by Lexi Blake
“Then good riddance to ya,” my father says. “But don’t think I’ll be sending you a cent. I’ll send money for the girl, but I better not find out yer spending a cent of it on yerself.”
My mother laughs, but it is not the sound I am used to. “Don’t bother, Harry. I’m so done with the mommy thing. That child clings and clings. It makes me sick. Let’s see how you handle it.”
I feel something inside me break. It is a real, physical pain.
“What the hell am I supposed to do with her?” Daddy asks.
I fall down on the linoleum floor when I realize no one wants me.
Then I’m standing in a colder place. I shiver because it’s freezing here. I wish I had a sweater, but it’s late spring and the days are starting to get hot. I didn’t think I would be here. I thought I would be watching a little television and then studying for a biology test after dinner. I didn’t think I would stand here in front of this small, utilitarian window with its gray curtain.
It isn’t him. I would know if he was dead. I would know the second he was gone. I wouldn’t just sit in front of the fucking television while he bled out and died on the street. He’s the other half of me. I wouldn’t have sat there and complained that he was taking too long. I would have known.
“Are you ready, miss?” an attendant in blue scrubs asks.
My heart beats erratically, and I can barely breathe. Am I ready?
Then I’m running. I have the package. It’s some old book, a grimoire, I think. I don’t ask questions. I need the work too much. I need the work because I need to forget that he’s gone. The client is a witch, so it’s probably full of spells. It’s just me and Morty tonight. I like him. He’s not like the other contractors my father works with. He’s kind and has grandchildren. He also turns into an old gray wolf. He likes being a wolf, and he’s running behind me. We pass the gates of the house and hit the woods. The car is parked half a mile away, but it’s a beautiful night, and I laugh as the wolf runs circles around me and then takes off.
He runs so much faster than me, but I pick up the pace. I hear the snap of metal, but it doesn’t register that anything has gone wrong until I hear that howl.
I am standing beside Morty. He’s in human form, his skin leathery and wrinkled and covered in blood. The trap is a shark’s mouth with a firm hold on its prey.
“Go,” he whispers.
I try to pull the trap off, but in the distance, I hear the sound of dogs. The alarm must have been silent.
“Go. Too much silver. Too old,” he says.
I will try to save him.
I will fail.
The curtain opens, and I see the body.
You loved butterscotch pie, but I was always too tired to make one. It was too much trouble to make a damn pie. If you’re just not on that fucking table…if it’s someone else and you’re at home wondering where the hell I am, then I promise to make a pie every day for the rest of my life…
He starts to pull the sheet back, and I realize I am not ready.
I watch them take Daniel from me. They pull him right out of our bed. They lock him in chains that leave welts wherever they touch and nothing I do can change it. I fight and plead and cry and they say nothing. Their will is implacable.
It is only when Daniel is gone that the last one turns his silver eyes on me.
“Pity,” he says. “You are quite lovely but rules are rules.”
I don’t know what he means.
“There’s no place in my life for a child,” my father says.
“Are you ready?” the attendant asks.
“You killed my husband,” an old woman cries, and her grandchildren huddle around her. They look at me with accusatory eyes. “He was all I had, and you let him die.”
“I’ll be right back,” Daniel says, and he smiles and runs off to die.
“It was your idea to have a kid,” my mother says as she takes a drag off her cigarette.
Daniel returns after three years with nothing in his eyes. I am his responsibility.
“Are you ready?”
Hell is a feeling. The rooms and landmarks are familiar, though there is not an ounce of comfort in them. There is only the certainty that I am nothing. The things I feel and do and the love I give means nothing. It is worthless. I am utterly alone.
This is the place for thieves.
I stand in that hallway at the bottom of the hospital, and I am ready because there is nothing else to be. This place is my home now.
The sheet is pulled back, and I understand.
* * * *
There was a terrible pressure on my chest, and I fought to breathe.
“She’s back,” Sarah said. She was on her knees beside me. When had I gotten to the floor?
Neil sat back on his heels, his face flushed. He ran a hand through his hair and tears pierced his blue eyes. “I thought we lost you.”
Daniel was suddenly at my side, pressing Sarah out of the way. His hands moved across my body as though trying to find injuries.
And all I could think about was that place. It was deep inside me. I might have come back home, but Hell was inside me now. I would see it when I slept, know that it waited for me always. I shivered.
Daniel dragged me up and into his arms. “You’re cold.”
It was always cold in Hell. I had thought it would be hot, but I was shocked at how cold I’d been.
“The ambulance is on its way.” Dev ran back into the room. He took a long breath as he realized I was alive. “Thank god. Oh, Zoey, that was horrible.”
He couldn’t know what horrible was. I groaned a little as Daniel held me too tight. “Why do my ribs feel like someone jumped on them?”
“Because Neil pressed too hard,” Daniel accused.
Neil shook his head. “It’s CPR. I had to press on her chest. And I had to do it because you were way too freaked out. The next time you want to control the compressions, keep it together, buddy.”
Daniel cuddled me close. It was the most affection he’d shown me in years, but I just wanted to breathe. “I’m just saying you could have been gentler.”
Dev sank to his knees on the other side of me. “Are you all right, sweetheart?”
Daniel growled, a predatory sound.
Nope. I was so not all right. And I wasn’t about to tell them about it. I wanted to be alone, to process what had happened. “I’m fine. I don’t need an ambulance. Is Halfer gone?”
“He disappeared a couple of minutes ago,” Sarah said.
“I was only gone for a minute?” It seemed so much longer. It seemed like forever.
“You weren’t gone at all,” Dev told me. “Halfer held a hand out and then he disappeared. You stopped breathing.”
“You died,” Daniel sounded hollow. “You died. He killed you.”
“He didn’t kill me. I just had a bad reaction to him playing in my brain.” I pushed my way out of his arms. I had to be strong. I had a job to do. If I had learned one thing it was that I didn’t want to go back to that place. I wasn’t sure I could avoid it, but I was damn straight going to try. “I’m fine. I don’t need an ambulance.”
I needed to get to work. I allowed Dev to help me up.
I was ready. I was ready because I had to be.
* * * *
“Hey, are you coming?”
Sarah’s voice pulled me out of myself for the fortieth time that day. I was slightly startled, and it took a moment to remember where I was. I was in the Greenley Hotel standing outside the Gilmore Suite. I was dressed in a maid’s uniform, and I was pushing the cart that contained all of our cleaning supplies. I was lost, my mind back in that terrible place Halfer showed me that night almost two weeks before.
I shook off the previous moment and got doggedly to work, pushing the cart toward the now open door.
“Sorry. I’m just tired. I can’t sleep at Daniel’s. It’s too quiet. Even when I have the TV on, it still seems too quiet. I wish he’d let me go home.”
“Yo
u know why he won’t.” I could hear the resignation in Sarah’s voice. She was letting it go for now.
Daniel considered my apartment unsafe. Since the night we called Halfer, there had been no further attempts to kidnap me. Halfer sent a cryptic message telling us not to expect any more trouble, but Daniel chose not to believe him. I couldn’t really blame Daniel. I didn’t trust Lucas Halfer either. So Daniel chose to hide me in the safest place he knew. That very night, over my father’s vigorous protests, he took me to his building and introduced me to the concierge as his companion.
That single word worked some sort of magic on all the men in the underground portion of the complex. Michael was deferential, and even the dude Danny thought was a serial killer gave me a wide berth. It was like someone tattooed “property of Daniel Donovan” across my ass and no one bothered to tell me.
We had only been out of the house to buy groceries and order the supplies we would need for the job. Dev or Neil escorted me to work every day and Daniel was there to pick me up. We had dinner each night at my father’s house to plan and discuss the heist, but other than that, Daniel kept me in his well-appointed prison. He’d even stopped going to his club for dinner, preferring to stay in with me to make sure I didn’t get myself murdered. He was on blood from a blood bank. He kept it in the fridge and microwaved the bags. His new TV dinner diet had not made him pleasant to be around.
Even though it was driving me crazy, I knew better than to protest too much. It wouldn’t do any good. And I didn’t really have the will to fight. I moved through the days a little like a zombie, just willing myself to get through this job because the last thing I wanted was to go back to Halfer’s tender care. It was sad that I looked forward to these shifts Sarah and I had taken to acquaint ourselves with the hotel we planned to rob tomorrow.
Neil had a job waiting tables and delivering room service. And Dev convinced the front desk girl to boot the people who were staying in the suite we needed. He was booked in a suite on the top floor right above the room where the Light was being moved to tomorrow.
We were set. The night before, Daniel drilled small, almost invisible holes in the ceiling and installed mini cameras to get surveillance on the room. Sarah and I would clean up any dust the drilling left behind and install a few bugs of our own before the party checked in to the room at four this afternoon.
I should have felt more anxious than I did. By the day after tomorrow, I would know my fate. I would either have the Light of Alhorra and turn it over to Halfer, or I would turn myself over to Halfer. Either way, at least the horrible waiting would be over. But I couldn’t muster up a sense of anticipation the way I normally could when a job was coming to fruition.
All I could see when I closed my eyes was that place Halfer had taken me to.
“Well, hopefully you’re back in your place soon.” Sarah moved back, allowing me to enter.
The Gilmore suite was one of the best suites in the hotel. It consisted of two bedrooms, a large sitting area, a spectacular Roman bath, and a glorious view of the city. I walked over to the windows that spanned the entire living room. Light filled the room and I suddenly realized why they chose this particular suite. It hadn’t been confirmed that we were dealing directly with the Fae, but now I was pretty sure.
The Light of Alhorra was a faery object. It made sense that a Fae would own it. I had, long ago, decided to discount the whole story about Halfer’s friend losing the object. Halfer didn’t have any friends. So if the Smith party was a faery group, then this was probably the perfect room for them. If you could pretend the glass wasn’t there, the entire room became a well-appointed aviary. It looked over a large park. On the other side of the building, the views were of other downtown buildings. The lights would be spectacular, but to a faery the lights were just one more manmade atrocity. The Regal suite that Dev had booked was larger, but the windows were much smaller.
“That’s pretty.” Sarah started the vacuum cleaner, making sure to pick up the small piles of dust that the camera holes had made.
“That’s not the only thing that’s pretty,” a low husky voice said in my ear.
“Ear pieces are working.” I mouthed to Sarah, pointing to my ear. She gave me a thumbs up.
This was something like a dress rehearsal. During the heist, we would keep in contact through small Bluetooth devices.
“You look mighty fine in that maid’s uniform.” I could hear the friendly leer in Dev’s voice. “Though I have to admit I prefer the French version.”
I wrinkled my nose at the extremely small camera. I knew where it was placed, but I had trouble seeing it. Daniel did an excellent job. Everything was set. Tomorrow night, Sarah and Dev would work the technical side of things from above while Daniel, Neil and I handled the actual heist.
“You know,” Dev was saying in my ear, “in the movies, maids always wear sexy heels. What’s up with the sneakers?”
I rolled my eyes at the camera. “That’s porn, Dev,” I said as articulately as I could.
“Is that what they call it?” His chuckle gave me warm chill bumps.
Dev’s presence was a definite distraction and one I probably didn’t need. I explained several times that as long as we were working together, I planned to keep my hands off him. He hadn’t given up. I suppose if I was honest with myself, I knew that keeping Dev at arm’s length had nothing to do with workplace ethics and everything to do with Daniel. The truth was I lit up a little when Dev walked in the room. It was simple to be around Dev and his easy, sexy smile.
When Daniel walked in a room, he brought the heavy burden of our past with him. Dev was like the first sunny morning after days of pounding rain. If Daniel hadn’t been around, I would have leapt in with both feet. I would have jumped straight into Dev’s bed.
Lately, the only time I felt like smiling at all was when I thought of Dev.
The vacuum stopped. Sarah looked at me with one hand on her hip. “You should just do him and get it over with.”
“What?” I pulled the comm link out of my ear and switched it off. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to share with Dev.
She laughed and pulled hers out as well. “Girl, it’s all over your face. You have that ‘gimme, gimme’ look that women get when they want a guy who doesn’t want them. The only thing wrong with that scenario is he wants you bad. I don’t see the problem.”
I stared at her.
She held her hands up in defeat. “Okay. I see the problem. I don’t understand the problem. I realize that the two of you were engaged, but in the whole time I’ve known you, he’s brought you nothing but heartache. Seriously, it’s sad, Z. Daniel skulks in the room and you try to talk to him and he tries to avoid you, and then when you’re not looking he watches you like a hawk watches a fluffy little rabbit. I don’t get the attraction.”
“You didn’t know him before.”
“Well, I know him now, and I know he isn’t making you happy.”
“And you think Dev can make me happy?” I’d been wondering the same thing for days now.
“I think Dev can give you an orgasm, and that’s what counts.” Sarah gave me a practical smile. “Unfortunately, you’re one of those girls who is madly in love with the first guy you had sex with.”
“Why is that unfortunate?”
Sarah grinned wryly. “Because you haven’t learned that sex can just be fun. You seem to think it has to be all passion and emotion and commitment. The truth is it can just be a good time. Last night I had a good time with Joe, and this morning I can’t remember his name.”
“You said his name was Joe.”
“I call them all Joe. It’s easier that way. The point is I had a good time. He had a good time. I didn’t have to brood over his undead status, and he didn’t care that he wouldn’t ever see me in the daylight. I realize that you’re never going to be so casual, but Dev could be a happy medium.”
“Well, it’s nice to see you finally forgave the poor man.” It had taken a while for Sarah
to forget her first meeting with our faery prince.
“He walked through my garden and, OMG, you would not believe the herbs I have now. Every witch in my coven is jealous. I just hope my sister gets to see it.” Sarah flushed a little, but pressed on. “I know you don’t want to hurt Daniel, but you can’t spend the rest of your life like this. There’s a man upstairs whose grandpa was a fertility god. If you don’t want him, please let me have a go.”
I frowned at the thought, and Sarah pounced.
“Aha, jealousy rears its ugly head. If the thought of me sleeping with him puts that look on your face, then you better get busy yourself.” She looked around the room and sighed. “I think we’re done here. Where should we plant the bugs?”
I pulled out a handful of helpful little listening devices, and Sarah and I played hide the bugs.
An hour later, we changed and clocked out. Sarah and I made our way up to the suite. Dev let us in, a smile on his face. It had been a long day and an even longer night before it, so I grabbed a bottle of water and headed straight for the big, fluffy bed in the master bedroom. I threw myself on the middle of the bed and sighed in contentment as I sank slightly into the mattress. Daniel was right about his bed, though it wasn’t just undead backs it played hell on.
The red light of the digital clock read five minutes to four. The “Smith” party would be arriving soon, and I would spend the night on surveillance. Daniel and I would watch the marks and decide how to handle the job. We would argue and collaborate and compromise until we had the most efficient plan we could come up with. We would not discuss the fact that he wanted to kill himself rather than live the way he was living. We would not discuss anything but the job at hand.
I opened my eyes when I felt the bed shift. Dev sat on the edge looking down at me with a lazy half-smile that made my heart beat a little faster. His dark hair was mussed as though he’d just run his hand through it to get it out of his face. For the first time since I met him, he wasn’t clean shaven. It was terrifically sexy on him. I reached up and let my fingers play across that roughness.