Ladies, this is the moment that you get to respond. Don’t fall for the BS and don’t accept this crap unless you really don’t give a damn about the man and could care less about what he does or the way he acts. If the guys who like being single were honest and didn’t provide the sugar-coated, pretend version of their intentions, women would run the other way more often than not.
We are mothers, daughters, sisters, aunts, or cousins, and we deserve to be treated right. It is true that we love our independence and that we fought for our right to vote and rights for equal pay and equality in the workplace, but that didn’t mean we wanted to be men. Most women (even corporate, hardworking women and entrepreneurs) still want genuine chivalry, providers, and a gentleman who can and will protect them. Guys, we have peeped your game and are calling you out. We can see through the phony lines and disingenuous words. It is time to change. Move away from superficial behavior and move toward authenticity and honesty. Look in the mirror and change, fellas. If you could do that, we can start over and get this situation on track. Until then, ladies, I say we stand firm on all of our wants and needs and keep our legs closed.
Chapter 16
At the End of the Day
Shanae
At the end of the day, I found the strength to leave, the wisdom to do better, the courage to expect more of myself and my partner, the fortitude to step out on my own two feet and to believe in myself and to trust in God. I hope that every person who reads this book will find something that he or she can use to improve his or her life, relationships, and self-esteem. At the very least I pray that it will serve as a motivation for you to want more out of life. I hope that you were able to laugh, relate, and maybe shed a tear while reading Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man? It was very therapeutic for me to write. Many of the stories told in this book I told for the first time. I want to thank all the readers for becoming a part of my story. I leave you with this poem written by my grandmother:
Lost
Once you took my breath away, lost in your embrace.
It was then that I couldn’t wait, to hear your
voice and see your face.
We’ve now become tied in a web too tangled and too deep.
You’ve grown into my flesh, even in our dreams we
meet.
I go, you’re there, I stay, you’re here.
I rise, you’re up, I sit, you’re down.
I look into the mirror, I see your face,
I lift my hand, you place
Your moods control my feelings, your presence
without end.
You no longer care how I look, only that I am
You have become me or am I you?
I can’t separate between the two
I must untie, unshackle, and undo, to find the me
I lost in you.
—Bonnie White
Rhonda
At the end of the day, once I got my standards right, things changed. Primarily, I liked me a whole lot better. I learned to trust my intuition and feelings. My spirit settled and I found more peace. The men I speak about in this book changed toward me as well. I began to get more calls, e-mails and texts saying, “I miss everything about you, I would like to see you, please call me,” and asking, “Why can’t I reach you?” It never fails, ladies, as long as you are going along with the program, accepting whatever and being nonconfrontational, the relationship works “fine.” Then when you say no more and refuse the status quo and sub-par treatment, suddenly you get their attention. They either step up or they bounce. It is predictable, humorous, and reassuring all at the same time to know, at the end of the day, we have what it takes to turn it around.
Throughout history, women have overcome great odds in many areas, and they have demonstrated undying strength and incomparable accomplishments. Whether it was Harriet Tubman leading hundreds of slaves to freedom through treacherous enemy territory, women fighting and winning the right to vote, African American women like Madam C.J. Walker, who revolutionized the hair care and cosmetics industries, or women like former First Lady, Hillary Clinton, running for the highest political office in the land, our great minds and profound power are evident. Because of our strength and unquestionable determination, we, women, have the ability to stand on our own merits and use our own thinking process to relate better.
No one book, therapy session, spiritual enlightenment meeting, epiphany, or “aha moment” is going to change everything in your life or help you find and keep Mr. Right. We can only wish it were that simple. However, a combination of some or all of these very helpful tools, coupled with your inner, intuitive, spirit serving as your guide, will help you discover how to better navigate your way through the dating and relationship maze on a higher level. If you set some standards for what you want and need from your man and stick to them, eventually you will weed out the men who do not have your best interests at heart and recognize those who do. Take the time to look in the mirror. Accept yourself where you are and then evaluate what you need to do to get to where you want to be with yourself, in your relationships and in life in general.
The old labels made by men like “gold digger,” “bitch,” and “independent woman” no longer have to apply as stated. The double standards men set, where they can sleep with as many women as they want and be given “props,” or sleep with women without so much as buying them a bag of groceries or a tank of gas, need to end. At minimum, we should stop and think about it and challenge it. Remember, any woman can get a man to lie down with her any day of the week, but how many of us feel respected or empowered the next day or later that night? How many of us wake up and say to ourselves, “No matter how it goes, I am okay. I got more than I wanted or needed out of the situation.” If 50 percent of marriages end in divorce every year, how many dating relationships end each year? We won’t even mention the one-night stands, so give yourself a fighting chance at something good and meaningful. Give yourself every advantage at better dating. As you go on about this wonderful thing called life, explore all the options and tools available to you (wise counsel, spiritual teachings, the Bible, your parents, lessons), to uplift and sustain you. Take care of your body, mind, and spirit and welcome the man or men who will do the same. Finally, thinking like a lady means, staying conscious, being honest, removing blinders, setting standards, connecting to your source, and knowing who you are at all times. You already possess all that you need to get where you are trying to go, believe that! You are a Phenomenal Woman, read Maya’s poem again to remind yourself.
References
Brett, Jill E. “Not Tonight, Dear . . . ” Today’s Christian Woman. Vol. 24, No. 2 (March/April 2002): 68.
Feldhahn, Shaunti. For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. Sisters, OR:
Multnomah Books, 2004.
Gilder, George. Men and Marriage. New York: Pelican Publishing, 1986.
Gray, John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. New York: Reed Business Information, Inc., 1992
Harley, Jr., Ph.D., Willard. “Marriage Builders,”— Successful Marriage Advice. http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html/. [July 9, 2009].
Harper, Hill. The Conversation. New York: Penguin Group, 2009.
Harvey, Steve. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. New York: Amistad, 2009.
The Holy Bible King James Version: King James Version Economy. Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2004.
Lesser, Elizabeth. Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. New York: Villard, 2005.
Pitts, Gena. Pro-Sports Wives Magazine. December 2009. [[AU: Complete this ref, please.]]
Popenoe, David, and Whitehead, Barbara. “The State of Our Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America.” The National Marriage Project, Why Men Won’t Commit. http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/specialreports/ [Sept. 26, 2009].
Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose
. New York: Walker and Co., 2008.
Williamson, Marianne. AUDIO FROM A Course in Miracles, Lesson 193, By Marianne Williamson, Oprah Radio | July 10, 2008.
Brett, Jill E. “Not Tonight, Dear . . . ” Today’s Christian Woman. Vol. 24, No. 2 (March/April 2002): 68.
Feldhahn, Shaunti. For Women Only: What You Need to Know about the Inner Lives of Men. Sisters, OR:
Multnomah Books, 2004.
Gilder, George. Men and Marriage. New York: Pelican Publishing, 1986.
Gray, John. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus. New York: Reed Business Information, Inc., 1992
Harley, Jr., Ph.D., Willard. “Marriage Builders,”— Successful Marriage Advice. ” http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html/. [July 9, 2009].
Harper, Hill. The Conversation. New York: Penguin Group, 2009.
Harvey, Steve. Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man: What Men Really Think About Love, Relationships, Intimacy, and Commitment. New York: Amistad, 2009.
The Holy Bible King James Version: King James Version Economy. Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2004.
Lesser, Elizabeth. Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow. New York: Villard, 2005.
Pitts, Gena. Pro-Sports Wives Magazine. December 2009.
[[AU: Complete this ref, please.]]
Popenoe, David, and Whitehead, Barbara. “The State of Our Unions: The Social Health of Marriage in America,.” The National Marriage Project, Why Men Won’t Commit. http://www.virginia.edu/marriageproject/specialreports/ [Sept. 26, 2009].
Tolle, Eckhart. A New Earth: Awakening to Your Life’s Purpose. New York: Walker and Co., 2008.
Williamson, Marianne. A Course in Miracles, Lesson 19, Oprah Radio | July 10, 2008.
Afterword
Dear Reader,
Thank you so much for allowing us to express our opinions and share our stories with you. If you would like to arrange for speaking engagements or share your thoughts, please feel free to contact us at [email protected] or visit our Website at www.lovingme1st.com, where more up-to-date information is available. We are also on Facebook and Twitter.
God Bless,
Shanae and Rhonda
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Why Do I Have to Think Like a Man? Page 14