put up with it.”
“I ordered for you while you were on the phone.”
“What did you order for me?”
“Something nice.”
“Guess I’ll find out.” I relaxed, smiling. Ruining my resting bitch face. “So, what do you think of Sydney so far?”
“I’ve been here before.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yup. Last December.”
“You were?”
“Sure was. Setting things up for the seminars that are happening now. Choosing the venues and all of that. I left a New York winter to head straight into blistering heat. This time, I left the sunshine to head into your doom-and-gloom winter.”
“It’s been a nasty one.”
“Hey, I think that’s when I saw you before. In December. Can’t remember where, though.”
Okay, so he really did see me before? Maybe it hadn’t been a pickup line. My face had been all over the news back then. I swallowed. “I live in Sydney. Maybe we walked past each other?”
“Or maybe I sa
w you in a newspaper.”
“What?” My voice went weak.
“Maybe your photo was with one of your articles or something. Either a newspaper or online. But your hair was different.”
I relaxed again. He still didn’t remember me as being the mother of an abducted boy. My hair had been cut in a shoulder-length layered style then. And I was carrying a lot more weight—I was one of those people whose faces looked very different when they gained or lost weight. I needed to change the subject. “Maybe. Hey, I didn’t get an answer to my question earlier. About Sydney?”
“Okay, yeah. I haven’t had a lot of time to look around, either time I’ve been here. But I like what I’ve seen. You guys are spoiled. It’s a sexy-looking city. And the wait staff are nice even though you don’t tip them. But the bad thing is that everything starts shutting down just as I’m ready to head out. The place is like a teenager on curfew.”
“Good analogy, I guess. Sydney is a bit like a teenager. Subject to curfews, a bit awkward, a bit self-conscious about its pimples.” I shrugged. “But a lot of fun to be around.”
“Maybe you could show me some of the fun places I haven’t seen.”
“Don’t you have a tight schedule?” I tried to keep a hopeful note out of my voice. I wanted him to be too busy.
“I still gotta eat and have some downtime.”
“And spend some time working on being notorious.” I laughed.
He laughed with me, but then his eyes grew serious. “Well, don’t go believing all that you’ve heard about me.”
He had no idea that I didn’t know who he was. Without knowing his last name, I wasn’t able to look him up earlier. I lifted my chin, studying his face. “I don’t take anything at face value. There’s always more to a story than you know.”
“I’m warming to you.” He kept his gaze on me. “I bet you’re someone who does interesting things in their spare time.”
My one and only hobby is the relentless search for a little boy. “I do amateur theatre. I guess that’s my big love.”
“I like that.”
“What about you?”
He grinned. “Cause mayhem. Gotta keep the notoriety going somehow.”
I grinned back. “I like that.”
The scent of steaming-hot food reached me before the waiter placed the plates on our table. I already knew what we were having before I laid eyes on it. Dash had chosen pumpkin ravioli for the two of us.