Goodbye Love (Kendawyn Paranormal Regency)

by Auburn Seal

  The soft click of the latch sounded and Philip’s eyes met hers. He took a deep breath and silently cursed the nervous rattle he heard there.

  “There really is nothing you can do, Miss Carson. It is a complicated situation, but I have had visions of you my whole life. I have known since I was quite a young man that you were fated to be my wife. The moment I saw you at the masquerade ball, I knew it was you. That my wife, the future Duchess had finally arrived.”

  He paused, but she said nothing. Her eyes were wide and her lips were slightly parted. He wanted to kiss her, but he reined in his carnal weaknesses and continued.

  “I—I don’t know what to say. I barely know you.”

  “But you do feel the connection between us, do you not?”

  He watched her take a breath and then swallow nervously. The blush that stained her cheek made her even more beautiful.

  “I have enjoyed my time with you, I suppose. It’s just that I have been so focused on finding my sister, I really don’t have the luxury of pursuing a romantic attraction.”

  Philip shook his head. “This is more than a romantic attraction, Grace.”

  She started to interject and he placed his finger on her lips. Her mouth was warm, her breath hot.

  “I do not tell you this to try to change your mind. You must go to aid your sister. Of course you must. I would not have told you any of this, save that you asked. And I will not lie to you. Not ever.”

  She blinked a couple of times, clearly trying to process his declaration.

  “Maybe under different circumstances….”

  “Yes, of course. Think no more of it.”

  Philip stood and walked to the parlor door and opened it, where the mage stood on the other side. He had been listening, that much Philip could tell by the look in the old man’s eyes.

  “We are ready, Mage.”

  The mage looked from Philip to Grace. “Yes, of course. You have told her then. The consequence of her decision to leave Kendawyn?”

  “Consequence?” Grace asked.

  “Yes, my dear. When you leave Kendawyn through the portal, you will not remember ever being here. You will not remember anyone you have met, any feelings you have experienced. You will not remember that Kendawyn exists. Your link with Kendawyn—with Philip—will be severed. You will leave your magic behind as well.”

  Philip watched her face as she processed his words.

  She chewed on her bottom lip and let out a long breath. “Okay, I understand.”

  Then she turned to Philip, her green eyes threatening to overflow. When she spoke her voice was soft and trembled slightly. “I’m sorry, Philip. Truly. This must be difficult for you. But I must go.”

  He shoved the emotion that threatened to well up and spill out on his cheeks. “Do not trouble yourself further, Miss Carson. I can assure you I will be quite all right.”

  Philip then turned to the Mage. “Shall we proceed, then? Grace has somewhere to be.”

  The mage nodded and Philip resisted the nausea that threatened to overtake him.

  The sun had dipped behind the horizon to her west and Grace stood admiring the outside of the Keep, lit only by the light of a very large moon and some sconces that lit the front entry. It was a beautiful manor house. Everything about Kendawyn felt like a dream. The vampires, the horse-drawn carriage, the way she felt when Philip kissed her. But her urgent need to get back to Gillian didn’t allow her to linger long on thoughts of what a life here would be like. A life with Philip. He was the promise of a future that she would choose to leave behind.

  She had felt a connection to him, but didn’t feel right telling him that. It was bad enough to leave after he’d made such a declaration of love and fate. She could see in his eyes that he believed what he said to her. And she would have liked to believe it herself. She’d never felt drawn to a man like she was drawn to Philip. But it couldn’t be. There was Gillian. Nothing else mattered.

  Grace remembered the way she felt when the magic was pulsing through her and was suddenly overwhelmed with a great feeling of loss. Leaving Kendawyn meant that she would leave her magic behind. She would never feel the sensation again. She would never again grasp the power of that energy. Would never wield it as though it were part of her own body.

  She looked at Philip and thought of all that she would be leaving here in Kendawyn and wondered for the first time if she was giving up too much. But of course she wasn’t. She would trade anything—everything—for Gillian’s safety.

  She swallowed and forced a smile to her lips.

  The mage held a candle in his hand. The flame would be the source from which she would draw her energy to open the portal—after she cast the locator spell with his help, of course. She still couldn’t believe she could do magic. This all felt so surreal. Everything but the look in Philip’s eyes. That was real.

  She had to say something. She couldn’t leave him here, knowing that she would never see him again, and not admit that she felt something for him too. He deserved that, didn’t he?

  “Philip, could I talk to you? For just a moment?”

  He nodded and led her by the elbow a small distance from where the mage stood with the candle.

  She reached up and pressed her palm to his cheek. The stubble under her hands glowed with the warmth and ruggedness of him. “I just wanted you to know that…well, I…” she gulped.

  Quit acting like a tongue-tied teenager, Grace.

  She stiffened her shoulders. Be brave. “Philip, I feel it too. That there is something between us. I wish that I could stay here with you and see where this might lead. I’m sorry that I have to leave after everything you have done for me. I’ll never forget you. I mean, I know he said I will forget you, but I think somehow deep down I’ll always know you. You will always be a part of me. I hope so anyway.”

  She leaned into him and pressed her lips to his. The kiss was tender and sweet. It lingered for a moment and finally she broke away, feeling like every moment she was close to him would only heighten the pain of leaving him.

  “Goodbye, Philip.”

  She looked into his eyes and thought she might be able to see his heart breaking right in front of her. She turned quickly back to the mage so Philip wouldn’t see the tears in her eyes.

  She felt Philip’s arms reach out and grab her by the shoulders as he turned her back to face him. Without a word, his lips crushed hers and she had no choice but to give in to his need. Her need. Heat filled her center as she pressed closer into him. Closer, closer, but still not close enough. Her fingers gripped his hair and her nails dug into his neck as she tried to pull everything from him. His lips traveled to her throat and she tossed her head back in abandon as his hot breath threatened to destroy her resolve.

  His hands traveled over the curves of her breast, down her side, and then around to her lower back pulling her into him until there was no space between them.

  “Grace.” His lips were soft, his voice filled with wanting. “Goodbye, Grace.”

  And suddenly he pulled back, dropping his hands from her, leaving a void as stark as the way she felt when her magic dissolved after filling her so completely. So full of life, of desire. And then nothing.

  She stared into Philip’s eyes for a moment and saw a glimpse of eternity pass between them. She had to go. She was giving up so much. If she didn’t go now, she wouldn’t have the strength.

  Grace turned and faced the mage, trying to ignore the sense of Philip standing behind her. Trying to ignore the pull of him.

  “What do I do?” she asked Charles.

  “Hold this in your hands and then focus on the flame, Miss Carson.”

  He handed her a small silver orb.

  “Banish all your other thoughts.” She nodded and obeyed, and felt the warmth of the energy flood into her as she pulled it from the flame, so easy after her brief but exhausting lesson from earlier today.

  Focus. Don’t think about him.

  “Are you holding it?”

&
nbsp; Grace nodded, feeling exhaustion pulling at her once again, but refusing to tire out so quickly. Not until she was home.

  The orb she held in her hand now glowed a soft blue, just as the flames had last night in the parlor.

  “Very good. Now, think of your sister. Visualize her in your head and then repeat after me. Locatus.”

  Grace imagined Gillian’s face and repeated the word he gave her. “Locatus.”

  She gasped as she felt a connection, almost like a thread, that went from somewhere in her core and across time and space to her sister on the other side of the heat that filled her.

  “She’s alive. I can feel her.”

  Grace felt tears on her face.

  “Very good. Now, you must hold on to that knowledge…that sensation of where she is. Do you have it?”

  Grace spoke through gritted teeth. “Yes. I have it.”

  “Excellent. Now I will give you the words that will open the portal in the direction of your sister’s beacon.”

  Grace felt the presence of her sister begin to slip from her grasp. She was so tired.

  No. Hold on. She was so close to her now. She couldn’t lose her now.

  “I’m ready, Charles. Please hurry. I’m getting tired.”

  “Hold the orb and repeat after me while you remain connected to your sister. Ready?”

  Grace nodded.

  She was gasping for breath as she struggled to hold the link to her sister. She could feel the sweat dripping down her face and onto her neck. She felt so hot that she thought she might burst into flames.

  “Portalis.” Once the portal spell left her lips she felt the world spin out of control. Blue light in every direction was all she could see. She could no longer tell which was up or down. Her sister felt very close now. And she could feel the magic pulse within her.

  “Goodbye, Grace, my love.”

  Philip’s words broke through the chaos and pierced the warmth of the magic that flooded her being.

  A sob escaped her lips. “Goodbye, Philip.”

  And then the blue light turned black and Grace felt Philip vanish from her presence. Then the world turned black, the blue light snapping closed and replaced by utter blackness in every direction.

  Philip watched the glow that burned around Grace’s body expand and brighten as the energy flooded into her body. This was it. She was leaving.

  She could feel her sister’s presence now and Philip could hear the excitement and relief in her voice. He clenched his fists and listened helplessly as she uttered the spell that would take her away from him forever.

  Her head tilted back as the portal opened. Her body raised off the ground and the glow around her was so bright now that he could barely stand to look at her. But he continued to stare anyway. Drinking in the last glimpses of her.

  “Goodbye, Grace, my love.”

  And then the glow vanished. She was gone. In one terrible moment the woman that destiny had brought into his life was gone again.

  He stared at the empty space where she had been and felt an unfamiliar darkness fill him. Some time passed before he was able to pull himself together. He was still standing outside, alone, the mage politely leaving him to his grief.

  His cheeks were damp with tears he had not realized he had shed.

  His mind played over the vision of her face when she had first made contact with her sister’s presence. The relief and the joy that she felt. That was the image he would hold on to. That was his wife. His true love. His destiny. And maybe he would be fated to live with only the memory of her but it would be enough. It would have to be, because she was gone.

  He walked back to the manor, overwhelmed with emotion and loss.

  His brother Nicholas was there to greet him as he stepped through the door.

  “Brother. Where have you been? I heard you left the masquerade ball early. I thought perhaps you had finally decided to take my advice and court someone. You should not be alone forever. Stubborn as you are. You will need to produce an heir.”

  Philip was across the room holding his brother by the throat before he knew what he was doing. He had made no conscious decision to attack him, but it was too much after he had just watched his future leave through that portal. This was not Nicholas’ fault-it was typical of something his brother would say to him. He could not possibly have known that Philip had finally met the woman who belonged to him—who should have belonged to him—and that he had just had to bid her farewell. Still, the loss and grief that Philip felt was more than he could handle and so he squeezed Nicholas’s neck, baring his teeth, growling low and fierce.

  “You will never speak of my wife or my heir again, brother. Do you understand?”

  Nicholas nodded slightly, fear and concern evident in his eyes. Finally Philip came back to his senses and released Nicholas from his grasp.

  He stepped back. “Forgive me brother. That was uncalled for. You have done nothing to deserve such behavior from me. Please forgive me.”

  Philip turned toward the stairs and noticed a woman cowering against the door of the parlor.

  Philip turned to Nicholas. “How rude of me. We have a guest?”

  He felt dead inside, but the woman did look terrified.

  “Yes, Philip. You are quite right. We do have a guest. Do you remember the woman I told you about? The one I met on my Grand Tour?”

  Philip nodded impatiently. The last thing he felt like doing in the wake of Grace’s departure was entertaining. Anyone.

  “Yes, I remember.” He turned to the woman. “Lovely to meet you I am sure. Please forgive my hasty exit. I am not feeling well.”

  “Brother.” Nicholas said harshly. “I will forgive your foul temper on my account but you will not be so rude to my guest. Our guest. Gillian deserves far better treatment.”

  Philip sighed. “Yes, of course you are right. My apologies, Gillian—”

  Her name broke through the fog of his grief and he stared at her. The eyes were a similar shade of green. Her hair was blonde instead of red, but somewhere in the depths of her face he could see the resemblance to her sister. To Grace.

  He traveled across the room and stood face to face with the woman.

  “Gillian? Do you have a sister? Grace?”

  The blonde woman nodded hesitantly.

  “No! What have I done? What have I done? I have sent her away!”

  He heard the roar of his voice echo through the house and hoped that it would pull down the walls of the house around him. What a foolish man he had truly been. She was his fate and he let her go. He should have known to hold on to her. To forbid her to go. Gillian had been here all the time.

  He heard someone sobbing and realized it was him. His brother was kneeling by him on the ground where Philip had fallen to his knees.

  “She is gone, Nicholas. She is gone.”

  “Philip?”

  Her voice broke through his grief and he turned to look for it. There she was at the top of the stairs, still surrounded by the blue glow that was her magic.

  Faster than he could think, he traveled the distance to the stairs and flew up the staircase to stand by her side. Her magic dissipated just as he reached her side.

  “You are back. My love. Grace. You are back!”

  “I don’t understand. What happened? It didn’t work. What did I do wrong?”

  Philip laughed joyously, hardly able to contain his emotions. “It did work, my dear. Gillian is here.”

  He lifted her into his arms and flew back down the stairs, setting Grace gently on the ground in front of her sister.

  Grace blinked, looking confused. “Gillian?”

  “Grace? It’s you. I thought I’d lost you forever.”

  The two women embraced and sobbed. “I never stopped looking, Gillian. I only had to find a way to get back to you.”

  Gillian dried her eyes. “Jake. He came to the house and I tried to get away from him, but I couldn’t. And then suddenly Nicholas was there, and he saved me, Grace. Saved me a
nd brought me here. He said that he would help me to find you. He’s…the one…from before. Before Jake. I didn’t want to trust him, not after he left me—before.”

  Gillian looked at Nicholas with a mixture of fear and admiration.

  “I’m so sorry I left you like that, Grace,” she whispered.

  Grace wiped her tears. “Don’t be sorry. I’m so glad you are okay. I’ve been so worried. Wait. What do you mean the one from before? You don’t mean Nick—the man who left you? Surely not? He was from Kendawyn?”

  Grace sounded as incredulous as Philip felt.

  Gillian sniffled, drying her eyes and nodded, casting a glance at the other man in the parlor. “Yes. Grace. Meet Nick.”

  Philip’s brother stepped forward and faced Grace. “Nicholas Daventry. I am pleased to make your acquaintance, Miss Carson.”

  Philip interrupted the introduction. “Nicholas, what is the meaning of this? Is Gillian the woman you met on your Grand Tour? The one you left behind when Father was dying?”

  Nicholas turned to face his brother. “Yes. I have regretted leaving her every moment since I returned. I know it was improper for me to retrieve her, but I only went to observe her, ensure she was well. When I saw that man hurting her, I did not stop to think of the consequences.”

  Then Nicholas turned back to Grace. “I apologize for any trouble my hasty actions may have caused. I assure you I meant no harm. I love Gillian. I would do nothing to hurt her intentionally.”

  Gillian broke in, “I would like to talk to you privately, Nicholas. Is that possible?”

  He nodded and Philip watched his brother take Gillian by the arm and lead her out into the night air.

  Grace stood in the large foyer of Silverhurst Keep unable to drag her eyes away from Philip. Gillian had gone for a walk with Nicholas, insisting they needed to talk. She’d said they had things to discuss.

  And now she was here, alone with Philip. Philip who she’d professed her love to only moments before thinking she would never see him again. But here he was in front of her, and the smile on his face matched the joy in her soul.