by RJ Jones
After we had eaten, as we sat in the back of the van, our backs against the storage/fridge, Alex pulled out another trick. Reaching down the side of the mattress, he showed me what at first looked like two pieces of wood, until he folded them out. Three pieces of plywood held together with two hinges and a center brace made a little table to rest his laptop on. A smaller, thinner version, with two holes drilled in the top for our beer, sat between us as we watched a movie. With the back doors open to the cool breeze and the lake, it was perfect.
THE FOLLOWING morning, I half opened my lids to find large blue eyes staring at me.
“Hey,” I said, my voice rough with sleep.
“Horse.”
“How was your first night sleeping in Maude?”
“You snore,” Alex stated flatly.
“You already knew this.” Alex and I had been lucky enough to be roommates during our last year at Purdue and we’d had a blast our final semester together.
“But this is the first time I’ve been close enough to smother you with a pillow.” Alex leaned over and ruffled my hair—well, he would have if I’d had any—before he crawled out of Maude and disappeared behind the pee tree.
Alex returned and crawled back into his sleeping bag beside me. “What did Julie say?”
“What did Julie say when?” I was on my back, my fingers threaded behind my head as he settled alongside me.
“When you woke her up yesterday morning?”
“I thought I told you already?”
Alex shook his head as he rolled onto his side, propping his head on his hand.
“She asked if she could have my room while I was ‘finding myself.’”
Alex flashed me his perfect white teeth. “Are you lost?”
“Dunno.”
“If we’re supposed to be ‘finding ourselves’”—Alex made air quotes with his fingers—“where do you think we are?”
“Don’t know about you, but I’m in California.”
“Why California?”
“I’ll give you three words. Sun, sea, and chicks.”
Alex laughed and rolled onto his back. “Yeah, I think I’m in California too.”
We lay in bed talking for a while until the pee tree called to me. When I returned, Alex was rebuilding the small fire from last night and getting the coffee pot ready. Our dining table had been set up and a box of cereal and two plastic bowls were waiting. When Alex looked up, our gazes met. He frowned, then went back to lighting the fire. He had something on his mind, but for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what it was.
I sat at the table eating my cereal and waited for the coffee. Alex sat down opposite, looking at me warily.
“What?” I asked.
Alex’s eyes flitted to my face, then away. “Ugh. We need to talk.”
My first thought was he was breaking up with me. Then I realized how stupid that sounded. But that was the first time I’d been on the receiving end of those words and my stomach clenched. We’d only been on the road for a day.
“Um, okay?” I wanted to make light of the tension that suddenly enveloped us, but when I looked at Alex, I thought better of it.
“We need to work out a plan for when we argue.”
Okay, I didn’t expect that. “We’re going to argue?”
“Yes. It’s inevitable. We’ll be spending twenty-four seven together. Eventually, you’ll do something to piss me off, or I’ll piss you off. I don’t want to ruin our trip bickering or fighting over stupid shit.”
“Okay. That makes sense, but we’ve lived together for the last year and we didn’t fight then.”
“We didn’t see each other much during the day because we had different schedules. Now we’ll be spending all day and all night together. I don’t want to ruin our friendship with stupid squabbles.”
“You’re really worried about this, aren’t you?”
“Yes. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to lose that…” Alex trailed off.
I could see where he was coming from. If we had an argument, he might be tempted to pack it in and go home. If we couldn’t resolve an issue, he might leave me here with Maude. My stomach clenched. Alex was waiting for me to say something, and when the silence dragged on too long, he got up and made coffee with the now boiling water.
Alex returned to his seat and poured me a cup without meeting my gaze.
“Thanks.”
Alex remained silent. Was this our first fight? We weren’t actually fighting but… we weren’t talking, either.
“Um,” I started, but I didn’t really know what to say. I needed to reassure him that, no matter what happened, our friendship wouldn’t be compromised. “Okay, we need to work out a strategy for when you piss me off.” Alex’s eyes shone a little at my attempted humor. “We both know it won’t be because of me.”
Alex’s lips twitched. “You’re an idiot. But yes, we do, I don’t want to go home early because I’ve pissed you off, but more than that, I don’t want to lose your friendship. Not for any reason.” Alex sobered a little. “So what should we do? Maybe if things are getting heated, we walk away for a day. Go do separate things and cool down. If we’re driving, then we need to pull into the nearest town and do something for an hour or two by ourselves.”
“That’s a start. We might think of something else later, but for the time being, that’s good. As long as we can stop it before it becomes too big to fix. I don’t want to lose your friendship, either, and I definitely don’t want to go home before we have to. Plus, driving by myself would be boring as hell, but—” I paused and put on my thinking face. “—on the other hand, think of all the chicks I could bring back to Maude if you weren’t here?”
My attempt at lightening the mood worked and Alex chuckled before sipping his coffee.
Alex’s lips twitched once more. “Ass.”
“You like my ass.” What? Where the hell did that come from?
CHAPTER THREE
July 25th
Aberdeen, South Dakota
JUNE AND JULY were spent traveling through Iowa, Nebraska, and part of South Dakota, and it was several hundred miles before our constant togetherness became a little annoying. Every time we stopped, Alex insisted on getting receipts and entering the amounts into a spreadsheet so he could keep an eye on our expenses. If it were up to me, I would’ve just logged into the joint bank account we’d opened a few years ago and had a look at the balance if I wanted to see how much money was left, but Alex wanted to do it his way. As long as we had enough money to last the year, I didn’t care. I learned pretty quickly to make sure I kept any receipts, though.
The last week of July brought us to Aberdeen, a small town in South Dakota. Alex had been unusually quiet for most of the day, and after I parked Maude on Main Street, he grabbed his laptop and the laundry bag, saying he’d be gone for a few hours. Without looking back, he bolted across the street and then down the block. I couldn’t see a laundromat anywhere, but knowing Alex, he knew where one was. He had taken the spare key to Maude and his phone, so if I moved the van, I could call him and tell him where she was. I had lunch by myself in a mom and pop diner, then ambled around the small town, wondering the whole time where he was. I passed a laundromat, but there was no sign of him until I rounded the next street. Alex was across the street, near the entrance to a movie theater, talking on his phone. He didn’t see me as I watched him from the opposite corner. His shoulders were hunched, and he looked a little sad. I wanted to punch whoever he was talking to for making him look like that. I wondered who it was. The only phone calls he had had so far were from his parents and Calvin.
Alex lifted his shoulders, then dropped them, seemingly letting out a large sigh, and ran his free hand over his head before pocketing his phone. Lifting his face to the sky, he seemed to be praying for guidance or help before he headed into the cinema.
He texted me about three hours later, wanting to know where I was, and I pondered what movie he’d seen that had taken that long. I pic
ked him up on South Main Street and asked him what he’d done all day. He shrugged and said, “Not much.”
We drove to Wylie Park in silence, a campground-cum-family recreation park northwest of the town, and rented an RV site. We drove past the entrance to the Wylie Zoo, which housed buffalo, deer, elk, and llamas. Storybook Land was on our right, complete with castle, carousel, and other kiddy rides. It was quieter than I expected, being the middle of summer, but there were some families close by setting up their tents and getting campfires going. The ballpark had a few kids playing, and lots of kids were out in the twilight riding bikes along the paths. I parked Maude next to an elderly couple sitting on folding chairs by a fire, not too close as to be in their space but near enough to wave and say hello.
“Did you talk to anyone today?” I asked Alex after we’d started our fire. His unwillingness to tell me what he’d done annoyed me.
“Cal rang earlier. You?”
“What did he want?”
He shrugged. “Nothing, just checking in.”
Cal often checked in with Alex, but I could tell he was reluctant to tell me what they spoke about specifically. I decided to let it go in the hope he’d open up to me later.
Alex pulled the chairs out and set up the table to get ready for dinner while I got the steaks ready for the grill.
“You were gone all day, what did you do the whole time?” For some reason, I couldn’t let it go. He was hiding something from me and I wanted to know why he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—talk to me.
“Laundry.”
“It took you all day to do the laundry?”
Alex frowned. “It took a couple of hours, then I went to a movie.”
“What movie was it?”
“Jesus. Do you have to know everything? Some lame action movie where people got shot and they wrecked a whole lot of cars. What does it matter?”
I held up my hands. “No reason, I just wanted to know what you’d done all day.” I paused. It wasn’t Alex’s fault I was in a foul mood. “I was… bored without you.”
The fight went out of him and his shoulders slumped. “Sorry. I just needed a day off. A day to myself. It wasn’t you.”
“So I haven’t pissed you off yet, then? I can’t be trying hard enough,” I joked.
Alex’s wide grin returned. “Idiot.”
PROXIMITY. It had to be.
“I’ve been going over the budget and…”
The following morning I watched Alex’s mouth as he spoke. I didn’t hear the words, just watched his lips move and curl around the words. They were pink and full, like a girl’s… except not. His were surrounded by dark blond stubble and I had no idea why, but this made them even more attractive.
“…motel and possibly pizza. I’ll have to see and make adjustments…”
Proximity. It couldn’t be anything else, could it? I mean, I’d never felt this… whatever it was. Alex bit his lower lip as he concentrated on his spreadsheet and the movement made my stomach flip.
I had awoken that morning with an erection that could smash rocks. Alex was asleep beside me. We’d kicked off the sleeping bags during the night as it was too warm, so I could feel his body heat through my thin T-shirt. Small puffs of air blew from between his lips and his long eyelashes fluttered slightly against his cheeks.
Oh my God. I needed to get laid. Since being on the road, I hadn’t had any action apart from the odd jack-off in the shower. The longest dry spell I’d had was back in high school so, yeah. Proximity.
“You’re not even listening to me, are you?”
“What? Sorry.”
“I stopped talking three minutes ago, after I asked you if you’d prefer an elephant or rhinoceros steak.” Alex’s voice was tight.
I smiled, trying to ease the tension I felt directed toward me from across the table. “Elephant. I’ve heard rhino is a bit tough.” My attempt to lighten the mood fell flat and I saw the flash of anger in Alex’s eyes.
“Dammit, Josh. Is everything a joke to you? I’m trying to talk to you about our budget and trying to see if our money can last for the next…” Alex punched a couple of keys on his laptop, harder than they deserved. “Forty-three weeks. We may have to cut our adventure short if we keep eating fast food. Not to mention we’ve both put on weight and I feel like shit. I need some real food. Why can’t you… Jesus!”
Alex stood abruptly, his chair toppling over in the dirt, making one of the legs snap in two. “Motherfucking piece of fucking shit!”
My anger, born of frustration, bubbled to the surface, and I stood quickly, knocking my bottle of water into the dirt of the campsite.
“Why can’t I be what? More like you? Have every single thing planned out and organized into a tight schedule?”
Alex’s need to plan and organize had never bothered me before, and to be honest, it had helped a lot during college. He set up an entire semester’s study plan to keep me on track and ensure I didn’t fail. It helped that he studied with me and he wouldn’t let me go to a party unless we had studied for at least an hour beforehand. I used to cram the night before exams and always risked falling asleep during the tests, but once Alex set up the schedule for me, I was always prepared.
So I knew my outburst was unfair, but it didn’t stop me.
“Why do you have to keep such a tight timetable? Isn’t part of this trip doing what we want, when we want? And why do we have to have Christmas in San Diego? Why can’t we have it in Canada instead?”
Alex threw his hands up. “One of the points of this trip is so we don’t see snow for an entire year. What’s the freaking point of going to Canada?”
“But that’s my point. We can if we want to. We don’t have to be on a schedule. We don’t even have to go to San Diego if we don’t want to. We can go to Vegas directly from Seattle and skip California entirely.”
“But we have to be in San Diego for Christmas.”
“What the hell for?”
“Because I have something planned!”
We stood on either side of the pullout table, our breathing heavy with anger and frustration. A vein in Alex’s temple throbbed.
This was one of those times we spoke about and I should have walked away before my irritation got the better of me. We were arguing about something more than San Diego, I just didn’t know what.
Alex’s eyes flashed with disappointment and hurt before he clenched his already tight fists. He kicked the now broken chair before storming off toward the showers, toiletry kit in hand.
I dropped my head and looked at the ground between my feet. “Fuck.”
AFTER ALEX fled to the showers, I didn’t see him for three hours. I stayed with Maude, cleaned up the breakfast dishes, and stored everything away. I wasn’t angry anymore, I wasn’t even annoyed; I was miserable we’d fought in the first place. The worst part was, we hadn’t even argued about anything. So much for having a fight plan.
I picked up Alex’s chair and had a look at the broken leg hoping I could somehow fix it, but the wood had snapped clean off. I didn’t know if it could be repaired and the only tools we had belonged to a mechanic, nothing to mend a broken chair leg.
I sat on the rear bumper and sighed heavily.
“Need some help there?”
I looked up and saw the old man from the next campsite standing near our fire pit, toolbox in hand.
“Got anything to repair a busted leg?” I asked, holding up the broken pieces of wood.
“Sure, I used to be a carpenter back in the day, I can fix it up just like new.” His voice was as rough as gravel, which came with age, but his smile was friendly.
“I’m Ernest, and my wife over there is Audrey,” he said, pointing to his van.
“I’m Josh. It’s nice to meet you.” I shook his hand, then waved to his wife, who appeared to be packing up. She smiled and waved but didn’t come over. “Do you really think you can fix it?” I asked, handing Ernest the pieces.
“It’s a relatively clean break,” he told me
as he examined the pieces of wood. “I have some wood glue and with a few screws it should be fine. Just don’t go making your boyfriend angry again,” Ernest said with a soft smile.
I didn’t correct him.
CHAPTER FOUR
August 3rd
Whitefish, Montana
AFTER LEAVING South Dakota, we headed southwest along I-90 before turning north on I-15 and into the mountains of northwestern Montana. We decided to spend a day hiking through the Glacier National Park, following an elderly couple on the trails. We weren’t hiking with them, per se, just following a little behind. We figured if we came across a bear, we could outrun them. Bears notwithstanding, hiking was hard work when you weren’t used to it and I was a little ashamed we were outdone by old people. We collapsed in the back of Maude late that afternoon and didn’t wake until the next morning.
My legs were still a little stiff when we stopped in Whitefish for lunch a couple of days later. We were sitting in a diner after starting a load of laundry when Alex said, “Thanks for fixing the chair.” It was the first mention of our fight since he’d returned from his three-hour ‘shower,’ apart from a brief apology from each of us. It had taken a whole day for the tension to disappear.
“You should be thanking Ernest. It was lucky he used to be a carpenter.” I smiled at him, knowing this was another apology.
“Ernest?”
“The old man who was in the van next to ours. He fixed it. Said we have to be careful or it may not last the year, so no more kicking it around it, okay?”
Alex’s eyes gleamed. “Yeah, okay. If we’re annoyed with the chair, we take a breath and find a tree to assault instead. The chair doesn’t deserve it and a tree can handle the abuse better.”
“Trees are stupid anyway. They deserve everything they get.” I reached over the table and patted Alex’s hand, letting him know I understood we weren’t talking about the seat anymore. “We need to look after the chair better.”