How could he not agree with that? Hadn’t he been hoping their time together would mellow Florence toward their daughter? “All right, let’s discuss all the repercussions of this discovery, see what we can do about it.”
“She changed toward me after she found the chest.”
His analytical mind couldn’t find a root cause for all this information. “How do you know when she found it?”
She started pacing again, back and forth across the expanse of the room, still wringing her hands. “It had to be before her birthday party, when she found the dress. That was when her attitude toward me changed. I wondered what was causing it, or if she had been this way and I hadn’t noticed before.”
Florence stopped and clasped her hands in front of her. “I haven’t been the kind of mother I should have been for Margaret.”
He didn’t know what direction she was going with this, but he really wanted to get to the root cause of their family problems. “And why is that, Flory?”
She turned away, going to her dresser and nervously straightening the things on top. She kept her back to him, but he caught her glancing at him in the mirror. So he forced a smile on his face, even though he was confused.
“I’ve been afraid to tell you.”
He started to move toward her, but she sidestepped, so he held his place. “Why would you fear me? Have I ever done anything to hurt you?”
She shook her head. “No. It’s all my fault.”
“I’m not trying to place blame here.” He fisted his hands in frustration, then stuffed them in the pockets of his trousers. “I just want to know what’s bothering you so much.”
“It’s not pretty, and I’m not proud of what I did.” She thrust her head up and her chin tightened with determination. “But I’m tired of feeling like a fraud. You’ve been treating me like a queen, and I don’t deserve it . . . or your love.”
That was all he could take. He went to her and cradled her against his chest. “My love for you isn’t conditional, Flory. You don’t have to earn my love. It’s a gift. Just as God’s love doesn’t come with strings attached.”
Tears streamed down her face and made splotches on his shirt, the heat from them searing all the way to his heart.
“I really need to get this off my chest. The weight of it is too heavy.” She hiccuped and lifted her eyes toward his. “I haven’t wanted you to see the darkness in my own heart and soul.”
Her words really began to scare him. Lord, I need You now more than I have ever before. Help me be what I need to be for Flory.
He led her to the two chairs sitting beside the window, with a lamp table between. After settling her into one, he pulled the other around to face her and dropped into it. Then he took her hands into his, drawing lazy circles on the backs with his thumbs. “Look at me, Flory. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, can make me not love you. Do you understand?” He emphasized each word, giving it all the authority he could muster.
For a moment, she just stared at him, then nodded. “I didn’t understand that for a long time, but I believe it now . . . after the last couple of weeks.”
“I apologize for seeming to put business ahead of you.” He squeezed her hands. “It was never my intention.”
She heaved a sigh that sounded as if it came all the way from her toes. “Remember that time on the wagon train when we stopped because of Mrs. McKenna?”
“How could I forget? That’s when God gave us our daughter.” His voice broke on the last word, and he cleared his throat.
Florence tried to pull her hands from his, but he held on with a firm, but not painful grip.
“I had a hard heart toward God.”
He shook his head, and she noticed. “Let me finish while I still have the nerve. I was railing against God for not giving me a child. I felt like half a woman. Like Rachel when she cried out to God. I should have been able to give you a child, but God didn’t let me.” She took a deep breath. “I even asked Him why He would give her three and not give me any. I told Him one of those babies should be mine, because I didn’t have one.”
A sob punctuated her words and her shoulders shook. “When . . . she . . . died . . . ”
He stood and gathered her to him again, rubbing her back while she cried out the agony in her soul. When she finally quieted, he whispered, “Your words or thoughts did not cause Lenora McKenna to die. She wasn’t strong enough to deliver three babies and live. The doctor had warned them that she was growing very weak.”
“But I believed it was my fault.” A sobbing sound shook her. “My dark thoughts have haunted me for a long time, turning my heart bitter.”
He wished she’d shared this with him years ago. His heart ached for all the time she’d believed a lie. “You know, Flory, Satan told you that lie, and he kept you believing it.”
She nodded.
Joshua cradled her against his chest. “Flory, I want to pray for you.”
“I’d like that, Joshua.” Her words were muffled against his damp shirt, but he heard each one.
He led her back to the chairs they had vacated earlier. After they were seated, facing each other with their knees touching, he grasped her hands in his. For a long moment, he remained silent.
“Father God, I know how much You love me and how much You love my beloved wife, but Lord, she doesn’t understand how much You love her. Please wrap Your arms of love around her just the same way my arms have encircled her. Make Yourself real to her in her soul and her inner being. Show her how much You’ve watched over her and cared for her all of her life.”
He opened his eyes and glanced up at Florence. Tears streamed down her cheeks, but her expression was one of peace instead of pain.
“Oh, Lord . . . ” Her voice trembled. “I’m so sorry for the anger I had in my heart toward You.” Now the words poured out in strength, almost tumbling over each other. “I do realize that Maggie was a special gift from You, and I should have cherished her. I should have turned to You with my dark thoughts instead of thrusting them deep in my heart and hiding them. I haven’t been the woman You desired me to be, but I want that to change. And I will surrender my thoughts and desires to You.”
When the outpouring stopped, a few tears leaked from Joshua’s eyes. He’d never cried with his wife before, but it felt right. “And Lord, I’ve not always been the husband You wanted me to be for Florence. Nor the father I should have been for Maggie. I want that to change. Lord, help us make today the beginning of a new life according to Your will. In Jesus’s name. Amen.”
A comfortable silence filled the room around them, and he kept his head down and held on to his wife’s hands. When he finally raised his head, his beautiful wife stared at him with a smile gleaming through her tears.
“I feel as though a heavy weight has been lifted from my soul.” Flory stopped and took a deep breath, letting it out is a long whoosh. “I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so free.”
He stood and pulled her up into his arms. “I know what you mean. From now on, we’ll face everything together.” He used one hand to tip her chin up. “And no more secrets between us, right?”
When her lips met his they sealed the new promise.
Chapter 16
Because Agatha was busy at work, the first few days in Arkansas were filled with Maggie spending a lot of time with Georgia, and Charles tagging along with them. The two women made several forays to shop for things she was sure Charles wasn’t interested in. That didn’t keep him from accompanying them like some kind of bodyguard. Maggie didn’t understand why he felt they needed the retinue.
Maggie had been careful to pack each of the items she bought in the trunk so it wouldn’t be damaged on the way home, especially the lovely forest green hat she found at Les Chapeaux. She took a long time choosing just the right one from the vast array displayed.
She had eagerly shopped for items for her father and herself, but she had a hard time buying something for Florence. But she knew she couldn’t go home without a
gift for her. She finally chose a lovely Persian patterned fringed shawl with predominant shades of blue.
Finally one morning Agatha arrived at breakfast and announced, “I’m going to take the day off and spend it with my granddaughter, daughter, and their friend.” Her grandmother went to the stove and poured herself a cup of coffee. “I’m embarrassed that I haven’t shown you around Little Rock yet, but several important orders came up just before you arrived. Now that those designs are done, I can take some time off.”
Spend the day with me? The idea that Agatha would take the day off just for her was a surprise to Maggie. She felt special and wistful at the same time. If only they really were kin. This might be the last time she would have the opportunity to pretend they were family. She wanted to make the most of it before the truth destroyed the relationship.
“Now you just sit down, Miz Agatha. I be bringin’ your breakfast.” Shirley flipped two pancakes from her skillet onto a plate, smeared them with butter, then poured warm maple syrup over them. “You want one fried egg or two this mornin’?”
“One will be plenty.” Agatha pulled out the chair closest to Maggie and set her coffee cup down before sitting. “I thought we could see some sights.”
“That sounds delightful to me.” Maggie put her fork on her plate and added a little more syrup to her pancakes.
Shirley placed the filled plate in front of Agatha. “Don’ remember the last time you took off work.”
Agatha had lifted her cup to her lips, but she took only a sip before putting it down. “I know, but with Maggie here, I want to spend all the time I can with her.” She took a bite of the buckwheat pancakes. “Delicious, Shirley. Just the way I like them.” Agatha glanced toward her then at Shirley. “So where are Georgia and Charles?”
Maggie didn’t like the way the words sounded when Agatha said Georgia and Charles as if they belonged together. Yes, they had spent a lot of time flirting on the train, but the two of them really together didn’t feel good to her. She didn’t have any right to be jealous in this situation, but she couldn’t stop the feeling. There was a real possibility Georgia and Charles would really become an item. If that happened, how would she feel whenever they visited in her home in Seattle? She didn’t even want to imagine.
“Miz Georgia done ate. Went upstairs to change her clothes. She spilled syrup on her dress.” Shirley stood with her hands on her hips. “And that Mr. Charles done gone out to the stable with Tucker. Said he’d prob’ly be back soon.”
Maggie didn’t question why she felt relieved at that information. She just knew she was glad they were in different places. How long would that last?
“Maggie, dear, where would you like to go today?” Agatha continued to enjoy her breakfast between their spurts of conversation.
“We’ve already visited most of the shops. So what I’d like to see is . . . everything! The whole town of Little Rock.”
Agatha smiled at her. “We can take care of that today. I love Little Rock, and I want to show you why I do.” She took Maggie’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “Perhaps I can persuade you that Little Rock would be a wonderful place to live and call home.”
Maggie returned her smile, but quickly ducked her head to hide her tears. Where was home? Until now, she had thought it was in Seattle with her parents. Now she didn’t know where—or to whom—she belonged.
•••
Charles stood beside the surrey awaiting Maggie, Agatha, and Georgia. “Do they always take this long just to get ready for a drive, Tucker?”
The older man was perched on his seat, holding the reins. “Mos’ times, they do.” A deep chuckle followed his words.
“I guess I’d better get used to it.” Charles placed one foot on the step at the side of the carriage and leaned his arm on his knee. “You know, after my grandma passed away, we didn’t have any women in the house, so I’m learning things about them all the time.”
This time Tucker’s laugh bounced around in the cool, crisp autumn air. “Won’ never be done with that.”
“What’s so funny, Tucker?” At the first sound of the feminine voice, Charles quickly turned to stand on both feet.
“Agatha, you sneaked up on me.” Charles gave her his most beguiling smile.
She tapped him with her folded fan. “Don’t go wasting all that charm on me, young man.”
He chuckled. “Do you always have such nice weather in October?”
“It’s not unusual, but remember, it can quickly turn cold.”
His gaze went past her to Maggie standing close behind, but he didn’t see Georgia. Today, maybe he would sit beside Georgia and let Agatha and her granddaughter be together. The scowl on Maggie’s face reminded him that he really was worried about her. He had thought that after they arrived in Little Rock, she would be her old self. But it didn’t happen. Whatever was wrong with her had to be serious, because otherwise she wouldn’t have hung on to it for so long. Even though he was interested in Georgia, it didn’t mean that he had forgotten his desire to protect Maggie. But he needed to know what he should be protecting her from.
He offered his hand to Agatha as she stepped into the surrey. She scooted across to the other side of the front seat. When he helped Maggie up, she sat beside her grandmother. That left Georgia and him in the back seat. Just what he wanted. He was going to enjoy this outing.
“Miz Agatha, where we goin’ first?” Tucker awaited her directions.
“Let’s take Maggie and Charles by the Baring Cross railroad bridge, so they can see how we’re connected to the other side of the Arkansas River.”
Tucker started the team down the street at a comfortable trot. They would make good time, but they weren’t going so fast they couldn’t enjoy the scenery. Even though the air was cool, the sun shone bright.
As they went along, Agatha called everyone’s attention to many points of interest—the mayor’s house, the place the governor lived, churches, even the Little Rock Police Department. When they drove by a small building with wires running from it to poles along the street, Maggie asked what was in the building.
“That’s the Little Rock Telephone Exchange. When it first came to town six years ago, they only had about ten subscribers. The number is much higher now.” Agatha opened her handbag and put the fan inside. She realized she probably wouldn’t need it for a while.
“Do you have a telephone, Grandmother? I didn’t notice one on the wall at home or at The House of Agatha Carter.” Maggie pronounced the name of her grandmother’s business with pride.
“Not yet. I’ve been thinking about getting one in my office at work, but I’m not sure I want one at home. That ringing could be annoying if people called very often. I haven’t decided for sure.”
Georgia leaned forward. “I think you should, Mother. When Scott first heard about Mr. Bell’s invention, he said it would really change the way people communicated with each other. But we weren’t sure if we’d see it in our lifetimes.”
Charles watched the way Maggie hung on to Georgia’s words. She’d had to scoot sideways and turn most of the way around to see her aunt. He loved seeing her interested in something that brought her out of herself and made her forget for a while whatever it was that bothered her so much.
“Oh, I believe we’ll see more and more people use that wonderful invention.” Maggie’s eyes sparkled. “Just look what the telegraph has done for the country. Instead of having to wait for the information to come through the mail, we knew right away that Grover Cleveland had been elected president.”
Tucker stopped the carriage and glanced toward Agatha. “Cain’t get no closer to the railroad bridge in this buggy, Miz Agatha.”
“We can see it just fine from here.”
Maggie’s attention turned toward the front of the surrey. “I’m sure it took a while to build that bridge. It’s long.”
“Yes.” Agatha stared across the fast-moving water. “That’s our only real connection to the other side of the river.”
&
nbsp; “So how do people get over there if they don’t take the train?” Maggie stood up and held onto the back of the seat. “There are buildings on that side of the river too.”
“Steamboats go from this side to the other and back.” Georgia put her hand on top of her hat when a gust of wind raised the brim. “That’s the city of Argenta, although it’s a small settlement. Many people in Little Rock want to annex it, but some people on the other side of the river oppose the idea. You know how politics is.”
“I’ve heard Daddy discuss it some.” Maggie sat back down, holding her own hat to her head.
Georgia turned toward Agatha. “Can we take Maggie to see La Petite Roche?”
“If she wants to see it.” When Maggie nodded, Agatha told Tucker to take them there.
Along the way, they passed the United States Weather Bureau. Charles studied Maggie. She looked as if she were taking mental notes. Her brow would pucker and she’d squint her eyes when she concentrated. For a while at least, she seemed to have forgotten whatever was bothering her.
When Tucker stopped the surrey at the side of the street close to the riverbank, Charles got down to help the women. After both Georgia and her mother were standing on the ground, he offered his hand to Maggie to assist her as well.
The women started walking down a well-worn path. Agatha stopped near the edge of the riverbank. “I don’t really want to go any closer. I’m going to stay right here. What about you, Georgia?”
“I know Maggie wants to see the actual rock.” Georgia smiled at her niece. “Let’s go.”
“I’d like to see that famous stone too.” Charles fell into step behind her.
Georgia took a couple more steps forward, watching where she placed each foot. “See those bushes?”
Charles stopped beside her. “The ones with branches dragging against the bank?”
“Yes. The path leads around them, then turns back to the right. It’s safe, but you have to be careful in some places.” She grinned up at him.
He gave her a slow nod.
Until they reached the edges of the bushes, the path was wide enough for them to walk together, and the slope wasn’t too steep. After they passed the bushes and turned to the right, he had to lead the way, being careful that the women had a safe place to step. Soon they came to a wider space where they could once again easily walk.
Maggie's Journey (McKenna's Daughters) Page 15