by RJ Jones
“Josh.”
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
April 1st
Bulow Creek State Park, Ormond Beach, Florida
THE NEXT morning we found a tire shop not far from the hotel in Troy that was able to help us, and with two new tires, we set off again. We bypassed 87 and took US 231 toward Dothan instead.
Alex still appeared a little on edge. He became his normal self a few days later but until then, he wouldn’t let me out of his sight. If I went to the laundromat, he would wait with me for the clothes to finish their cycle, instead of checking out whatever town we were in. If I went to the bathroom, so did he. I didn’t question him; I knew it was his quiet way of dealing, but every time I brought the subject up, I was shut down quickly. He wasn’t going to talk about it until he was ready.
I sported a bruise the size of Lake Michigan on my upper arm but although my muscles still ached, there wasn’t any bone damage. Whenever Alex saw it, his eyes would grow hard. It was a constant reminder of what could’ve happened. I covered the yellowing blotch with a light jacket as I tried to hide it from him, but it wasn’t possible when he insisted on showering with me. His eyes were tight until he kissed my skin, gently tracing the outline of the mark with his lips, like he was trying to take it away and make it better with his touch. Afterward, he’d look at me with sad, apologetic eyes, even though he had nothing to be sorry for. He had saved my life.
“Are we going to talk about it?” I asked as we headed along the coast toward Daytona Beach. It had been almost a week since the ‘incident,’ and although Alex’s smile had come back and he was relaxed, his eyes hadn’t returned to their full brightness.
He glanced at me quickly before returning his eyes to the road. “I guess we have to, huh?”
“I think we should.”
“I’m not losing you,” he blurted. “I don’t know the logistics of what was going through my head when I pulled the gun out, but when I heard that guy’s voice and saw he was trying to… what he was…” Alex trailed off and I could see by the tightness in his shoulders he was reliving the moment again in his mind.
“Pull over,” I instructed. “We can’t talk about this and expect to keep our eyes on the road as well.”
“I will in a minute. Just a bit farther up is the Bulow Creek State Park. We’ll hike and talk.”
A couple of miles later, Alex pulled into a forested area and parked Maude, and although he was smiling, his shoulders were rigid. I almost regretted bringing the subject up, but I knew we had to talk it through.
We were surrounded by lush green dense foliage. While there were other types of plants, various palms made up the most of it in this part of the park. After climbing out of the van, we started walking along the trail, deeper into the greenery. Alex wrapped his pinky finger around mine and smiled.
I smiled in return, my heart beating that little bit faster when I looked into his eyes. Pinkies still linked, we walked the pathway until I came to a dead stop.
“Holy shit. That’s huge!” I exclaimed, looking up. Right in front of us was a massive tree, its twisted limbs snaking out every which way. It was covered in Spanish moss, the long tendrils blowing lazily in the soft breeze, and some of it was long enough to sweep the dirt beneath. It looked prehistoric and a little spooky. Its sheer size took my breath away.
“The Fairchild Oak.”
I shook my head and turned to look at Alex. “How do you know this, exactly?” I knew he liked to research the places we were going, but we hadn’t planned on stopping here.
He shrugged. “I looked up a few places last night when I was doing the latest blog post. Thought this might be a good spot to stop and have a look. They think it’s around four hundred years old and its limbs spread three hundred feet. Some of the limbs grow down into the soil and re-emerge elsewhere. So, yes, it’s huge.”
My inner child wanted to come out and play, and it was as if Alex could read my mind.
“You’re not climbing it,” he stated with a knowing smile. “You’re not allowed to. The fact the tree has survived numerous hurricanes and wildfires, not to mention conflicts, is pretty remarkable, so no climbing allowed.” He took a deep breath before continuing. “It’s a strong tree, strong roots, able to stand the test of time, no matter what life throws at it.” Alex’s smile turned wistful and I had a feeling he wasn’t talking about the tree anymore.
I squeezed his finger, letting him know I understood the reference. We continued past the oak along the hiking trail. It wasn’t busy at this time in the afternoon and it felt like we had the park to ourselves. We were quiet as we walked. The sunlight filtering through the overhead canopy made shadows on the ground, and although the air was kept cool by the thick vegetation, it surrounded us like a comforting blanket.
Alex kept up a running commentary of the things we could find in the park, like the ruins of an old sugar mill that had been abandoned during the Second Seminole War in 1836, the local birds and wildlife, and a bunch of other stuff I wasn’t interested in. It was just a matter of time before he’d get to the purpose of this hike.
Alex had just finished rambling about the great blue heron that could be found in the nearby wetlands when he stopped and pulled me into his arms.
“I won’t lose you,” he whispered into my hair.
I wrapped my arms around him and breathed in his familiar scent. After a long moment, he let me go, grabbed my hand, and continued walking.
“I didn’t know what I was doing, to be honest,” Alex said, his voice quiet. “It didn’t really register until after we were on the road heading back the way we came. I just kept thinking about that morning in LA and how things could’ve turned out very different.”
I squeezed his hand. “Where did the gun come from?” It was the only question I had. I didn’t even know he had a gun, let alone when he would’ve bought one.
“Dad gave it to me the night before we left home. He wanted to make sure we weren’t without some kind of protection. I put it in the glove compartment and forgot about it. It wasn’t until I was looking for the Triple A card and I heard…” Alex released a heavy sigh and faced me with watery eyes. “I didn’t even think. I grabbed it and pointed it at him. It wasn’t even loaded. I can’t believe I pointed a gun at another human being.”
I nodded. I knew Alex’s parents shielded their only child a little, but I never imagined they would give him a gun to use as protection. Alex’s protective streak—which I’d never seen until we started this trip—must be genetic.
“I’m glad you did.” I wasn’t about to point out what could’ve happened had he not done so.
“And I’d do it again,” Alex said softly before wrapping me in his arms once more.
“Are you okay?” I asked. “I don’t want this to be something that hangs between us, something we’re afraid to talk about.”
“Yeah, I think so. I’m glad we talked about it. It was just… I don’t know. The thought of you being… not here; it doesn’t sit well with me. I don’t want to lose you.” Alex breathed into my neck as he tried to suppress his tears. I rubbed his back in slow, reassuring circles as his breathing calmed. After a minute, he raised his head and cupped my face, bringing our lips together in an all-consuming kiss.
We broke apart, and this time Alex’s smile reached his eyes. The tension had gone and it felt like we had taken a final step back to normality. “You want to stay in a hotel tonight? I’ll see if I can find one with a double shower.”
I shrugged like it didn’t matter. “If I have to.”
I WAS driving Maude through the streets of Orlando the following day.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Alex asked, a hurt look on his face.
“We’ve had this conversation already.” Haven’t we?
“No, we haven’t.”
“Are you sure?”
“Josh.” Alex sighed. “I’d know if I had already asked you to live with me.”
“Oh. Maybe I thought it was a given. Ma
ybe I dreamt it. You know, we’ve spent all this time together, sleeping, traveling, exploring… fucking.” I winked. “I just thought we would. I can’t imagine going to bed and not having you with me.”
Alex shook his head and smiled. “You’re such an asshole.”
“What, why?”
“I was nervous about asking you to live with me and you had already agreed in your head without even telling me. I’ve been anxious for no fucking reason.”
I laughed. And laughed some more until my sides ached.
“Fucker,” Alex grumbled.
“Uh-uh. I’m the fuckee.” That earned me a wide grin. “I quite like you being the fucker.”
Alex shook his head. “That still weirds me out a little. I’d never have believed you’d enjoy being a bottom so much.”
“Hey. Any day I have something in my ass is a good day, and today has already started with a bang.” I winked again and licked my bottom lip suggestively.
Alex laughed and shook his head. “If you behave yourself, it will end with one too. Now watch the road.”
We fell silent for a few miles. We were headed east to Tampa before crossing back to the west coast and our birthday destination. Although Alex hadn’t spoken of what was planned, preferring to keep me in suspense, I knew we were celebrating at South Beach. I just didn’t know how we’d be celebrating.
“I have a confession to make,” Alex said after I parked Maude for a lunch stop outside a small diner. I couldn’t imagine what his confession would be. I thought we’d talked about everything we possibly could.
I glanced at him. “What is it?”
“I told my parents about us. I told them I’m gay and in love with you.”
“Seriously?” I was a little bewildered.
“Yeah. You’re not mad, are you?”
“Of course not. Did you tell them yesterday when you called? What did they say?”
“Uh, they’re fine with it, actually. That’s not the confession part,” he said sheepishly. “Um… I told them months ago.”
“You told them months ago and you’re only telling me now? What the hell, Alex?”
“I know. I’m sorry. I didn’t want you to be worried about telling your folks or feel pressured to tell them anything at all, really. It’s something you need to do on your own when the time is right for you. Not when it’s convenient for me.”
I shook my head. “Yeah, all right. But your folks are okay with it?”
“More than okay, actually. I think they see the commitment between Calvin and Davis and realize that it doesn’t change the person I am. I won’t deny having a gay cousin has helped, but they were pretty cool. They said if I were going to be gay with anyone, then it should be you.”
“That’s good. I’m glad they were okay, accepting. I guess I need to think about telling my folks too. I’ll do it when we get home. I want to tell Jules first and see how she reacts.”
“I agree. Mom and Dad won’t tell them. I made them promise.”
I didn’t know how my parents would react to my coming out. Julie would be a good sounding board. I didn’t think they’d have a problem with it in the long run, but they’d be shocked to say the least. It had taken me some getting used to, so I assumed they’d be the same. I didn’t need to think about it now, though. I wanted to concentrate on enjoying our last couple of months on the road and making it the best time for me and Alex.
After lunch, we drove through the city center, talking about where we would live when we got back to Fort Wayne. City versus suburbs? I mean, how close did we want to live to the parental units? Where would we be working? There were a lot of things to think about. In the end, it didn’t matter to me where we lived as long as we were together.
I was looking forward to celebrating our birthday and I wondered what Alex had planned. I knew he had something up his sleeve, because every time I brought it up, he’d smile and say, “You’ll see.” Two could play that game. I had a few ideas myself.
We had stopped at a red light, and as the light turned green, I turned to Alex and grinned wickedly as I moved Maude into the intersection.
“I can’t wait to get to South Beach.”
I never saw the truck come barreling through the intersection.
CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
April 3rd
Orlando, Florida
“ALEX.” My throat burned and I couldn’t open my eyes. They felt weighted down, like they were crushed into my skull, making my head rage with pain.
“Alex… I need you,” I tried again, hoping he could hear me, but my voice made the same strangled sound, setting my throat on fire again.
I tried to wake up, but the pain was dragging me back under. It was peaceful there, no pain lived in the dark depths of oblivion. I felt familiar lips press against my cheek, but it was probably my imagination. Before I succumbed to the blackness once more, I moved my lips just enough to breathe out, “I love you.”
“ALEX?” How long had it been since I last called for him? Hours, minutes? Days?
“I think he’s coming around this time.” That was a new voice. It sounded familiar but I think someone had stuffed cotton in my ears or they were speaking underwater. I knew this voice, a part of me told me it was someone important to me, but my fuddled brain couldn’t come up with a name to go with it.
“Come on, Josh. Wake up for me, darling.”
Mom. It was Mom talking to me. I tried opening my eyelids again, but I shut them immediately, the light so bright it sent another shooting pain into the side of my head. I wished for the darkness, I could feel it waiting for me just out of reach, but it didn’t come. By tiny degrees, I became aware of things around me. A soft, warm hand holding mine, a comforting brush of skin over my knuckles—at least they didn’t hurt like the rest of me. A steady electronic beep of some kind. Scratchy material under my skin. My throbbing head resting on a pillow made of sharp bricks. My throat so sore it felt like I’d had a bottle cleaner shoved down it. It hurt to breathe, as though someone had my lungs in a vise and every breath increased the pressure.
“Alex.” There it was again, that same fiery pain as I tried calling for my boyfriend. My head pounded and it hurt to think too hard. God, where was he?
“Oh, honey, I’m sorry. Alex is gone.”
A tear fell from my eye. My head was a mess so I pretended I didn’t hear the words as I slipped into the welcoming darkness once more, this time praying I’d never wake up.
“DARLING. COME on. Wake up and look at me. I’m here waiting for you.”
Mom again.
I could feel her gently smooth the hair away from my face. I knew it was my mom, I could smell her comforting Mom-scent I remembered from my childhood. Someone, probably her, touched something cold to my lips and it felt like heaven. I tried to stick my tongue out in a silent plea for more and I must have succeeded as I was rewarded with another few drops. A cold, wet towel moved gently against my mouth.
“There you go, sweetheart. That must feel nice.”
I tried to nod, but my head throbbed, waking up all the pain in my body. I whimpered pathetically.
“Don’t try and move, darling. I’ll just go get Davis. He’s consulting on your case.”
Shit. Davis. I’d forgotten he was a doctor. Where the fuck am I? The last thing I remembered was driving through Orlando when Alex—
I must’ve blacked out again as it felt like only seconds had passed when I heard Davis’s official doctor voice.
“Josh. Your mom told me you’re awake. Come on, open those peepers for me. I need to check you out and make sure your brain is still intact. I don’t have any worries, though, your skull is just as thick as your b—as Alex’s.”
“S’brigh’.” Pain stabbed at all areas of my body when I tried to do what he said.
“Alan, can you turn the main light off, please?”
So Dad was here too.
“Alex,” I breathed as I tried to pry my eyelids open.
Davis sighed. “We�
��ll talk about Alex in a minute. I need you to open your eyes for me.”
Another tear slipped down my cheek as I realized Alex wasn’t here. I remembered what Mom said and squeezed my eyes tight as I tried to banish those words from my mind.
More tears fell but with my throat as sore as it was, I made no sound.
At least I didn’t think I did, but I must have because Mom’s comforting touch was immediately there, shushing me and telling me everything was okay in that maternal tone I wanted to cling to.
When you’re a child and you hurt yourself, the first person to give you comfort was always Mom. There were days where one Mom-cuddle was all you’d need to know that everything was going to be okay. There was nothing like a mother’s touch to ease your fears.
Except this time it didn’t work.
SOMETIME LATER I heard Davis telling Mom and Dad about my injuries and what could be expected. I had a dislocated shoulder, now fixed. A fractured skull that had needed emergency surgery to stop the bleeding—surgery that was successful. A few cracked ribs when my body was thrown against Maude’s door, which is why it hurt to breathe. I had also had a femoral shaft fracture, which would take time and therapy to heal. But apart from that, I was okay.
I would heal.
I’d survived.
I slowly opened my eyes, surprised at how easy it was this time. Not easy, just easier. The main light was still off so I assumed not much time had passed. “I can hear you, you know.” That was what I’d meant to say, but the look on everyone’s face told me they didn’t understand.
Mom was quick to come to my side again. “Oh, honey, there you are. You had us so worried.”
“S-sorry.”
“No need to be sorry, darling. We’re just glad you’re okay.”