by Robin Janney
Fixing herself a large cup of tea and finding a blueberry muffin, Angela wondered what the big deal was. It wasn’t like she was going to let her flowers die. Sitting at the kitchen island, Angela checked her email on the phone as she bit into her muffin. Her heart skipped at the reply from Kevin, but she opened the one from her sister first.
Scanning the flight information, Angela starred the email for later reference and went back to her Inbox. Opening Kevin’s reply, she was amused to find her own thoughts echoed by the shrink.
At least it wasn’t her imagination like Pat claimed. Kevin had known her husband far longer than she had, and she was comfortable turning to him for help where Craig was concerned.
But did she really want Kevin talking with her own doctor? She wasn’t concerned with herself at the moment. Picking at the empty muffing wrapper, Angela was surprised to realize she had eaten it all. Even though the evening meal wasn’t far off, she fetched herself a second muffin and returned to her seat.
What could it hurt to let the two doctors talk? If they agreed with her, fine. If they didn’t agree with her, she’d ignore them like usual. She was wise enough to leave that part out when she emailed Pat’s contact information to Kevin. As she finished her second muffin, she decided to send Pat an email as well, so the doctor wouldn’t be taken by surprise.
Cleaning up her mess, Angela was surprised to hear her phone chime. Text messages from the sound of it. Thinking it might be Craig, she grabbed the phone quickly and opened the Messages.
It was an unknown number.
Sending her pictures?
She almost deleted it without opening it. But her innate curiosity got the better of her.
Her husband she recognized immediately, but not the woman he was with. The other woman was pretty, short and blonde. Every curl seemed to be in place, every stroke of makeup perfect. Her figure was obscured behind a baby stroller in the first picture, but in the second picture it was quite clear.
And suddenly Angela felt too tall, even though she knew she was only average at five-eight. And too small in the breasts and too wide at the waist. And her hair was too brown. And too red, though she’d never admit that part out loud. Thank God she hadn’t inherited that gene from her birth parents.
The third picture, one of Craig hugging the short woman, made her thumping heart almost stop.
Craig never hugged women. Angela had never seen him even hug Cassie. Or Sherry. Not even his mother-in-law. Her husband always just shook their hands.
Confused, Angela decided to reply to the text. Who are you?
Hearing Nan, she assumed it was Nan, coming in from the outside, Angela walked out of the kitchen and up the curving stairs to their second level as she waited a reply. Closing herself in her bedroom, she opened her laptop and curled up on her husband’s side of the bed. Princess hopped on the bed beside her, for the stay off the bed rule was suspended when Craig wasn’t here.
Craig’s scent still lingered here in their bed; he hadn’t been gone long enough for it to fade completely and Angela was thankful for this.
There was no one online.
No one to talk to.
Rolling away from the computer, she laid back on the bed and breathed. Just breathed.
It had to be someone from New York. That much was only logical. The woman in the photo had to be a friend Craig knew from his youth. It could even be one of his cousins. She had met a handful since their marriage, but not all of them. His parents’ families hadn’t been as large as her mother’s family was, but each of his parents had a couple siblings. This beautiful buxom blonde could be one of the in-laws she hadn’t met yet.
That could explain why he had looked so happy and relaxed talking with her.
Her phone chimed again, and Angela checked it. “A friend. Yeah, my ass you are.”
But she decided to play along: Ok. Do you know who the woman in the pictures with my husband is?
The answer wasn’t as long in coming this time: His high school sweetheart Katie.
Katie?
Had Craig ever mentioned any kind of childhood sweetheart? Angela couldn’t remember. She set the phone to the side and tried to remember every conversation she and her husband had ever had. That she could remember. She knew it was impossible, but she tried anyway. Her effort was rewarded with a memory:
Angela was sitting in the cab of Craig’s pickup truck and a light Christmas carol by Alan Jackson was playing on the radio. She was tired from the emotions of the day. It had been hard hearing her brother’s name after so many years. The last time had been – senior prom, and she didn’t like thinking about senior prom.
The snow falling made her nervous. She loved playing in the snow, but the headlights made it hard to see the road and that always made her nervous. She and Craig were talking about the argument she’d had with her mother. Would he really understand why it was so important to her to not lose the farm? Her mother didn’t.
“Some of the happiest times of my life were on the farm. And some of the saddest. I don’t want the family cemetery to fall out of our hands either.” She sighed, it was tiring talking about this. The hours she had slept at the farm seemed a distant memory. “This farm is so precious to me, Craig. We wanted so badly to be in the country when we lived in the city. We got so tired of playing in the park all the time.”
It was hard referencing her brother, but it was the closest she could come to talking about him today. Especially since Craig was bringing the truck to a stop at the stop sign in Simmons Crossroads, even though there was nothing to be seen in any direction other than falling snow. This man deserved more from her than hints, but it was the best she could give.
“Have you thought maybe it’s time to let go of the past and make new memories? We all have to leave behind places and people we love,” he said as he turned the truck back towards Tyler’s Grove.
She couldn’t stop the sad whimper coming from her throat. New memories? She’d love to have new memories to replace the old…but it didn’t work that way, did it?
“Sometimes,” she decided to admit. Since he had been asking marriage questions earlier, even if she hadn’t understood them, maybe she’d bring up children. “It’s just…if I ever have children, I want to be able to bring them back here. Craig, I just can’t let the farm be sold to some city slicker who wants to try his hand at farming because he’s going through some kind of mid-life crisis.” She leaned her head against the side of the truck, praying she wasn’t sharing too much of herself. It always seemed to get her in trouble with people. “I don’t give up on the things I love.”
“So I’ve noticed.” He sounded almost tender, and Angela heard him move his head. He must have looked over at her. “Come here.”
“Hmm?” She was ready for another nap.
“Slide across the seat and lean against me. It’ll be softer and probably warmer.”
“Oh.” Thoughts of sleep vanished at his offer. She unbuckled and slid across the bench seat. Leaning against him, she inhaled deeply. She didn’t have words for his scent other than clean and fresh. “You smell so nice.”
He chuckled, and it felt wonderful to her. “So do you,” he said, a smile in his voice. It was enough to make her blush, and she was grateful for the darkness. And then he asked, “How the heck did your virginity get mixed into everything? I don’t see how it has anything to do with how hard you work.”
How embarrassing, but it was only fair since she’d been dumb enough to mention it earlier. Was she a virgin after what Derek had done…tried to do? Of course, she was. “I was telling Mom about some of the nice memories, trying to explain why the farm is so important to me. I made the mistake of mentioning my first kiss being under the maple tree by the barn. One thing led to another.”
“I see,” he said. There had been a brief hesitation. “Tell me about it.”
“Tell you about what?” He couldn’t be serious!
“About your first kiss.” Craig sounded almost nostalgic.
“I am.” He’d paused again, and when he spoke again he sounded a little embarrassed. “I was thirteen when I first kissed a girl. It was kind of awkward at first, but Katie said she liked it.” Another pause, definitely embarrassed. “I kind of liked it too, even though her braces got in the way. Your turn. How old were you?”
Oh God, she had to now. She groaned at the thought. He was going to laugh. “I was nine, and it was summer.”
“A summer romance?” He sounded amused, but not in a mean way. “Nice. Anybody I know?”
“You’ll laugh.” She knew he would, but it wouldn’t be mean.
“Try me.” It sounded so much like ‘I dare you’.
“It was Stinky Mallone.”
Craig did laugh, and it was a pleasant sound…
The memory faded, but the happiness even the memory of his laugh brought her was enough to distract Angela from the reason why she’d tried remembering this memory in the first place. But it was short lived, even with her dog pressed up against her side.
So, her husband’s first kiss had been with a girl named Katie. Angela didn’t remember him talking about her after that but given her spotty memory it didn’t mean much. It didn’t necessarily mean it was the same girl. But what were the chances?
It didn’t look like Katie had braces anymore.
Raising herself up, she closed her laptop and left her phone on the bedside table. She left her bedroom intent on helping Nan with dinner.
J ared watched his sister pick at her dinner. It was his first dinner at the main house in a week and he had wasted no time in finishing his first helping and asking for seconds. The meals the ranch hands ate did not compare to Nan’s.
“What wrong, Angie?” he asked her. “You’re not eating.”
She shrugged. “I had two muffins before dinner. It must have been too much.”
“Oh.” He didn’t have a comeback for that. How did muffins, even the huge ones Nan made, fill a person up? He shoved another spoonful of the chicken casserole into his mouth. “Cassie still coming this weekend?”
“Yeah. She’ll be arriving tomorrow night. I forget the time, but I saved the email.”
The rest of the meal passed in silence, his sister not eating more than a few bites and even turning down the blueberry cobbler Nan had made. Although, knowing his sister like he did, Jared wouldn’t be surprised if she came back for some cobbler later in the evening.
Helping Nan clear the table after Angela and Princess had disappeared together, Jared asked the housekeeper, “How long has she been picking at her meals like that?”
“Tonight would be the first. It’s also the first time she’s turned down dessert, but I’m sure she’ll be down for some later.” Nan shook her head at the haphazard way Jared had his dishes stacked.
“I hope so. I wonder what happened today.” Balancing the dishes, he carried them over to the sink.
Opening the door to the dishwasher, Nan took the dishes from the younger man and stacked them in the racks. “She’s been very quiet the past few days, so it might not have been anything from today.”
“Something tells me it was today,” said Jared softly.
Nan didn’t comment, and the two finished cleaning up in silence.
22
C raig leaned back in his bed, head resting against the wall. His laptop sat in his lap, his beautiful wife on the screen. He was only half listening as she talked about Cassie’s upcoming visit. He was distracted by the way her head tilted as she spoke, the way she brushed hair out of her eyes, the way she laughed over something Jared had said earlier in the day when she’d ridden out with the herd to visit him. Even through the computer, Angela’s blue eyes sparkled.
She looked tired, he thought. And sad. His last email from Pat wasn’t encouraging. The doctor couldn’t go into detail, but she said that Angela continued to be argumentative and uncooperative. Which wasn’t that unusual these past few months, but Pat had mentioned wanting to try new drugs again.
But Craig wasn’t ready to try to talk Angela into something she wasn’t ready for. If it was something she even needed, which he wasn’t even convinced of. Pat hadn’t impressed him during their last conversation before he’d left for New York. His wife wasn’t delusional, she was just scared.
“Craig? Are you listening to me?” asked Angela.
He blinked and smiled in chagrin. “Sorry Angel, I was just kind of watching you.”
“Oh.”
His wife always said that when she was at a loss of words. His smile softened. “What were you saying?”
She shrugged. “Nothing really.”
“How are you sleeping, Angela? You look tired.” Would she admit to the early mornings he’d witnessed? He doubted it and so wasn’t surprised when his wife shrugged and looked down at her hands.
“I’ve been having a lot of bad dreams,” she whispered almost too soft for him to hear.
That was one of the hot points between Angela and her doctor, but Craig didn’t comment on it. He waited for her to look at him again, never a long wait. “How often are you taking sleeping pills?”
“Once in a while. It doesn’t stop the dreams though.”
He nodded. Nan had mentioned they were going fast this past week. “Sometimes those pills actually make dreaming worse. Try going without them a couple of nights.”
“Easy for you to say,” she muttered.
“Don’t think I’m sleeping any better,” he told her. Aside from that first night, which had to be solely from exhaustion, he hadn’t slept a single night through. He’d fallen asleep for a few hours at the desk while watching her sleep via the cameras in their house more than once. “Especially since Veronica moved in the bedroom across the hall.”
“Any bad dreams?” she asked, her eyes narrowing.
He shook his head. “Not that I can remember. Which means no Dragon Dreams…I’ve never forgotten one of those.”
“Alright, I’ll go a few nights without any sleeping pills.” She shifted in bed, causing her image to shake momentarily. “How’s your dad?”
“Right now, he’s sitting up drinking a glass of wine and watching an old Perry Mason movie.”
“Who?” she asked.
Craig laughed. Every now and again he was reminded of the ten years between their ages. While her upbringing had been more old-fashioned than most of her generation, there were still some things she had missed. “It was a tv show about a lawyer. It was old when I was young, but they made them for a while.”
“I guess that makes sense.” His Angel rubbed a hand across her face tiredly. “I’ve been meaning to ask, have you managed to run into any of old classmates from high school? I wouldn’t think they all moved away.”
“There’s more than a few still living in the city or just outside it. The only one worth mentioning would be Mikey. Did I ever tell you about the Turtles?”
“Uhm, no. Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“When I was in school, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles were a big deal. I had three best friends who loved them as much as I did, and we even began to call each other by the Turtles’ names. Mikey was fortunate enough that his real name coincided enough with one of the Turtles, so was Donnie. I ran into him just the other day. Mikey, I mean. I was out walking while Dad was still in the hospital, and we ended up hanging out at a Starbuck’s for a while. I’m going to be going to his place in a couple days for dinner with his family. Our chat might be later than usual that night unless you want to skip it until morning.”
“I’d rather not skip it, but I’ll leave that up to you,” she replied. She smiled prettily at him. “Remember, it’s not quite as late out here as it is there.”
Chuckling, he nodded. “I’ll text you if it gets too late. Mikey and I always got along well, but his wife used to be a bit of a snob. I haven’t heard how they managed to end up married.”
“I’m sure you’ll hear all about it. Which Turtle were you?”
“I know who the Turtles are,” she said with a mock scowl. “I haven’t forgotten everything.”
He laughed at her teasing. “I wanted to be called Raph, but they told me I didn’t have the right personality for him.”
She looked at him for a moment, her smile softening. “You’re much more of a Leonardo than a Raphael.”
He had no answer for that. “I’m going to let you go, honey. It’s late enough on both our ends.”
“Can I ask you something?”
He sighed. What was it with the Carman women asking that question? Maybe it was just a Carman mannerism because Jared had pulled it on him before too. “Go ahead.”
“Do you remember when you saw Batman Begins in the theater years ago?”
God, that was a long time ago. She hadn’t even started working at the store yet. Where was she going with this? “Yeah, why?”
“Did you feel something bounce off your head? Like maybe a piece of popcorn?”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “Yes, I did. Was…that you?”
Her smiled looked relieved. “Yeah. I…just remembered it the other day. I thought you might like to know.”
“Oh my God, Angela…” Her memories were returning? It warmed him, and again he wished he was brave enough to bring her to him. He should be with her in case other less happy memories surfaced. If he prodded her now, would one resurface? “I always wondered how often our paths crossed before you started working at the store.”
“I’ll let you know if I remember anything more. So far, it’s just that.”
He nodded, and his watch beeped the hour. His wife needed sleep, otherwise he’d sit here and quiz her. He’d have to wait another time for the other conversations he knew they’d need to have someday. “You need to get some sleep, honey. We can talk more tomorrow.”
She nodded sadly. “Alright. Do you know yet when you can come home?”