by Jamie Knight
There was no way that I could call him and just drop a huge bomb like that on him, especially with everything that had been left unresolved. I knew that I wouldn’t be able to handle that much rejection.
But I wasn’t exactly sure what I was all that afraid of. Was I afraid of him rejecting me? Or was I really afraid that he would accept the baby and I and have his career and, essentially, his life, come to a crashing halt.
I felt trapped between a rock and a hard place.
I heard my father muttering as he appeared in the kitchen, rummaging through the refrigerator. After a few minutes, he decided that there was nothing that he wanted and yelled for my mother to fix him something.
“But, you’re already in the kitchen!” yelled my mother from the back of the house.
“But, you’re so good at making food, Marilyn” he said, his voice almost a whine.
The house was silent for a couple of beats before my mother called back.
“Give me a few minutes,” she called.
My dad smiled and sunk down into a chair at the table across from me.
“It feels good to have things getting back to normal,” he said, drumming his fingers on the table as he waited for my mother.
I nodded in agreement but started to feel queasy again. I knew that things would never really be normal again.
I excused myself from the table and all but ran to my room. I needed to be alone.
Chapter 17
Jace
Three months seemed to drag on while I did my best to get my classes back on track. I had found three students who were willing to be researching assistants, Tina, Roman, and Candace, but working with them was nothing like working with Trent or Izzy. Most days, I felt like I was working with the three stooges.
Roman, the only guy of the group, acted like I was his personal cupid and kept making off-colored jokes about threesomes. I kept scolding him about it, but he just kept right on slime-balling away.
One day, when he and I were sitting cleaning up after an experiment, he pulled me to the side.
“Hey, you’re an old player,” he said, leaning on the table toward me, his eyes full of eager wonder. “Tell me what I need to do to have a threesome with these girls.”
I grimaced, irritated to be having this same conversation with him.
“I’ve already told you, Roman. If it hasn’t happened already, it’s probably not going to happen. You really need to let it go.”
He looked at me with vacant eyes, like nothing that I said had even registered.
A few days later, a student walked in on Tina, Roman, Candace, and another boy in one of the empty classrooms, having sex. They were all expelled right away, never to be heard from again. The rumor mill began to churn as people started to put together the connection that I had had with them as their mentor. Those rumors seemed to bring up old rumors of Izzy and I that I didn’t even know existed until a girl in one of my classes made a comment.
She had been dozing off in my class and I kept telling her to wake up. The third time that I caught her sleeping, I walked past her desk, slapped my hand on it so hard that it started to sting, and barked at her to stay away. Her eyes drifted open sleepily and she clucked her tongue, visibly irritated. She propped herself up in the chair and muttered something under her breath that I will never forget.
“I guess I have to be one of the students giving you ass for you to cut me some slack, huh?”
Those nearby who had heard her remark broke out into a smattering of laughter. After the immediate shock of her statement wore off, I glared at her and asked her to leave my classroom. She did. But I could tell by looking at the faces of the other students that they had questions, questions that I wasn’t ready for or felt obligated to answer.
After what had happened with my research team, though, I thought that it would be a better idea to handle my classes and the research on my own from now on.
It was hard at first, trying to carry the heavy load all on my own, but after a while, I got used to it. Nothing exciting really happened, but, then again, nothing terribly tragic happened, either. I mostly just felt like I was going through the motions.
I was bored.
I was almost considering throwing in the towel on my teaching and exploring different career options until I got a call from Belva. I had been at home eating a bowl of soup and spilled a spoonful of it all over my blue oxford button up shirt, cursing as I reached over to grab a napkin, dabbing at the warm stain as I answered the phone.
“Hello?”
“Hey, Jace. It’s Belva. You got a minute?”
I hadn’t talked to Belva since the day that I had left her office. I had been purposely avoiding her, hoping that the more time that passed, the more of a chance that the embarrassing incident that took place in her office would be forgotten.
“Sure, what’s up?” I said, trying to sound casual, but standing up from the table, pacing back and forth.
“I am calling to share some news with you,” she said, her voice sounding upbeat. “I have a meeting with the board in about an hour and I will be putting in my recommendation for you to get tenure.”
I dropped the phone, watching as it clattered to the floor. I snapped out of my momentary shock, picked up the phone, and screeched into it.
“Really?!”
“Yes, really,” said Belva, chuckling softly. I could tell that she was thoroughly amused by my reaction. It was rare that I was ever this shocked. I was sure that after what had happened in her office, that she would have me under investigation, not suggesting that I get tenure. I guess that I had completely underestimated Belva.
I started to do a happy dance, but then stopped abruptly.
I knew that the reason why she was recommending me for tenure was because she didn’t know the truth about what happened with Izzy. The realization hit me like a ton of bricks and I felt empty. I had wanted tenure for so long, but not based on lies. I wanted it to be based on my expertise as a teacher and my character as a good man.
I couldn’t stop the confession that was pouring out of my mouth.
“Belva, I slept with Izzy,” I said, the words hanging in the air like a thick cloud.
She was so quiet on the other end of the phone, I had to look at the phone to make sure that I hadn’t accidentally hung up. Or worse. That she had hung up to call in someone for investigation.
“Jace, I know,” she said pointedly.
“What?! What do you mean you know?”
Belva sighed, her voice sounding worn when she started to speak.
“Look, I knew that you and her had something going on from the moment when I saw you two together in the hallway that day. That’s what made me say something to you. I did want to make sure that there was nothing going on in terms of it being nonconsensual, especially with the #metoo movement going on and impacting our university in the way that it had. But I gave Izzy every opportunity to tell me what was going on and she chose not to. If she would had said that something was going on, then I would have had to investigate. But, she didn’t, so I didn’t. Plus, seeing you two together told me everything that I needed to know.”
I blinked a few times.
“What do you mean?”
I could hear her light laughter over the phone.
“I mean, you two are super cute together. You looked like you have a pretty good thing going on. It’s really adorable actually.”
I rubbed my neck, trying to fathom the fact that Belva and I were having a conversation about this and it was actually going really well.
“Thank you, I guess?” I said uncertainly.
I walked into my bedroom and closed the door, as if that would make the conversation more private.
“Don’t get me wrong; if I would have had any inkling that there was something going on that was nonconsensual, I would have nailed your balls to the wall” said Belva, her voice getting the edge in it that I was so used to hearing.
“And I would have expected nothin
g less,” I said, respecting her so much for her firmness. “I’ve got a question for you, though: what would getting tenure mean in terms of my relationship with Izzy?”
I almost instantly regretting asking the question, especially since Belva had already been so generous in not nailing my proverbial balls to the wall, so to speak. And I still hadn’t even talked to Izzy since she left.
But I had to know.
“Well, the semester will be over in three days, anyway,” she explained. “So, she won’t be your student anymore. Administration frowns on dating previous students, but as long as she’s not going to be signing up for your class in a future semester, there are no real rules about it."
“Well, that’s good to know,” I said, letting out a breath that I didn’t even know that I had been holding in.
“Yes,” she continued, her voice lowering so much I had to press the phone to my ear to hear her. “And the reason why I know this is because before I became the dean, I was involved with a student.”
I started coughing, choking on my own spit.
“What? You have GOT to be kidding me! You?!”
She was snickering, tickled by my surprise. Belva did not strike me as someone who would have fallen for a student. But, then again, I’m sure not many people would have ever believed that I would have been mixed up with one of my students, either.
“That’s the crazy thing about love, isn’t? One minute, you’re minding your own business, blissfully unaware of anything other than your day-to-day, regular life. Then, out of nowhere, someone swoops in and changes your world completely. And, if you’re really lucky, they change it for the better. I just want you to know that you have my blessing.”
That was probably the best news that Belva had given me. I beamed hearing her words, knowing that, even though I had been feeling so guilty about sleeping with Izzy, Belva still thought enough of my character to put her name on the line for me. That meant a lot to me.
I smiled, leaning back onto my bed. I felt like I was floating on a cloud. My heart felt happy, happier than it had been in a very long time. I felt excited about the fact that I would be getting what I had wanted for such a long time – tenure at my alma mater.
But I had to admit that I was even more excited about finding Izzy and sharing the news with her.
“Thanks again, Belva,” I said. “You have no idea how much all of this means to me. It’s like a huge weight has been taken off of my shoulders. I am forever in your debt.” We hung up and I tossed my phone onto the nightstand next to my bed.
I couldn’t wait to talk to Izzy. I felt a little hurt at the fact that she hadn’t tried reaching out to me, but, then again, I really hadn’t tried reaching out to her, especially after her father shut me down. I retreated, licking my wounds, trying to put her out of my head. Even though I didn’t like the way that Izzy’s father had spoken to me, I completely understood his reason for saying what he did and feeling the way that he did. Any good father would have done the same thing. If all she had been to me was a just a piece of meat, meant for my use and disposal, I would have faded into the background, setting my sights on the next conquest.
But there was no way that I could do that. She was in my heart and I didn’t want her to leave that special place.
I knew what I had to do. Since it didn’t look like she was going to be coming back to school any time soon, I was going to have to go to her.
At her home.
I had written down her home address on a post card and put it in my wallet.
As soon as the semester was over, I was going to go to her house and tell her how I felt about her and make her mine.
That is, if she still wanted to be mine.
If she ever really did.
I leaned back and closed my eyes, grateful to usher in sleep knowing that better days lay ahead.
I was going to get my girl.
Chapter 18
Jace
Driving away from the campus felt much like leaving one world and going into another one. It wasn’t until the collosial building disappeared behind me in the horizon that I realized how long I had been at the university. Other than a few intermittent trips back home, I really hadn’t had any other reason to leave.
I felt at home at the university. Everything in my world seemed right when I was there teaching. It wasn’t until meeting Izzy and feeling like something had been missing from my world that made me realize that I had to have her, even if it did mean costing me my tenure or anything else.
But it was enough for me to prepare my mind (and possibly my jaw) for whatever her father might throw my way. I knew that how I felt about Izzy was much more than skin deep, even though the physical part of our relationship was one that lingered right under the surface in my memory, making me crave her even more. If it meant that I would have to fight her father to be with her, then so be it.
As I turned down the street that was the one where the GPS said that I would find her house, my heart started beating a little bit faster. I wasn’t sure if it was from the thought of finally being reunited with Izzy, the woman that had come to have a very special place in my heart or if I was afraid that it might end with me taking a trip to jail or, worse, the hospital. I tightened my grip around the wheel, my knuckles turning white as I willed myself to get a grip mentally, too.
I crept down the block, searching for the house. It came into view, an old gray house with fading aluminum siding. The house was well-kept with a neatly trimmed yard. It was a simple house, not much in the yard to show signs of life. It wasn’t fancy. You could tell that the people who lived in this house didn’t waste much time out in the yard, like they figured that their time would be well-spent elsewhere. I respected their to-the-point lifestyle and it made sense why their daughter excelled. I turned off the car and stepped out, lifting my head high as I walked up the walkway toward their house.
I rang the doorbell, my fists clenched by my sides as I braced myself for what was to come. After a few minutes, the door swung open. I almost thought that it had opened on its own until I looked down and saw Marilyn standing in front of me, her head barely coming up to my chest.
I jumped back startled, almost falling backward down the two steps leading up to the large oak door.
“Oh my,” I cried out. “I hadn’t expected—“
“Well, I’ve been waiting for you,” she said, her eyes squinting at me angrily. “It’s about time you showed up.”
My eyes snapped open wide.
“Huh?” I asked, not at all sure what she meant.
“Don’t worry about it,” she said, waving her hands and stepping to the side to let me in. “Izzy’s in her room. I’m assuming that you came to talk to her. You two definitely need to talk about what’s been going on and what you plan to do.”
Her words were coming fast, and my head was spinning. I walked down the hallway, feeling like I was floating in a dream, passing pictures of Izzy and her family over the years. It was like a window of her world that I hadn’t even thought of, her progression, all leading to the closed door that her mother had pointed toward, the door that would lead me to my girl.
I knocked on the door gingerly and waited, leaning forward to hear. I heard feet shuffle toward the door and it slowly creaked open. I pushed my way inside, fumbling along the wall for a light in the dark room. I found it and a bright light from overhead flooded the room, making Izzy wince and put her arms over her face. She was sitting at a desk in the room in the dark.
“I thought you were my mom,” she said, a thick blanket wrapped around her up to her chest. She looked like she had been sitting at the desk for a while, sleepily staring at the screen. When I came in, her sleepy state was quickly replaced by frozen shock.
“Your mom let me in,” I explained, walking into the room slowly. I felt somewhat out of place in her room, still filled with decorate pieces fit for a little girl. I felt like I was intruding on her space. But I remembered why I had come and focused on Izzy.
“Okay, well, I wish she would have warned me,” she said, shifting uncomfortably in her chair, turning her body toward the wall away from me.
I moved closer to her. I missed her. I wanted to hold her.
“I just came to see how you were doing,” I said, my voice even and low. “How is everything?”
It seemed like the most simple question, one that was both really vague and one that was pointed. What HAD she been up to in all of the seconds, minutes, and hours that we had been apart? Had she missed me as much as I had missed her? Why did I feel this awkwardness between us?
I folded my arms, waiting for her answer.
“I was actually in the middle of an online class,” she said, her eyes bouncing back to the screen in front of her.
I moved even closer to her, sitting on the bed about a foot away from the desk where she sat. She wrapped the blanket tighter around her, frowning.
“And why are you taking classes online instead on campus?”
She looked at me, confused.
“You can’t be serious about that question,” she said, shaking her head in disbelief.
“I am very serious,” I said, scooting closer to her.
It was like I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame. I wasn’t even sure what I was going to do once I got close to her, but I needed to be near her, to feel her. I sat up on the edge of the bed, my knees open over hers, my frame towering over hers. I could see her chest starting to raise and lower, first slowly, then faster and faster.
She reached up and put a hand over her breast. I could see her nipples getting hard and she tried to stop me from seeing it. I reached up, pushed her hand away, and cupped her breast in my hand. Her eyes rolled into the back of her head and she moaned.
At first, I thought that she was really turned on. But the way that she moaned made me think that maybe she made the sound for another reason. Was she in pain? I kneaded her breast gently and noticed her wince. Her breast looked like they were bigger than they had been before. At first, I thought that maybe I was imagining things. But, then, I was sure of it. I squeezed then, trying to see if maybe there was silicone in them or something from a recent surgery. I almost caught myself getting angry at the thought that the reason why Izzy had been gone from school was because she was getting some silly surgery done.