by Jayne Bamber
Here Mr. Parker paused – Rebecca wished to interject, to tell him what she had seen the night before, when her eye was caught by her cousin. Emma was walking with Frank Churchill up the gravel path that led away from Hartfield, and had turned back around to wave to Rebecca. John and Miss Fairfax were also walking with them, and though they glanced back, they made no acknowledgement.
Mr. Parker gave a bitter laugh as he regarded them. “I doubt this next part might be such a shock to you, as you have been living in the same house as she.”
“Do you mean her and John? I only became aware of it last evening, when I returned from the ball. It explains so much! Every time you have been cross….” Rebecca leaned back against the tree that stood beside the stone bench, letting out a heavy breath at all she had learned. It was almost too much to think on.
“Yes, ours has not been an easy courtship. Even in Sanditon, I had moments when I was not entirely certain she was over her infatuation with Mr. Dixon. When they went away to Ireland, the Dixons and the Campbells, Jane declined her guardian’s invitation – she would come here, in the hope that I might follow, thus the scheme was hatched with Frank. His aunt was contented enough already, despite his lack of interest in Miss Denham. She agreed that she could part with Frank for a little while, and finally allow him to visit his poor father, which he ought to have done, as Mr. Knightley said, much sooner. His coming at such a time was felicitous for me, as I might accompany him and spend time with Miss Fairfax, without arousing too much suspicion. I was not sure, however, the degree of acquaintance any of the principal people of Highbury might have with Mrs. Churchill – I knew not, for instance, whether Mr. and Mrs. Weston ever exchange letters with her – letters that might mention Sidney Parker paying attention to Jane Fairfax – letters that Mrs. Churchill might share with Lady Denham. I could not risk it – I could not court her out in the open, even so far from home. Certainly I could not do anything to arouse the suspicions of her friends here – could not raise any expectations – that business with the necklace was foolish indeed!”
Rebecca gave him a wry smile. “So it was you?”
“Yes, though I was obliged to join Emma in blaming it all on Mr. Dixon. Jane was very angry with me for that – it ought to have been my first hint that aught was amiss between us. She knew what I must do – that I must give all the appearance of paying attentions chiefly to the finest lady of the place – your cousin, Miss Woodhouse. I had every expectation of wooing Jane quite easily in secret – I had planned to say that I visited Miss Bates so often to convince her to bring her mother to Sanditon, giving me every opportunity to see Jane. I had not counted on her being brought to Hartfield, reducing herself to working as a governess, which must be awful enough, without the added difficulty of my spending time with her.”
“Oh dear,” Rebecca sighed. “What a mess! But now I know why she hesitated to accept the position at all.”
“I do not blame you,” he assured her. “At any rate, you were more generous with her than many families would have been, giving her two days per week to spend with her family. I did try to make the most of them, but I suppose in the end it was not enough. Between my determination to keep our secret, and the difficulty we experienced in getting any time together, she began to transfer her affections to your cousin, John Knightley. I had begun to sense it, just before I was called away – I really did have to go, and was very sorry to be leaving at such a time – it was really the worst possible timing! I spent the duration of it quite certain that I should return to have found her lost to me, and yet, toward the end of my absence, I think I began to wish for it. I went to see the Darcys in London. I was more disappointed than I realized at finding Miss Darcy absent – you had made no mention of her being in Kent, though I can imagine why. I had really hoped to meet with her, you see, to prove to myself that I was quite over her, that I had not done myself a bad turn by pledging myself to another. And yet, finding her away had quite the reverse effect; I realized what a mistake I had truly made. When I returned to Highbury the second time, I decided to make it my mission to determine whether Miss Fairfax also regretted our engagement, so hastily embarked upon.”
Rebecca’s mind was spinning from rapidly putting so many pieces of the puzzle together – what a fine bit of intrigue! “Oh! So that is what you really meant when you spoke of forming attachments too hastily at watering places.”
“I am sure she took my meaning. We had quarreled the day before that – you must have seen me speaking to her, as Frank and I rode up to Donwell.”
“I did, but thought nothing of it. I simply assumed she was making some explanation for her departure.”
“She was, and I was displeased – confused, at the time, though now I can only surmise that she had little wish to be in company with both myself and John Knightley, at the same time. She must have known I would have seen it, perceived how her feelings had shifted already. I cannot think why she did not simply let me off the hook then and there.”
“Perhaps she was afraid, or uncertain. For a governess to become attached to her employer is no small thing; perhaps she did not wish to gamble her fate, when she already had the surety of a man on the rise. Ah, but that is ungenerous of me.”
“I have thought the same thing, even this morning. At Box Hill, I was angry with her when I saw the looks she and John were exchanging. He was so attentive to her; I am surprised you did not see it.”
“I have had too much else to fill my head, I fear,” Rebecca replied.
“Well, it is nobody’s fault but my own – what folly!”
Rebecca was quite moved by Mr. Parker’s distress, at such a time when she was particularly inclined to be sympathetic to heartbreak. She placed her hand on his, attempting to comfort him. “Are you at least a little relieved – she seems to have released you… I presume that is what must have occurred.”
“I suppose I shall be, once I have had some more time to think on it.” He briefly pressed her hand, and then released it. “I had actually come to speak with her this morning, to tell her that if she still wished to marry me, we might at last make our engagement known. I have had some good news from home – I received an express from Lady Denham this morning indicating that the largest townhome in Sanditon has been let; one of my greatest investments has paid off. Oh, it is a very fine place, Lady Rebecca, one of twelve very spacious townhouses on the strip, a narrow little perch carved by wind, right in the side of the cliff, east of the village, overlooking the sea. A favorite project of mine – I knew it would bring good returns.”
Knowing what she knew, in her letters from Kent, Rebecca smiled to herself, really beginning to like the sound of it. “That is happy news indeed….”
“Apparently whoever has taken the place had sent inquiries to Sanditon, and mentioned having received a pamphlet from me in London, when I was there. It is just the sort of development I have been waiting for, for I might now be free enough of Lady Denham’s hold over me to do as I please. I came to Hartfield expecting that Jane and I might begin to plan our wedding, but I will confess, I also bore some little hope that she would call it off. I am a man of honor, I hope – I could not be the one to break my word. I would have honored my promise to her, of course, if she did wish to marry me, and really I would have done everything possible to achieve happiness in such a marriage, but now I am only relieved that it is over.”
“What will you do next?”
“I suppose that depends upon you,” he replied with a smile. “I know you objected, last autumn, to my interest in your cousin. Might I hope your opinion of me has improved enough that you might reconsider?”
Rebecca laughed – it was just what she had expected. “You do not need my blessing, you know. You might speak with her brother, or mine, for Richard – Lord Hartley – and Mr. Darcy are joint guardians of Georgiana.”
“And will you deny that you hold sway over them both, as well as Miss Darcy?”
Rebecca laughed ruefully, suddenly distract
ed by the approach of Mr. Knightley, who was seen at some remove, coming down the gravel path that led to Hartfield’s garden. “Only Mrs. Darcy holds sway over Mr. Darcy, but I have been known to bully my brothers. Georgiana listens to me, too, even when perhaps she should not. Well, if it is my approval you desire, I suppose you shall have it. Far be it from me to stand in the way of true love, I suppose. I am no Lady Denham, I hope!”
“As far from it as possible, I assure you,” Mr. Parker quipped.
“Well, and now I have some news that must please you. I know who it was that took the large townhouse in Sanditon – that is, I suspect it was she. The largest one of the twelve, that is just what she would do! I do not know that you have ever formally met Mrs. Caroline Sutton, but she is a friend of the family, almost family herself, in a roundabout way. She has charge of Mrs. Darcy’s youngest sister, Miss Lydia Bennet, a girl of sixteen. Apparently Miss Lydia discovered one of your pamphlets amongst Caroline’s things, and took an eager interest in visiting the place, as she has been rather restless, cooped up in Kent these two months. My cousin Georgiana, who is staying in the same house in Kent, is also quite an eager proponent of the plan.”
Mr. Parker grinned. “Is she really?”
“Oh, you know she always enjoyed all of your talk of Sanditon far more than I, or anyone else in the family, I am sure.”
“And I loved her for it,” Mr. Parker laughed.
“Go to London – my letter from Mrs. Darcy indicates they do not go into Kent until tomorrow – you may yet reach them in time. Tell Mr. Darcy what you wish to accomplish, and perhaps you might accompany him into Kent, and see Georgiana yourself.”
“And what of you? Will you not come?”
“I may yet,” Rebecca replied. “You recall Miss Mary Bennet – she went away to Kent, and is soon to be married. I will certainly be traveling there before the wedding, as I must take the measure of her young man – you know how I like to have my say.”
“Well, perhaps I shall see you there – if I am successful, I am sure I shall remain in Kent until such time as I can convince them all to remove to Sanditon with me, yourself included. I shall not give up on that score!”
“Well, I am certain we shall all be very happy together – I know you dote on my entire family.” Rebecca glanced around; Mr. Knightley was now very nearly upon them, and she hoped Mr. Parker would take the hint and leave them.
He seemed to perceive that she was wishing him away and stood, giving her hand one last parting squeeze. “Until Sanditon, then, Lady Rebecca. I cannot thank you enough – you have given me so much to think on, so much to fill my heart with hope.”
Rebecca smiled, almost enjoying the look of astonishment on Mr. Knightley’s face as he drew near and Mr. Parker walked away. “Until Sanditon,” she called after Mr. Parker, “unless we meet first in Kent.”
“I am sure we shall,” he called back, and then moved away.
Mr. Knightley grimaced as Mr. Parker took his leave and retreated back to Randalls. “You are going to Sanditon?”
Rebecca laughed. “I suppose it cannot be helped.”
Mr. Knightley nodded sadly. “Well, I hope you will be very happy.”
“I suppose I shall be content. Emma is to wed Mr. Churchill....”
“Yes, I met with them as I was walking up.”
“And now I have another wedding to look forward to.”
Before Rebecca could mention Mary’s good news, Mr. Knightley interrupted her. “I wish you the best, I really do, Rebecca,” he said, clenching his fists. “But I beg you to reconsider.”
Rebecca stood and approached him with no little curiosity. “What are you talking about?”
He grabbed her by the arms. “You cannot marry him, Rebecca. I know he is younger and handsomer than me, and livelier, too, but I remember when you thought him a great fool! What happened?”
“Mr. Knightley!” Rebecca went wide-eyed at his passionate declaration – she had never known him to exhibit such feeling. She rested her hands on his arms, rather excited at his proximity, and too startled to conceal it. “What is this about? I am not going to marry Mr. Parker – what an idea! You have been talking with Mrs. Weston,” she chided him.
Mr. Knightley flinched, and released her; he began to look rather sheepish. “I was mistaken?”
Rebecca felt the loss of his arms around her as he stepped back, and began to think to herself that she ought to have allowed him to be so mistaken for a little while longer. She stepped closer to him, enjoying the effect it had on him, just as his reaction likewise exhilarated her. “You were indeed, George. I have just encouraged Mr. Parker to seek my brother and cousin’s permission to pay his addresses to my cousin Georgiana – it is rather a long story, but you may recall they are acquainted. She is in Kent at present, and he spoke of seeing me there because I intend to travel to Rosings for my cousin-in-law’s wedding. I was hoping for some opportunity to share the news with you, in fact, and hope you might be pleased – Mary is to be wed, to a handsome, charming parson!” Rebecca flashed Mr. Knightley her most roguish smile.
“So you are leaving?” Mr. Knightley looked stricken, and Rebecca could not help but smile – perhaps they had both been wrong to listen to Mrs. Weston!
“Yes,” said she, moving back to the bench to collect her letters. “I hope you shall be ready to travel soon, sir, for I imagine you will desire to go with me into Kent. I wish you to get better acquainted with my family, to be sure, but do not think to be seeking my father’s permission. I have been of age for quite some time, and I am not romantic in that way, like Emma.” Rebecca approached him once more, folding the letters up in her hands, waiting for him to speak. She smiled up at him, still enjoying his astonishment.
Wonder and relief washed over him as he looked down at her. “Travel with you to Kent? Rebecca, darling, I think you must know – but I must say it.”
“You know I am not sentimental. I do wish you to come to Kent with me; I cannot imagine ever parting with you again, and I am sure that is all that needs to be said about it. You feel the same, and that is why you do not wish me to be going to Sanditon with Mr. Parker for any other reason. There now, will you not walk with me? I can read you some letters from Lizzy and Marianne and Georgiana and Mary, and through them you can get better acquainted with my dear family.”
Mr. Knightley caught Rebecca by the hand and stepped closer to her, staring into her eyes with a look of utter devotion. “I will go anywhere with you, but I must speak my heart. I must tell you how much I love you.”
Rebecca blushed and looked away. “We shall have to wait until after Mary weds, but I shall not let my family do anything so very grand, it is not my way. I do not know how long you can be away from Donwell, but I think a month should be sufficient – six weeks at most. I do wish to go to Sanditon, at least for a little while – and I practically gave Mr. Parker my word. Besides, I shall need to keep an eye on Georgiana. We might do Mr. Parker a good turn, and take a house there. Richard and Marianne can come to us – you shall like them very much. Perhaps Robert and Kate can come, too – they have been hosting a house party for two months now, and might very well wish to enjoy somebody else’s hospitality for a little while. Mr. Parker wishes us all to go to Sanditon – I daresay he may get his way in the end.”
Rebecca knew she was babbling, but even now she could not let herself feel sentimental. Mr. Knightley finally placed his fingers on her lips to hush her. “Stop talking,” said he. Rebecca looked at him with some surprise, and was on the point of making a cheeky reply when he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.
Rebecca kissed him back with glee, and wrapped her arms about his neck – he was not so very tall, but Rebecca was petite, and he was obliged to lift her off the ground; she curled her legs up at the knee, enjoying the feel of his embrace, the feel of his lips. When he broke away and set her back down, Rebecca looked up at him and smiled. “You were saying?”
“I was,” said he. He took her hands in his
, still standing very close to her. “You would not believe me if I told you that I fell in love with you the very first moment I met you, but it is the truth. No doubt – no doubt Mrs. Weston has told you I once proposed to Emma, and I did, after her father died, but I came to realize after she refused me that I had done it out of duty, out of charity even; I was grateful to her for having the grace and the strength to refuse me. I concealed meeting you from her for months. I could not stand the idea of you coming amongst us, because I knew I could not trust myself around you – I knew you had the power to make me love you, and I was afraid of it. I am not a young man, Rebecca – but I have never given myself over to such romantic feelings, much like you. But then when I saw you again, when I held you in my arms that day... my heart was yours from that moment.”
Mr. Knightley looked as if he had a great deal more to say, and she dearly wished to hear it all, but Rebecca was too overcome; she buried her face in his chest and burst into tears. “I knew it. I knew it then – I felt it, too. How I wanted you – wanted to be held by you, like that, always! It was terrifying; I nearly did not come to Surrey....”