I waved and drove out of the parking lot, keeping Ryder in my rearview mirror as long as possible. I made the turn at the only stop light and drove down the now familiar roads. I stopped when I came up to the tree. I whispered a "goodbye" and an "I love you" before I pulled away again.
After a few hours, I pulled off the highway and stopped at a Starbucks. The drive seemed longer than it did on the way down here. Probably because I didn't want to leave this time. I sat back down in my car, inhaling the heavenly scent of coffee. I leaned my head back and enjoyed the rest. I pulled out my phone and smiled when I saw his name on the screen.
I love you. - R
I love you too I sent back. I let out a deep breath before I reluctantly started my journey again.
I could do this, I told myself. I would go home, make my parents happy, and then I would be free to do as I wanted. Scarlett's words ran through my mind again. She told me to figure out who I was and what I wanted in my life. She wanted me to do it on my own and not for Ryder, like I had with Carter.
I pulled up in the driveway just before the sun started to set. I got out of the car, stretched and then shivered in the cool air. Fall was coming and the nights were getting cooler. I took my time gathering my things, enjoying the cast of light as the day started turning into dusk.
I'm home. I miss you I texted Ryder.
Good. I miss you too. Call me when you can so I can hear your sweet voice again. - R
This was always my favorite time of day. When the sun wasn't so bright and the sky would turn purple, grays and deeper blues. The air would cool and it would feel like the world around you was starting to settle. I took a deep breath and walked in the front door.
"Kallie?" my mother called anxiously.
"Yes, mother," I answered.
She flew around the corner and slid into me on the hardwood floors, pulling me tightly against her. I smiled and hugged her back, taking in the familiar scent of home. She pulled away and her eyes were glistening. "I'm so glad you're home, baby."
"Me too," I lied as I put my bag down.
"This is beautiful," she gasped as she took the framed painting from my full hands.
"Yes. A friend made it for me," I told her.
She smiled at me and set it gently down on the table in the entryway. I followed her back to the kitchen and was shocked at the lack of interrogation I was getting. She grabbed a bottle of wine and placed it on the table with an already half-drank glass. She poured another glass and slid it over to me as I sat down.
"I'm not going to yell at you. I'm not going to lecture you or press you for information. I just want to know, are you okay?" she asked me with a worried voice.
"Yes, I'm fine. I'm good actually," I assured her and took a sip of the wine. "I'm sorry I did that to you guys. It wasn't right of me. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay, baby. We are just glad you're home," she said gently. I looked at my mother and saw a different woman before me. She was worried and slightly out of place. She wore bags under her eyes and her skin looked pale. She was never less than perfect and wasn't usually a very warm person. She reminded me of the mom I knew before the business took off and we became "higher class".
"Do you think that's why...?" I stopped, unable to ask if I was the reason my father had a heart attack.
'Oh, no," she said quickly. "Your dad isn't as young as he used to be. He took on too much at once. He rushed the opening of the store in Tower City and the stress became too much for him. Plus, he wouldn't listen to doctor's advice and stay on the medication and diet they suggested."
"Oh," I breathed out. I was glad she didn't blame me, but I wasn't sure I didn't blame myself yet. "The store is open in Tower City already? I thought that was next summer?"
"Well, it was, but your father had an opportunity to add another designer to the shelves, but they wanted a company with more reputation. So, he rushed the project and opened the store. He did land the account, though."
I yawned and rubbed my sore shoulders. "I'm gonna go up to bed and shower. Want to go with me to see dad in the morning?" I asked her as I stood.
"Sure, babe. Now, go rest. I'm sure you're exhausted."
I gave her a kiss on the cheek and took my things up to my bedroom. The room was exactly how I left it. My makeup, which I had been putting on the morning of the party, was still out on my vanity. The clothes I slept in were on the floor and my bed was unmade, which was not typical for the old me. I dropped on my bed and pulled out my phone.
Ryder answered on the first ring. I smiled hearing his voice. It was deep and comforting. I told him about my mother's strange behavior when I got home. He seemed glad she wasn't hard on me. I knew he had so much guilt eating away at him. I told Ryder about the odd things I saw on my drive home, and he told me about Scarlett sulking around the house.
"I miss you," I said into the phone, growing sleepy.
"I miss you, too. I love you. You should get some sleep, baby. I'll talk to you tomorrow."
"Okay. I love you, too. Good night," I said before I hit end.
I wondered how he would be when he woke up in the night from the memories, and I wasn't there to hold him. I ran my fingers along the bracelets on my arm. The polished gold, adorned with sparkling charms, and the rough, raw metal of the clamp I fashioned into jewelry. One night, I tore a piece of denim from a ratty pair of jeans that Ryder only wore when they rode the four-wheelers. I wove it between the slots on the clamp, adding more color and character.
Now, the hose clamp reminded me of Ryder and everything we went through together. It sat next to the charm bracelet that reminded me of Carter and everything we had. Both were big pieces of my heart, and I was forever changed because of the both of them.
The next morning, I dressed and ate a quick breakfast with my mom before heading to the Cleveland Clinic to see my dad. We got our visitors badges and made our way to the cardiac wing of the hospital. I paused just outside the private room he had. I wrung my hands as my mom gave me a reassuring smile. I had no idea why she was being so understanding, but my hopes were low that my dad would be so kind.
I followed her into the room, where my dad sat propped up in a hospital bed, talking to a young man taking notes. He stopped and brightened, seeing my mother float into the room and wrap her arms around him.
"Kallie," he said, sounding almost shocked.
"Hey, Daddy," I waved as I came to his side. "How you feeling?"
"I'm fine," he said, patting my hand. "I'm ready to get out here, actually."
"Dear, you will go home when the doctor says you are ready," my mother scolded him. He rolled his eyes at her, and I had a feeling this wasn't the first time they had this conversation.
Finally, the young man in the seat next to the bed stood and cleared his throat. He was tall with blonde hair and wore a nice suit. He looked too young to be one of my father's trusted assistants, but then again, I have been gone for a whole summer. He closed his leather binder and tucked the pen inside his jacket. "If that will be all, sir, I will leave you to be with your family," he said, all too politely.
"Oh, Kallie, this is Ivan Ward, my assistant," my father introduced, motioning to the man. "Ivan, this is my daughter, Kallie."
He stuck out his hand to me and smiled. "Nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you," he said as he shook my head. Typical thing to say.
"Thank you. Nice to meet you, too," I replied as nicely as I could.
Ivan nodded to my father and left the room while my mother nagged about how much my dad ate for breakfast. I sat in the chair while he complained that he wanted bacon and eggs, not the crap they fed him here. I ignored them while I texted Ryder.
"Kallie," he said, grabbing my attention. "I'm glad you're home."
"Me too," I smiled back at his warm face. I ignored the guilt I felt for not wanting to actually be here.
"Honey, I need your help at the downtown branch while I recover. Ivan is managing both branches right now, but the new store needs more att
ention. Can you do that?" he asked, his face daring me to say no.
"Of course," I relented. This is why I came home, wasn't it? To help the family business. To do as everyone needs or wants me to.
"Great," he beamed. "I can have Ivan deliver some materials you will need to look over. We have some new lines, new designers, and such. I can have him get you all the financials, too."
I suddenly felt overwhelmed. This was the moment I was trained for all my life. I had expensive schooling, every summer and weekend spent behind the counters, and constant talk about the store around the house, but I felt utterly over my head. I stared at him, wide eyed, while he ran through the employees and the new location.
"You listening?" he asked when I failed to respond after a while.
"Yes," I answered quickly. "Just a lot to take in."
"You'll do great," he affirmed. "It's just temporary, until I get sprung from here. Then I will pull some strings and get you back into Georgetown."
I just nodded. That was a battle for another day. I could only focus on one thing right now in order to stay sane. I just had to make it through this obstacle, keep the store afloat, and then I could work on the next step. I played with my bracelet while he made a phone call and instructed Ivan to deliver some things to the house for me.
We made small talk until his lunch arrived. He never once asked where I was or what I was doing. I could tell several times, whenever there was a lull in conversation, he wanted to ask. His face went tense, but he kept his mouth tightly snapped shut. I even saw a few warning glares my mom shot his way.
I let out a huge breath when I came out the glass doors of the hospital. We walked back to our car in the parking garage and my mom drove us home. I texted Ryder all the way back, telling him my dad didn't yell at me. I told him I was to start managing the downtown branch.
You will do amazing bc u r amazing - R
I'm nervous :(
Don't. U will kick ass. I love u - R
Love you too. Miss you.
Later that evening, Ivan showed up with a large box of files for me. He briefly went over the employees with me, the layout of the merchandise, and some of the rules of the mall. I tried to focus and soak in all the information he was giving me. My mind just wandered to Ryder and how much I wanted to be with him. I was just starting to learn a different side of him, a sweeter and softer side, and wasn't ready to be away from that yet.
I knew now, from my time with him, that I didn't want to do this anymore. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a fancy store, selling overpriced and cookie-cutter diamonds to snotty and rude people. I missed the diner. I missed my regulars and the atmosphere. I missed watching Ryder work on a car and Scarlett doodle in her room.
I didn't want to return to school for business. I wanted to have fun in my college years, like other girls my age did. I wanted to live in a dorm, go to parties, and dance. I realized in the few months I spent away from home, how much I was missing out in life.
"Kallie?" Ivan asked.
"What? I'm sorry," I apologized. "It's been a long day."
He studied my face for a moment before sighing. "Look, I know this probably doesn't sound like much fun for you, but I'll be here for you. I will still be at the store in Cleveland almost everyday. You won't be completely on your own with this."
"Thank you," I said to be polite. It didn't really make me feel any better.
The next morning, I parked in a parking garage in Tower City and made my way up the escalators to the lobby of the mall. I quickly spotted our sign on the second floor. I used the keys Ivan gave me and lifted the gate up to unlock our door. The scent of Windex assaulted me as soon as I stepped in. It was a familiar smell, reminding me that I've done this for years.
I sipped my coffee and went about opening the store. I started up the computers and turned on the case lights. I took some time to inspect the new jewelry we had on display. Tasteful. Elegant. Boring. The employees greeted me as they arrived for the day. Most seemed nice, but I'm the boss’s daughter. That was something I was always burdened with. You never knew who really liked you, or who was fake.
The days flew by and I soon fell into a familiar routine, acting almost on instinct. I sold thousands of dollars worth of jewels to old rich men. I watched couples come and go, not being able to afford the engagement ring the woman wants. When the store was closing, I almost didn't realize I was there for twelve hours. It was like riding a bike, I thought.
CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
Kallie
Weeks went by the same. Hundreds, if not thousands, of minutes spent on the phone. Thousands of text messages and hundreds of pictures sent back and forth. I missed him with everything in my body. I fantasized about just leaving, getting in my car, leaving the store behind, and driving back to him. He insisted I needed to finish up here. He wouldn't be responsible for me bailing.
My dad was finally released from the hospital a couple weeks after I came home. He wasn't well enough to put in the hours, so I was still needed. After a month, they rented me a loft apartment downtown. It was closer to the store and I could have some "independence", as my dad claimed. I think it was their way of making it up to me for forcing me do this for them.
My dad ran the branch in Chardon, close to home, and I ran the Cleveland branch. Ivan floated between the two, going wherever he was needed. I never had down time. I worked all day and spent most of my nights catching up on stuff that didn't get done while I was there during the day. I kept thinking that if I got enough done, I wouldn't be needed anymore. My office in my apartment became a second addition to the business.
The days got busier and shorter as winter came. Christmas season almost killed me, with extended hours and the holiday shoppers coming in mobs. I walked out the night before Christmas Eve, admiring the decorations in the building. Garland and lights hung over the balconies. Christmas music played loudly over the speakers as I passed the tallest decorated tree I had ever seen.
I made the short walk to my apartment, admiring the city lit up along the way. I shivered as I entered my apartment. I kicked off my snowy boots and hung up my coat and scarf by the door. I put on water to boil and went to my bedroom to change. After getting into something warm and comfortable, I poured some tea and sat on the couch, ready to go over the estimated quarter earnings.
I missed Ryder immensely. My calls were getting shorter and shorter to him, and the texts were becoming scarce. I dialed his number, knowing it was too late for him to answer. After leaving him a short voicemail, I tossed my phone to the glass coffee table. I walked to the tall windows and looked out over the city and the coast of the lake.
I wondered when I would be released from my chains. I thought of my tattoo and the birds gaining their freedom. There was a time when I realized I was those birds. I thought I was breaking free, free to fly and come into my own.
I went backwards, though. I regretted it everyday that I came home. I felt lonely and overwhelmed every second. I wanted to come home at night and curl up to Ryder. I wanted his arms to hold me and tell me everything would be okay. Instead, I come home and worked only to get up and work again the next day.
I wanted to laugh again. I couldn't remember the last time I did. I was twenty-two years old. I shouldn't be sitting alone in my apartment looking over spreadsheets. I should be at a bar with friends. I should be making out with my boyfriend, not missing the rare phone calls. I became everything my family wanted me to be. Even without Carter, I had a path built for me and I was forced to follow it. This time, I walked the path alone.
When spring time came, the world around me woke up and defrosted. The flowers began to bloom and the fresh smell in the air reminded me of growth and new beginnings. I walked down the stairs of my parents home and started my new car, a car I knew would make the journey I needed to make.
I looked at the text I received this morning. It was the text that became the last straw and I broke. I had to go back. My life became everything I was once r
unning from, and I didn't even see it happening. I pressed the start button on the dash and pulled out of the driveway. I looked back once to see my mother watching from the doorway.
It had been almost six months since I had been back there. A place I once though of as home was now nothing more that a place I once visited. I found love there and then left it behind. I hadn’t seen Ryder in person since the day I pulled away from his parking lot. Would it be too late? Did he wait for me or did my lack of communication push him away? Would he still love me?
Sometimes, something jolts you out of everything you have ever known and it isn't possible to go back to the way things were. I had been jolted, thrown around, and shook up. It was time I picked up the pieces and put them back together.
Acknowledgments
I would like to start off by thanking my family for always believing I could do anything.
Thank you to my husband for cooking, cleaning, and listening to me ramble about imaginary people and hypothetical events. You have no idea how much I appreciate that you listen (or pretend to) as I babble on and on. You have been patient, supportive, and understanding. For that, I think I'll keep you around. Thank you also for your knowledge on cars so I didn't sound like an idiot.
Huge hugs to Bedroom Bookworms, Megan and Trish. Thank you for your time and taking a chance on me when no else did. Megan, I love you for your LONG emails and notes with this story. :) I enjoyed discussing my characters and story with you. Without you, Ryder and Kallie would be having unprotected sex!
I need to thank the absolute best beta readers in the world. Cassie, Megan, Missy, Ashley, and Kat. Each of you added something to this book and made it better. I have no doubt this would be crap without you all! Make sure you keep hassling me for book two… I need it. Thank you to Taylor at T.K. Editing. You are amazing!
Jolted (Conflicted Encounters #1) Page 25