LIZ: You’re funny! I’m 5’10”. You’re close!
PETE: I knew you were tall. I like that. You & I are about the same height. I'm just two inches taller than you.
LIZ: Which means I’m taller than you when I wear heels.
PETE: That’s even better!
LIZ: You are funny! A lawyer with a sense of humor! Now, let’s get back to Jack’s blog. What did you think about this week’s missive?
PETE: The Poet is really ready to get away from the onslaught of the internet. How did that affect you, since you work in software?
LIZ: Everything is going wireless, the world wide web is the next “new frontier.” Looks as if The Poet has no desire to get pulled in by the allure of the internet. Pete, I’ve gotta run. My phone’s ringing.
______________
PETE: What are you doing on here?
LIZ: I wanted to re-read the blog. What about you?
PETE: I was thinking about you & wanted to see if you were on here.
LIZ: That is so nice. Thank you. Do you want to call me? I’m getting ready to log off.
PETE: Can’t talk. I have my kids tonight.
LIZ: Okay. Are you married?
PETE: I’m in a relationship.
LIZ: Serious?
PETE: I hope not. It’s not what I really expected it to be when it started. What about you?
LIZ: No. My career is the focus right now.
PETE: Ever married?
LIZ: Yes, Three years. Divorced. No kids.
PETE: No kids?
LIZ: No. None. Do you have custody of your children? Why do you have them on Sunday night?
PETE: Their mother & I are fairly close, so I get to see them a lot. They’re young, so they need their dad around.
LIZ: How sweet. I love that.
PETE: Thanks. I love the way you are too.
LIZ: Chat soon?
PETE: How about tomorrow? I can call you tomorrow afternoon.
LIZ: Perfect! Around 3:30? We can review your new account with Global. I’ll be out of the office, so call my cell phone.
PETE: That sounds great. Sweet dreams.
LIZ: Maybe we can discuss Jack O’s blog then! We totally got sidetracked today! Sweet dreams.
JUNE 8, 2003
LIZ: What are you doing on here tonight?
PETE: I was hoping you would sign on. Why are you here?
LIZ: I was going to send you an apology for today.
PETE: Why?
LIZ: For babbling when you called. I didn’t mean to. I didn’t expect your voice to be so sexy & it caught me off guard.
PETE: You are kidding me, aren’t you? You sounded great. It was good to hear your voice finally.
LIZ: It’s like I’ve got a silly schoolgirl crush on you. Can I say that if you’re my client?
PETE: You can say what you want. That’s why we set up the chat room, remember? Okay. If you’ve got a crush on me, does that mean you were telling the truth when you said you remembered my old swimming days because I was cute?
LIZ: Yes. Did you mean it when you signed off a few nights ago & said I was cute, too?
PETE: Yes.
LIZ: This is crazy. We haven’t even met.
PETE: Imagine what’s going to happen when we do.
LIZ: I better go. Tomorrow’s a busy day.
PETE: Okay. I’ll be looking for you on here.
LIZ: Just warn me before you call again.
Chapter 5
I’m A Big Girl, Pete
JUNE 11, 2003
Blog 4 for PoetsCafe.org
June 1
LET THE RECORD SHOW
.
RENAISSANCE BARD
.
My cock is like a minstrel's lute
A long and bulbous box of tricks
To pluck and ply in rustic ricks
Your curative for Lady's Mute
.
My instrument makes music fly
A googleplex of notes in flight
A madrigality of might
A sight to make you moan and cry
.
My shaft's hard-tunded for you to play
Your musicality's my muse
Your fingers light my string's hot fuse
O how you play! 'Hot love's hot way.'
.
And when I'm done, a snoring brute
Your eye surveys ... my jester's flute
.
I've performed ‘Renaissance Bard’ a thousand times. It became our unofficial anthem. You may even have heard me perform it. What you don't know is that I didn't write it. Indie Shadwick wrote it, or the bulk of it. I just tweaked the last verse. It was one very drunken weekend, one of our first gigs, a posh hen party in a Scottish Castle. Indie wrote it in my style and I performed it, ripping my shirt off in the process. I loved everything about it from the moment she gave it to me to read. I still love it because we all need a good laugh and, more importantly, because it reminds me of Indie. It's her birthday today. Had she lived, she would have been 39. I miss her more than I can ever tell you.
------------------------------------
PETE: Well, was “Renaissance Bard” hot enough for you? Metaphorically speaking, of course.
LIZ: I'll say! Can you see me blushing?
PETE: I wish! Seriously, we can stop reading him, if you want to stop, just let me know. I should have warned you he can be a little, erm, direct at times.
LIZ: I'm a big girl, Pete. I'll live. The sonnet's no worse than early John Donne before he got religion. I even wrote an essay about JD's eroticism. We think they were just as wild as we are today. I enjoyed the poem very much, actually. It's a classic sonnet with the twist in the tail. He's being ironic. He's mocking how the world is obsessed--sex obsessed. There are all sorts of subtle little messages in it. What really fascinates me though is the stuff about Indie. I swear to you, I had a tear in my eye when I read that. It's soooo tragic. It could be straight out of a Southern Gothic Tragedy Romance.
PETE: Hey, you really are smart. I bet you graduated Dean’s List, right?
LIZ: No. I wouldn’t study. It was too much fun hangin’ out—lots of great parties in Nashville.
PETE: Seriously. You're smarter than I am, Liz. I'm impressed.
LIZ: Well, thank you, kind sir! So you should be! Coming from a top lawyer such as you, that is a true compliment.
PETE: You’re funny. Anyway, how’s your week been?
LIZ: Busy. Very busy. Thanks for asking. How about yours?
PETE: Slammed. Crazy busy. Great to see you. Where’ve you been?
LIZ: I need to tell you something. We are now working together and we’ve become friends, so I need to be honest with you.
PETE: Okay. What’s wrong?
LIZ: I’m developing feelings for you. It’s crazy, I know. It makes no sense at all. How can I have feelings for someone I’ve never even met? Someone I’ve only talked to on the phone briefly. How can this happen?
PETE: You know, I’ve read about this. People are meeting all the time through the internet. We are just getting to know each other. That’s all. Now, are you going to tell me why your life has been so turbulent?
LIZ: Okay. You are right! It’s just a new way of meeting someone. With no physical concerns, there are no parameters to concern yourselves with! We can just be us. Now I understand. Thank you! So, my life in a nutshell, so to speak. Here goes. My granddad, who was like a dad to me, died suddenly when I was 13. It led to a deep depression. One so deep, my parents had me put on Prozac.
PETE: At 13?
LIZ: Yes. I was always a complex kid. Then, when I lost my grandfather, I slipped over the abyss into the darkness. At least the Prozac kept me from feeling anything. At 19, I was in a car wreck with my brother. We were so close, we were like twins. That was the incident that really sent me over the edge. Prozac & booze at college really kept me numb. Luckily, I found that the Poets suffered from melancholia, as it was known then. It eased my pain a bit to study them, to se
e the spectrums they wrote about. That’s why I love our chats. I’ve even pulled out my thesis. Started reading it. Can you believe I called it ROMANTICISM'S TRAGIC IMPERATIVE?
PETE: I am so sorry what you have been through. You are doing better now, right?
LIZ: Yes. Last year I decided to get off Prozac. I’ve concentrated on getting my life together. I run, I’m involved in my career. I still have the fear of abandonment from my early life. The anxiety that something bad is going to happen every day, but I can cope now. And, at least I’m no longer just numb.
PETE: Thanks for sharing that. You have seen way too much in a very short lifetime. I’m glad to know that you are healing. Finding your creative spark. I’m finding my creative spark again, too. Isn’t it strange the things we never know about people? I know I've said this before to you, but I would never have thought anyone in the software business would know the first thing about Shelley & Keats.
LIZ: Yes, This room is like our sanctuary, isn’t it? How is it affecting you?
PETE: Oh, I’ve always been driven to compete, excel. My dad was a complete screw up. He was on his way to a brilliant career in law, maybe even in politics, but he ruined it all on liquor & cheap women. I wanted to protect my mom—keep her happy—make her proud.
LIZ: Are you an only child?
PETE: Yes. I always loved the family cabin on the mountain. The view. The wildlife. It’s real back to nature stuff. All I ever really wanted to do was read Gatsby, Cannery Row, the Bible, & On Walden’s Pond. And, have my own garden. I still keep a small garden there. Beans, potatoes, squash, okra. Lead the simple life, you know? None of this crazy, news obsessed, world wide web stuff. Swim. Eat. Live. But, TV & popular culture lead us down another path anymore, don’t they?
LIZ: You are so right, Pete. I’m the same way. I would love to see your cabin one day. Oh, I hate TV & all that too.
PETE: I need to sign off for tonight. Big case tomorrow. Will you be online tomorrow night?
LIZ: You are going to laugh. I have a date. A guy I met online. I’ve tried this a few times & the dates are always horrible! But, why not? It’s a good way to meet new people.
PETE: Just be careful out there. You are a very special person.
LIZ: Thank you. So are you. Thank you for sharing your story with me. Let’s try to connect soon.
___________________
JUNE 13, 2003
PETE: Ready to talk about “Hot Love’s Hot Ways”?
LIZ: I’m not ready for that. It seems strange to me, for some reason. I don’t understand this at all, so I’m going to disappear for a while from our chat room. Every time I see your name in here, I get butterflies. I need some time to figure it out.
PETE: Okay. I understand, Liz. I’ll really miss you. Have you ever thought that feeling something might be a good thing? Think about that while you’re gone. I’ll keep posting The Poet’s blog. How’s that? That way you’ll know The Poet & I are here for you when you’re ready.
LIZ: Thanks. I’m really embarrassed at being such a juvenile!
PETE: No prob, you’re cool. Listen, did you get to read the blog? What did you think?
LIZ: He really had it bad for his friend.
PETE: That he did. What about the pentameter?
LIZ: Can’t do it, Pete. Sorry, I just need some space. Gonna run now…
PETE: Bye. Come back when you get yourself where you want to be. We’re friends. I understand.
PETE: Maybe it’s all part of “Hot Love’s Hot Ways,” as Mr. Jack O. Savage would have it.
JUNE 18, 2003
LIZ: How are you? I’m back. That was just a silly five-day phase. Still not certain why it happened, but I’m sane now. Maybe. Hopefully.
PETE: Great How was your date a week or so? You never told me about that.
LIZ: Sooooo baaaad. It was almost comical. Oh, well. Maybe next time.
PETE: How could someone not fall in love with you?
LIZ: Speaking of comical, Pete. Let’s not go there.
PETE: Okay. I’ll keep to our sanctuary. Guys probably hit on you all the time, don’t they?
LIZ: Stop! Stop! Some things are a little too personal for me. Tell you what; if I answer your question, will you answer one for me?
PETE: You’re on!
LIZ: Yes, guys hit on me all the time. I love it. I just can’t find my twin flame. My heart’s desire. THAT’S who I’m looking for.
PETE: You are a romantic. The career girl is a romantic! I knew it! Okay, what’s your question?
LIZ: Tell me something about yourself, a secret that maybe no one else knows.
PETE: Sure, but this is soooo duuuullll. I’m into crosswords. I’m a word ace.
LIZ: Give me a clue!
PETE: You are the clue. Now, let’s talk about the blog. What did you like/dislike about it?
LIZ: The Poet & his lady love really enjoyed his lute.
PETE: Liz! They did, didn’t they? It’s a very playful verse, yet the blog is the opposite. He really misses her.
LIZ: He is very introspective. Do we know how long he has been mourning Indie?
PETE: I’ll try to get you the answer that that question. I’ll look for clues.
LIZ: Love it! That works well because I have to go out of town for a few days on business. Let’s plan on meeting back here on June 25. How’s that? Maybe you can find the answer to your clue by then.
PETE: June 25 it is. While you’re gone, I’ll post the poems & blogs. Let’s read Fables of the Reconstruction by Hunter S. Jones. It’s an erotic zombie story that the author calls Supernatural Gonzo. She’s from Atlanta. Want to read it?
LIZ: Sure. I’ll get the book & we’ll discuss it then. Erotic? Uhhhh okay. The only erotic reading I’ve ever tried is Anne Rice’s Sleeping Beauty. I’m game.
PETE: Me too. I’ll miss you, Liz.
LIZ: I’ll miss you too, Pete. Have a fun week. One quick question; what’s the weather like at home?
PETE: Hot. Hot. Eighty degrees and rising. Summer in the South is here again.
Blog 5 for PoetsCafe.org
June 2
YOUR REMEMBRANCER
...
CHAMPAGNE FLUTE
.
I kiss this vision in my head
Of your red shoes on my white bed
Of how you smile and pout me on
Of how you smoulder, 'I'm the one'
Your vig'rous beating verse of gold
A glint of brillyance yours to hold
To lock deep in your neurons' keep
My shaft of alchemy alive
To feel life magically drive
To win the highest hanging fruit
We effervesce in champagne flute
To have our way in others' eyes
To win our prize in their hot sighs
We are their more ... love, how we soar!
Okay, so I lied. The lines above are new. The ink is still wet. I will never forget those red shoes of hers. I used to write for Indie almost every day in the days when The Renaissance Bards could do no wrong. I wrote hundreds of verses for her. We breathed poems. Most of them were never made public because...
Nor will they ever be because Indie, bless her, kept them in a leather tote bag I bought for her in Morocco. She liked to have her verses with her wherever she went. I always write in ink. She went swimming in Lulworth Cove one day and put her wet cossy in the tote bag along with her towel. We went to the pub afterwards and she left the wet stuff in the bag. In the morning, all the poems I had written for her - about 300 - were reduced to one sorry lump of ink-stained pulp. What could we do? We made love. What else was there to do? She made love to me in the most tender way possible. Neither of us spoke. She loved the poems I wrote for her. But she loved me far more. What is a love poem but a shadow of the love that inspires it? I miss her. She was the true beating heart of the Renaissance Bards. I miss her. But I am not sad, nor wld she want me to be because... We soared, in every way.
JUNE 20, 2003
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br /> PETE: Any chance you can sign on tonight? And what did you think of the zombie steam-punk sex fest?
JUNE 22, 2003
LIZ: Tonight? Will you be online tonight? Why did you have me read that book? I had to lie down after reading that! AND I’m by myself. It’s not fair. You set me up, didn’t you?
JUNE 23, 2003
PETE: Wish I was with you. I wasn’t prepared for Fables either. My Kindle almost self-combusted. Tomorrow night, maybe? I really miss you.
JUNE 25, 2003
PETE: You’re back. Finally.
LIZ: How are you?
PETE: This has been the longest week I’ve ever lived through. How are you?
LIZ: I’m good. Recovered. Why was it a long week for you?
PETE: Have you had a chance to read the poem & blog? Something has clicked in my brain. “Your red shoes on my white bed.” I can’t get you off my mind. The thought of you, from the pics I’ve seen, those long legs. Tell me if I'm not allowed to say this. I imagine them on my bed, your bed, any bed. Thoughts of you are like a ghost haunting me. Tell me now if I'm not allowed to think this way.
LIZ: I know. The poem “how we soar” The blog. He misses Indie the way I hope you missed me then, that book. I can’t get thoughts of you off my mind. Yes, you are allowed to think that way.
PETE: I’ve got to see you. Find out why I feel this way about someone I’ve never met. Find out why I want to do everything mentioned in that book to you. More than that, I want to make love to you. Kiss you. Make you feel safe.
LIZ: I want to see you too. What’s wrong with us?
PETE: Maybe nothing is wrong with us. Maybe we’re normal people that were supposed to meet anyway. It just happened through a combination of business & electronic means. Maybe these messages are like messages that hit the neurons of our brain. I don’t know. I just now I’ve missed you more than I ever imagined I could.
LIZ: What are we going to do?
PETE: I don’t know. Right now, I can’t promise you anything because I’ve never experienced anything like this. I am a man, even if I am your friend. We can see what happens, what develops.
LIZ: Okay. Let’s not rush anything, though.
September Ends Page 4