by Robin Janney
As they walked down the steps of the porch to where Everett’s ride was waiting, Everett lit a cigarette. He took a couple deep puffs.
“Damn things will kill me yet,” he muttered, as they left the steps behind. “I don’t know all the details about recent events Craig, but I know enough. You’re going to have some hard days ahead, please…I beg of you, be patient with Angela. She’s asked to be the one to share the details with you, and we’ve decided to respect that.”
Craig drew a deep breath. “Yeah, I suspect there’s more than what I can see right now. It’s just…hard. Right before we were married, we were able to share everything with each other. I don’t know what changed in her after the coma, but I get so frustrated when I have to drag things out of her.”
The red-haired man nodded. “I understand. Her mother wasn’t always easy when it came to that either. Craig, I made mistakes with Jeannie, and I don’t want you to make the same mistakes I did. I’ve promised my daughter to not threaten you. She wants you staying with her by your own free will. So hypothetically speaking, if I ever find out that you’ve made the same mistakes I made with Angela’s mother, and yes, I am talking about infidelity, I will kill you without a second thought.”
Craig nodded, having expected a threat of some kind. “Hypothetically speaking, I would let you.”
Everett chuckled. “Make sure I don’t have to, because I like you Craig. You’ve been far better for Angela than I ever was for her mother.”
As his wife’s biological father opened the front passenger door to the large black SUV, Craig asked, “If you don’t mind my asking, what answer would you have given if Jeannie’s father had hypothetically threatened you?”
The older man paused, took a moment to look in the distance before answering. “At the time, I would have laughed it off. I had men who killed at my command – who would be stupid enough to threaten me? Looking back, if I had known then what I know now, I’d give the answer you gave me. Which encourages me. Makes me think Philip is right about you.” Everett held his hand out and shook his hand. “If you ever need to talk, Craig, you’re more than welcome to call me. I know how hard it can be.”
“Thank you, Everett, I’ll remember that.”
“Good. I think I’ll pass you off to Philip now.”
Craig nodded and turned away. Walking back to the long porch, he saw his father-in-law watching him from the top of the steps. He wondered which of the two fathers should frighten him more. Everett might have men at his disposal, but Philip was the one who had raised her. And Philip was far more important to his wife, and himself. During those few months Angela had been in a coma, he and Philip had spent more than a few hours talking at her bedside, more like a father and son than anything he’d experienced with his own father at the time.
Philip met Craig at the bottom of the steps, his eyes guarded and angry. “It’s early still, but I hope she has a restful night.”
“I hope so too,” Craig answered honestly. “Philip, I’m sorry for the mess I’ve made.”
“I know.” His father-in-law sighed and pulled the younger man in for an embrace. Craig could feel the other man’s anger fading away. “Learn from this. We’re all human, Craig, and we all fail, but we have to learn from those failings.”
“Yes sir,” Craig said, returning the embrace.
“This is the hard part of marriage, son. When we fail and have to fix what we’ve allowed to become broken.”
“I know,” replied the younger man, heartbreak in his voice.
“Did Everett manage to threaten you even though he promised Angela he wouldn’t?” Philip asked as the two pulled apart.
“He did, hypothetically. I think he also tried to encourage me though,” Craig answered. “Because he knows what it can be like to be where I’m at right now.”
Philip blew air through his lips. “Yes, I suppose he does at that. I’d like to say not to let it bother you, but he’s one to follow through on those kinds of threats. Even hypothetical ones.”
“Would you be the one he’d send?” asked Craig curiously.
“He’d try, but looking at you now, I don’t think he’d have to. I think you’re doing a pretty good job at beating yourself up.”
Craig nodded wordlessly, his lips pressed together tightly.
“The days ahead are going to be rough, Craig. Aside from your marital issues, Angela has things she needs to tell you about what happened in the woods. Things that no amount of foresight can stop. A lot happened out there, and it’s going to take her time before she can share. Don’t rush it, but don’t pull away like you did before when she hesitated to share about her missing memories.”
“Everett said the same. I’ll try,” Craig said in response to his father-in-law’s advice. It was going to be hard though. He wanted to protect her from his experiences. “I really will.”
“Take care, Craig.” Philip gave him another quick embrace before walking away to the car where Everett was waiting.
Craig turned to where Jared was waiting at the top of the steps. He gave his young brother-in-law a grim smile. “You want to threaten me, too? I don’t blame you if you do.”
Jared smiled back crookedly, and hopped down the steps, bags in hand. “Nah, I don’t think we’ll ever have this problem again.”
“Jared, I want to say thank you for that video you sent. I…” Craig closed his eyes briefly. Even at the cusp of his seventeenth birthday, his brother-in-law was a strange mixture of youth and adult. Craig opened his eyes and decided to be honest with the younger man. “I want you to know I had already made my decision to come home before I watched it, but I still needed to see it. I knew I had hurt her, have been hurting her but because of the distance I didn’t understand how badly.”
“I know. It’s why I sent it.” Jared scratched his head. “There’s more for you to see. I thought about not warning you, but Nan and I discussed it and…Angela tore your office up pretty bad after your fight. We didn’t touch it.”
Craig nodded and sighed. “Thanks for the warning.”
“No problem. You two will be alright, Craig. I know that, no matter how angry I am with you. I still know no matter what, the two of you have a pretty big love.”
“So I’ve been told,” Craig said, thinking of the Beast in the dream he’d had before he’d left for New York. He’d said something similar. He hadn’t thought of the dream in weeks, why would he now? “Jared, if you ever catch me being an asshole to your sister again, feel free to let me know.”
“I will.” Jared gave him a hug before following his father. “And I’ll remind you that you gave me permission too.”
Craig watched the vehicle drive away from the ranch house, the evening beginning to deepen. Alone, he returned to his home…despite the schism between his wife and him, it felt like home. Climbing the stairs to the second level, he opened the door to their bedroom. Angela had undressed and was curled up in the middle of their bed in a short silky top and panties. Her breathing was deep and even as she hugged a pillow in her arms. Princess was curled up at her feet, and canine eyes dared him to chase her off the bed. Whether sleeping or not, he decided to let his wife rest.
Leaving the door open in case Princess needed to come and fetch him, he returned to the lower level and ventured to his office. The door was locked, something he never did. He turned to go in search of the key and was met by Nan before he could cross the dining area.
“Did Jared warn you?” she asked, holding the key out to him.
“Yes.” Craig took the key from his housekeeper, not surprised to see blazing anger in her eyes. “How bad is it?”
“Bad,” she said. “I locked it because I didn’t want her cleaning it before you could see what she’s done. I can see your regret already over the fight you had, but…it’s going to break your heart, sir. If you would like help cleaning it…”
“No, I caused it and I’ll clean it up. You can go home for the night, Nan. Set the alarm on your way out.” Craig sighed
as he watched her walk away. Retracing his steps, he unlocked his office door and opened it. And sighed. “Yeah, they weren’t kidding.”
46
T he desk Craig had inherited from his Grandmother Annie had been swept clean, and apparently his wife had emptied desk drawers because papers and file folders were scattered around the desk. Walking in, he groaned at the sight of the desk.
The surface looked like Angela had stabbed it repeatedly with something sharp. Running his hand across the dark wood, he brushed splinters away. He didn’t know if it was repairable, some of the gouges were deep.
“Fuck,” he whispered softly. His wife had to have known what she was doing, had to know how damage to this desk would hurt him. “That’s a low blow, Angela.”
Then again, he could almost see his deceased grandmother’s look of disapproval at his recent behavior. So, maybe he did deserve this. He began to sort through the mess, knowing it wouldn’t be fast work.
It all came to a stop when he found one of their wedding pictures out of the frame in the mess.
“Oh my God,” he said, sitting on the floor. Now he knew why she’d been stabbing the desk…it had been the backdrop behind the picture as she obliterated her own image. His image hadn’t been targeted, neither had their friends at their sides. Had she done this to both pictures?
A quick search in the mess of papers and folders uncovered the other photo in the same state.
He didn’t know how long he sat there, his hand tracing over the pictures. Two of the happiest days of his life, and he’d come so close to throwing it all away. Why had his wife tried to erase herself from the pictures when he was the one who had wronged her? Shouldn’t she have been angry with him? Princess came in and laid down at his side, her head resting in his lap.
“Hey girl,” he said to her, running his hand over her head. “Everything alright upstairs?”
The dog sighed and looked up at him with those sad puppy dog eyes of hers.
“Yeah, I know.” Princess didn’t seem upset, but Craig decided to go upstairs and check on his wife. He climbed to his feet and left the pictures on the damaged desk. “Come on.”
Angela remained in the middle of their bed. She had rolled over at some point, because now she was facing away from the door. And it looked like she’d changed underpants, though it was hard to tell since they always looked the same to him. Princess huffed at him and laid down by the windows. Craig kicked his shoes off and lowered himself beside his wife. The moment his arm curled around her, she rolled over, turning into his embrace.
Her tears soaked through his shirt, and he held her close.
“I’m sorry, Craig,” she was saying. “I’m so sorry.”
He drew a deep breath as his hand rubbed her back. “You didn’t do anything wrong, Angela.” He slid his other arm under her neck to hold his wife with both arms and pressed a kiss to her temple. “I did though, and I could not be sorrier.”
“But I complicate things! I know I do. Look how I’m behaving right now! No wonder you stayed away so long…” She began to push away, but he held her fast.
“Angela, stop…stop…I need you here, honey…please.” His wife stopped struggling against him, her arm going around him again. “I don’t know what happened to you out in those woods, but I’d say you have every right to cry right now. And to be angry with the husband who threatened to cheat on you because you trusted him enough to ask about questionable pictures you’d received. I failed you, honey, and I’m sorry.”
“I…” She choked on her tears and in another moment asked, “I didn’t catch everything when my dads were talking about this, but would you have still chosen me if Katie had lived?”
Craig drew a deep breath, knowing it was a fair question. “I’m pretty sure Katie died because I chose you. My soon-to-be-ex-stepmother has been arrested for Katie’s murder and a few other things.”
“That bitch,” she muttered. “I saw the pictures of you and Katie in the hotel. You had your shirt off! You were kissing her and touching her, but you didn’t finish?”
Another deep breath. Her doubt hurt him, but, again, he knew it was justified. He wondered if the detectives in New York would ever find all the connections they needed to keep Veronica in prison. Her fingers in his marriage were a violation as big as what she’d done to his body.
To his wife, Craig said, “I didn’t finish, and I hope you can believe me. I couldn’t…wouldn’t finish because I couldn’t get you out of my mind. None of it felt right…she just wasn’t you. She wasn’t exciting me, she wasn’t soothing me like you do…” And as badly as he was feeling right now, he felt the truth of his own words. He felt more at peace in this moment than he had since he’d left her behind.
Because his Angel was the Oasis. They were one and the same. The Beast had been right. He hadn’t been able to see the forest for the trees.
“She wasn’t you,” he whispered. “I did this, Angela. I left you thinking you were safe here, and I never saw the danger I was putting us in. I think you did; it’s why you were so adamant about wanting to go, about wanting a camera in my room. I don’t know how I can ever make this up to you, but I’ll try. I’ll understand if you don’t want to have makeup sex right away.” Even now his body was letting him know his need for her. He had no right to even ask. “I might not have cheated, but I still broke my vows.”
Angela’s tears had dried up at his apology, but now they began to spill again. “I can’t have sex until the doctor says I can, Craig. I was trying to get away from whoever was shooting at me on Belle…and Nikki shot her…and I flew off…I’m having a miscarriage.”
Her head fell against his chest again, and his hand moved up to brush against her hair. His own tears were falling again as new grief filled him. She’d been pregnant? He hadn’t thought he could feel any worse than he already had. “How far along were you?”
“About three months. Dr. Ryan thinks my body was trying to miscarry around Jared’s graduation but because of all the rest I was getting, I didn’t.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” whispered Craig. But he knew the answer even as he asked. Why was he trying to make her feel worse by asking? Why was he continuing to be an asshole towards her? Before he could say anything else, she was speaking again.
“Because I didn’t want you coming home because you had to.” Angela’s fist balled up, and she gave her husband’s back a halfhearted thump. “I wanted you to choose me for me, not because of the life I was carrying inside me.”
“Can you ever forgive me?” he asked after another moment.
Her breathing was heavy, and Craig felt the turmoil in her as she looked up at him. Her blue eyes were shadowed, and wet with her tears. But the love he didn’t deserve shone brightly in them. “Yes. I might have to work at it a little, but yes. Can you forgive me for what I did to your office? I think I hurt your grandmother’s desk.”
“Angela, I’m more concerned with what you did to your pictures than I am the desk. Right now, the desk means nothing to me.”
His wife had no answer for that, just burrowed deeper into his embrace. “I’ll try harder with Pat,” Angela said at last. “I forget when my next appointment is supposed to be, but I’ll ask Nan tomorrow. And I’ll try the new medicine too.”
“Good enough. I don’t know when, but I’m going to call Kevin and see if he won’t be willing to counsel me again. I’m pretty messed up right now.” He pressed another kiss to his wife’s temple. “If he’s still talking to me. I haven’t returned his calls in weeks.”
“I’m sure he will,” she commented with a sniff.
“If not, I’ll figure something else out.” Craig slid down in the bed, brought himself down to look into her eyes at the same level. He wiped away her tears with his thumb. Her face looked so sore. “We’re broken right now, and I’m the one who broke us. I don’t know if I can ever forgive myself.”
“I need you too…I need you back,” she whispered. But then her eyes crinkled, and a hand
came up to his face. “No, oh no, what’s happened Craig? I can see it in your eyes…”
“Too much,” he answered, shame filling him. How was he ever going to be able to tell her? He was home, but a part of him was still trapped against the wall in the New York bedroom. “It’s still too fresh Angela, just like it is for you.”
She nodded. “I understand that. So much happened out there…it’s like a bad dream I don’t want to remember.”
“Have you had any more memories come back?” he asked.
She shook her head. “No.”
“Well, I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. Just like everything else. We’ll just take it one day at a time, okay honey?”
Angela nodded. She almost smiled. “I’m glad you’re home.”
“So am I.”
47
T he plane ride home was quiet. Jared had settled into a long couch near the back of the private jet and was playing a movie on his PSP. The boy looked as depressed as his father felt.
Looking back at him, Philip fought back the urge to tell his son to put it away and get some sleep. Though he had reminded his wife how close the boy was to adulthood, at this moment, it was hard for him to remember. He had not given Jared much information about the attack on his sister, just that it had been bad enough to cause a miscarriage. If the boy…young man, had reached any conclusions on his own, he hadn’t spoken them.
Looking at the other man sitting across from him, Philip wondered how the other felt knowing how close he’d come to becoming a grandfather. He wasn’t sure himself. Everett’s eyes were closed, but he held a glass of wine in his hand, so Philip knew he wasn’t asleep.
“Rhett?” he asked, leaning back in his seat.