Chapter 6
'I think I could eat one of Bellamy's veal pies.'
Andrew Dalziel awoke to sunlight and birdsong, both of which filtered softly through grey net curtains. It was almost a month since, following his usual habit on bad mornings of hauling himself upright with the help of the hideous folk-weave drapes which were a sort of memorial to his long-fled wife, he had pulled the curtain rail right off the wall. Time had not yet effected any great healing, and now only the flimsy net and an erratic window-cleaner maintained the decencies. There was no way, however, that the net could maintain his weight, so now, belching and breaking wind, he pursued his alternative levee strategy of rolling sideways till he hit the floor, then using the bed for vertical leverage.
Upright, he had the misfortune to glimpse himself in a long wall mirror. Clad in a string vest and purple and green checked socks, it was an image to engage the unwary eye like a basilisk. He approached closer and addressed himself.
'Some talk of Alexander,' he said softly, 'and some of Hercules.'
Slowly he peeled off the vest. The string had printed a pattern of pink diamonds over his torso, from broad shoulders down to broader belly. He scratched the pattern gently as a musician might run his fingers over harp strings. His head felt heavy, his tongue felt furry, his legs . . . it occurred to him that he couldn't feel his legs at all. He nodded his huge head, like a bear who sees the dogs circling and, though chained to a post, yet believes that the sport may still be his. His strength he did not doubt. Nothing was wrong with him physically that a scalding shower and an even scaldinger pot of tea had not a thousand times already set to rights. But his mind was troubled by something like the sound of a bicycle wheel whistling round in the rain.
The shower and the tea had to be negotiated with care, but they allayed the basic physical symptoms sufficiently for him to risk a small Scotch to calm the mind. And now, he told himself with the assurance of one who believed in a practical, positive and usually physical response to most of life's problems, all he needed to complete this repair of normality was a platterful of egg, sausage, bacon, tomatoes and fried bread. Bitter experience had taught him in the years since his wife's departure to eschew home catering. It wasn't that a basic cuisine was beyond his grasp; it was the cleaning up afterwards that defeated him. And while a man could live with a broken curtain rail, only a beast would tolerate fat-congealed frying-pans. Fortunately the police canteen did an excellent breakfast. Gourmet cooking they might not provide, but what did that matter to a man who - for Pascoe's benefit anyway - affected to believe that cordon bleu was a French road-block? And a slight blackening round the edge of a fry-up was to a resurrected copper what the crust on old port was to a wine connoisseur - a sign of readiness.
His ponderous jowls shaved to danger point, his few sad last grey hairs brushed to a high gloss, his heavy frame clad in an angel-white shirt and an undertaker-black suit, with knife-edge creases breaking on mirror-bright shoes, he set off at a stately though deceptively rapid pace towards the city centre.
He was, of course, carless. His reason for being carless he continued to keep carefully out of his mind. Nor did he in any way appear to register the momentary lull in noise as he entered the canteen. To Edna, the weary siren behind the counter, he said, 'Full house, love.'
Under his approving gaze, she filled his personal willow-patterned plate till the pattern disappeared. Seizing a bottle of tomato sauce from the counter, he made for an empty table, sat down and began to eat.
It was here that George Headingley found him. He sat down on the opposite side of the table, himself a large man, but dwarfed by Dalziel, an effect intensified by something in his demeanour of the schoolboy waiting to be noticed before the headmaster's desk.
'Sir,' he said.
"Morning, George,' said Dalziel. 'This murder in Welfare Lane - Deeks, is it? - how're we doing?'
'Well, Pascoe's handling that, sir,' said Headingley, slightly taken aback. Of course, Dalziel had been in the station for an hour or so last night, but he hadn't given the impression he was taking anything in.
'So you said. What made you dig him out? Weren't it his lassie's birthday yesterday?'
Headingley decided that straightforward was the best route.
'The DCC's just come in, sir. He'd like a word if you don't mind.'
'Is that what he said? If I don't mind?' said Dalziel disbelievingly.
'Well, not exactly,' admitted Headingley.
'Oh aye. Well, you go and tell him, George; you tell him . . .'
Dalziel paused, attempted to spear a rasher of bacon, was defeated by its adamantine crispness and had to scoop it up and crunch it whole: 'You tell him I'll be along right away.'
Three minutes later, his plate clean and his mouth scoured with another cup of red-hot tea, he made his way upstairs.
The Deputy Chief Constable was not a man he liked. It was Dalziel's not inaudibly expressed view that he couldn't solve a kiddies' crossword puzzle and had only been promoted out of Traffic because he couldn't master the difference between left and right. More heinously, he rarely dispensed drink and when he did it tended to be dry sherry in glasses so narrow that it was like reading a thermometer looking for the bloody stuff, which in any case Dalziel regarded as Spanish goat-piss.
'Andy!' said the DCC heartily. 'Come you in. Sit you down. Look, I'm sorry, thing is this, we have got ourselves a bit of a problem.'
This recently developed speech style, modelled on that of a Tory cabinet minister being interviewed on telly, was taken by many as confirmation of rumours of the DCC's political ambition. A desirable stepping-stone to becoming first a personality, then a candidate, was the acquisition of the office of Chief Constable when the present incumbent, Tommy Winter, retired in nine months' time. Winter, who had never shown a great deal of enthusiasm for his right-hand man, had none the less given him a late opportunity to shine by suddenly deciding to take a large accumulation of back-leave visiting his daughter in the Bahamas. The DCC had decided the old boy was at last getting demob-happy, but now, regarding the menacing bulk of his head of CID, he began to wonder uneasily if Winter could have had some presentiment of this potentially scandalous development.
'You've got a problem, you say?' said Dalziel, leaning forward. 'How can CID help? Something personal, is it? Someone putting the black on, eh? Photos, mebbe? You can rely on me, sir.'
The man was bloody impossible, thought the DCC wearily. Impossible. It was a small consolation that no television interviewer in the world could even approach his awfulness!
Like Headingley before him, he decided to ignore dangerous side-roads and press straight on.
'You were involved in a car accident last night,' he said.
'I was in a car that was involved in an accident, that's right,' said Dalziel.
'It was your car,' said the DCC flatly. 'So you were involved whether you were driving or not.'
'Whether?' said Dalziel wonderingly. 'There's no whether about it! I wasn't, and that's that!'
'I've had the editor of the Post on to me,' pursued the DCC. 'One of his reporters has unearthed a witness who says she saw you getting into the driver's seat of your car outside the Paradise Hall Restaurant and driving away.'
'She?'
'She. A lady of unimpeachable character and, as far as I know, excellent eyesight.'
'She saw me driving away from Paradise Hall?'
'So she alleges.'
Dalziel scratched his armpit thoughtfully.
'Had she been drinking, mebbe?' he said finally.
'Not so that anyone noticed,' said the DCC acidly. 'Though you apparently had.'
'That's likely true,' said Dalziel seriously. 'That'll be why I didn't drive. Arnie Charlesworth drove. Likely you'll know him, being a gambling man? Arnie's not a drinker himself. Was once, now he doesn't touch the stuff. It'll all be in his statement. You've got his statement, have you, sir?'
'Yes, Andy. I've got his statement.'
'Gra
nd!' said Dalziel. 'Now let's get on to this problem of yours, shall we?'
The DCC sighed deeply and turned half-profile to Dalziel's camera-rigid gaze.
'Andy, what you must understand is our need to appear absolutely impartial in this. Fortunately the editor of the Post is as aware as I am of the need to foster good and mutually beneficial police, public and press relationships.'
'You mean he doesn't want us stopping his paper vans parking on double yellow lines,' growled Dalziel.
'He has behaved very responsibly by putting the information in my hands . . .'
'Information? What information? I've told you what happened. Is someone trying to make a liar out of me?'
Ignoring the belligerent stiffening of Dalziel's body which had the effect, noted with terror by many a criminal, of turning what seemed mere flab into solid muscle, the DCC said, 'There's also the matter of Dr Sowden at the City General who claims that Mr Westerman, the deceased, said something before dying which appeared to imply that he thought you were the driver of the vehicle that hit him. The testimony of Mrs Warsop, that's the witness in the car park, and of Dr Sowden could certainly be presented in a very damaging way if the Post decided to use it. Worse, of course, it might be that one of the less scrupulous national papers would take it up.'
Dalziel stood up.
'I've had enough of this,' he said angrily. 'Bloody journalists - I've shit 'em! Who runs the police in this country? Us or the bloody newspapers?'
Suddenly the DCC had had enough too. His telly-persona vanished like a whore's smile at an empty wallet. He became total policeman.
'Sit down!' he bellowed. 'And shut up! Now, Mr Dalziel, let me tell you something else. All that's bothering the Press at the moment is whether a drunken police officer is trying to wriggle out of a manslaughter charge. That bothers me too, but what bothers me almost as much is what the hell you were doing consorting with Arnold Charlesworth?'
'Why? What's wrong with Arnie?' asked Dalziel, slowly subsiding.
'Has it somehow escaped your notice, you who usually manage to know what's in my in-tray before I get near it,' said the DCC with heavy sarcasm, 'that Arnold Charlesworth is currently being investigated by Customs and Excise for evasion of betting tax? Just imagine what the Press will make of that when it comes out? Senior police officer entertained by crooked bookie! What the hell are you playing at, Superintendent?'
Dalziel said defiantly, 'There's nowt been proved against Arnie. He's an old mate of mine. Any road, I notice you don't ask who else was eating with us.'
'Not the Archbishop of Canterbury?' said the DCC, essaying wit.
'No. Barney Kassell, Major Barney Kassell.'
'And who the devil's he? Something big in the Sally Army?'
'No,' said Dalziel. 'He's Sir William Pledger's estate manager. You'll have heard of Sir William Pledger, I expect, sir? Big mate of Mr Winter's I gather. Major Kassell knows Mr Winter pretty well too, from arranging shooting parties and the like.'
The DCC was taken aback. William Pledger, a Harold Wilson knight who'd survived the elevation, was a powerful figure in the financial world. He'd made his reputation in the Far East in the 'sixties and early 'seventies, and was currently Chairman of Van Bellen International Holdings which was to date the nearest thing to efficient supra-nationalism to emerge out of the EEC. Pledger's shooting parties on his Yorkshire estate were usually high-powered affairs, with guests flown in from Europe, though the local connection was not neglected, as evidenced by the Chief Constable's frequent presence. Pledger's estate manager would certainly be a different kettle of fish from a local bookie, no matter how rich.
Dalziel pressed home his advantage.
'Arnie Charlesworth's been out to Haycroft Grange, shooting, too. That's how he knows the Major. Thought I might try it myself. Sir.'
The DCC who'd never even had a sniff of such an invitation said, 'I'm not much in favour of blood sports myself, Andy. Anyway, this is all beside the point. A policeman's got to be more careful than anyone else, you know that. What's all right for the public at large may not be all right for him.'
He frowned and went on, 'Look, you know how some people like to make mountains out of molehills. What would seem a good idea to me would be for you to keep your head down for a couple of days. You must be a bit shaken up. Have a couple of days off. You've got plenty of back-leave, you've been pushing yourself a bit hard lately, Andy.'
'Oh. You want me to take some of my holidays then, not sick leave?' said Dalziel mildly.
'Holiday, sick leave, whatever you like!' snapped the DCC. 'Go to Acapulco, Tibet, anywhere, so long as you don't talk to Ruddlesdin or any reporter, or anyone! Understand?'
Dalziel nodded and rose.
The DCC as if encouraged by this silence said boldly, 'Andy, you're quite sure you weren't driving?'
The fat man didn't even pause but left the room without closing the door behind him.
It was not a very positive gesture, but the best he could manage. Usually he regarded any confrontation with the DCC as a mismatch, but today had been different. The trouble was of course that the long streak of owl-shit had a secret advantage today in the shape of an old man looking up into the headlamp-bright tracers of rain with unblinking blue eyes. Dalziel could see him now if he wished, suspected he might start seeing him even if he didn’t wish. It was a ghost that was going to take some exorcising.
'Hello, Mr Dalziel. What's your pleasure this time?'
It was Edna, the canteen girl. For some reason his feet had brought him back to the basement while his mind wandered aimlessly in the past.
'Full house,' he said automatically.
'Again?'
Of course, he'd had it once. On the other hand, it was a silly copper who quarrelled with his feet. Exorcism probably required as full a stomach as most human activities.
'Yes, please,' he said firmly. 'And this time, love, see if you can't get them rashers really crisp.'
Chapter 7
'What does it signify?'
Peter Pascoe allowed himself to be rehearsed in the whereabouts of fridge, oven, and his clean underwear for some minutes before interrupting with, 'And that's a chair, and that's a table, and there's a door! Darling, I haven't lived with a liberated woman these past seventy years, or whatever it is, without becoming moderately self-sufficient.'
'Bollocks,' said Ellie. 'And any more of that crap and I'll leave Rosie in your tender care while I drive off to Orburn.'
'I wouldn't mind,' said Pascoe. 'Even her muckiest nappy's a pleasanter prospect than anything I've got to look forward to. Still, I suppose it's good timing. It could've spoilt a weekend when you were staying at home.'
He kissed the pair of them fondly.
'See you tomorrow night, then,' he said. 'Love to the old folk.'
It was nearly ten o'clock, a lateness explained though possibly not justified by the hour at which he'd finally got to bed. Pascoe assured himself that the lie-in had been necessary in the interests of his personal efficiency, but he wondered whether he'd have chanced it if he hadn't suspected Dalziel was going to have other things on his mind that morning than checking on his staff. His first stop was the hospital where he found that Longbottom, the pathologist, presumably eager to take advantage on the golf-course of the bright November day which had succeeded the stormy night, had already started on Robert Deeks.
A native of Yorkshire whom education had deprived of his accent but not of the directness which usually accompanied it, Longbottom summed up his findings in simple non-technical language.
'You can try murder, but it'll probably end as man-slaughter,' he said. 'Injuries to the head and face caused by slapping and punching. Possibly by someone wearing a leather glove. Injuries to neck, shoulders and scalp caused by narrow-bladed double-edged knife with a sharp point. None of these injuries severe enough to be fatal of itself. But he was old and frail. I'm surprised he was still living by himself, really. Cause of death, in lay terms, shock. Oh, and there was
a bit of bathwater in his lungs. He must have gone under a couple of times.'
'Been forced under, you mean.'
'Could be,' said Longbottom. 'Why not? I presume whoever knocked him about was trying to force something out of him. Certainly wasn't self-defence. But that's your problem, Inspector. Now, let's see. What else do we have?'
He checked a list.
'Road accident and a broken hip with death from exposure? No urgency there, I presume. I'll leave them over for a rainy day.'
'I think,' said Pascoe hesitantly, 'though it's nothing to do with me directly, that an early report on the road accident would be appreciated.'
'Oh?' said Longbottom. 'All right. If I must, I must.'
'And as a matter of interest,' pushed Pascoe, 'the other one, I happened to see him last night. His right hip was broken, I believe, as a result of a fall. And he's got a nasty bruise on the left side of his head which Dr Sowden seemed to think could have been caused in the same fall. I'd be interested in your opinion.'
'Trying to get me to drop a colleague in it, Inspector?' said Longbottom, smiling thinly. 'Dr Sowden? Young man, rather pretty?'
'That's the one.'
'I know him. Good face for a doctor. Fatigue just makes it a bit more romantically haggard. Let's have a look.'
Thinking that Longbottom's rather frighteningly sallow and bony features perhaps explained his decision to concentrate on the dead rather than the living, Pascoe followed him to where an attendant, sensitive to his master's wishes, had already produced Thomas Arthur Parrinder's cadaver.
Longbottom ran his fingers along the fractured hip and studied the contusion through a magnifying-glass.
'Thinking of assault, are you?' he said.
'It's a conditioned reflex,' said Pascoe.
'Any special reason?'
'No,' admitted Pascoe. 'As far as I know there's no evidence of robbery or of any other person being involved.'
'As far as you know?' repeated Longbottom sarcastically. 'So this is another one that's really nothing to do with you? You must find time hanging heavy on your hands, Inspector. Or do you just want to prove Dr Sowden is fallible?'
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