by Adele Abbott
“I’m sorry about that, Jill, but it was so exciting. I’ve been waiting for Michael to pop the question for months.”
“Did Rosemary say yes?”
“The credits rolled before she could answer. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out. The suspense is going to kill me.”
“How are the twins and the little ones?”
“All fine. The girls were around here yesterday.”
“For lunch?”
“Actually, no.” She began to grin like a Cheshire cat. “I think you were very brave.”
“Me? What do you mean?”
“To volunteer to take that ducking.”
Oh great! Was there anyone who didn’t know?
“How did you hear about that?”
“Grandma came around to show us the video she’d recorded.”
“Us? Have the twins seen it too?”
“Yes, it was Grandma who invited them over.”
“I don’t suppose she told you she was the one who ‘volunteered’ me for that soaking, did she?”
“No, she never mentioned that.”
“I’m going to get my revenge on that woman if it’s the last thing I do.”
“Be careful, Jill. She has a habit of having the last laugh.”
“The water in that tank was freezing. It’s a wonder I didn’t catch my death.”
“What about the tap dancing?”
“That was Grandma too.”
“Oh dear. Whatever did you do to upset her?”
“I don’t want to talk about it. Let’s change the subject.”
“Okay. We’re getting new neighbours.”
“Is Grandma moving out?”
“No such luck.” Aunt Lucy put a hand to her mouth. “That’s an awful thing for me to say, isn’t it?”
“Not really. I couldn’t imagine having to live next door to her. I take it you mean the house on the other side?”
“Yes. They’re moving in tomorrow.”
“You’ve met them, then?”
“I have. It’s two sisters.”
“That’s a little unusual, isn’t it? Are they elderly?”
“No. Quite young, actually. I spoke to one of them yesterday. Her name is Pea. She seems nice.”
“Pea?”
“I assume it’s short for something.”
“Did you warn them about Grandma?”
“No, I didn’t want to scare them away.”
“How’s Lester?”
“He’s fine. Much more relaxed now they’ve done away with that horrible bonus scheme.”
“Have they scrapped it?”
“Yes, thank goodness. After what happened with that awful Dunston man, his bosses realised that it was incentivising the wrong kind of behaviour.”
“Jill!” Rhymes came ‘speeding’ through the door.
“Hi, little guy.”
“When will I get my trophy?”
“I’m going to collect it on Friday night.”
“I can’t wait.”
“Me neither.”
I’d just finished my tea when I received a phone call from Mad.
“Hey, Mad, how goes it?”
“Great, thanks. Are you busy? Do you have time to meet up?”
“Right now? Are you in Washbridge?”
“Yeah.”
“How long for?”
“The foreseeable future.”
“How come?”
“I landed a promotion.”
“That’s great. Where do you want to meet? Coffee Games?”
“I thought you might like to come over to see my new place.”
“Definitely. Where is it?”
“Do you know the apartments they built in the old sock factory?”
“On Colbourn Drive? Yeah, I know it.”
“I’m on the top floor.”
“Okay. I’ll be there in a few minutes.”
***
It had been a while since I’d visited the apartment block where Mad was now living. Susan Hall, the only decent reporter The Bugle had ever employed, had lived there for a while. Fortunately for her, but unfortunately for local journalism, she’d moved back to London.
Mad must have seen me arrive because she was waiting in her doorway when I stepped out of the lift.
“What do you think?” Mad showed me inside.
“I’ve always liked these apartments. How many people are you sharing with?”
“I’m not. It’s just me.”
“How many bedrooms are there?”
“Just the two. It’s one of the smaller apartments in the block.”
“Even so, it must be costing you an arm and a leg.”
“I can just about afford it with the promotion.”
“How come you didn’t tell me you were coming back?”
“It all happened so quickly. One of the controllers decided to take early retirement, and they offered me his job. I was gobsmacked. There are many others with bags more experience than me.”
“They must think you can do the job.”
“I guess so.”
“Are you going to be based in Washbridge permanently?”
“Yeah, I’ll be splitting my time between here and GT. I have a small flat-cum-office over there, but it’s nothing like this place.”
“What did your mum have to say about you coming back?”
Mad frowned. “I haven’t actually got around to telling her yet.”
“Why not?”
“I wanted the chance to get settled in before she came over here.”
“You have to tell her.”
“I will. Soon. Would you like a drink?”
“Not for me, thanks. I’ve just had a cup of tea at Aunt Lucy’s. What exactly will you be doing in your new role?”
“It’s not that much different to what I’ve always done, except I’ll be controlling a small team of ghost hunters. It’s all a bit daunting, to tell you the truth.”
“You’ll be great at it.”
“I’m hoping you might be able to help me out from time to time.”
“Of course. Likewise, I might need your help occasionally.”
“No problem. Just say the word.”
“I really do like this place. Have you met any of your neighbours yet?”
“A few of them, yes. From what I can gather, they’re all sups.”
“I used to know a few people who lived here, but they might have moved on by now. There was a vampire called Dorothy. Is she still here?”
“I don’t know. If she is, I haven’t met her yet.”
“And a werewolf. I’m trying to remember his name?”
“Was it Charlie?”
“That’s him.”
“Yeah, I’ve met Charlie. He’s a love. He helped to carry my stuff upstairs because the lift was out of commission on the day I moved in. Do you know his flatmate, Neil? He fancies himself as a bit of a ladies’ man.”
“Yeah.” I nodded. “The last I heard, he was working in a fancy-dress shop.”
“And then there’s the ghost.”
“I didn’t realise there was one.”
“Mr Tobias Fotheringham.”
“Who?”
“Socky for short. He used to own the sock factory. He lives with Charlie and Neil, but I got the impression he was hoping to move in with me.”
“Is he a looker?”
“Not really.” She laughed. “He’s a gazillion years old and has a wooden leg. I don’t know how those guys put up with him, clomping around all night long.”
When the time came for me to leave, Mad walked me to the lift, only to find an out of order notice stuck on the doors.
“It was working when I arrived.”
“It’s useless. It breaks down all the time.”
“Oh well, the exercise will do me good. Bye, Mad, and don’t forget to tell Deli you’re back.”
“I won’t.”
When I reached the first floor, I bumped into two familiar faces: Charlie a
nd Dorothy.
“Hey, Jill,” Dorothy said. “What are you doing here?”
“I’ve just been to see a friend of mine who’s moved into an apartment on the top floor.”
“Do you mean Mad?” Charlie said.
“Yeah.”
“She’s a ghost hunter, isn’t she?” Dorothy put down one of her shopping bags.
“That’s right. She’s a good sort. She’ll make a good neighbour. What are you two doing now? Are you still at the bookshop, Dorothy?”
“No. I have my own business now.”
“Doing what?”
“It’s probably best you don’t know.” She grinned.
“Fair enough. What about you, Charlie? Are you still at the gym?”
“He’s a full-time model now,” Dorothy got in before he could speak.
“Really? That’s great. Do you enjoy it?”
“Yeah.” He blushed. “It doesn’t really feel like work, though.”
“What about your other flatmates?”
“Flatmate. Singular.” Dorothy corrected me. “It’s just us two and Neil.”
“Is he still at the fancy dress shop?”
“When he’s not doing his magician act, yeah.”
“Didn’t you get anyone to take Susan’s place?”
“We’ve had a couple of people, but they didn’t last very long.”
“Humans?”
“No way! The landlord foisted another one on us, but we soon got rid of him. We’ve had two witches, actually, but they didn’t work out.”
“How come?”
“They talked too much and were too opinionated,” Dorothy said.
Charlie grinned, and I got the distinct impression that he might have had a different take on the matter, but he wasn’t going to voice his opinion while Dorothy was there.
“Okay, well it was nice to see you both again. I’d better get going.”
***
I was just about to head back to the office when I got a phone call from Belladonna.
“I’m ready, Jill.”
“Ready? Ready for what?”
“For you to do your thing. You know—change my identity.”
“I thought I’d explained. I can’t do that until you’ve moved into your new place.”
“I have. I moved in over the weekend.”
“That was quick! How did you manage that?”
“It wasn’t easy, but I want to get back to work at the creche, so I pulled out all the stops. This place isn’t great, but I can always find somewhere better later. So, what do you say, can we do this?”
“Sure. Give me your address, and I’ll magic myself over there now.”
Oh dear.
When Belladonna had said her new place wasn’t great, she hadn’t been kidding. She now lived in a one-bedroom flat above a cheese shop.
“Come in, Jill. You’ll have to excuse the mess. I haven’t had the chance to unpack yet.”
“This could have waited until you were settled in.”
“No, it couldn’t. I want to get back to the creche as soon as possible, and besides, I’m scared that if I put it off for too long, I might lose my nerve.”
“Are you absolutely sure you want to go ahead with this?”
“Definitely.”
“And you know that there’s no going back once it’s done?”
“Yes, you made that very clear. There’s just one thing.”
“What’s that?”
“Do I get any kind of say in what the ‘new’ me will look like? Can I choose my hair colour? That kind of thing?”
“I’m afraid not. This spell took me ages to put together, and it isn’t anywhere as sophisticated as that.”
“What will I look like, then?”
“The spell will use random images from my mind to create the new you. Even I have no idea how that will turn out.”
“That’s even more scary than I thought.”
“Unfortunately, it’s the only way to do it. But it’s entirely up to you whether or not you want to go through with this.”
“I do. Let’s do it now before I change my mind.”
“Okay. Go and sit in that chair.”
“Is this going to hurt?”
“Of course not. You won’t feel a thing. Well, maybe a little tingle, but that’s all.”
“How long will it take?”
“A matter of seconds, and when it’s done, you’ll be Jemima. Are you ready?”
“Yeah. Let’s do it.”
Without a shadow of a doubt, the spell was one of the most complicated I’d ever put together, and although I didn’t say anything to Belladonna, I was a little nervous.
“Okay, here goes.”
Moments later, the woman in front of me had been transformed into a totally new person. And, although I say so myself, the end-result was quite stunning.
“Can I open my eyes yet?” Even her voice was different.
“Just a minute.” I passed her a hand mirror. “Okay, you can open them now.”
“Wow!” Jemima touched her ‘new’ face. “I’m beautiful.” She stood up and walked over to the full-length mirror attached to the back of the bedroom door. “It’s amazing, Jill. Thank you.”
“My pleasure.”
“When can I go back to the creche?”
“Don’t you think you should take a few days to get used to the new you?”
“No, I want to get back to work straight away.”
“Are you sure?”
“Positive.”
“Okay, then.” I took out my phone and made a call.
“Cuppy C. Amber speaking.”
“Amber, it’s Jill. I’m just checking if it would be alright for Jemima to start work in the creche tomorrow.”
“Who? Oh, you mean Bella—”
“Shush! Her name is Jemima now.”
“Sorry. I didn’t think she’d be ready to start back for a while yet.”
“Well she is, and she’s raring to go. So, what do you say? Can she start tomorrow?”
“Why not? Those kids have been running Pearl and I ragged.”
“Tomorrow it is, then.” I gave Jemima the thumbs up.
Chapter 3
I was about to enter the office building when a clown came rushing out and ran straight into me. The impact caused me to drop my bag, spilling its contents all over the pavement.
“I’m so dreadfully sorry,” he mumbled, as he knelt down to help me pick everything up.
“It’s okay. Nothing broken.”
“Sorry again,” he said, once we’d got everything back in the bag. And then he hurried away.
Armi was in the outer office.
“Look, Jill.” Mrs V gushed. “Armi has finished your cuckoo clock.”
Sure enough, there on her desk was the ugliest clock you ever did see.
“It’s lovely. Thanks.”
“I’ve fitted it with the Tweetling3619,” Armi said. “I was very fortunate to get hold of one.”
“That was lucky.” I tried to look suitably grateful.
Mrs V checked her watch. “If you hang on a couple of minutes, you’ll see it in action.”
“Great!”
The three of us stared at the clock as the seconds counted down.
When the minute hand reached the hour, the little door flew open, and out popped the bird.
“Is that a cuckoo?” I said.
“Of course it’s a cuckoo.” Mrs V gave me a look. “What do you think it is?”
“I—err—it looks a little like a chicken.”
“Of course it doesn’t. It’s quite obviously a cuckoo.”
“Not just any cuckoo,” Armi chipped in. “The Tweetling3619.”
“Where will you put it?” Mrs V said.
I was so very tempted. “I—err—I thought I’d—”
“After all the work Armi has put into it, I hope you’ll give it pride of place in your lounge.”
“Of course. I wouldn’t dream of putting it anywhere
else. Thank you, Armi.”
“The pleasure was all mine.”
Never had a truer word been spoken.
There were huge piles of books on the floor in my office. What was Winky up to now? There was no sign of him, and I assumed he must have nipped out, but then a couple of the books moved, and I realised he was ensconced in the middle of the mountain of books.
“What are all these?” I said.
“Last time I checked, they were books.”
“I know they’re books, but what are they doing all over the floor, and why are there so many of them?”
“I’m cramming.”
“For what?”
“Cat Genius. It’s the premier feline TV quiz programme.”
“And you’ve applied to take part?”
“Applied and been accepted. My heat is being recorded next week.”
“What do you stand to win?”
“The overall winner gets a thousand pounds.”
“A grand?”
“Yes, but I’m not in it for the money. I’m in it for the prestige. I’ll need you to take me to the studio.”
“Okay. I wouldn’t mind watching that being recorded.”
“It’s strictly cats only.”
“Do you seriously expect me to ferry you around when I’m not allowed to come inside to see the show?”
“Yeah.”
“And if I say no?”
“I’ll sulk and make your life a misery for a week.”
“Okay, but only if I get a share of your winnings.”
“Ten percent.”
“Twenty.”
“Five.”
“Hang on. You started at ten.”
“Ten it is, then.”
“What? Oh, okay then. Ten per cent of whatever you win.”
“Done.”
“I have been.” Again.
“That’s an ugly thing out there in the outer office.”
“The cuckoo clock?”
“No, I meant Arnie.”
“Don’t be awful. Armi is lovely. I do wish he hadn’t made me that dreadful cuckoo clock, though.”
“You could always accidentally drop it out of the window.”
“I’d never get away with it. Mrs V would kill me.”
“It looks like you’ll have to give it pride of place in your lounge, then.” He shuddered. “Can you imagine having to look at that ugly thing all day?”
“The clock isn’t that bad.”
“I was talking about the old bag lady.”
“Between you and me, that clock is never going to see the inside of my lounge.”